Parenting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is the most

stressful thing I've ever done.

Sleep was not happening.

My daughter eventually grew from an infant to a toddler, and I thought times would get better. I still had hope they would anyway But as her speech improved, she could communicate And with communication came descriptions of flashbacks and memories of incidents from the past.

One wouldn't think a child so young would remember. But they do. Always.

Every time she spoke and shared more information about what happened to her, I lost it. Since when do nightmares become reality in our home? How can this be? This isn't happening! But it was. There was no escape.

Oh, how I wanted to sleep. I wanted to enjoy the innocence of sweat dreams But there was no innocence left Nightmares weren't even nightmares anymore. Nightmares had become reality.

And so I stayed awake. There was only one thing that could ease my mind, and that was watching medical dramas on TV. The only thing I could think of that was worse than what my daughter was telling me, was medical trauma. I would watch episode after episode of Grey's Anatomy until my eyes literally fell shut, receiving a maximum of about 4 hours of sleep each night

This went on for years.

And it wasn't just me It was her too Every time she'd close her eyes, she'd have these vivid dreams of what was, or worse, what might happen again. We began to see paranoia in our daughter. She worried all the time and was developing OCD tendencies. She wouldn't sleep, It was too scary In her case, medicinal intervention was necessary

In my case, we had to stop living the drama that came with being foster parents. Because not only were we hearing about past accounts from our daughter, we were living them every day with foster children we were caring for.

Until you live that lifestyle, you have no idea how many of your nightmares are reality for so many innocent children.

It took two years to recover from those experiences, before I was able to sleep at night I had to simplify life in as many ways as I could.

I'd like to say the stress lessens over time, and nightmares go back to being nightmares, but it just gets worse Except now different nightmares become reality These new ones involve the safety of our family because of Reactive Attachment Disorder.

The only thing that helps me endure it all is love I love my daughter If it takes every fiber of my being to help her overcome these nightmares that are reality, I'll do it.

It's also that love that helps me sleep at night, even on the worst days I need the courage and the strength to get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Without sleep, I don't have that.

By Robin Ray Green