Yes, And

2020, Yes, and you have my attention.

By Jennifer Loli, LMSW, LMT

In any acting class or improvisational training, you learn two magic words:

Yes, and.

In order for a scene to take shape and form, an actor must accept the moment unfolding by saying yes to an invitation to steer the creative trajectory of the scene. The moment an actor says no, and shuts down the improvisational cue, is when the scene tanks. Saying yes can be empowering and create a flexible, present, and trusting experience. Obviously, saying no is highly important in life but that’s another article on boundaries.

I take this “Yes, and” approach into many aspects of my life, as it stretches my own beliefs and ideas, but most importantly, this is my stance of 2020.

I stand in awe of the personal and collective lessons that you, 2020, have bestowed upon this generation. What a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts that commanded attention and tending to. 2020, you are provocative and relentless and I never want to forget you. There’s still six months left of this year, and I’m intrigued what will manifest, but we all know what curiosity did to the cat, right? Deep breaths. Between the pandemic altering the ways in which we interact, and the loud call to address systemic racism, we are all stretched mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We are changing.

Through these times, we are challenged to examine the lives we lead, as well as how we arrive in this human experience. We enter into daily interactions with a set of ideas, beliefs, values, and perspectives. Right now, paradigms are shifting due to nature of this time. Taking a personal inventory of our privileges and advantages, as well as the ways in which stereotypes and biases have been perpetuated are some ways 2020 is making a statement. This insight requires us to have accountability, which seems to be the common denominator of 2020.

Not being a bystander when it comes to inequities, and injustices, as well as forms of prejudices and discrimination are the ways in which societies across the globe are advocating in this epic social movement. The pandemic sheds light on the health disparities which exist between races, and how social determinants influence the trajectory of health outcomes. Blacks in America are disproportionately impacted by the pandemic, and dying at higher rates of the virus. This reveals how the infrastructure of our society has exposed vulnerable populations to environmental racism, and how generations of families have been disenfranchised. The stress, as well as the public stigmas associated with being a minority, whether it is racial, sexual, or gender, as a few examples, directly shapes health. Think about how stress impacts you on a personal level. Perhaps you can’t make ends meet this month and you are short a few hundred bucks even though you work four jobs or your car broke down, again. Now, add on a few other factors that might make it even more challenging. We are all not born into life with the same advantages, period. Higher levels of stress puts a strain on the immune system, as well as the nervous system. Not only do people internalize stigmas, and prejudicial beliefs, but these negative stereotypes impact the ways in which lives are navigated and the opportunities one may seek. Generational trauma has impacted the families of holocaust survivors, as well as Blacks, Native Americans, and indigenous groups. I have failed to mention many other groups. Those who are not part of the dominant group of any society are treated differently and therefore, disparities exist. Work still needs to be done and it won’t be complete in my lifetime. Accountability, anyone?

COVID-19 has altered the ways we behave in social settings. The norms and mores have been modified to adapt to life during a pandemic. We are masked, sanitized, and responsible for not just ourselves, but each other. As social beings, we are holding ourselves and each other to different standards in the ways we work, consume necessities, break bread, and in the limited social settings we engage in. Being healthy, honest about where we’ve been, as well as maintaining a distance between us are just some of these new ways we are conducting ourselves. In a relatively common interaction these days, one may acutely feel when someone gets too close or becomes potentially mortified if they are hugged by a close friend. Perhaps you were the one who initiated the hug and you felt you broke this new social code. These nuances we are experiencing today, reflect how we are interacting differently. We are altered and our senses are heightened. We may have even become expansive in our thinking. For some who may be making jokes about your pant size expanding, it’s all going to be okay. Besides, doesn’t that seem a bit inconsequential right now? There’s just so much more at stake today.

2020, YOU ARE PROVOCATIVE AND RELENTLESS AND I NEVER WANT TO FORGET YOU.

Our inherently egoistic minds sometimes forget that someone else is having their own unique experience, which consists of contextual factors we know little about. We forget that a pandemic, natural disaster, or war is occurring when we are outside sipping our beverages while our favorite music plays in the background of our lives. It’s such an odd moment when you remember that something outside our individual reality is occurring and that what’s happening is really happening. When we look beyond ourselves and what’s right in front of us, we see that our individual problems are collective ones.

During these times, I have felt broken open and have chosen to embrace the myriad of feelings that co-exist. I acknowledge them, so that rebellion does not ensue and so I can honor myself. At times, I feel complete serenity and total freedom in the times of Co-vid-19, as I indulge in solitude, nature, and my home. Of course, that’s my privilege talking. These times are horrific for so many people and the pain the world is palpable. Do you feel it? So many emotions and feelings are stacked on top of each other, and sometimes hopelessness factors into the equation. I try to remember to breathe deeply into the moment because that’s something tangible and immediate. In many ways, I am grateful for the social empathy we are cultivating and standing in, even if feels uncomfortable.

With everything we are dealing with today, deep grief emerges and it certainly overcomes moments. Grief is undeniable, utterly persistent, and something we can expect to experience time and time again. Hey grief, nice to find you here lurking again. Would you like something to drink? Let’s sit together because let’s face it, where else is there to go exactly?

Grief keeps me accountable for acknowledging the pain of living and dying, as well as the beauty of shared life and love. It keeps me digging deeper into the recesses of my heart to express what is needed. It’s not always accompanied by a tear-stained face. Sometimes it moves through me in a song or dance. At times, I am the dance, in the ways I navigate my day or a moment in nature. I just try to give it space to exist, in whatever form it appears. I let it run its course like a fever informs me of my body fighting and healing simultaneously.

I feel the grief of families who didn’t get a chance to hold a beloved get-together one last time, to mothers birthing babies alone, to bellies going to bed hungry, for the worry and the uncertainty that keeps you up at night, and for countless acts of oppression that hinder the evolution of marginalized communities. And yet, I praise 2020 for being the catalyst of giving complex human beings an opportunity to confront what meaningful living entails, how to be the change, and not sit idly.

Thank you to those who serve all sentient beings. Your altruism is inspiring and uplifting. This year has already cultivated adaptability, resiliency, existential ruminations, and most importantly, accountability.

What is it that you are willing to explore whole-heartedly and how will you navigate the uncharted territories of your life?

What healing opportunities has 2020 presented for you?

Jennifer Loli, is a Natural Therapeutic Specialist, Licensed Master Social Worker, Licensed Massage Therapist #8912, and Certified Yoga Instructor. Utilizing various healing modalities and massage therapy has been the heart of her professional world for over 13 years. She recently lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico for over 11 years and taught pregnancy massage, and various classes in massage therapy before returning to Lafayette, LA in 2018. Teaching is one of her biggest passions, as well as working with dynamic people to assist the mental, physical, and emotional aspects of healing and fulfilling life goals. She provides integrative bodywork in the Lafayette area and you can connect with her at (337) 233-6168 to set up an appointment.