Renee and Rieley: Love, Grieving, and Hope

Renee

and Rieley Love, Grieving, and Hope

Karen Sturtevant

Do you consider yourself an optimist or glass-almost-empty type of person? Do you embrace challenges or yank a blanket over your head and assume the fetal position? Each of us react differently to stressors and difficult times––some coping methods are more effective than others. When life becomes demanding, we innately gravitate towards our inner circle for comfort. When Renee White’s gleefully ordinary life was pulled out from under her, she turned to her sweetest support, her dog Rieley.

With a constantly wagging tail attached to an infectious smile, Rieley was the essence of the perfect friend. As she grew from a mere pup into mature girl, they enjoyed a beautiful life with walks in the woods, Frisbee play, carrot and ice-cream treats, and snuggles with the softest of blankets. With her smooth fur and muscular physique, Rieley would always greet Renee from the end of a work day with enthusiastic devotion and the gaze of her soft brown eyes. “I called her ‘My Horsey Girl’ because she was so muscular, like a horse.” As dog owners know, thinking about being with our buddies at the end of a trying day always makes the trudge a bit lighter.

Just as Renee’s days were sailing along without a wave in sight, an unexpected storm was silently churning and would break soon. Her husband of 15 years abruptly filed for divorce, causing understandable emotional upheaval and a subsequent move from their house into an apartment. With family out of state, her solace came in the four-legged variety. Just as she was adjusting to her new normal as a single woman with all that entails, without warning, she was told her employment of 18 years was terminated. Rieley again was her foundation.

Taking time to settle in to her new life, making it her own, she and Rieley now had full days together. “When I lost my job I was very angry. I didn’t deserve that.” More time to spend with Rieley would turn out to be a blessing. “I’ve become strong and independent. Things can get better,” Renee said. Seeking new employment while staying socially connected during a world-wide pandemic proved to be daunting. On days that became draining, Rieley was there with her gentle ways and quiet cheerleading.

When Covid-19 arrived making travel difficult, if not prohibited, visiting Renee’s mother in a Pennsylvania assisted living facility was not allowed. More challenges for emotional well being. They communicated electronically once a week, with Rieley often vying for screen time. Shared walks proved restorative in body and spirt for both human and canine.

As we all adjusted to stay-at-home-orders, Renee used her time constructively immersing herself in her art. A talented artist (a Spring 2021

gift she shares with her father), she created landscapes and animals with strokes of watercolors and acrylics while Rieley kept steady watch over paintbrushes. Taking each day one step at a time, Renee comments, “I’m okay where I am now. My art is helping me.”

In spring of 2020, another bombshell. Renee’s father passed away. Friends offered condolences. Ever the dutiful presence, Rieley was the one to assist in shouldering the pain. Renee continued to lean upon Rieley’s affection while falling apart at times, gaining inward strength during others.

Her most shattering news would come during this growth process. On an otherwise typical weekday, Renee, noticed that Rieley’s throat glands appeared swollen. Without hesitation, she phoned her veterinarian; they were soon on her way to an appointment. After running tests and performing a biopsy, the results were conclusive: Rieley had cancer.

Rieley was diagnosed with canine lymphoma, a blanket term used to describe a group of cancers (the uncontrolled growth of normal cells) which stem from the lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell). Lymphocytes are found in high concentration in organs that play a role in the immune system. The cancerous cells had spread to Rieley’s liver and spleen.

After the shocking news, Renee commented, “My heart sank.” She needed a few days to digest and formulate a plan. What would be best for Rieley and how would she weigh that decision with keeping her comfortable in a high quality of life? After a consultation with an oncologist, six chemotherapy treatments, once every three weeks, ($600 plus $40 in prescription drugs each time) were recommended.

The emotional toll combined with the burden of finances can defeat the strongest of us. A GoFundMe fundraiser was established. “People I did not know donated to help with her treatments.” The final tally totaled just over $1,000.

A friend suggested she reach out to Emma’s Foundation for Canine Cancer, a Vermont organization working to educate, provide resources and financial funding for pet owners like Renee. “They really cared about us and supported me through my pain.” With the assistance of Emma’s Foundation, fundraising and private means, Rieley was able to complete the advised six rounds of chemotherapy.

This brave dog summoned her intrinsic warrior and responded well with only

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occasion bouts of adverse reactions. Her appetite was good and she was still energetic, although she did sleep more and for longer durations.

At the conclusion of the treatments, Rieley’s cancer was said to be in remission, meaning some, but not all signs and symptoms of cancer had disappeared/or were undetectable for the time being. A break in treatments was recommended.

Shortly after, Renee noticed Rieley began to lose muscle mass in her hind end and legs. Once a cuddle partner on the big, soft bed and couch, she could no longer jump up on her own. Renee commented, “The vet said with lymphoma dogs don’t usually have pain, but I saw how she suffered and her hind end started having trouble walking. She cried with a yelp three times before I could decide to let her go.”

With a heavy heart, Renee made the call all dog owners dread. With her favorite cozy pink blanket and mom by her side, Rieley peacefully passed at nine years of age on December 8, 2020. “She was my fur baby, my protector, my emotional support and so much more.” The following weeks were a mixture of anguish and sadness.

As part of her grieving process, Renee plans to make a series of cards “with a spiritual feeing” with a portion of the proceeds to benefit Emma’s Foundation. “I am using the pain and grief that I have for something good, to honor Rieley in art.” For people experiencing a diagnosis of cancer in their dogs, Renee advises, “Research and talk with your veterinarians about what to expect with the illness. Stay with your pet as long as you can. You will know when the time is right to let them go.” She recommends Only Gone From Your Sight: Jack McAfghan’s Little Guide to Pet Loss and Grief, a book by Kate McGahan. Written from the dog’s perspective, it’s another tool for mending.

Enduring the ending of a marriage, termination of a job, death of a loved one, being unable to visit an ailing parent, or the passing of a beloved pet on its own merit is difficult. Having each occur within a span of a few years is immense for anyone. The pain for Renee is palpable; her emotions raw. She admirably navigated each obstacle with grace and courage the best she could. In talking with her, even through her tears, I felt a growing sense hope, a spark of healing.

Rieley’s energetic spirit lives on within the pages of a memory book, a shadow box of special tokens, and so many images in the minds’s eye. Her cherished pink blanket, still with her scent, brings joy as well as tears.

Grieving the loss of pet can be just as painful as grieving the loss of a family member. The way in which one moves through the process is based on a variety of factors; each experience is unique. We can help by offering to listen, encourage talking––without judging–– and sharing experiences. Hearts, even when a little piece is missing, heal in their own time. Perhaps one day, another canine companion will find her way to Renee, and together, they will make new memories to honor the legacy and love of sweet Rieley.

To learn more about Emma’s Foundation, please visit: EmmasFoundationForCanineCancer.org

Message from the Rainbow Bridge Angel

I met your dog on your walking trail alongside the lake, by the old church.

In joyful sprints she ran uphill leaping into my open arms.

I cradled her, my wings folding around her like a blanket.

I carried your horsey-girl across the Rainbow Bridge.

This in-between is not separation for love is ever tethered

between heart-to-heart. Separation is an illusion.

It’s more a suspension, an ever-burning rainbow light

bridges from your heart to hers— she plays in cloud field skies.

She continues to watch over you, now, as a guardian angel

who is joined by passed love ones, by her pack: siblings and parents, too.

Hold on, keep watch for joy resides in small places—

all winged creatures are messengers, reminders you’re never alone. –Ava C. Cipri