WHERE THE CHILD THINGS ARE | BUN IN THE OVEN

by Kyle Determan

It seems like yesterday 605 Magazine’s Publisher & Founder Alana Snyder was asking me if I wanted to write the family column, seeing as I had just returned from maternity leave with Sloan.

It was a no-brainer, but as soon as I said yes, I was paralyzed with fear that I was unqualified to write about parenting, kids, and the transition into motherhood.

I was a fraud.

Sloan was only a couple of months old, no one was sleeping, and I felt like I was failing in all aspects of the word. Shouldn’t someone with a designer diaper bag and a degree in swaddling be in charge of this?

All of these doubts were quieted when I realized that everyone starts from the same place—buried in a mountain of dirty diapers and parenting handbooks, attempting to navigate the storm that is a newborn.

Fast-forward two years and a lot of parenting fails later, and we’re ready for round two.

Just shy of 20 weeks, Reid, Sloan, and I are gearing up for baby number two at the end of March. With half of this pregnancy under our belts, we have gotten through the morning sickness and the initial fear of being pregnant during a pandemic.

All of these hurdles seem easy in comparison to our next challenge: preparing our head-strong toddler for another tiny human to enter our family.

Being an only child, my first concern was that she was going to feel replaced and have this unresolvable resentment toward me until the end of time. I know that sounds dramatic, but I have no experience to pull from, so of course I went to the darkest corners of my mom brain. After discussing my fears with Reid, my friends, and honestly anyone that would listen, I was quickly reassured that this was not something that crossed children’s minds, and in fact, I was insane for even considering it.

Once I was convinced Sloan wouldn’t hate me for the rest of eternity, I started doing some research on the “best” ways to introduce Sloan to the new baby. There are just as many techniques and theories about this as there are about potty training and breastfeeding.

Needless to say, it’s a very overwhelming concept.

I want to make sure Sloan feels involved and loved, but I also want to make sure the baby is safe and a priority. Then there is the regression phase that the internet tells me can be as intense as the toddler wanting to go back to bottles and a crib.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED

Morning sickness with a toddler is so much worse than without. With that being said, even spending 10 uninterrupted minutes with your little one, whether it be reading in bed or watching Bubble Guppies, keeps them feeling connected and loved.

Start introducing your toddler to the idea of a baby from the get go. Showing them ultrasound photos, having them help with the nursery, and picking out toys together are great ways to ease them into the new addition.

Every toddler is different. Don’t feel like you need to follow one school of thought for bringing home your new baby if parts don’t make sense for you and your family.

And don’t even get me started on the different (and sometimes dangerous) ways jealousy can come out between a toddler and a baby.

So, with a handful of horror stories and my pregnancy hormones in full swing, I’ve decided that I’ll keep the research I’ve found in the back of my head, but that I’ll do what I’ve always done when it came to parenthood. Sloan is defiant and stubborn and, dare I say, a lot like me. She’ll tell us what she likes and doesn’t like, and we’ll go from there. I’m not going to spend the next 20 weeks distraught over the fact that she might hate the baby. I’m also not going to convince myself that any amount of preparation will guarantee an instant bond and connection.

What I’m going to do is give Sloan all of the tools she’ll need to enter into sisterhood, whether it be in the form of books, baby dolls, or a safe space she can retreat to when things are a little too overwhelming for her developing toddler noggin.

THE GIFT OF GIVING

While a lot of parents have the new baby give a gift to the older sibling, it is important for the big brother or sister to do the same. This gives them a sense of pride and connection with the baby.

There are times she will lay on my stomach and say hi to the baby, and there are also times that the mention of a baby will send her into a tailspin of tears and anger.

And to be honest, same.

For now, we’re handling the emotions and fears of a new baby one day at a time, while continuously learning and teaching about infant care, self- care, and recognizing when both are needed. Pregnancy is a rollercoaster for anyone, and adding the unpredictable nature of a toddler is an entirely different ballgame.

Be kind and patient with yourself and the rest of your family. Or get a kitten.

We’re doing both. Welcome home, Chewy.+

MJ Adams 605 PROFILE by Dawn Geertsema Chef MJ Adams of Potted Rabbit Media moved to the Black Hills to open The Corn Exchange after spending 12 years in New York. After 15 years, the restaurant closed down. She has since published The Corn Exchange Cookbook: From the Big Apple to the Black Hills, a collection of recipes from 30 years of culinary exploration.

Adams opens up to 605 about her love of South Dakota, her passions, and the time she met Gordon Ramsay.

5 Questions With Adams 5 Questions With Adams

What keeps you in South Dakota?

I feel it’s the gateway to the West. I love that I can be in Yellowstone or Montana at the drop of a hat. Wonderful friends whom I’ve met over the years through the restaurant are also a plus.

What else are you passionate about?

[I’m passionate about] supporting small [agriculture] in our state and the importance of highlighting local food. That is why The Corn Exchange was recognized nationally, because you could come to the restaurant and experience South Dakota.

What are the one or two ingredients that you feel should be staples in most recipes?

Shallots and great olive oil. Can I say three? Good butter!

What recipe are you most proud of?

My Nutmeg Cake. I created it when I was the pastry chef at Alison on Dominick Street in New York City.

COPIES OF THE COOKBOOK ARE AVAILABLE IN STOREFRONTS LIKE SOMEONE’S IN THE KITCHEN AND MITZI’S BOOKS (RAPID CITY), QUEEN CITY BAKERY (SIOUX FALLS), MAKESPACE (SPEARFISH), BEAR BUTTE GARDENS (STURGIS), AND WILD SPRUCE MARKET (CUSTER).

If you had to make a three-course meal for Gordon Ramsay, what would you feed him?

I actually met Gordon Ramsay. I was in London in 2001 and was trying to drum up some future work with my Food Arts article that was published in June 2000. I wanted to dine at his place, and being alone, I was squeezed in at [Restaurant Gordon] Ramsay. I was chatting with the staff about Food Arts. They took a copy and went back to the kitchen. They said Gordon wanted to visit with me, so I popped back into the kitchen. It was during the time when [women were only] doing pastries in the kitchen [not on the line]. I don’t think he was that impressed with me. But I think after my meal (Pear and Zucchini Soup, Chicken Bistro, and my Nutmeg Cake) I would prepare for him, he would think, ‘Hey that girl can cook. She’s not just a novelty standing out on the prairie in front of hundreds of buffalo.’ I still have my restaurant receipt from that meal. I framed it: £87.