T his (L iterally)

I’ll start this by saying that, especially at parties, I’m a little bit loud, and very outgoing. For a few years, I had been dating someone who in most cases, was the exact opposite: reserved, and not super talkative without good reason.

A lot of times this type of relationship works through balance, with both sides bringing complimentary values and ideas to the table. And for a while, ours did. But slowly, as we realized we wanted different things at that time, those traits opposite our own became grating instead of endearing.

Fast forward to when things were really on the rocks–and the relationship was pretty clearly headed for its end–to a Fourth of July party at my parents’ house. My parents would throw this event nearly every year, and between 40-50 people would show up: friends, family, neighbors.

We had been drinking a little bit, and for one reason or another I started dancing and singing. It was a little obnoxious, but it seemed like most people thought it was funny.

My girlfriend at the time did not.

While my uncle was recording a video of the party on his phone, she walked up to me with a full solo cup of beer and, without saying a word, dumped it over my head. And then she walked away.

That was formally the end of our relationship, but the awkwardness doesn’t end there. Since we made the more than 12-hour car ride to the party together, we had the distinct pleasure of making the same drive back, just broken up this time around. ♦

Back in the early 1990s, I met a man in Germany as a pen pal, and we became attracted to each other after writing back and forth a few times,

In the summer of 1992, we met for the first time, and the following Christmas I flew to Germany where the relationship officially began. I went home, packed everything I had and permanently moved to Germany in February of 1993. In March of 1993, we got married in Esbjerg, Denmark, and our son came in October of the same year.

Fast forward 20 years, my husband was forced to retire early due to medical reasons, which meant I took a part-time job while he stayed at home and played on his computer all day. At the time I was going through menopause and wasn’t fittest.

Then, a few days after returning to Germany from a trip we took to America in 2013, he told me that he wanted a divorce, and that he had met a woman over the internet in the Philippeans. He left me a few weeks later for the Philippeans to meet this woman, and filed for divorce on his way.

By the next fall, our divorce had gone through, and I returned to the United States. He, on the other hand, broke up with the Filipino woman he had met, who was his fiance at the time. He has now completely moved to the Philippines and has broken up with his third engaged girlfriend.

I am doing great in the US by myself and family, and have lots of contact with our two sons (who still live in Germany) through Facetime, or through in-person visits. ♦

Ihad been seeing this person, very casually, for about a year when I finally decided that I just wasn’t into them (romantically, sexually, whatever).

We scheduled a relationship check-in where I thought that I clearly said that I didn’t want to be dating anymore. She was super understanding and sweet and we ended up having a really nice night together after the chat! I was like:

“Awesome, that went great!”

That is, until the next time we hung out (we met for drinks at the local cidery) and she immediately greeted me with a full-on kiss on the mouth.

I was like, “Uh oh.”

I was so taken aback that I didn’t say anything then, but we had a clarifying conversation shortly after. She again took it super well, and we’re still friends too! With no kissing. ♦

Years ago, one of the local radio stations was doing a "We’ll call your boyfriend/girlfriend and break up with them for you" Valentine's Day stunt.

You may already know where this is going, but to clarify, I had gone on a single date with a guy a while back. There was no followup, and no talk about titles. We were not dating.

So you can probably imagine my confusion when I got a call from the radio show. The FJ was like: “He’s breaking up with you!"

And I go: "Well, we went out once, so…”

This guy and I had mutual friends, and apparently he thought there was more to it than I did. I’m still unsure about why he chose to do it over the radio, though

While this happened a long time ago, my friends still don’t let me forget about it. ♦