omeone S to old H
T i m e l e s s Ta l e s o f Te n d e r n e s s By Lynn Wexler-Margolies
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recently had the pleasure of spending an afternoon at the Care community. The arrangement offers a continuum of an amazing Life Care facility in Summerlin called Las upscale housing, ranging from a beautifully appointed oneVentanas, which is Spanish for the windows. No wonder bedroom apartment to a three-bedroom villa with a two-car … its setting offers dramatic views of Nevada’s desert garage, daily housekeeping, fine dining, fitness room, social mountains, canyons and glorious sunsets. My interview with amenities, activities and health supervision. A number of three of its resident couples, who admit to being utterly in aging care needs are all met on one rambling garden campus, love, deeply devoted and grateful for the gift convenient to local shopping, movies, of romance and companionship they wake restaurants and the strip. It’s akin to up to each morning in the twilight of their spending one’s senior years pampered daily years, further enhanced the visit. at the Four Seasons — ’til death do us part. My journey into this otherwise private Residents typically move into Las Ventanas facility, and the intimacy of these three while still living independently, with few relationships, was sparked by February, the health risks or healthcare needs, and reside month for hearts, and, of course, Valentine’s there until the end of life. As they age, and Day. This charming holiday provided the medical needs change, the level of nursing opportunity for me to meet and spend some care and service increases. If greater illness time with some of the Las Ventanas staff or injury warrants hospitalization, residents and residents. I’m far from my retirement return to their apartment after recovery, years, but the experience left me wanting to receiving appropriate treatment and care. consider buying a stake in the facility, along As I strolled the hallways that give way with the promise (or illusion) of living out to the cyber café, aquatic center, beauty — Beatrice Hirsh life on carefree terms, happily ever after with salon, barbershop, library, billiards room, graduated assistance and continued care for numerous small parlors and a dining room me and my beshert (Yiddish for destiny). that looks more like a five-star gourmet restaurant, I was As a Life Care facility, also known as a Continuing Care greeted by beautifully dressed ladies and gentlemen with easy Retirement Community, Las Ventanas is a paradise for those smiles, suggesting an awareness that they have been blessed who can afford it. American writer Herman Melville, best in their maturing years. known for his novel Moby-Dick, said, “Life’s a voyage that’s David Dahan has been chairman of the board of Las homeward bound.” Residents here are homeward-bound in Ventanas the past three years. “A colleague invited me to visit high style. In addition to offering several levels of assistance the facility, and from that moment on I was hooked. I wanted — independent living, assisted living and skilled nursing care to be part of something that perpetuates the continuity of — Las Ventanas differs from assisted-living communities in one’s self-respect in life.” that it provides a Life Care contract between the resident and What Dahan noticed through his experience at Las
“You have to admire each other. I think admiration is as important as love.”
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Beatrice and Bernard Hirsh.
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Ventanas is that one of the first things to go when age I, enjoyed sharing these experiences,” said Bernard. “It was a implants its gnarly grip is a person’s self-esteem. “Following marvelous trip!” Bea interjected. that is a loss of self-confidence, then one’s purpose and “After the trip Bea returned to her home in Rancho finally a lack of incentive to keep going,” Dahan offered. Bernardo, California, and I went back to Dallas where I was “Here, residents are constantly reminded, by highly trained from. We corresponded for nine months, and I guess we fell staff, that they matter. And it all takes place in dignified in love. I invited her to Dallas where she had a niece that surroundings, amongst compatible peers, in a well-organized, she could stay with. Straight from the airport I took her to a clean and safe environment”. famous barbecue dive,” Bernard continued. I was inclined to agree but eager to meet with three of the “And there I was all dressed up in my mink coat,” Bea couples who live at Las Ventanas, to gain their perspective on jumped in, laughing. life and love in the waning years and choosing to spend what’s “In the middle of her biting into a rib I asked her to marry left at Las Ventanas. me,” Bernard said. “After she gulped it down she surprised me … and said ‘YES!’ “ I was escorted into one of those cozy parlors I mentioned “I guess I just couldn’t resist him,” she said, giggling. earlier. In walked Beatrice and Bernard Hirsh. They were Both say their life together has been filled with happiness. stately and elegant. Bea, as she is known, “She’s my best friend!” Bernard says. was especially attractive. I figured them “It’s as romantic the second time as it was both to be in their 80s. I nearly slid off my the first.” chenille tapestry chair when Bea told me What’s the secret? she was born in 1914 and he in 1916. She “A good sense of humor,” Bernard says. stood up and did a dance to demonstrate “We laugh constantly, with each other and her vitality. While I had to speak up to at each other. And don’t be too critical, too accommodate their diminished hearing, judgmental …be understanding.” both were vibrant, articulate, interested and “I make light of everything,” Bea adds. — Mary Huxtable voluble in response to my personal queries. “It’s in my nature to ignore things that He was particularly talkative. She deferred might be irritating to others. And you have to his storytelling. He adores her and she him, and this after to admire each other. I think admiration is just as important 34 years of marriage. as love. Bernard is so intelligent. I admire him to the fullest.” They’ve enjoyed independent living at Las Ventanas for six “She’s a very delightful, understanding, loving and forgiving years in a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment with an office. person,” he says. Their families visit often and stay with them. They moved “We’re very, very lucky people, and we know it,” there because they felt if something happened to one of them, concluded Bea. they wanted to have the back-up. … Bea, widowed twice, has two sons, six grandchildren and I was introduced next to Mary Huxtable and Bob Collins. four great-grandchildren. Her mother was a concert pianist. She is 74 and has lived at Las Ventanas for six years. He is 75 She grew up loving music and was a piano player herself. and has lived there for five. Once again, I was floored by their Bernard was married to his college sweetheart for 38 years younger appearance. before she died suddenly of cancer. They had four children, Theirs is a very different story from the Hirshes’. four grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. He got a Unmarried, they’ve known each other five years, and have law degree from the University of Texas but never practiced. been in a relationship for four. They met at dinner at Las Instead, he went into the family millinery business and Ventanas. It wasn’t love at first sight but there definitely was remained a successful businessman until retirement. I asked interest and compatibility. how he and Beatrice met. Mary had been married 47 years when her husband died “My wife Joanna had planned a trip to the Orient with of cancer. They had two children, four grandchildren and a a group of friends before she knew she was ill. She passed great-grandchild. They were living in Sun City and watched away before the trip and I was just devastated. I canceled, Las Ventanas being built. Mary and her husband had agreed it of course. I was in no mood to be with anyone. Our travel would be a good idea to move there when the time was right. friends convinced me to reconsider, based on the point that When it was clear her husband’s time was almost up, Mary they would lose their group rate if I didn’t come. With a heavy — just 68 — decided it would be best to downsize in favor of heart I flew to Los Angeles airport to meet up with them. a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment at Las Ventanas and the Beatrice was one of the people traveling with the group. We compatible company of others in her later years. Her husband were introduced, though I was not the least bit interested in agreed, and she never expected to fall in love again. her or anyone. It was a three-week trip, however, to many Bob’s story is somewhat similar to Mary’s, except he had interesting places. The group as a whole, as well as Bea and relatives who had lived successfully in Life Care for many
“Give more than you hope to get.”
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Mary Huxtable and Bob Collins.
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years. He and his wife had been married 45 years when she introduced them to Las Ventanas. They were sold. died of cancer. They had already decided to buy an apartment Jerry resorted to levity when asked for the secret to their at a Life Care facility in preparation for their later years, prerelationship longevity. empting their childrens ‘ expensive and difficult decision. He “First one that leaves has to take the kids and the dog,” he and his wife also had moved to Las Vegas and watched Las said. “Neither of us wanted to take the kids or the dog so we Ventanas being built. When his wife’s stage-four cancer was stayed together.” diagnosed, he knew it was time to buy a one bedroom at Las Kay said they “enjoy each other too much to think about Ventanas for himself. He was pretty well convinced that he not being together.” was going to be single the rest of his life. Jerry agreed. “Kay has a great sense of humor, and she’s One evening while Mary was dining at Las Ventanas with fun to be around. It’s a no-brainer, actually,” said Jerry. her best friend, a newcomer strolled in and caught her “Jerry’s just always been in my heart,” Kay says. “We have attention. She liked the way he carried himself, his friendly a great deal of respect for each other. We make decisions demeanor, and his compassion toward others. Soon they together. Neither of us is the dominant one.” met and began to enjoy many dinner They also trust each other. Kay was in conversations. Bob loved her upbeat charge of most everything at home since personality and the way she tended to those Jerry was away so much. around her. She was never grumpy and it And when there were problems? felt good to be with her. They both love “You just work it out. Face reality …no to travel. After a number of months, each pipe dreams …figure out what you can do to scheduled a trip abroad separately. But both solve it …and don’t go blaming each other,” thought of each other frequently and fondly Jerry said. while traveling. “These days people don’t seem to think Upon their returns, they greeted one it’s worth the effort to work it out,” another with the big hug and realized what added Kay. each felt was more than friendship. They have “We each made the other number one, been committed to each other ever since. even ahead of the kids,” she continued. They’re enormously happy, and feel blessed by “Nowadays, it’s the opposite … the kids the unexpected miracle of love once again. come first. It’s got to be stressful on a — Jerry Harmon relationship for the kids to be in charge.” I asked them for their secret to a longlasting relationship, and why so many “We were in New Zealand for much of others today fail. the feminist movement in the late ’60s and “Give more than you hope to get,” Mary said quickly, “and early ’70s,” she says. “When we returned we were shocked take care to not get in each other’s soup.” She added, “Today’s at the changes. Even our best friends who had a perfect generation is wrapped up in the ‘me’ of it all. So many jump marriage … she decided she was entitled to see if the grass into lust, not love; and if it doesn’t work out it’s OK to jump was greener on the other side …burn her bra, fight for her out. For me it wasn’t an option. There was no problem that rights. It destroyed their marriage, followed by another failed could not be worked out.” marriage.” Bob had some sage advice, too: “The word for me is “It’s also important to let there be spaces in your commitment. Take responsibility and don’t blame. View an togetherness,” Jerry observes. “It’s OK to have separate annoyance or inconvenience with a grain of salt.” interests now and then.” … Love doesn’t really know if it’s February, June or Last but not least, I met the Harmons …Kay and Jerry. Their September; at Las Ventanas or in your own backyard. As college romance has lasted 51 1/2 years so far and is still going John Paul Young wrote … Love is in the air… Everywhere I look strong. He’s 74; she’s 73. (What is it about this place? They don’t around … And I don’t know if I’m being foolish … Don’t know if look anywhere near their ages either. Maybe it’s because both enjoy I’m being wise … But it’s something I must believe in … Each time a daily workout in the fitness room at Las Ventanas?) I look in your eyes. They’ve lived at Las Ventanas for three years in a threeLove inevitably makes the world go ’round … and a much bedroom, 2 ½-bath villa with a two-car garage. They have two happier world at that. But it has to occupy more than the air. children and five grandchildren. His Air Force career kept him Judging from our expert couples, it must live and breathe away much of the time. For Jerry, coming home was like a among the time-honored values of trust, respect, patience, continuous honeymoon. Ten years ago, before they were even humor, commitment, responsibility and the generosity of a age-eligible, they knew that this was for them. They researched person’s spirit. If each of us could hew to those values, perhaps, facilities around the country. They almost ended up at another it might be possible to rekindle the dwindling concept of one, but a trip to Las Vegas for Kay’s high school reunion happily ever after — wherever we choose to live out our years.
“We each made the other number one, even ahead of the kids.”
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Kay and Jerry Harmon.
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