Why?

Why?

by Gianna Henry

I laughed vigorously, as the wind blew through my hair. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be here and if my dad had caught me I’d be in a tremendous amount of trouble. I liked, no, loved, coming on the roof. It was a breath of fresh air. Going on the roof of our 15th floor apartment building. My dad doesn’t think it’s safe, but I know how to handle myself. Not a lot of people come up here so I’ve managed to keep it a safe haven. I’ve even decorated it a bit. It’s late fall and looking at the trees and the different colors of the leaves brings me peace for some weird reason. I can’t quite explain.

“Gideon!!” My father screamed, scaring me out of my daydream. “What are you doing on the roof?! I said not to dare step foot on this roof again!! Why do you have such a hard time when it comes to listening? You know—” I completely blocked him out, I’ve heard this lecture before, one too many times. I started making my way downstairs. I heard my father’s booming voice and him trailing behind me. I knew why my dad didn’t want me on the roof, not that he thought I was going to, but maybe out of fear or paranoia. My dad is a single parent, I try to push him to get out there because I know how sad he’s been since mom passed, and she passed a long time ago. To make a long story short she had killed herself. I’m not sad and it doesn’t keep me up at night. I mean, sometimes it crosses my mind as to why she would do it and why she didn’t feel as if she belonged here. I was just a baby when she did it and coincidentally she jumped off a building. I think that’s what makes my dad so paranoid, the whole being on a roof thing. I never had a special connection with my mom so it doesn’t make me as sad, sometimes I feel bad for not being sad about it. We finally reached the door to our apartment. It was good for two people, I helped my father decorate it by taking inspo from Pinterest. I was a fan of bohemian decor and warm tones and colors, so I incorporated it in the apartment. My neighbors were really chill too. My father gave a worn out sigh. I felt bad. I know he’s nervous but I’ve explained time and time again that I would never leave him. I like being on the roof, the wind going through my hair, I feel free up

there as if all my problems have disappeared. I feel infinite. I looked over at my father, his once jet black hair going gray. His eyes that used to be so bright looked grim and gray. He looked tired and sad. I truly felt for him. My mom passed away more than a decade ago, but I think it hit harder for him. He sometimes would think of her and just get sad knowing that there’s nobody else out there like my mom. He knew her for her, I didn’t know her at all. He’s talked about her only once to me, saying how she was absolutely stunning, her smile was breathtaking and her laughter, everything she did, was amazing in his eyes. Sometimes he blames himself for her death, how he wasn’t seeing the signs. I don’t think it was his fault at all but as soon as I say something he shuts the conversation down. I walked over to my room, my second favorite place. My dad made me decorate it to my liking, just stepping inside I feel warm and cozy. I practically run over to my reading corner. I don’t understand how people don’t like reading. I always feel as if I’m somewhere else; somewhere better when I read.

“Gideon,” My dad said standing awkwardly by the doorway. It’s as if he wanted to come inside but was unsure of himself.

“Yes.” I looked up from my book waiting for him to say something. “I’m sorry for yelling at you . . . earlier. I-I was just . . . I really do care about you.” He looked genuine and an awkward smile was on his face. I wanted to be mad at him and ask him why I couldn’t be on the roof. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t going to do what mom did, but when I looked at his face. His tired face. I couldn’t bear to tell him off.

“It’s okay!” I tried to sound fine so he didn’t feel as bad. My dad hated yelling at me, but nowadays it’s all he’s been doing. I’ve seen photos of my mom before with her dark brown, almond shaped eyes and her smile with perfect pearly whites to finish it off. Even though I didn’t know her, she definitely was a beauty. My dad says I look like her more and more everyday. I take it as a compliment; it’s sometimes off putting because it’s like every time my dad looks at me he sees her. I don’t know if that gives him comfort or heartache. I opened my laptop scrolling through Pinterest. I love doing that in my pastime, just endless scrolling through my Pinterest feed seeing a life that I so badly wanted to live. Pretty girls, with pretty faces, nice bodies, and perfect lives. At least that’s what it looked liked. I try not to compare my life to others but sometimes it’s so hard. I truly can’t help it. Sometimes I like to daydream about a perfect life, my version of a perfect life, where my dad doesn’t always look sad and so full of defeat and where

I have all the books known to man-kind. They’re called dreams for a reason though, I can just hope with all my heart that that does happen.

“Gideon, dinner is ready,” my dad called. We were having take out per usual. My dad can’t cook to save his life, he’s even burnt a grilled cheese sandwich . . . A grilled cheese sandwich, and no offense but I don’t think he’s ever been introduced to seasoning, just don’t tell him I said that though. I think things were still a little awkward from when he yelled at me earlier. Dinner was pretty silent. It usually is but this silence was unbearable. Normally we’d talked about true crime and if we couldn’t think of anything the default would be a talk about school. I hate talking about school. I love school or at least try to but the kids make it a living hell. I have one friend, Genevieve. I call her Ginny for short. I think having at least one friend is better than having no friends at all. We’ve been friends since birth. Her mom was my mom’s best friend since they were young and they went to the same college. So Ginny and I are practically inseparable. I was interrupted by my thoughts when the phone rang. My dad has a rule, no phones at the dinner table so we ignored it. That’s when it rang again. My dad went to go answer it.

“Hello . . .” he answered hesitantly. I assume that it was just some silly kids messing around and prank calling, but my dad looked as if he’d seen a ghost. I looked curiously trying to see what could make him react like this. After a good five minutes he’d finally hung up. My curiosity had gotten the best of me and I immediately asked him who had called at such an hour. He said with a stunned expression, “Your grandparents.”

I was taken aback, my dad’s parents had died years ago. “Grandparents?” I mumbled.

“Yes, your mom’s parents.” I got a shiver up my spine. My dad has never, and I mean never, talked about my mom’s parents. I never even thought about my mom’s parents or the fact that she had relatives other than me. I was stunned. I had so many questions.

“W-why did they call?” I stammered, barely able to speak coherently.

“They asked about you. They said they wanted to get to know you.”

I wanted to go off. How dare they want to get to know me. This is their first time calling since forever. I never even knew about them. They obviously knew about me and decided it was best to not reach

out, so why do they want to talk now? I knew my mom had parents but my dad didn’t mention them a lot. Actually thinking about it, he’s only mentioned them once and it was really brief. When I was younger my dad talked about my mom making sure that I knew who she was since she passed when I was so young. I asked if she had any family members and if I had a grandpa and grandma. He was hesitant to answer me at first, but then he said how her parents didn’t approve of their relationship. I had wondered why, there’s nothing wrong with my dad. He never answered. Thinking about it now, I think they were just racist. My dad is Black and my mom is white. That’s the only conclusion I could come to. My dad is a good man and he has so much love for my mom even though she’s not here.

“So what now?” I asked. I wanted to know my dad’s next moves. I wish I knew what he was thinking right now.

“They called saying they wanted you to spend half a year with them. They live in a nice neighborhood with a good school,” he said with a sigh.

“So what does that have to do with me? Tell them you’re glad for the offer but no thanks. They can’t just waltz in my life like this,” I exclaimed. I had started crying without even knowing it. They had practically disowned my mom for being with who she wanted to be with, and now they want to act as if nothing has happened.

“I told them you would.” He looked completely defeated. I looked at him trying to see why, why he would say something like that. This has got to be the most confusing thing ever, I just don’t get it.

“Why?” was the only thing I could muster, I never even felt like arguing with him.

“They haven’t seen you Gideon, and they deserve that much at least. You need a change of environment. A couple of months away won’t hurt.” I felt as if I got stabbed in the back.

“Do you hate me Dad, do you want to get rid of me? Am I a burden? I will clean my room more. I will stop going on the roof. I’m sorry.” I pleaded and begged, trying to say anything so he could change his mind.

“Gideon you’re fine. You’re not a burden. I love you. Change can be good, just see if you like it. It’s only half a year.” I never even bothered to answer because I knew his decision was final. One thing about my dad was that it was pretty difficult to change his mind. I walked to my room. My head was hot and almost pounding. I felt

faint, something about seeing my grandparents made me nervous. Questions ran wild throughout my mind. Why now? Why did my dad think this was a good idea?

“Gideon! Gideon wake up, you’re going to be late!” My dad yelled my name down the hall. I groaned, still tired from the events of last night. It felt like a weird dream that I couldn’t quite wake up from. I looked towards my nightstand at the clock. It read 7:15 and I had to be in school by 8. I didn’t feel like going to school. I still felt sick.

“Gideon!” my father yelled.

“I’m up. I’m up.” I exclaimed.

I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him, and I felt sluggish. I took a deep breath, and stepped away from my bed taking a long stretch as a yawn followed. Taking a quick shower and throwing on a hoodie and sweatpants, I grabbed my bag, took a fruit bar and ran out the door before my father could say anything. I was still upset from yesterday and couldn’t believe he would do something like that without my judgment first. The walk to school was nice and gave me a chance to clear my head, just me and my thoughts. A lot was going through my mind. I never wanted to meet my grandparents but was curious as to how they would be. My dad told me they had a lot of money. He doesn’t talk about them much, and when I asked it was always very brief conversations. I checked my watch, 8:05, now I’m going to have to go to the office for a late pass. Ugh, I hate this. I ran the rest of the way to school, making my way to the office. I got my tardy slip and made my way to class. Everyone was already in their seats, I felt extremely out of place. I felt as if everyone was looking at me.

“Miss Davis . . . late again,” my teacher sighed. I’ve been late a lot these past couple of days or weeks. I can’t keep up, staying up and reading makes me tend to sleep in and I do that a lot.

All eyes stared at me. I felt extremely insecure. I looked like a bum with my sweats on and my hair in a messy bun.

“Yes, sorry,” I mumbled, nervously handing her my tardy slip. I speedwalked to my seat, lowering my head to not be seen. I hated school. Ginny and I don’t have the same schedule so I only see her during lunch time and we have casual conversations in the hallway, but that’s about it. I always felt as if I was being stared at. I never liked attention, I don’t think I’m worthy of attention, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking that I’m constantly being judged.

“Gideon! Answer the question please.”

My head immediately jolted up. “Huh? What was the question?” I exclaimed. Everyone was staring at me, waiting for my answer.

“Not paying attention per usual. I’m not surprised. Stay after class,” my teacher huffed, giving me a look of disapproval. The bell had chimed, the day felt as if it was never going to end. The days were always so drawn out. “Gideon, you’re staying back.” I had almost forgotten.

“Yes Miss Williams. I’m sorry for not paying attention. I will be more attentive,” I said. I say this all the time, it’s even getting annoying even to me. I have decent grades. It’s just school, it’s tiring at times and I don’t really get the point. It’s a love-hate relationship with me and school.

“You seem to say that a lot, Gideon, but I see no change in you at all. You’re a smart girl, but you need to start putting your studies first. Paying attention is crucial, and this class is important. If you fail this class you fail the grade. Don’t let this happen again or I will call your father,” she sighed.

“Okay,” I said nonchalantly. I didn’t care if she called my dad, I just wanted summer break to start. Going to class after class, lunch had finally started. I was looking forward to seeing Ginny. We talk about practically anything and everything. She’s a good friend to talk to, my only friend at that. I walked through the crowded hallways as I reached the cafeteria. I scanned the cafeteria trying to figure out where she was, she wasn’t in her usual seat. That’s when I heard my name called over the loudspeaker, “Gideon Davis please report to the main office! Gideon Davis please report to the main office!” I walked over to the office. Maybe my dad is picking me up earlier, that’s a relief.

I stepped inside the room busily looking for my dad. “Gideon!” a woman exclaimed, with her arms open approaching me. I stepped back confused. She looked to be in her mid 30’s and she had a man standing awkwardly next to her.

“Hi, umm, I don’t think I know you.” I laughed nervously.

“Oh, I’m your grandmother, but you can call me Magnolia,” she beamed. I stood there starstruck. My grandmother looked younger than I expected, and I never expected her to be here.

“Hi, Magnolia,” I said flatly. I wasn’t too excited to see her, just surprised. I didn’t want to give her that satisfaction of seeing me excited to see her, thinking she could just come here and it would be

sunshine and rainbows, she was mistaken.

“I know you’re quite surprised to see us here, we just couldn’t wait to see you,” she said awkwardly. She must’ve taken the hint that I wasn’t excited to see her. The man next to her was still standing there and he had yet to introduce himself. “Umm this is my husband, Micah. Sorry we’re just really nervous to see you.” There was an awkward silence. I studied Micah, he also appeared to look quite young. He had black hair with strands of gray. His face was shaven, and his jawline sharp. He had a warm yet stern look on his face. “I know you’re wondering why we just decided to pop up and call, but we never knew how to get in contact with you,” she said nervously.

“You didn’t know how to pick up a phone?” I responded sarcastically.

“Umm no we did, but uh it was really complicated. Umm I-I- we wanted to get in contact with you, but after your mom’s passing . . . we were in mourning and thought it best to stay away,” she stammered. I didn’t know what to say and just felt exhausted. I’m 15 and they decided it best to stay away for that long. She was just making up a bunch of excuses and trying to cover up her own guilt. “We wanted to pick you up early so you could start packing, originally we were going to wait at the end—” I cut her off abruptly.

“I’m sorry but what do you mean pack my things,” I said, I was close to tears. I hated that they thought it was this easy. “Fifteen years and you weren’t even interested to pay me a visit once and here you are popping up out of nowhere. Thinking you can change my life with the snap of a finger.”

“Oh I thought your father had informed you we came here to pick you up so you can spend half the year with us,” she said it casually, as if this thing was normal. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want to be rude to them, but I didn’t want to be open. They had every opportunity and they missed it. I picked up my bag with a look of frustration on my face. She started walking off. They probably thought they were so high and mighty better than the rest, they walked with purpose, walking with a look that said you’re going to know my name and I’m going to intimidate you. They had their car parked in the school parking lot. It was a black Mercedes-Benz. I didn’t know they had this much money. We drove over to my apartment complex and hiked up the stairs to the 5th floor. There was an elevator but I always preferred to take the steps and I wanted to be spiteful. I took

out my keys and opened the door. My dad was in the kitchen and when he saw Magnolia and Micah standing behind me he jolted up. He quickly wished them a good day and looked like he was nervous out of his mind. They looked around the apartment silently judging, trying to take it all in. There was an awkward silence for quite a while.

“You can pack lightly, we can buy you some new clothes,” Magnolia said, breaking the silence. I went to my room. I was going to miss it as I was going to miss my dad. I was still mad at him though. I looked through my closet to find a suitcase. I packed my sweats and loads of books. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. It felt like a never ending nightmare. I finally finished and went back to the kitchen where they were all standing. I looked over at my dad trying to detect his emotion. He looked serious and if I didn’t know my dad well I would think he didn’t care, but then I looked closely and his eyes were teary. I knew this was as hard on me as it was on him. He walked over to me and held me in a warm embrace. We were like that for a while until he kissed my forehead and finally let go. I wish we could stay like this forever. I hated leaving him all alone.

“Gideon, I’m going to miss you more than anything. I love you. Listen and stay safe, okay?” he said. I heard his voice crack a bit. I wanted to cry but wanted to stay strong at the same time.

“Later Dad, love you too,” I replied.

“Alright off we go.” Magnolia ushered me out the door. We got back in the car, Micah was driving and Magnolia was riding passenger. I was in the back, with my headphones on listening to music.

“It’s going to be a long drive, but we will be making stops if you want.” She turned around and looked at me with a wide smile on her face, squeezing my hand. I looked down. I felt disgusted. I don’t know why she’s trying to play nice. I’m trying not to hate them, but there’s so many mixed emotions and built up anger. I had fallen asleep and when I woke back up we were in this suburban town. I had figured we were close. I looked around at the organic food shops, the posh furniture stores, and the dazzling boutiques. This was different from what I was used to. No tall buildings and loads of traffic. We drove five more minutes. A huge gate was there, the gates had opened up and a gigantic house was behind it. I knew they were well off, but they practically lived in a mansion.

“We’re here, we tried to make sure everything was to your liking. We have a library, your dad did tell us you’re fond of reading. Your

room is not decorated yet, but you can just order whatever you like,” she said, speaking fast and excited. I could hardly catch what she was saying, I was staring at awe in the house. I didn’t want to make it too obvious though.

“Okay.” I responded, sounding unimpressed. I stepped out of the car as the sun shined brightly in my face, I rubbed my eyes trying to adjust to the brightness of the sky. A man in a black tuxedo started removing my luggage from the trunk of the car. I started walking inside, and it was even bigger than I had imagined. There was a giant banister, I didn’t even know where to start.

“You can either take the stairs or the elevator to get around. Your room is on the second floor. Walk three doors down and it should be on the right. The library is on the third floor, so is the sitting room. You have a bathroom in your room as well,” Magnolia said following a smile. Micah had never said a word since I saw the two of them standing in the office, just the same stern face.

“Thank you.” I said plainly.

“Would you like a tour of the house, to avoid getting lost?” Magnolia asked.

“No thank you,” I responded. I walked up the stairs to my new room. It was massive. There was a gigantic bed with a canopy, a sofa, as well as a TV, a vanity area, and a massive bookshelf. The room looked like the size of our apartment, there was even a kitchenette. I walked around the room a bit trying to take it all in. I decided to explore around the house a bit. I walked up to the third floor looking around curiously. I looked at some of the stuff hung up on the wall, most of it was just fancy artwork. That’s when I saw a picture of my mom. It was a graduation photo, she looked as if she was graduating college. She looked really pretty. She looked a lot like Magnolia. There was somebody standing next to her. They looked alike in a way. The same brunette hair with blond-ish highlights, the same almond shaped brown eyes, and the same perfect smile. The only slight difference was that the girl looked a lot younger than my mom, maybe by a couple of years. I was never told that my mom had any sisters. I wanted to be absolutely blown away, but I never knew a lot of stuff and this was far from some of the things that were going to surprise me today. I walked deeper into the hallway and the more I walked the darker it got. It seemed as if no one had been to this side of the house in years. I began to cough from the amount of dust. It smelled terrible back

here. There was a little hatch in the ceiling, which I assumed was the attic. I pulled it down as silent as possible making sure to not make a sound. This part of the house seemed to be out of sight out of mind, and I didn’t want them to know I was back here.

“Gideon! What are you doing back here?! Close that hatch right now!” Magnolia screamed. I jumped as shivers ran down my spine.

“I-I’m so sorry Magnolia! I didn’t—” I stammered my heart beating out of my chest. This was the first time she had screamed at me, even raised her voice at all. I felt embarrassed.

“No I should be sorry, I never meant to scream at you. I forgot to tell you that this part of the hallway was off limits. Please follow me to the kitchen, I will tell the housekeeper to fix you up something to eat. You ought to be starving,” she replied, calmer now but still nervous. I wondered why she reacted this way as if she had something to hide. We took the elevator downstairs to the kitchen.

“Gwen please fix up a light snack for Gideon please,” she said. “I will be back. I have some business to take care of, please don’t go back to that side of the hallway again.” She left in haste before I could muster a reply. Gwen sent down a bowl of fruit and a sandwich. I thanked her and she left. I sat there in silence thinking about what was at the end of that hallway. It nagged at me. I ate half of the sandwich and threw away the rest. I didn’t have the stomach to finish anything. I wouldn’t be able to investigate it now, but I have a plan when it’s night time.

I spent the rest of the day unpacking my things, scrolling through Pinterest, and waltzing around the house avoiding the end of the hallway. Finally it was nighttime, Magnolia had informed me that her and Micah would be out attending a dinner party and would be back around 12. I was in my room and peeked my head out. The housekeeper and butler must’ve been home or were in the servants quarters by now. I searched the utilities closet earlier and kept a flashlight under the bed. I dug around and found it again. The curiosity of what was in the attic had nagged at me for hours. I tiptoed up to the third floor, I was wearing all black to make sure nobody would see me. I walked near the end of the hallway and carefully but quietly opened the hatch. I walked up the steps, my hand holding on to the railing with the flashlight in my mouth. I stared around a bit making my eyes adjust. There were some boxes with labels like “Delilah’s books” and “Delilah’s clothes.” They were my mom’s stuff. I sat down on

the floor shuffling through the boxes. Another box read “Delilah and Madeline’s albums,” I looked through that box. It was pictures of my mom and a baby. I guess that was her sister, but my dad never mentioned my mom having siblings. I walked further into the attic. There was a big portrait of my mother and another girl I assumed to be Madeline. I looked at it. I touched it. “What!?” I whisper-screamed, scared to wake anyone up and get caught. My finger went through the photo. My head felt dizzy. I must be seeing things. I touched the photo again and the same thing happened. I put my whole arm through the photo. This must be some weird supernatural dream; these things only happen in the movies. Okay let’s test this theory out. I walked through the photo.

“Hello?” I called out. I was in some weird paranormal thing. I must be hallucinating.

“Hi!” a voice called out. I looked in the direction of where the voice was coming from. I stood there shocked, I physically couldn’t move. “Are you lost hon?” the person said, sounding close by but so distant at the same time. My mind couldn’t process what was happening. I still stood there at a loss for words. “Hey, I’m not going to hurt you, do you need any help?” the person said again with a concerned look on their face. I looked around trying to figure out where I was. I was in the town. I looked and saw the same organic shops, boutiques, and posh stores.

“Mom?” I replied. She looked at me confused.

“I’m sorry you must be confused, I’m not your mom but I can offer you some help, if you want to take it,” Delilah chuckled. She looked even prettier in person than she did in the pictures. I was confused. I’m seeing my mom that’s supposed to be dead standing right in front of me alive and well . . . but she says she’s not my mom.

“Umm yes actually- I-I’m lost.” I replied, staring at her in awe. I couldn’t believe it.

“Delilah where are you?” another voice called out. I looked over and it was Madeline.

“I’m helping this kid out, she’s lost,” Delilah called out. Madeline looked over at me and gave a small smile.

“I actually don’t have any parents. I just came over here. It’s a rough situation right now,” I said with my head down. I technically didn’t lie, my mom was standing right in front of my face and she didn’t know it.

“Oh that’s fine, you can come to my house. I’m pretty sure we will figure it out,” Delilah replied. We walked over to her house and it was pretty silent. I still felt weird. I’m walking home with my mom. She looked to be around 17, Madeline looked to be around my age. She was really pretty, her and my mom could have passed off as twins, I can’t believe I have an aunt. We reached their house and it still looked the same from when I saw it. We walked in. “My mom and dad aren’t home yet, but when they get here I will explain everything. Let’s go to my room,” she waved her hand and ushered me upstairs. Her room was the same one I was staying in. It was extremely neat except for a couple of books scattered on the floor. I looked around. “Make yourself comfortable.” I sat down on one of the couches. I was a little nervous as my mind still couldn’t process everything. I was trying to think of it in a logical way, the only thing that could explain this was time travel, but that was nearly impossible.

“Are you hungry?” Madeline asked. I looked up and saw her standing there a little hesitant to ask the question.

“Umm no thank you. T-thank you though,” I stuttered. She walked away heading over to where Delilah was silently reading a book. They talked amongst themselves. Delilah cleared her throat.

“Want to go to the gardens so we can hang out until my parents come back?” It was pretty awkward sitting in silence and I wanted to hang out with my mom even though she didn’t know who I was.

“Sure!” I said enthusiastically. We walked down the stairs, walking past the plenty of doors until we reached the screen doors. Madeline pushed it open and we went outside. The garden was beautiful with flowers of every color. Some I didn’t know of, magnolias to roses to dandelions, it went on and on. It looked to be about the afternoon as the sun was close to the setting.

“I never got your name,” Delilah said, trying to make small talk. I thought about it wondering if I should say my real name, I didn’t want to affect the future, time traveling was dangerous if this is what’s happening. I looked at a lily in the garden.

“Oh, it’s Lily,” I quickly said. Delilah walked over to the swings, Madeline following closely behind.

“That’s a nice name, do you know where your parents are, or at least how you got here?” Madeline asked inquisitively. I had the same questions. I didn’t know exactly how I got here, I walked through the painting and poof I’m in the past. Of course I couldn’t say that though.

“I don’t know where they are, they passed away when I was young. I took a train and a bus,” I responded. I hope this was convincing, they lived in the suburbs. I’m not even sure if buses passed here.

“Oh,” Delilah said. It seemed as if she almost knew I was lying but didn’t want to say anything. She sat down on the swings patting the seat next to her as a sign that I should sit down too. I took the hint and sat down awkwardly. “Well just know you can stay here as long as you want, we will try to get you back on your feet,” she nodded looking towards Madeline. Madeline gave a quick nod and a small smile. I eventually got comfortable and started talking to Madeline and Delilah as if I knew them for years. We had soon relaxed and all the tension had subsided. We laughed our heads off over silly jokes, talking about our interests, our likes and dislikes, how hard school was, and how annoying parents could be. Delilah looked so full of life. Her smile, the way her eyes crinkled up and shone when she giggled. How can a person so full of life kill themselves just like that?

“It’s getting pretty late,” Madeline said with a sigh. I didn’t want this day to end, I wanted to stay here but I knew I had to go back. I couldn’t just leave my dad like that, but I loved my mom despite just meeting her. I could see why my dad had fallen in love. We loved a lot of the same things; reading books, looking through magazines or in my case Pinterest, we both disliked school, we had so much in common. I even had some of her mannerisms. If I’m in the past I could fix the future, I could save my mom. I could change the event and this time she won’t die, she will be here. I loved my dad, but I loved this, we could all be happy together. I knew I could do this.

Delilah got off the swingset. “Let’s get back inside, I don’t think my parents are home yet so you can stay in my room,” she said excitedly.

“It’s going to be like a sleepover, can I stay in your room too Delilah? I want to hang out with Lily more!” Madeline pleaded doing puppy dog eyes.

“You can stay in my room, bring your blanket and let’s sneak snacks from the kitchen.” I got really excited, I’ve had a couple of sleepovers at Ginny’s house, but this one felt special having a sleepover with my mom and aunt, that never even knew they were my mom and aunt. We all gathered in Delilah’s room with snacks and blankets. We told scary stories, laughing wildly. The thought still nagged at me how was I supposed to stop the events from happening. Delilah looked to

be about 17 which is too far away from when she does it. I can’t stay here for the next 5-6 years. I had to go back to my reality.

I rubbed my eyes looking around, I looked at the boxes marked “Deliah’s stuff.” I was surrounded by boxes and pictures. I was in the attic. I rubbed my eyes once more to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I swore I had been in my mother’s room laughing with my aunt telling stories, how was I in the attic? It must have been a dream, it couldn’t have been. I walked over to the picture trying to put my hand through it but nothing had happened. I cried, not wanting anyone to hear me, my knees were to my chest as I was rolled up in a ball rocking back and forth, just having a silent cry. I wanted to stop it. I wanted to change things, but I can’t. I can’t. I can’t change it. Why did she leave me? Why did she leave dad behind? Tears streaming down my face as memories of my mom’s face came to memory pictures of her holding me as a baby. I didn’t know her but I missed her. I was going through a stage of grief that I had thought I had skipped, the thought of my mom being gone and me not being able to make proper memories with her finally hit me.