Nostalgia

Nostalgia

by Nathalie Merette

“Waking up and realizing you’re nothing but a mere memory hurts.” I can’t even move or see my family ever again. I can just see tears reach the floor as my mother tells my brother and sister I’m never coming back. It hurts, them putting the blazing lycoris on my pitch black casket with my carved initials on it: C.W. Cianna Willams. I can see that my sister was affected the most. She was my other half, after all. My twin sister. We were in the womb for 9 months together, born and raised for 15 years until that fateful day, the day I died. Anyways, when I see my sister, I see that her raven black hair seems duller, her eyes seem swollen, that’s what happens when she cries. I always made fun of her for that.

“Hey Mirai, why are you crying?”

“Louis broke my science project. I needed it for class tomorrow.”

“It’s OK, we could always repair it. Your eyes are quite swollen and they make you look terrible, you look like a raccoon.”

“You’re so rude, Cianna.”

I regret saying that deeply. Looking at my little brother Louis, he probably doesn’t know what’s going on. With his innocent big blue eyes and his chocolate brown hair, he looks so still. I always used to read to him, going through the pages, my fingertips going over the beautiful illustrations. He’s 4 right now. He was so energetic, so full of life, but here he is as quiet as an owl, hasn’t said a peep. I miss his big rosy cheeks smiling at me, his white pearly smile, his eye smile, his muddy clothes and Mother getting mad. I miss it all, but I can’t move on, I have to find out who did it, I have to find out who took it all from me, all I have is a letter, what a shame. Then my mother comes, she’s not in one of her typical pastel outfits, she’s in a dark long dress with frills on the bottom, she seems out of it, I miss her cooking, her making these heartfelt meals, it makes me sad. After the funeral and returning to the gates of Valysium, I got the same message and reasoning why I can’t enter the gates. “When you finally let go and find the truth, you may enter,” whatever that means. All I have is a family with a face ripped out, but who? I went back home and I sat in the center chair

that I used. It was empty, they were preparing for dinner, the dinner was a roasted brown seasoned turkey with some mashed potatoes. It looked heavenly. Shame I can’t eat, my body doesn’t function like that anymore. I don’t necessarily need to eat it, not required, if I do I’ll just vomit it out. I’m dead, after all. When I died, I noticed nothing really changed about my appearance other than my body doesn’t function. I’m physically frozen at fifteen, but I realized sometime I have two odd marks on my neck. They bothered me, but then I realized they could be a clue. When I came back, snapped out of my flashback, I realized everyone was gone. Mom? Mirai? Louis? Then I realized the food was done and the table was back to normal. The vase Louis broke on that day. That day, December 9th, 2019. 6:00 p.m.

“Hey Cianna, have you seen my science project? I really need it.”

“I don’t have it.”

“You’re lying. Give it.”

“I’m not lying, Mirai, stop—” *Smash*

“LOUIS!”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to see it.” He started crying. So did Mirai. I could see her eyes were starting to swell. Louis’s face started to turn red. His face was wrinkled, he was frowning, but then he was going to let out a scream, a scream that would end it all, December 9th, 2019. 7:30 p.m. I heard footsteps walking. Louis froze and me and Mirai stood there in fear. She and I knew who that was. It wasn’t our sweet, caring, energetic mother who made heartfelt meals every day for us or kissed us goodnight. It was the same man who had anger issues and was barely home, he who has my brother’s baby blue eyes and me and Mirai’s raven black hair. He was our father. As he came closer, I could smell the drinks he had. Today his pupils were dilated, his face looked tired, he looked and asked who did this? I could tell Louis was about to cry, but then my father grabbed a sharp piece of the vase. It was so sharp, it pierced his fingertip as he looked at Louis with sinister eyes and Mirai could tell what he was about. She screamed STOP! He lunged at him but I moved Louis out the way quickly. He stabbed me in the neck twice and I blacked out.

Why? I woke up in disbelief. I couldn’t accept it, but I had to. I went to the gate again and asked, may I enter? The guardian of Valysium, who was a rose-cheeked blond girl with Greek attire, told me, “have you finally learned to accept your fate?”

“Yes,” I said in a monotone voice. When I entered, I saw the blue sky. It was crystal clear. The waters looked clear and glimmery. It was gorgeous. The buildings were in an Athens structure. They were stunning, the carved pillars and the smell of fresh air, it was heavenly.