Forsaken Scar

Forsaken Scar

by Emmanuel Harper

As a human, you can never depart and have no regrets. You can never depart without sinning. As a human, you can never depart this world without leaving and taking pride in something, wanting what is not yours or over-indulging. You can never depart without living and having a selfish or lustful desire for something.

I wake up every day feeling empty like a gauntlet that desires to be filled. Every day I feel deceitful like a liar.

I hear my alarm clock and do what I normally do—wake up, brush my teeth, wash my face—and all the other things people do to get ready. I leave and, as I head out, I blink and see a radiant color. Beautiful and brilliant, I see a glowing pair gazing at me in the darkness like a warning. I feel hesitant and fearful and think nothing of it. Looking for inspiration for my new novel I wonder why the world calls me a lazy genius and recognizes me as a philosopher. Even though I’m lazy I’m energetic and respected and many look to me for guidance, which is why I decide I may as well become a therapist and counselor.

I wander into a bookstore and into an aisle for legends and fairy tales. I entertain myself and read a book about a dragon that was portrayed as evil. As I read on, the dragon burned villages, demanded gold, over-indulged desire and slept in it. As I read, I could not see evil. I thought to myself, “What’s the difference between humans and dragons?” Then I remembered Fafnir and how he turned into a dragon. I could not find the difference between him when he was human and when he was a dragon, though he gained scales, wings and a tail. With my PhD in Ethics and 300 IQ, I could not comprehend any difference. If anything, he is more himself as a dragon. I always wondered why I felt fond of dragons and never saw them as evil. It might be that they’re honest to themselves, not trying to deny what desires drive them. Then I felt a gaze like it was trying to devour me, and fear ran down my spine. I looked at Fafnir, the sinning, slothful dragon. Fafnir saw me not as a liar but as honest. I feared that yet desired it.

Then suddenly, for a split second, I saw darkness and a faint dim light appeared. I saw an image of a telson and then got the sudden feeling of uneasiness. I slightly gained consciousness from my trance and thought to myself, “What are these images I’m seeing? It’s as if they’re fragments of memories regained.” I think back to the first one. It felt different, like it was more of a vision of a path than a memory. It was like it had an unspoken warning written in red that’s clearer with a black background. Then I heard a woman talking about needing a therapist. Suddenly I heard a beep. It reminded me of my alarm clock. I see darkness, then that brilliant red light. I suddenly knew what the warning was. It was “Tread carefully.” I realized I got hit by a car while it was backing up. I hear a beep again. Then I see a white light and remember getting dragged away and slipping into darkness. Then I remember the front of the car. I realized I was targeted but, somehow, I did not blame them. I did not feel like it was evil. I hear another two beeps. One was different. I was sure that it was an EKG. The other reminded me of my alarm clock, and that vision made me feel hesitant again and feel like a liar. I tried to think about what the warning truly meant, because it was not one, but two, signs in red. I think about what the woman says about a therapist and then I thought, “When’s the last time I searched within myself?” I started to remember a quote about the abyss: He who fights with monsters should be careful. Then I remember the first meaning of the warning “Tread carefully.” The quote slips my mind. I didn’t care. I denied but knew the answer I was seeking was in the darkness. Then I gaze and gaze. Then I suddenly see a frog, scorpion and then a vivid image of a monster. Then it became clear—dragon scales tougher than iron eyes, bloody red, dark, tinted yet radiant like crimson, yet brilliant and enchanting like scarlet. I look the dragon in the eye; it was like I was looking into a cage of denial. I look away and say, “Your warnings come in a pair. Your eyes are deceitful on the surface and perceive you as evil but I feel akin with you as if we are one in the same. When I look at you, I see a mirror, but when I look at your eye, I see one perceived as evil but who knows the truth. Both eyes have their own warning; one says ‘Tread carefully,’ but what is the other?”

The dragon says to me it means to tread you must gaze down the abyssal path for what you seek. The warnings come as a whole truly meaning to tread but carefully down the path you gaze. I ask him, “Who are you?” He says, “I am the personification of what you

desire and guardian to what you fear keep dormant.” I ask him what awaits me. The dragon tells me my eyes are the key warning and gate to what you seek but hide. Lie to yourself for and deceive on the outside. I ask the dragon like your eyes. He tells me no, my eyes are what you fear but the path yet seek. He says my eyes are perceived to people as something they are not on the outside but honest and true deep within the inside. He says my eyes are the gateway to the soul that holds the truth you fear yet seek. My eyes are the key to the gate that opens the path you wish to gaze and tread. The dragon says to me you cannot become a dragon like me or Fafnir until you accept your true nature. Right now you are nothing but a . . . He says look into not the surface of my eyes. Every soul has a story. The dragon says to me remember thou warnings that need not be spoken but is written and expressed from the surface that gazes instead of gazed and what they mean tread carefully when you gaze into the abyssal path because when it gazes back you may not obtain and conquer what you seek but become devoured and enveloped in what fear. Tread down but carefully the path you gaze what you desire to become is a dragon not an evil monster. I look into his eyes like I’m looking into a mirror. I look beyond his eyes and into abyss. As I gaze the dragons’ eyes told me a story. The story about the scorpion and the frog then the tension made sense to me the story goes. A scorpion wants to cross a river but cannot swim, so it asks a frog to carry it across. The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting, but the scorpion argues that if it did that, they would both drown. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. The frog lets the scorpion climb on its back and then begins to swim. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: “I couldn’t help it. It’s in my nature.” I feel an electrical surge and I wake up two months later. I am released. I leave, I press the first floor and the button glows crimson red. I stare at it and I see the dragon’s trial. And the path I gazed I feel whole. I will not lie to myself any longer. Like a dragon I am greedy. Like a dragon I’m honest. Like a dragon I am cruel. Like the dragon from the legends what I desire may seem evil but it’s not. Like the dragon and the scorpion, I am not evil; I am honest. I am honest, not verbally yet physically just like the scorpion that stings the frog. I do it because it’s in my nature to do so. I am greedy, I envy I

overindulge, I slack, I lust, I hold pride in things and I set my wrath on those I see fit. On the surface it may seem evil but deeper into the abyss through my tented radeon crimson eyes, that’s yet brilliant and enchanting like scarlet past the deceiving demonic surface that worms those who gaze and through the gates of my eye and into the window of my soul—like Nietzsche quoted about the abyss, is beyond good and evil in the darkness you will find the light like yin and yang. There is always a part of the other that resides deep within the other and when I got hit and I saw the light in the darkness that was dim yet radiant was not the golden gates nor was not of me departing but that of my desires and true nature. I look away then lie to myself about and deny. When I gazed into the abyss I saw the truth. I saw my inner demons and my desires and accepted them. I accepted the things I want yet fear. I became honest like a dragon with not the world but with my self my nature and what desire and like a dragon I SIN like a dragon. I am not evil, just honest, though on the surface may seem evil. I am not, it’s just in my nature to do so.