Reassurance, confidence & self love
A guide to mental strength and a healthy emotional balance to take control of your life
ALL TO HELP YOU
How to be confident, carefree and live your best life.
you stand out? Is there a reason you deserve to be happy? You need to believe you deserve good things in order to experience the best life. Here is what Amanda thinks:
- Stop basing your self worth on your appearance, because your personality and intelligence is valuable too
- This is because loving yourself is deeper than about how you look
- Thus you should feel compassion & love towards yourself without looking perfect ‘Perfect’ being your idea of that word
- I write about this because I am guilty of this and I know girls suffer from this pressure to look how girls do online 24/7
- So this means you must develop your:
Characteristics
Mindset (to become a better person for your sake)
- What can you improve about your personality and abilities/skills? [Say you enjoy jewelry making and want to start a business, nobody is stopping you/or you get upset too easily and want to change that- you can train yourself to fix that]
- Imagine that goes well- there’s a reason to be confident because you accomplished something and you have something to show the world This leads on to the fact that you should never show your plans and ideas to others, only your RESULTS. There’s nothing to show unless you’ve actually DONE it.
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● Skills ● Attitudes ● Personality traits
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● Stop giving in to beauty standards - they change every decade
More- You might feel pressured to look a certain way but the most effective thing to do is enhance your features and not try to look like someone else
- This means experimenting with your natural look + creating another look that is more demand (so that you feel confident all the time, whether you’ve intentionally got ready or got out of bed)
- For me I like to have my naturally wavy hair down once in a while
- As well as wear makeup sometimes
- Start saying ‘I am beautiful’ affirmations and more (page 8-11 has them)
● Stop being a people pleaser
- Learn to say no
- Try and understand the times you have people pleased + why?
- Research what people pleasing looks like and be aware of your actions and habits
- Don’t pressure others either, just because you’re not one, don’t take advantage of someone else!
- Don’t do things you don’t like because it’s convenient for someone else
- You can do this by setting boundaries and if someone can’t respect that, then they shouldn’t be in your life ●
● Don’t breakdown if someone doesn’t like u, we all have different types and preferences in people
- Isn’t it true that occasionally you’ll reject someone and not reciprocate feelings back?
- Yes, and that’s totally fine
- So if someone else does the same and changes their mind about you, please just accept it and stop being so sensitive
- The world isn’t going to end if someone didn’t choose you, because you can now choose yourself
- It doesn’t mean you’re ‘not good enough’ or ‘out of their league’ since you could be the hottest girl and still get the nonchalant treatment
- We all have our own preferences so just leave it & move on
- Same goes for friends… So what if somebody doesn’t want to be friends with you?
- It’s their loss
- Make sure you always learn from each experience though, and to never give too much of yourself since most people don’t deserve it
- Learn from your mistakes, don’t repeat them, and maintain high standards and clear boundaries so you can avoid the unnecessary pain/failure (which really was just character development in essence)
And remember, we’re all human and it’s natural to make mistakes/be naive/ regret what we did but growth is beautiful and life even in its dark times is captivating and magnificent
PERCEPTION IS KEY, you decide how you see a situation and never let anyone dictate how you feel. You have the power!
● Be unfazed by others’ behaviors
- I seriously mean it for myself included when I say ‘you have got to stop reacting to how others behave’
- The 3D is what you make it out to believe, so keep assuming by using the ‘law of assumption’ that you are likeable, captivating, interesting, fun, respectable, valuable, etc and that’ll manifest it in an instant
- And for the exception of those who don’t like you, why is that relevant?
- It shows weakness and that you care too much about what others have to say And, you’re better than that
- Literally just focus on yourself and what you’re doing
- Because then you won’t be bothered or affected by someone else’s behaviors
- For instance, you ask someone something simple like ‘Hey, could you let me know where ___ place is?’ and they respond with ‘dO i LoOk LiKe I wOuLd KnOw’ being really obnoxiously rude
- What you do is smile and turn your heard elsewhere
- Don’t bother treating them manners or ‘sticking up for yourself’
- They’re clearly rude to others so don’t take it personally
- Ignore them and move on because WHO CARES?
- Don’t change yourself for others, especially for boys because you’re the prize and you’re special, not him
- A man has got to impress you to ‘win’ you over
- Stop getting excited about the tiny things a guy does for you because guess what? He’s most likely doing the same to other girls. Good morning/night texts and some compliments + attention here and there is NOTHING
- Don’t constantly compliment him and hype him up for doing absolutely nothing btw
E.g ‘Omg I love your car’ and ‘You’re so handsome’ and ‘Wow I love your style and your watches’ etc
This is only going to boost his ego and make yourself look easily amused, easily impressed, basic, easy and that you have low standards You can’t praise him for who he is, but what he brings to the TABLE. What can he offer you? Moreover, do you even like him?
Listen to me ladies, if this man does not make your heart beat fast or make you feel like a lady where you are in your calm, relaxed, feminine state, ditch him. Also, if you’re not extremely physically attracted to him and only ‘like him for his personality’ then leave too… Don’t play yourself sis. However, if he goes out of his way to do things for you such as
● Buying you flowers
● Driving you places
● Cooking you meals
● Surprising you with dates & presents
● Helping you solve an issue
● Taking care of you Then you should definitely thank him because that’s what you appreciate about him and should show him. This means he’ll keep doing it and try to win you all the time.
I myself suffer from overthinking, putting pressure on myself, stress, anxiety, insecurity. But let me tell you about how I pick myself up again without wasting my whole day on a mental break down.
1- Overwhelmed = I exercise
2- Sad = I journal
3- Anxious = I watch tv
4- Bored = I read/write
5- Angry = I meditate
You have just got to find your therapeutic way of helping yourself. We have got to be finding healthy ways to communicate and express our emotions without letting them get in our way. Some days when I go through multiple mood swings due to reacting to others’ behaviors/finding difficulties with school work/ feeling stressed about the future, I take a step back to reflect and I choose to believe the opposite of what I am telling myself. This is called changing one’s perception. I tell myself ‘I am grateful that life is getting tough, because the universe is about to show me how good it gets’ and ‘I know this is all happening for my higher self’ and ‘I asked for a new beginning and better life so I must work for it and not be lazy’ and that ‘these challenging times are for my character development’ as well as ‘I am accepting the stress and finding solutions to live with what is on my plate instead of smashing the plate on the floor, causing more problems’. Attitude is EVERYTHING, so change it right now, even if it feels cheesy because it is WORTH IT.
● Be private
- Stop posting everything online
- Stop telling everyone your secrets, whereabouts and self-interest, instead try listening to others, not everything is about you
- you do not need to share your every thought on your story
- And please never share what project you’re working on including possible financial gains, holiday plans, passions, achievements, etc (unless your account is a business/online store/work related)
- This is because you don’t have to prove anything to anyone
- You don’t owe anybody your time, attention or energy online
- Most people viewing your account either don’t care, are bored, find you attractive or want to be like you (inspired/jealous/obsessed)
- So be careful and mindful of what you post
- Anyone anywhere can and will take screenshots of what you post because you are choosing to share that with the world
- Don’t base your self worth on others’ validation
- Social media is deceptive so don’t get jealous by other people’s achievements and appearances and image they present to you
- Learn to accept hard feelings and grow mentally stronger. For instance, time heals but you’ve also got to have the winner’s mindset that ‘I am more excited about what I will do today and have power over, then the fear of failure and missing the past and thinking of the ‘what ifs’
- be friends with people who uplift you and you’d be proud to say are your friends
- walk around like the sexy ass u are
- “I’m too obsessed with myself to pay attention to lifeless people”
- Stay authentic to yourself because at the end of the day, you know what makes you happy and what kind of person you are, so don’t change your personality either and be unapologetic about what you like/ your interests
- What you put out there comes back (concept of karma) so don’t spread hate or talk negativity of others because you’ll get the same energy sometime in your life back
- you’re gonna be stuck with yourself forever so you must enjoy your own company
- Be ur own best friend
- Everyone is replaceable, you’re not
- Speak kindly to yourself
- Show up everywhere as the confident version of yourself because you owe it to younger you to be happy and succeed
How to put yourself on the pedestal?
Answer these questions honestly
1. What can you let go of that is no longer serving you?
2. What makes you the happiest?
3. What makes you the most upset?
4. Are you a grateful person?
5. Are you a positive person?
6. What do you love most about yourself?
7. Do you like the way you talk to other people?
8. Do others respect you and if not, how come?
9. What do you think is missing in your life and how can you realistically get it?
Some extra tips!
- stop comparing yourself to others
- if you dislike something about yourself, change it, and stay consistent to what you want
- create a new version of yourself who is ideal
- imagine and plan out what u wanna look like, how u wanna act, how others perceive you and assume it
- don’t beg or chase others into loving you
- stop putting others on a non existing pedestal
- be proud of how far you’ve come - love every mirror u pass by - work on your best qualities and develop them - act like you’re best and you will be -heal yourself first before helping others
- be SELFISH
- Confident people don’t tolerate disrespect
SAY NO TO YOUR EX, OR SAY NOTHING AT ALL
What I don’t understand is why girls get happy when their exes contacts them. They think it’s flattering or a compliment to them. However it’s the complete opposite! If you let a guy back in, you’re an accessible and easy target to manipulate. They shouldn’t be bothering you. If a guy is constantly contacting you, it is because you are ALLOWING him to do so. On your part, it is pathetic and embarrassing especially if it was him that messed up and hurt you. Of course, there are exceptions like if your ex didn’t actually cross your boundaries and is just a friend now. Yet, I am perpetuating this fact to you because just last month, a girl I knew was showing off to everyone about how her ex started ‘talking to her again’ with a HUGE ridiculous smile on her face. But do you know what he told her? He told her how much he wanted her body again and missed their encounters… She claimed she had self respect, but if a guy is able to come up to you with that audacity. Then damn, I am sorry girl but he does not value you whatsoever. He is objectifying you and seeing you as a place for lust & pleasure, not LOVE and maturity.
SO STOP SETTLING BECAUSE YOU’RE MISSING THEM
Or maybe you’re bored/don’t like being single/still delusionally believe they LIKE you, when they do NOT because if they did, they’d show it with ACTIONS, not words. Now, it looks like this is a YOU issue to solve. You must find ways to heal and learn why it is you miss them and don’t enjoy the single life. Well anyway, I am here now to reassure you from girl to girl that you will get through this & I’m here for you. Remember, that until a guy becomes a man, he thinks with his hormones, not his heart or head. Do not make that mistake to only cause yourself pain in the end. Act smart, be smart
THANK YOU SO MUCH
Thank you so much for reading my ladies
It would be a lie if I were to say I always follow my own advice and that I have my life sorted, because I don’t. But that’s okay and I know that I make mistakes, learn and discover new things everyday. I am imperfect and love myself for it. Goals take time to achieve. No one got where they did without hard work, so don’t be a victim/compare yourself to others. You can do this. A little bit of effort each day can lead to HUGE SUCCESSES. Life is to live though, so instead of your purpose to ‘win in life’, try ‘living your life’ and do what makes you happy.