Why Don’t We Have Sax Anymore? by anonymous I understand that we’ve outgrown our “Hungry Eyes,” those days when we were younger and more excitable, when the world was at our door in a series of half-steps. And a part of me knows we were just “Lost in Emotion,” what with my eyeshadow undertones and your billowing, silk suit. Of course we were—we were practically kids! But I know you remember. The sax we used to have was not just noteworthy; it was alternately piercing, pulsing, and stroking, and I know you recall the flutter and moan. “I wanna go back and do it all over, but I can’t go back” and you can’t go back, and so here we are, two reeds warped by time. Obviously, it’s been a while since 7th period Jazz Ensemble, so this might come as a surprise. But I’ve thought about it, and here’s what I propose: let’s re-claim those vibrations. Let’s strap on the old instrument and remember how to play. With some patience and imagination, I believe we can rekindle the kinds of people we were when we used to have sax. First, though, let’s be honest about it. We both need some solo time. It’s perfectly natural, and neither one of us can keep score this time around, okay? You were right: anyone who tells you they don’t take a few solos is a liar or plain nuts. It’s part of how we all groove. If anything, that kind of fingering reminds you of “What You Need,” right? It’s okay to throw your head back and feel your own tune, especially since it adds to our harmony later on. Beginning now, I promise I will value “Your Latest Trick.” Now, this next pitch may seem off, but please hear me out. We might want to consider role-playing, you know, a little fantasy sax. Look, you can be Kenny; I’ll be all things Sade. Or maybe we surprise each other—“Who Can It Be Now”?! …Or, okay, if you’re thinking, “I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)”… what about toys? Sometimes it just takes a little valve oil, you know? Maybe we treat ourselves to a couple of slings and thumb savers. Or—and I’ll just throw this out there— blue velvet. Yeah, imagine opening up to that. Look, it’s been a long time, and “Modern Love” has no bridge to it, but at this point in our lives it’s kind of like, “Urgent, urgent, emergency!” You know? So what do you say? Will you “Take Me Home Tonight?” …Or what about right now? Because I mean it, I swear. I’ll wet my reed right here. I’ll close my eyes, and take a deep breath, and for the sake of sax everywhere— watch me: I’ll blow.
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