Pandemic, Mental Health and Accompaniment

by Dr. John Sumarah

During the first few months of the coronavirus pandemic, I received a telephone call from my doctor’s office inquiring about my mental health. I was surprised; and impressed! As a person involved in mental health for many years, I appreciated the awareness that mental health was an important contributor to our overall well-being. Asked what I needed, I said that their reaching out meant a lot to me.

The pandemic has surely highlighted mental health as a major societal concern. Those with mental health issues may have found them to be exacerbated during the pandemic. Others are experiencing the awareness that our mental health is fragile. Perhaps it always was, but the pandemic has heightened our experiences of fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, depression, and loneliness. Our stress levels are high. We grieve many losses, perhaps a loved one or the inability to be with one in need, the loss of health, financial security, and the loss of connection and our usual social and psychological supports. People on the introverted side who normally welcome solitude are saying, “Too much of a good thing these days.” Those on the extroverted side normally energized by social encounters are wishing for more than virtual contact. Many are advocating for governmental support for mental health services including virtual therapy.

One of the many questions facing our Christian communities is, “How do we reach out and respond to each other during this time of mental health concern?”

First, we need to reach into ourselves and realize that we are all fragile. We have our moments and while each one’s experience of loneliness, discouragement, and sadness is unique, we can, of course, relate to this human condition. When we find our own ability to manage our mental health needs attention, we need to begin to reach out to others. It is important that we are honest with our reality rather than deny, negate, or even judge ourselves for our experience.

In our Christian communities we understand the importance of hospitality. The essence of hospitality is welcoming another person into our lives; that is, into our hearts. To do this, we must make space in our lives and hearts. When I am busy or distracted or preoccupied, it is not easy to invite others in. Genuine hospitality is always motivated by love. Welcoming one whose circumstance may be quite different from my own means that something in me might change. That is what makes these encounters challenging and, also,

potentially growth-filled for both. The story of the woman at the well is a wonderful example of what happens when welcome is at the heart level. The woman whose circumstances were so different from the life of Jesus was deeply touched by Him and He was deeply touched by her. This brief honest encounter of love and respect impacted both interiorly. They both left enriched.

When someone is heard from the heart, they know that they are welcomed. It is a risk, of course, to share what I am really experiencing because I do not know for certain how it will be received. It is a risk to be known, to allow another into my fragile state. But it is also a risk to listen deeply because we might feel overwhelmed and not know what to say or do. When we do have these kinds of genuine encounters, it is as though Jesus is saying, “When you listen to one of my sisters or brothers you listen to me.” It takes trust and courage to share personally and trust and courage to listen. Our story usually has a light and a dark side. With time and trust we share both sides because we want to be honest before the other with what is happening in our lives.

Communication experts have informed us that we have about five ways to respond to each other. One is to judge. One is to question. One is to interpret. One is to support. And one is to understand. Research shows that judgment is used much more frequently than support and understanding in everyday conversation. If we were shut down or judged in the past, it is little wonder we are hesitant to risk sharing our fragile mental state. The increasing awareness of the mental health issue will hopefully give all of us more permission to open up and to listen more attentively with a non-judging compassionate heart.

My thoughts and feelings are not always clear to me. Sometimes they are bundled up and need time and patience to unwrap. When I go through periods of psychological stress, well-intended people who want to console me can leave me feeling very un-understood. They tend to jump in quickly before I have shared what I need to share. I do not need to hear “you’ll get over it.” We do not get over our experiences. We simply want to try to face them and live them as well as we can and with time, sharing and prayer, integrate them into who we are and are becoming.

What I find helpful is friends who say few words but whose eyes convey compassion and a deep desire to share my burden. Remember Jesus’ words, “When you are weary, come and I will give you rest.” He does not say that He will fix it or solve it or make it go away. It is in the sharing that the distress can be eased. When fragility meets fragility, possibilities surface. A new insight emerges, or grace is experienced. We have a moment of consolation. small or too big to share. But, when we are honest with ourselves and our need to be heard and appreciated, we are saying ‘yes’ to life. When we negate or deny our fragility, we become anxious. We need others who accept us as we are, whatever we are experiencing in our emotional pain and in our giftedness. We may not always fully understand the experience of the other but the desire to be present and the willingness to listen attentively can help a lot.

In the Christian community a “covenantal relationship” is a “sacred trust” between two persons. This covenantal relationship means that, “I will be here for you, I will appreciate your uniqueness as a person, and I will hold in confidence what you share with me.” There is a call today to accompany others with this kind of presence and relationship when the conversation around mental health is more welcomed. Thanks be to God for that!

Dr. John Sumarah is a registered psychologist and a Professor Emeritus of Education and Counselling in the Acadia Faculty of Professional Studies. He also has a practice of spiritual accompaniment.