Four Remarkable Mums

Photos by Rebecca Davidson Photography

For the 2021 edition of Cayman Parent we invited four remarkable women – each of whom is pursuing her own professional path whilst raising happy children – to share insights into their lives, struggles and achievements.

These women are smart, ambitious and successful, but each has a different story. Between them, they illustrate the many shapes that modern motherhood and professional success in Cayman can take.

Sara Collins, a successful novelist with a big, blended family proves that it’s never too late to change direction and follow your passion. Emma Kendall is raising three girls and running the school of her dreams; Pilar Bush, mother to two boys, is a business leader who is dedicated to inspiring change both at work and in the community; and Nadine Dumas, a mother and energetic entrepreneur who spends her days helping others live healthier, happier lives.

These four inspiring women took time out of their busy days to meet us at the Kimpton Seafire Hotel + Spa for coffee and conversation. The discussion was lively, frank and open as they swapped parenting stories, talked about the highs and lows of being a working mum and the methods and means they have developed to help them navigate this phase of their lives. Each shared the principles and rules they live by, finding much common ground between them. We’ve distilled these into the Seven Truths of Modern Motherhood (see page 16) which we hope will serve as both inspiration and guidance to other parents in the Cayman Islands.

Pilar Bush

Born in Cayman and raised in Brazil until she was almost 10, Pilar Bush is a former Director of Tourism, founder of AtWater Consulting and is currently Executive Vice President responsible for Marketing, Communications and Community Development at Dart. Pilar is a mother to Nathan, 131/2, and Niko, 5, and sits on the boards of several local charities.

At home and at work, Pilar Bush is always thinking about the big picture. Whether pondering how to raise her sons to be joyful, independent and responsible young men or how can the Cayman Islands become one of the best places in the world to live and work, her mind is always working.

Her professional achievements run the gamut from orchestrating recognition of the Cayman Islands as the ‘Culinary Capital of the Caribbean’, organising Cayman’s first ever JazzFest, developing brand partnerships with the NFL, NBA and Nickelodeon, to being a founding member of Literacy is for Everyone (LIFE), and serving as the current Chair of Big Brothers Big Sisters.

Pilar is a visionary with an eye for make-it-or-break-it details. Whether she’s discussing dinosaurs’ dietary habits with her son, Niko, developing global marketing campaigns to reposition the Cayman Islands, or advocating for changes in the public education and more accessible services for children and families, Pilar aims to make an impact guided by a clear sense of purpose.

“I was involved in Key Club as a teenager at John Gray High School, and took a pledge to ‘build my home, school and community, to serve my nation and God, and to combat all forces which tend to undermine these.’ The essence of the pledge is how I try to live my life.”

Her long list of accolades has not come without sacrifices, though. She gets up two hours before her family to have quiet time for uninterrupted work, and as she says with a smile, “extended downtime is a rare treat.” Pilar’s parents raised her to believe that to whom much is given, much is required, and this value still underpins her worldview. She doesn’t complain about the challenges of simultaneously being an engaged parent, partner, and corporate and community leader. It’s part and parcel of the purpose-driven life she’s chosen. “Whether as mother of a teenager, or a manager of a team, we each do the best we can and then we wake up the next day and try again.”

When asked how she balances being a parent and an executive, she replies, “It seems natural to ask career-oriented mothers this question, but it actually reveals the double standards of gender. I rarely hear this question asked of ambitious men. Because working women still carry the bulk of parenting responsibilities, my answer is that it’s an imperfect and dynamic balance. Johann fully supports my career and is hands on with the boys, for example he is the one to get Niko ready in the morning while I make breakfast and lunches. I rarely accept social engagements, using weekend nights to catch up with Nathan and watch an episode or two of his favourite series, Avatar.”

Maybe this is why Pilar’s most frequent advice for mothers comes in the form of three short questions: “What matters most to you? What are you willing to give up? How can you make it simpler?”

On Sundays, days that are reserved for family, Pilar often reflects on the week prior and what’s coming ahead. In those moments of introspection, she often ponders about Cayman’s future. “The sense of community and shared values that were the bedrock of my childhood – have we lost these? As parents and as a society, what are we teaching our children to value most?”

But just as she doesn’t complain about the difficulties of thriving at work and at home, her concerns about the evolution of her country never turn to blame or indifference. “I refuse to criticise something without first trying to make it better. With my boys, I try to be the changes I wish to see. In our community, instead of complaining, I’d sooner join other likeminded people, sacrifice some leisure time and work on solutions.”

Sara Collins

Born in Jamaica, Sara and her parents moved to Cayman (home of her paternal grandmother) aged four. She is married to Iain McMurdo and between them they have a blended family of five children: Ashani, 26, Christiana, 22, Marianne, 22, Nyah, 19, and Lewis, 18. Sara's first novel, The Confessions of Frannie Langton, won the Costa First Novel Award in 2019. She now divides her time between Cayman and England.

Having raised five children and made a spectacularly successful career change, Sara Collins proves that with enough determination and commitment, turning your passion into your profession is possible.

Sara’s first career, which lasted 17 years, was as a lawyer and a human rights activist. Although she made the most of it, her heart was not in the corporate career world and it was a phase of her life she now realises was miserable.

She and her now husband, Iain, met while working as partners at the same law firm and both had children from previous marriages. Choosing to marry and blend their two families was, they both acknowledged, their choice and not their children’s, and so it was up to them to ensure a sense of unity for their children.

In creating a mixed-race family (Iain is Scottish) they had to find their own way to merge two different cultures, as well as two sets of traditions and parenting styles. The greatest challenge was finding time to give each of them the individual attention they needed, Sara observes, which was why, in 2010, she gave up being a lawyer to focus full-time on parenting.

“It’s all about the season of life you’re in,” she reflects. “I believe it’s a myth that you can have it all [a successful career and a fulfilling family life]. I learned that I needed to do things one at a time.”

Through a process of trial and error, Sara, Iain and their children worked out which of their previous family customs were the most important to them and which they could let go. Now, 12 years on, they have formed new family customs and created memories of their own. “When we are all together, we have tremendous fun,” she adds. “Our kids are very loving, interesting people. That makes it seem like a job well done.” By the time her youngest was in secondary school, and the older children were living their own lives, Sara found herself with more time available. The death of two close friends around this time forced her to confront the fact that life is unpredictable – and that her dream since childhood had been to write novels.

“I realised that I needed to get on with the things I had always hoped I would have time for. I didn’t want to regret never having tried it,” she recalls. So she enrolled in a Masters in Creative Writing at Cambridge University and committed to not giving up until she had given it her very best shot.

Writing her first novel, The Confessions of Frannie Langton, took two arduous years. It required her to shut herself away in the office every single day and immerse herself in her research, her characters and her story. During that time, she openly admits, she neglected her family in order to focus 100% on her novel.

The sacrifice was worth it. Half-way through the course she was signed by an agent and, in 2018, her book was published to critical acclaim. The following year she won the Costa First Novel Award, and was shortlisted for several others. Now, her book is being turned into a TV series for ITV and Sara is writing the screenplay, and working on a second novel.

She’s busier than ever before, but also far more contented. “There is nothing like the joy you feel when your life’s greatest passion becomes the thing you do for a living,” she enthuses. “I love books and now I get paid for writing them, adapting them and reviewing them. I do keep pinching myself.”

The Confessions of Frannie Langton by Sara Collins is available to buy from Books & Books in Camana Bay.

Nadine Dumas

Nadine moved from Alberta, Canada, to Cayman 15 years ago as a professional accountant. Shortly after, she turned her passion for health and wellness into a self-made career. Alongside raising her son, Zaiden, 8, Nadine has become one of the leading business women and influencers in the international fitness market, where her work includes coaching women to better both their mind and body, public speaking engagements and authoring four books. She also owns a fitness app, runs an international wellness retreat and is currently working in new product development within the wellness field.

Being a solopreneur, Nadine Dumas has built her business through hard grit and perseverance, and because she is navigating the industry on her own, she has learned many of the most important lessons which fundamentally helped her grow her company. A key lesson, in her view, has been learning where her weaknesses are and asking for help.

“I spent many years at the beginning of my career trying to do it all and spinning my wheels,” she says. “I’m sure part of it was ego, not wanting to show that I was weak or didn’t ‘have it all together’ and in the end it cost me a lot of time and sleepless nights.” A pitfall Nadine now mentors other entrepreneurs on.

These days, by working from home with her international clients online, she is able to balance work and parenting. It’s an ideal arrangement for her that allows a great deal of flexibility: she can be home when Zaiden finishes school, and can work anywhere, anytime while travelling whether it be during school holidays or for work engagements.

When her son was just a baby and she was travelling a great deal for photoshoots and international coaching events, she often took Zaiden along with her, tagging on a few days to each trip to show her son a new city. These formative experiences have meant that “Zaiden has grown up to be an independent, well-travelled and patient kid”. Being a mum and running multiple businesses with no set hours simply wouldn’t be possible if he didn’t have these qualities. Growing up in a military family, Nadine says she and her sister were raised with strong values and fairly strict rules, which has influenced how they raise their own children. As well as her parents, her most important role models include the women she works with on a daily basis. “I am surrounded by some of the most amazing women in my life, from mentors, business partners, friends and clients. These women definitely influence how I parent my child and I don’t think I could get through many days without them,” she says.

As Nadine’s businesses grew, so did her social media presence, something which comes with its own pitfalls. She has encountered trolls and has been a victim of cyber-bullying: “Years ago I used to take the comments personally and be so hurt that it was paralysing,” she recalls. “I would fear posting something because I was afraid of being judged.” Nadine now uses this experience to mentor and empower others and teach her son about bullying. Nadine is aware of how easy it is, when spending time on social media, to fall into the trap of comparing one's situation to the apparently picture-perfect lives of others. But, she notes, these are the highlight reels of others’ lives and not the full picture. Her advice is to stay in your own lane, and focus on your journey.

As a health professional, Nadine works hard to prioritise diet, exercise and self-care, even if it’s not perfect all the time. But that, for her, is not only about business, “It's also about setting an example to my son,” she observes. “Kids learn from their parents and ‘more is caught than taught’ so making sure they see you being respected and treated right is very important, but making sure they see you respecting and treating yourself right is equally, if not more important.”

Reflecting on her family life she says “We are not your traditional family by any means, but it works for us. Zaiden and I have an incredible bond and we are a happy unit. Family comes in all shapes and sizes and we prove you don’t have to be the classic nuclear household or the perfect Instagram family to make it work.”

Emma Kendall

Originally from England, Emma moved to Cayman in 2013, falling pregnant with her first daughter shortly after. She and her husband, Peter have three girls, Florence, 6, Jemima, 4, and Ivy, 3. Having taught for 10 years prior to moving to Cayman, Emma started a small, independent tutoring company with her partner Bryony, which has since evolved into a fully-fledged primary school, Footsteps School.

Opening one’s own school would be a dream for any passionate educator, but taking on such a huge project whilst raising three small children is also daunting. Emma Kendall, however, remembers her school days as being the happiest in her life, so when the opportunity to create the school of her dreams presented itself, she was not about to pass it up.

Turning what started as a small, private-tutoring service into Cayman’s first fully-accredited beach school – one where learning is nature-based and days climbing sea grape trees are part of the curriculum – was no easy feat. But for Emma, being able to spend her days creating a warm, safe place where kids of all abilities – from special needs to scholarship students – are welcomed and encouraged, is immensely rewarding.

It is, nonetheless, a mammoth undertaking. Without a large staff to share the duties, Emma and her partner Bryony have to roll up their sleeves and be Jacks-of-all-trades. As directors, the buck stops with them. “It can often be overwhelming knowing that all of our students and their families are relying on me to get it right,” she comments. But rather than let that deter her, she uses it as motivation to do the very best she can.

Alongside running the school, she is raising her own three girls. “The juggle is real,” she says. “I’m not afraid to admit that trying to do it all isn’t always possible.” Her days are endlessly busy and making it work requires support from friends and her invaluable helper as well as careful planning and very long hours. Emma and her husband often work late into the night and wake early to get a few hours’ work in before the sun (and children) rise. The fact that they are on the same page when it comes to family is key to making it work, she says. “Family must come first. After all, the girls are our whole reason for working so hard.”

As a child, Emma watched her mother work equally long hours to ensure her children received a good education. When they were old enough, Emma and her sisters also worked weekends in their mother’s little jewellery shop, learning teamwork, the value of money and the importance of commitment early on.

Like most parents, Emma and her husband hope to instil some of the core values they were brought up with in their own children. “My husband grew up in a family with very traditional values,” she says. “Their family motto was ‘remember, you’re a Kendall’.” That simple phrase kept him and his siblings out of trouble as kids and I’m hoping we can pass that sentiment down to our girls.”

There is, she notes, an element of regret that as expats, their girls aren’t growing up with their grandparents just down the road. It means that they don’t have those typical role models in their daily lives. But living far from home opens the door to so many valuable opportunities, particularly international travel. Having adventured throughout parts of Central and South America with the girls, Emma believes that there are boundless memories to be made and lessons to be learnt from travelling as a family. “You only have 18 summers with your children and living life to its fullest is what it’s all about for me,” she notes. “I want my girls to look back on their childhood fondly and to appreciate what a fun, stimulating start they had in life.”

As a parent, Emma is learning all the time. She doesn’t strive for perfection but instead focuses on bathing her children in love and teaching them the importance of kindness, honesty and respect towards one another. When her girls look up at her with their sparkly blue eyes and cheeky faces and express their love and gratitude, totally unprompted, then she knows she must be doing something right.

If there is one thing that is certain, it is that these four women experience the same doubts, challenges and rewards as any other mother.

Raising children is uncharted territory for every parent and these four women are no exception. They are all feeling their way through it day by day, learning that having both a career and a family requires certain sacrifices; that they won’t be able to be present at every football match or school play, but that it’s okay when that happens.

They are realising that it is not possible to do everything themselves – however much they may want to – and that in asking for help they are not being weak.

7 Truths of Modern Motherhood

1. There is no ‘right’ way to parent

Between the mummy blogs, parenting books, podcasts and the recommendations of other parents, the sheer volume of advice can be overwhelming. But you don’t have to take it all onboard. Everyone’s values, challenges and personalities are different and there is no one way to raise children. Identify the principles and values that matter most to you, and focus only on the advice that aligns with them.

2. A family can take many forms

The traditional nuclear family is no longer the only standard family structure. Modern families come in all shapes and sizes, from single parents and those that co-parent to civil partnerships and blended families. As long as there is love, support and guidance, the structure should not matter.

3. It’s okay to ask for help

In an age where working mothers are expected to act like they don’t have children, and parent like they don’t have a job, asking for help, and accepting it when it’s offered, is essential. It takes a village to raise a child, as the saying goes, even if your ‘village’ is not your relatives and neighbours, but rather a handpicked group – possibly mentors, nannies, colleagues, friends – that you know you can count on.

4. Comparing yourself to others isn't constructive

Even when it’s to reassure yourself you’re doing okay, comparing yourself to others – in real life or on social media – rarely brings relief. It can either result in feeling inadequate or superior – but one party rarely knows what difficulties the other is facing. They are finding role models all around them – in their colleagues, their clients, their friends and even on social media – and carefully considering the values they want to nurture in their children.

They are accepting that priorities change and the balance is ever-shifting, and that what works today may not work tomorrow. In their own ways, they are each pursuing their passions and improving the lives of others – and that makes all their efforts worthwhile.

And it is in the fleeting moments, when they observe their children behaving with honesty, integrity and respect, that they

find confirmation that they are getting it right.

5. It’s not about having it all, but having your all

Nobody truly ‘has it all’. Balancing home life, parenting and work is not about apportioning your time equally to each area of your life but about working out what you want, where you’re prepared to make compromises and what you’re willing to sacrifice at any given point.

6. Making time for yourself is neither selfish nor self-indulgent

The term ‘me time’ has a slightly self-indulgent ring to it, but taking care of yourself is really a prerequisite for taking care of others. If you’re not happy, healthy and motivated, how can your children learn to be that way? Whether it’s making time to exercise, booking a spa treatment, taking a course to advance your career, or paying someone to help around the house, carving out a little time for your personal needs will benefit your family as much as yourself.

7. Some of the challenges women in Cayman face are systemic

The fact that women typically take on more of the parenting responsibilities, that they are not always paid as much as men, that the cost of childcare excludes some women pursuing their chosen careers, and that maternity leave is particularly short at only six weeks, are all issues deeply embedded in Cayman's culture and the system. These will not be resolved overnight – but there is perhaps comfort in knowing that every working mother in the Cayman Islands faces the same frustrations.