On Dit - 77.6 - Environmental Edition by On Dit

Adelaide Uni Student Magazine 77.6 6

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contents

Email: ondit@adelaide.edu.au Editors: Clare Buckley, Steph Walker & Vincent Coleman 2-3 4 5 6-9 10-11 12 13 14 15 16-19 20-22 23 24 26-27 28-29 30 31-35 36 37-38 39-40 41 42-43 44-45 46-47 48 49 50 52

editorial AUU Watch State of the Union Local Issues Current Issues International Students Engineering Response Ditlicious Idiot Box Music Film Sport Science Home Improvement Cults Witty Wordsmith / Disabilty Fashion Op Shop Review Short Stories Poetry Pitch Literature Vox Pop Devil’s Advocate Night Life Write for On Dit! / Film Comps Social Fumbling Radelaide Top 20

thank you: Danny for his wickedly amazing cover design which he photographed all by himself. He is just amazing. Like, he is god. Seriously. Seriously written by Danny Kim for helping us everyday! Thanks. The recreation of our Facebook Group (Look us up) Hahn Super Dry (we’re thanking you in advance of Thursday night) Roller Derby freaks for the most fun Vox Pop ever. Faceook for status update pranks. Anders for distro’ing like a fiend, as usual. Print budget for new office posters. Jack Smith for ensuring office pranks are of the highest calibre.

AUU Watch Hannah Mattner State of the Union Lavinia Emmett-Grey Current Affairs Shelley Lasslet Local Issues Patrick McCabe Jarrod Fitch Lia Svilians Dit-licious Lily Hirsch Fashion Kate Bird Lara Francis Elise Lopez Film Nav Sandhu Anders Wotzke Literature Alicia Moraw International Student Life (Shenglan Liu) aka Bob Music Andrew Auld Countney Day Jimmy (Swanny) Clarke Nightlife Ainsley Campbell Arts Natalie Oliveri Science Anna Ehmann Gaming/PC Alan Lee Sport Angus Chisholm TV Lauren Roberts Poetry & Short Stories Lauren Lovett Adam Klimkiewicz Pro/Anti-Consumerism Greg Taylor Tristan Adams Witty Wordsmith Sean Kellett Marketing William Fisher Design Daniel Brookes

the editors’ editorial with Clare, Steph & Vincent

at On Dit : Phone: (08) 8202 5404

On Dit is a publication of the Adelaide University Union. The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, The University of Adelaide, On Dit: proudly sponsored or the Adelaide University by them Adelaide University Union. Union folk.

the team

Steph’s bit

The On Dit office is an interesting environment. As the photo’s suggest, there are many pranks and office jokes to get us through the 60 hour weeks that make our morale and mental health peak and plummet. Best summed up in the immortal words of Alanis Morissette- “it’s like 10 thousand spoons when all you need is a knife”. As I sit in front of my mac for another night, with my beer and canned soup (all bought with our mutual change jar) it’s hard not to realise we’re half way through the year - but on the Brightside - we are about to have our only work period off.

To elaborate on our pranks, the best and most consistent would be to getting ‘facebook’d’- If you leave your facebook on, it will be toyed with. I’ve set Clare’s status to imply she’s racist, set Vinny’s status to ‘is a misogynistic pig who is in love with Steph’ and to the same token, accusations have been made about me and various men. Vinny’s photo below was put up on my desktop background. I will be spending my two weeks doing my assignments I’ve put off - living the dream! Please check us out on facebook though & we have twitter!

... all Vincents, great and small. *Attenborough stalks through the printmedia jungle, magazines crunching underfoot*

“Just over this pile of boxes we can see the student editor, busily working away in his new abode. Surrounded by a clutter of objects seemingly random in choice, he clatters away on his keyboard and gulps at promotional beer by the glow of a green banker’s lamp. It is hard to say whether he adapts to his environment or if he shapes his environment to suit himself. Robots and dinosaurs stand guard as the pile of discarded aluminium

cans, food packets and bottles, an impenetrable barrier of clutter, behind them an armoury of plastic rape-whistles and the remains of a Polaroid camera that fell victim to the frustrations of it’s now-volatile owner. His only intrusions are the jibes of friends and pestering of subbies, their hands eager for tasks. He is the master of all he surveys, fetid heap that it may be.” *spotted, Attenborough slowly creeps away to hear a ‘snap’ from his left… “clever girl…”*

You’re a Turtle Sometimes I want to be a turtle. I walk like a turtle, have a turtle smile and some days I long to be one of these leathery reptiles resting on my hot rock. Like humans, turtles are very sensitive to their environment. If they live in a healthy environment, they can live for 75 years! However, in a dirty and uncomfortable environment the poor creatures get very sick. I’m the same (although so far, I’m pretty good at living) and only feel myself in healthy, happy and a friendly, supportive environment. One of the most beautiful places in the world is a secret billabong on the river Murray

edged by ancient River Red Gums that are older than white settlement in Australia. These trees are dying. These trees are fundamental to our ecosystem and the survival of many animals including the super cute Murray River Turtle. It’s time we pulled our head out of our shells and make our environment as healthy as possible. Look after the Murray. You never know, in your next life you may come bakc as a turtle. Lets hope so, ‘cos turtles are cool.

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AUU WATCH

state of the union

Lavinia Emmett-Grey

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keep up to date - get the goss on the adelaide uni union with Hannah Mattner

Student “Representation”

At long last, the AUU Board is currently trying to complete one of their greatest challenges: constitutional reform. I think most students at this university – certainly those who have any understanding of the (ir)relevance of the student union – will recognise that the Union needs to be overhauled, scrapped or reconstructed. This year, the Board, largely pushed by President Lavina Emmett-Grey, has done the near impossible and got some momentum for reform. It’s wonderful! It’s amazing!

It’s bullshit.

The Board’s constitutional reform committee has consulted with the University, AUU staff and the affiliates. However, the vaguely perceptive among you will have noticed that there’s an important group missing from all of this. It’s the one that the Union theoretically represents, that they do all this work for, the one that they’re named after. The students themselves. Whenever discussion regarding constitutional changes has gone on for the past few months, Board has moved ‘in-camera’. This means that all observers are removed from the room and all those who remain are legally bound not to repeat or discuss what is said in the room with anyone outside. ‘In-Camera’ exists

to preserve corporate secrets and individual confidentiality in the case of complaints or wage discussions. The Board is using it to prevent student input, which is a complete perversion of its true purpose. The argument has been made that through the elections last September, the AUU obtained student representation in the form of eighteen elected Board members. This is a ridiculous claim. The elections held each year are a farcical process in which most candidates take the easy way, grabbing the most ignorant looking passers by, with the intention of pushing them over the line with no understanding of what’s going on, and a complete dependence on the how to vote card in their hand to guide them. Clearly, this does not lead to a representative student Board. It leads to a group of political hacks who are allowed to govern because they’ll do just well enough that there’s no point in wasting valuable time ousting them. However, they are now using this dubious position of power to put through changes to the student union, with no real opportunity for students to contribute in any meaningful way. Through accidental slips and informed guesses, we know that the

two issues being faced by Board are the size of Board (down from 18 to 16), and the broad structure of the AUU. We can offer no more details. Come elections this year, you will be presented with a constitution, on which you will have a yes or no vote. Its formation will have occurred behind closed doors. The only students who will have had input are student politicians, many of whom have a vested interest in structuring it a certain way. No-one outside of that privileged group will have been given even the simple chance to discuss what they think of the current proposals (given that what is proposed is confidential). Seeing this happen makes me think that the tarnished reputation of student politicians may be justified. If you want to assert your right as a student to better consideration than this, please email the AUU President at lavinia.emmett-grey@ adelaide.edu.au, or one of the Board members who have shown interest in student opinions in this matter, such as Jake (jake.wishart@student. adelaide.edu.au), Ash (ashleigh. brook@student.adelaide.edu.au) or Mark (mark.joyce@student. adelaide.edu.au). I’m sure that any questions, comments, suggestions or rants would be appreciated.

One of the most exciting things to happen in the student movement on campus has been the release of 2 Minute Students: A Snapshot of Student Poverty at the University of Adelaide. This is the first student driven report to come out of a student organisation in South Australia in nearly three years. The report outlines the statistics from the Student Care annual report which shows how many students have been suffering from financial hardship, or seeking Centrelink assistance. Some of you may remember that towards the end of term 1, the Student Representative Council held a wedding on the Barr Smith Lawns to highlight the issue of student income support. At this event, many accounts of student’s experiences of poverty were documented and these stories have also been included in 2 Minute Students. These stories are heartrending and remind me why we must continue the campaign for student income support.

important to remember that education is the great equaliser – it’s the opportunity, through hard work and talent, to improve your circumstances. But this can only be true as long as there is a fair and accessible student income support system to allow people to survive while studying.

By the time this column is published, we’ll know whether our campaign efforts on student income support have paid off in the Federal Budget. Only a few weeks ago, a group of student representatives stayed out all night in the cold and rain, sleeping over on campus to highlight the issue of student poverty. We got reasonable media attention which is actually quite an achievement. Usually the media isn’t interested in portraying students (and young people) as anything more than lazy or drunk. This media image is unfair. The sleep over on our campus was the 3rd largest in the country quite an achievement for a state that only has 3 universities. Whether we get anything in this budget or not, it’s

On the Union Activities front, the AUU has recently devised a new volunteer reward program. The points-based system means that students who choose to help out with events, whether it’s stuffing show-bags for Orientation, or pulling pranks for PROSH, or cooking a BBQ at an AUU Members Party, will have the opportunity to get some form of recognition.

Budget time always remind me of tax time which scares me more than Japanese horror films or reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. If it scares you too, don’t forget to contact the Union about our free tax help which is provided around tax time. Also, be aware about a recent case that was won by a student against the Australian Taxation Office. Previously, the ATO would not allow students to claim educational expenses on tax if they were receiving income support. The Federal Court overruled this in a decision handed down in April in a case where a student on Youth Allowance was claiming $920 for educational expenses.

The Vice Chancellor has also come on board and will be providing a Vice Chancellor’s Campus Culture Award to students who accrue enough points. Participating in campus events is great for making new friends while developing a whole host of skills, from marketing to events management. Check out our website at union. adelaide.edu.au for more details. Since we’re talking about our website, don’t forget to take a look at the Marketplace section which allows student to buy and sell textbooks and other things from each other. It’s the only centralised second-hand exchange for Adelaide students and it’s incredibly easy to use. Most items only last about a week on there, so if you’re looking for a way to buy or sell something fast, this is a great option. For Waite students, our new staff member should have started at your campus, so if you’re looking for anything, from gym membership, to locker hire, go to the AUU office under the Lirra Lirra Café.

that’s lavinia

Greens on Green By Jarrod Fitch

Between flights, South Australian Greens Senator, and a former editor of this very newspaper, Sarah Hanson–Young, spoke to On Dit about the Murray-Darling, emissions trading and renewable energy.

You’ve called on Environment Minister Peter Garret to reject the Wellington Weir proposal, aimed at supporting South Australia’s degraded Lower Lakes, what in your opinion needs to be done to provide a permanent solution; how much does it cost and who should pay for it? The issue is the Wellington Weir is that it was never designed to save the lower lakes at all. It’s about securing a higher water level above the lakes so that Adelaide and others, but primarily Adelaide, can continue to draw our drinking water from it; from the other side of the weir, from the Murray. Basically what it’s doing is cutting off what is now quite a reduced flow from the Murray into the lower lakes, the weir will stop that from happening. It will basically setup a situation where the only real solution to, as the government sees it, do anything in relation to taking action on the lakes would then be to flood the lakes with salt water. The issue with that is that the lakes have always primarily been fresh water lakes. It’s an estuaries system, which means a combination

of salt and fresh water. In the days before the barrages were built, along the Coorong and in Goolwa, 80% of the Murray flows used to flow straight out to sea, so you’d get this flushing effect. The lakes themselves would never become too salty. In the dryer periods, obviously, the salt water would creep in a bit more, but you would always get that flushing effect. It was primarily fresh water. That’s the environment that both plant and animal species rely on, is that situation. Since the 1950s, -when they built the barrages, there’s obviously been a reduction further up stream of the flows that are actually in the Murray; so the problem is now, is that there’s more water taken out of the Murray and this is not just in South Australia, this is throughout the entire basin. There’s more water being taken out and extracted than water going in through rainfall and in-flows. There is no real environmental allocations being put aside for the basin, which then allows the river to continue flowing and stay healthy and to keep it sustainable. So, building a Wellington Weir doesn’t save the lakes at all, it simply is cutting the lakes off from the rest of the system; and it doesn’t save the river either. It’s simply allowing the

state government to continue to live in an unsustainable manner, which is relying on the Murray for drinking water for Adelaidians, when really we need to be looking at alternatives to that: using our water more wisely; recycling our storm water; ensuring that we’ve got incentives for water efficiency in both homes and business’, that’s the type of stuff that the state government could be doing, instead of building a Weir which will kill the lakes. The weir will also not reduce the water quality above the weir, because there is always a level of salinity in the river system itself, and the whole flushing effect is to get that out. Once you starting building weirs, and putting weirs in place, you are not allowing the water to flow, and therefore clean itself either. So it’s not a long-term solution. Are you confident that the federal Labor Party’s Water For The Future Program, which outlined 12.4 billion dollars in last year’s budget, will provide a lasting solution to the Murray Darling Basin system? I think this federal government has been doing more to try to alleviate the problems that communities and the river itself are feeling throughout the entire basin system, but I don’t think it’s enough. There is a severe lack of understanding of the urgency that’s facing the Murray Darling system. We’ve got a federal government that has spent the last 12 months parading itself around, suggesting that it’s

come up with a landmark agreement where the states have all handed over their powers to the new federal water authority to manage the system, yet all of those states have whatever veto powers they desire. So, there’s really no teeth in the new national body that has been charged with managing the system. And there’s really no urgency in terms of how soon it’s meant to bring forward a plan. All the authority is doing currently is putting together a plan to manage the system on a national basis, because that’s never really happened before. But even the senate stages of it won’t take into effect until 2014; some parts of it won’t happen until 2019; and some others, until 2021. It’s collapsing as we speak. That is primarily because of over-allocation, more water is being taken out of the system, through extraction, and it needs to be rejigged urgently. Now, of course there’s individual communities that live and rely on the river from the lower lakes, right up into Southern Queensland, and we need to be working with those communities; they are crying out for urgent advice, support and ability to transition. They know that the river is dying; they know that things need to change. They are really feeling isolated by the government that there’s not the action that they need that will secure their communities, let

Will the greens block the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme? We will not be supporting the scheme as it is. Unless the governments actually ensures that they put forward a scheme that cuts carbon emissions by the amounts that we need, we need to be looking in the vicinity of at least 40% by 2020. That’s the reality of it. Unless they start to move on those things and put up a scheme that is realistic in terms of Australia’s contribution to cutting greenhouse gas emissions, investing in renewable energy, and really taking on the challenges of transitioning from the dirty old energy production of coal, than no, we can’t support it. But obviously the legislation is going through a

Senate inquiry at the moment, most of the evidence that’s coming forward is suggesting that this scheme is bad on a number of levels. I’d like to think that the government will take that on board and come forward with some changes that actually puts Australia back in the game in terms of tackling climate change, because at the moment it’s just a joke. Why you think that Australian state and federal governments reluctant to adopt renewable energy? I think the issue comes down to who has the vested interest in it. We know that the big polluters have thee vested interests in ensuring that we keep polluting. This government’s scheme rewards polluters to keep doing that. That’s what’s wrong with it. The government needs to be thinking about what this for the environment and future generations, and not just thinking about election cycle, by election cycle. Climate change is a huge challenge. It’s bigger that anything else that my generation, Kevin Rudd’s generation, Penny Wong’s generation has tackled. It’s irresponsible to suggest that it’s somebody else’s problem.

MAKE A SACRIFICE FOR A BETTER WORLD! A Federal Government Initiative From Patrick McCabe

The problem of climate change means we all have to make sacrifices. For some, this might be using your electrical appliances less and remembering to switch off lights. For others, this sacrifice might take on greater significance. Of course there are many ways in which you can minimise your ‘carbon footprint’. You can install solar panels to reduce your use of fossil fuels. You can install energyefficient light bulbs. You can sell your car and opt to walk, ride or use public transport instead. However, all these efforts, while commendable, do not normally reduce your carbon footprint significantly. The environment-conscious citizen can often feel somewhat powerless, as they know that they will never be able to reduce their carbon footprint significantly enough to make a real difference. Well, there is no need to feel powerless any longer, because your Federal Government has devised an initiative that allows you to reduce your carbon emissions by a mind-blowing 100%! Recently-released studies1 have shown that your ‘carbon footprint’ and your state of being are more closely correlated than previously believed. The diagram below graphically represents this connection uncovered by scientists.

alone secure the river system to ensure that it is sustainable.

As can be seen, the environmental benefits that death brings are indisputable. It is thus the only serious option if you are truly committed to combating global warming and ensuring the future of our children. There is, unfortunately, no longer time for half-measures. That is why the Federal Government is asking you, the

noble citizens of Australia, to MAKE A SACRIFICE FOR A BETTER WORLD and become an ‘environmental martyr’! Such a sacrifice will not just enable you to reduce your carbon footprint by 100% but you will also no longer be a drain on the limited amount of water in the Murray Darling system, thus solving two pressing environmental problems simultaneously! Other benefits should you make this sacrifice include completely

eradicating your contribution to global overpopulation2, creating new jobs (or at least a new job) for the unemployed and lessening traffic congestion in your home city! When one considers all the benefits of ‘environmental martyrdom’, the actual sacrifice itself begins to pale into insignificance! And so, if you are serious about the future of our great nation, there is only one option, and that’s to… MAKE A SACRIFICE FOR A BETTER WORLD! 1. CSIRO Climate Change Study 2008 2. Unless, of course, you have children, in which case you will not have completely eradicated your contribution to global overpopulation. But those of you burdened with children do not fret! The Government is currently preparing another initiative which will directly help you to be completely guilt-free in this department!

A message from your favourite Federal Government. Written and authorised by The Hon. Patrick McCabe, Ministor for Wit & Laughter, Parliament House.

Local Issues

Rights on Bikes:

Anti-Bikie Laws and the Rann Government by Patrick McCabe

Many would class George W. Bush, and perhaps also John Howard, as human rights abusers and international law criminals. However, precious few would be willing to brand our illustrious premier, Mike Rann, with such labels. The worst Mike could expect would be mild annoyance concerning Mike’s overexposure in the media or his plans for the new hospital. Very few would complain of his human rights abuses. Yet that is exactly what Mike has been doing. A number of laws, including section 28A of the Liquor Licensing Act, provide for the use of secret evidence in courts under certain circumstances. Under s28A, a liquor licence can be revoked by the Licensing Court on the basis of ‘criminal intelligence’ presented by police that must be kept secret from all except the judge. When the intelligence is presented in court, all persons present are asked to leave. Incredibly, this includes the defendant and his or her lawyer. The evidence is presented to the judge, and then the defendant is invited back in. The defendant must then somehow try and argue against evidence he or she has never actually seen. If the judge decides the secret evidence warrants a licence revocation, then the defendant’s right to appeal is stripped from him or her, because the defendant cannot possibly come up with any grounds for appeal, not being aware of the grounds for revocation. The UN Declaration of Human Rights reads in Article 10 that “everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal”. It seems reasonable to assume a definition of a “fair hearing” would include the right to appeal. Also, while it is understandable a hearing should not always be “public” in the widest sense of the word, surely a “public hearing” does mean that at the very least, the defendant knows what’s going on. Furthermore, Article 11 requires that “everyone charged with a penal offence…has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence.” Again, surely this includes actually hearing the evidence against oneself. Thus, it seems quite reasonable to claim the Rann Government has contravened the UN Declaration of Human Rights in its implementation of these laws.

Patrick McCabe I asked Martin Hamilton-Smith about his stance on this issue and, despite some confusion, I’m led to believe that this issue, incredibly, has bipartisan support. It’s disappointing the Opposition, supposedly the group who keep the Government accountable, are not willing to speak out against a possible violation of the UN Declaration of Human Rights, of all things, by the Government. Surely the Liberals could try taking the moral stance on an issue for once? Nothing else seems to be working for them at present. The secret evidence provisions were recently used against one Genargi Krasnov, the director of “K-Generation”, an admittedly lamely-named karaoke bar company. Krasnov’s liquor licence application for his new King William St bar, “Sky Lounge KTV” was refused because of secret ‘criminal intelligence’. Krasnov appealed to the Full Court of the Supreme Court, lost, and then appealed to the High Court itself. Obviously Krasnov could not appeal anything concerning the content of the evidence, because neither he nor his lawyer actually knew what the evidence was. Instead, he appealed against the use of criminal intelligence generally. The High Court acknowledged the secret evidence provision “infringes upon the open justice principle [and] procedural fairness”. However, just being immoral, or not in the spirit of Western legal principles doesn’t mean a law can be overturned. The legal argument by Krasnov’s lawyers the secret evidence were unconstitutional they “[subjected] the

presented was that provisions because courts to

the direction of the executive or an administrative authority”. The High Court unanimously rejected this argument. s28A of the Liquor Licensing Act still allows the court to decide “whether facts existed to warrant classification of information as ‘criminal intelligence’, what if any weight should be placed on it, and what steps to take to preserve the confidentiality of that material.” Therefore, the High Court said the section was not taking the power of the judicature and conferring it on the executive, because the courts are not forced to accept the secret evidence. At this point it is fair to present the other point of view. The motives behind laws such as s28A are, in some ways, understandable. Yes, that’s right, Rann and his cronies are not pure evil. Imagine this scenario: Evil Bikie Group X is running some kind of drug ring or doing whatever it is evil bikie groups do. A member of this group, who we will imaginatively label Y, decides to open a licensed venue – no doubt in order to sell drugs under the counter or something. He applies for a liquor licence. It turns out the police are currently conducting an undercover investigation of Evil Bikie Group X. They don’t know everything yet, but they know enough to believe giving Y a liquor licence is not a great idea. Thus, the police can use s28A to submit their criminal intelligence to the court. This way, the court can rightfully stop bikie Y from getting a liquor licence, and at the same time not tip Y’s bikie mates off that the police are on to them.

a whole law to provide for it? I don’t profess to be a bikie expert, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the scenario described above doesn’t actually eventuate all that often. That means the rest of the time it is ripe for abuse by police or government figures with a chip on their shoulder, or just plain, good old-fashioned corruption. The risks of corruption don’t seem worth the benefits gained in a very limited set of circumstances. Secondly, even if this is a common scenario, I would argue that our democratic principles are more important than busting a drug ring. Busting drug rings is important, but we can’t be so ‘tough on crime’ that we discard the principles that make our society worth being patriotic about. Principles, by their very nature, cannot be applied only when it is convenient. They must be universally applicable. It is only then that we can truly talk about the ‘rule of law’ and ‘equality before the law’.

above, do not stipulate that everyone is entitled to a fair hearing when it is convenient to give them one – they simply say everyone is entitled to a fair hearing. So next time you have a leftist civil liberties rant, be sure to mention Mike Rann alongside old favourites like Bush and Howard. Sadly, he’s earnt his place amongst them. Patrick McCabe

I might point out that the United Nations’ Universal Declaration of Human Rights is with me on this one. Article 10 and 11, quoted

I have two objections to this justification: Firstly, is this really that common a situation it requires

Local Issues

This Issues Issue

Mother nature has hit menopause…big time. Oceans are acidifying, forests are becoming desert and the alarm over climate change continues to spread. Unfortunately, unless your starring in The Day After Tomorrow, your father is Dennis Quaid and you happen to find yourself held up in a library surrounded by burnable objects you’re screwed…. or are you? The argument over climate change has become so heated and skewed, the average person doesn’t know what’s going on. Confusion is quite understandable. Half the world is telling you to pack your bags for catastrophe, and the other is telling you stay home, as the whole ordeal is a hoax. However, what you’ll find is that the truth lies somewhere in the middle. It is wrong to deny the obvious; our planet is warming and we’re causing it. While, it is true that there is a natural climate system of heating and cooling, our continual release of green house gases has obviously altered this system. However, this doesn’t mean the world is about to collapse. Our focus tends to be on the negative; threatened polar bears, shrinking ice caps and Greenland. Yet, as many have shown, Antarctic ice sheets are growing, to save the polar bears put in policies that stop people hunting them and note that Greenland was warmer in 1941 than it is today. Global think tanks must efficiently finance and effectively produce definitive policies to appropriately address the challenges of climate change. While the Kyoto Protocol, and like policies are commendable, they unfortunately, fail to meet the real challenges, or encourage the efficient and necessary changes required. Furthermore, Western Governments obsession of drastically reducing carbon emissions isn’t cheap. It is estimated climate change mitigation will cost the world trillions, the Kyoto protocol alone is estimated to annually cost $180 billion. That’s a

lot of libraries that could be built and a lot of Dennis Quaid’s that could be cloned. So, if we had trillions of dollars to tackle climate changes, how could we best invest this money to continue the healthy function of our globe? Of course remembering that if we get it wrong it will cause the greatest market failure in history. Part of the answer lies in the context of policies and the number of people willing to tackle the issues climate change creates, the other in our approach. So what should Australia’s approach be? Prevent or Adapt? If prevention is focus, the Australian Government must assess what, we as a country can do within the context of this global issue. Obviously, there is continual risk of other countries free riding if another country unilaterally takes action. Such risk is evident with Garrett’s and Rudd’s proposals surrounding Australia’s Emission Trading Scheme.

PREVENT

OR ADAPT:

THE ISSUES OF A CHANGING CLIMATE

by Sam Fargher

Knowing of such a risk, the problem then becomes whether to prevent emissions through policy on the supply side or on the consumption side. If the Government seeks to reduce emission by limiting supply, by taxing major exports such a coal, wheat and wool Australia stands to lose out as our economy is largely based on exporting energy and raw materials. If emission reduction is to come from taxing the consumer, local business and the most vulnerable sections of the community such as the poor, sick and isolated will suffer greatly. However, if adaptation, a much more sustainable method, becomes focal, Australia must formulate policies that address risks from increasingly common and intensified climatic events. For example, under climate change it is predicted that the number of people catching malaria will increase by 3%. While implementing Kyoto protocol will reduce malaria risk by 0.2% it is just not enough. Instead of Kyoto,

the world community could spend $3 billion annually (2% of the Kyoto cost) on mosquito nets and medication and cut malaria incidence almost in half within the decade. By implementing smarter policies like these, across a range of issues, a greater return can be achieved. This greater return can be used to adapt to issues of climate change, by providing greater funding into new technologies and new approaches like city designs and environmental preservation which seek to buffer the major effects of climate change and provide practical responses to its presence. However, with adaptation the Government must also budget in possible emergency relief provisions, and monitor and improve the capacity and capability of services to sufficiently cope with increased demand. Thus, making sure that as a nation and global community we are financially prepared manage and cover and the future risks that climate change may present. While no approach is fool proof, the adaption approach is more workable and practical. The issue with preventative approaches, such as the Kyoto policy, is that climate change and its happenings is not something that can be controlled by Government policies or multilateral movements. The world’s leaders do not navigate Mother Nature’s course, she has her own coordinates and will sail on through as she pleases regardless of policy. In light of this, it is better to adapt to her decisions than try to predict and manipulate them. All that have tried to manipulate a woman will agree. As the Kyoto prior sets to expire in 2010, it opens space for a new and innovative policy. If climate change is to be adequately addressed, this space must be filled with a policy that doesn’t focus on delaying climate change, like Kyoto, but rather one that adapts to the future climate, and provides efficient technological and social changes. If such policies are not applied, the fate of humanity may once again rests with Dennis Quaid. This Issues Issue

l a n o i t a n r e Int Student Life Shenglan Liu BoB Imagine if someone asked you “what is the biggest concern in the world today?” You would probably answer “the destruction of the environment.” That’s right. The degradation of the environment is worldwide. All human beings should unite together to attack the problem regardless of nationality, cultural background or religious belief. We only have one Earth and no other place in the universe so far can provide shelter for humankind. Thus, it’s also a duty for international students to keep Adelaide clean and away from all sources of pollution, as Adelaide is also our second hometown and is renown for being environmentally friendly. World Environment Day is just around the corner and the aim is to raise our awareness to protect the environment. World Environment Day is held each year on June 5. It is one of the principal vehicles through which the United Nations (UN) stimulates worldwide awareness of the environment and enhances political attention and action. World Environment Day is celebrated in many ways in countries such as Kenya, New Zealand, Poland, Spain and the United States. Activities include street rallies and parades, as well as concerts, tree planting, and clean-up campaigns. In many countries, this annual event is used to enhance political attention and action towards improving the environment. This observance also provides an opportunity to sign or ratify international environmental conventions.

dioxide or carbon dioxide, which many people believe is the main gas creating global warming. Some action should be taken to attack the shortage of energy resource and reduce the pollution to a minimum level. Searching for clean, green, alternative, renewable sources of energy such as solar power has already been in progress. It’s hopeful that some breakthrough will be made in the near future.

which will in turn rise the sea level, threatening coast cities. Some other people argue that the global warning is just a swindle. The earth will return back to the ice age. The earth just undergoes the recycle of “being hot” and “being cold”. Not all the problems can be covered in this article. There are many other concerns relating to the environment such as water resource, the population explosion and so on.

Plants (trees especially) are considers as the “lungs” of the earth. They consume carbon dioxide to form oxygen by what is called “photosynthesis”. Plants also provide shelter for animals, food for herbivores who are the food of carnivores. When animals are dead, some chemical elements within their body will return back to the earth, as nutrition for the growth of plants. Plants play a major role in the recycle of energy and vital chemical elements for life on the earth like oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. Unfortunately, some people can’t resist the temptation of commercial benefit, money, cutting down lots of trees without replenishment. The consequence is therefore that fewer and fewer tropical forests remain and more deserts appear.

World Environment Day just lets you know how serious the environmental problem is today. No matter where you are, try to take care of the environment! And believe that all individuals can contribute to the environment. Do not think I am just so ‘tiny’ compared to the earth. All the efforts accumulated from all of us in the world do have a profound impact on the environment. Turn off the lights when you are not in the room, save as much water as you can and try to use the public transport. The future of the earth is in everybody’s hand!

A Response from the AUES; Re: Tits Out For The Boys (On Dit 77.3)

Global warming is controversial. Some people say that our Earth is now at its hottest in historical record. Carbon dioxide is the major gas causing the increasing temperature,

Some remarkable issues include insufficient resources and energy to support our industry, soil erosion, bare land or sand storm resulting from large scale deforestation and limited water resource. Petroleum drives our modern society. Most cars in the streets use this energy source. The problem, however, is the rate of consuming surpasses that of generation of the oil underneath the ground. As it is known to all that petroleum is formed from dead animals or plants under the ground and it usually takes millions of years for the chemical reaction to complete. On the other hand, some traditional sources of energy will form some pollutants such as nitrogen dioxide, sulphur

Why your TV is killing baby whales! by Lauren Roberts

Dit-Licious

Hope’s Edge: The next diet for a small planet by Frances Moore Lappe and Anna Lappe (2003) Reviewed by Lily Hirsch In the early 1970s, Frances Lappe published ‘diet for a small planet’, a book about food supply, world hunger and especially, protein. In 2003, she published ‘Hope’s Edge’ with her daughter. Sadly, many issues that were reflected upon in the 1970s have not changed. The book is a fascinating read; it questions the economic status quo and also examines different countries’ handling of food production in times of hunger and plenty. It also supplies the reader with some quirky, yet tasty and nutritious recipes. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in a better understanding of the world hunger crisis and personal ways to make a difference.

As people are becoming more conscious about spending their money ethically, fair trade products have increasingly become popular. People are often unaware that the chocolate, tea or coffee they consume is actually sourced through slave labour, that the farmer receives very little money for their product and that their working conditions are dangerous. The fair trade certification system is changing this and is becoming a driving force in helping people out of poverty. Once a product is certified fair trade by the Fair Trade Labelling Organisation, it is guaranteed that those who produced it are given a fair price for their product, they are given decent working conditions with access to sanitation and clean water, no children or adults are subjected to any form of slavery and ongoing relationships are built with the producer for future security. The most common fair trade products available are coffee, tea, sugar, chocolate, as well as soccer balls and shoes! Fair Trade coffee is available now at the UBC Cafe so make your next coffee is an ethical one! Also, to find a great range of fair trade products and gifts, Oxfam Shop in Charles St, Adelaide and at Marion Shopping Centres are a must-see. For more information head to http://www.fta. org.au/ Helen Bush Group Coordinator University of Adelaide Oxfam Group

Lemon and Ginger Snaps from ‘Hope’s Edge’, slightly adapted by Lily 2 cups brown sugar 1 cup butter 2 teaspoons lemon juice 1 teaspoon lemon rind 2 eggs 3 cups SR flour 2 teaspoons powdered ginger 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup sugar Directions:

Musings on Meat

Cream butter and brown sugar, add lemon and eggs, mix. In a separate bowl mix flour, ginger, salt. Mix everything. Put sugar on a plate. Form dough into ping-pong sized balls, roll in sugar, place on tray and flatten. Bake at 180C for 10-12 minutes.

Christian Reynolds I have many friends who are vegetarian, I myself however am not. I am a proud meat eating omnivore. Yet my vegetarian friends always have a moral superiority that seems to radiate messages of “I’m a vegetarian, I care about biodiversity” “100 units of food energy fed to an animal become only 10 units of meat, meat production is inefficient.” This would usually leave me feeling corrupt and facing the self realisation that I would not to eat anything that I wouldn’t be prepared to kill myself; though I usually snap out of it when I realise that I would not be prepared to harvest wheat on a daily basis but am quite happy to eat bread. Well I have found a way for us meat eaters to claim the environmental moral high ground again! The solution to this conundrum is to eat Kangaroo. Yes Australia’s own ‘super food’ is backed by more ecologists and conservationists than you can shake a steak knife at. Kangaroo is super abundant (cheap), humanely harvested, is totally sustainable and finally (the important bit) tastes really good. Eating kangaroos helps the environment (due to the fact that the humble kangaroo can’t fart or belch and so don’t emit methane) and our bodies - kangaroo meat is the best source of healthy fat CLA (conjugated linoleic acid) these have anticarcinogenic and anti-diabetes properties, in addition to reducing obesity and high blood pressure. Check out ‘Wild Oz’ at stall 55 at the Central Markets for some kangaroo, wild boar and wild goat! http://www.wildoz.com.au/ So let’s take hold of the moral high ground, start cooking and tell those pesky vegetarians to hop it!

After several decades of indulgence and hedonistic bliss, we are now in an era where looking after the environment is cool. Turns out those crazy hippies from the seventies were right. These days we can’t miss the emphasis so many people are putting on carbon emissions, Global Warming, tree-hugging, etc. etc.. The simple fact is that if you worship the gospel of Al Gore’s ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ or if Professor Ian Pilmer’s blatant Global Warming denial is more your style, cutting back on power and over-indulgence in technology is still a good thing. There’s no harm is saving electricity, money and braincells, right? According to Melbourne’s ‘The Age’ newspaper (Dec 14, 2008), “Federal Environment Minister Peter Garrett said people often did not know how much energy their TV used.”One in four Australians buys a new television each year and televisions are now the fourth-largest users of electricity in our homes after water heating, domestic refrigeration and lighting,” Mr Garrett said.”A large, wide-screen TV can use the same energy as a medium-sized fridge each day, which is more than your dishwasher, clothes washer and dryer combined.” TV energy use has already quadrupled over the 20 years to 2006 and is expected to keep rising rapidly because of increased usage and new technology enabling larger and even more energy-hungry screens”. Limiting your TV time is a good idea. Doing this won’t only save power/ money but also helps your brain. We all know the temptation to watch reruns of The Simpsons is huge when you should be studying but eventually you must accept the fact that it’s a waste of time (during exams anyway). Try going for a walk/bike ride, visiting a park/gallery/museum, read a book or painting. If you get really, REALLY desperate, try studying or talking

to your olds. Opening the mouth for reasons other than food/beverage consumption can be enlightening. Really. If the call of the TV is too strong, do yourself a favour and watch something with an eco emphasis. Hire ‘An Inconvenient Truth’, or Google the crack-pots that are for and against the Global Warming debate. Even switching to ‘green’ energy is an easy step. If you’ve got Fox, try watching a documentary. DAVID ATTENBOROUGH IS GOLD! The man’s a genius and very interesting. Plus if you get bored he’s fun to impersonate. You can even play an awesome drinking game. Every time he uses an adjective to describe the animal/scenery, drink. In under an hour you’ll be in hospital suffering from alcohol-poisoning. Brilliant. According to the ABS 2007 factsheet ‘Television Energy Performance Standards and Comparative Energy’, TV’s are the second largest consumer of electricity of household appliances after fridges. The energy labels that are compulsory on many appliances came into effect in 1992 and were mandated nationally for refrigerators, freezer, clothes washers, clothes dryers, dishwashers and consumer air-conditioners, in order to better

consumer’s awareness of energy use. According to that same factsheet, “Television has become the focal point for much of our family entertainment, so much so that there is now the equivalent of 2.4 televisions in each household, with total stock exceeding 18 million television receivers in Australia. There soon will be one TV for each person in Australia”. “Industry experts predict that by 2012 (the date for the phase-out of the analogue signal) over 90% of new televisions sold will be LCD or Plasma types. In November 2006, Australia became the first western country where sales of these technologies overtook cathode ray tube sales. Today, the average Australian home has 2.44 televisions watched by at least one family member for between 55 -8 hours a day. Televisions are on sale which consume almost 700 kWh each year or almost twice the mandatory maximum allowance of a small family sized refrigerator”. So there you go. Now you’ve heard not only from me, but from smart people too. So next time you turn on the ‘idiot box’, do yourself a favour and don’t forget to switch it off afterwards. Otherwise, David Attenborough may jump out of the TV and murder you in your sleep with a rabid African mongoose. Go green!

Environmental Issues and the Music Industry by Courtney Day

into the 100s (or 1000s for some...), you will probably start running out of storage space! Alternatively, if you have lot of CDs that you don’t want anymore (either because you’ve got the music on the computer and don’t feel any particular bond with the hard-copy, or just because you’re sick of it/never liked it), you could donate it to a second-hand shop or local library, or sell it to a used CD store. In Adelaide, Big Star (located on Rundle Street; 207c Sturt Rd. Marion; 147 The Parade, Norwood; 160 Magill Road, Norwood) buy pre-loved CDs, and so do Cash Converters. Of course, on the flip side, if you are one of those people who needs “hard-copy gratification”, buying used CDs is another great alternative to buying new.

Part Two: ‘Environmental’ sounds and ‘Found’ Instruments While most people probably don’t think too much about it, some music is more ‘environmentally-friendly’ than others. I could spend ages going into aspects of performance - those performances which feature spectacular light shows, major sound set-ups, electric instruments etc, compared to raw acoustic gigs - but I want to concentrate on the issue of recycling to create music itself.

Part 1: Music Technology E-waste (electronic waste) is the label given to the waste produced by discarded electronic products including computers, mobile phones, TVs, stereos etc. In Australia, many people just throw old items in the bin, so electrical goods often end up in landfill where the chemicals leak into the soil, poisoning the earth and rendering it infertile. In other developed countries, e-waste is exported to third-world countries (as is the case in America - although they are now reportedly combating this situation), where peasants are employed to dismantle the goods in order to recycle the useful metals and plastics inside. This method is slightly ‘greener’ than Australia’s “just bury it” philosophy in that part of the waste is able to be reacquired and reused. However, the problem is that the labourers dismantling these products are not educated in safe-handling, and are thus exposed to the harmful chemicals which coat the recyclable parts - mainly plastics and metals - of electrical products. Regarding music hardware (ie. computers, CD players, mp3 players etc), Apple is generally seen as one of the ‘greenest’ brands. The Apple iPod Nano line, as well as the MacBook, MacBook Pro and MacBook Air are now free from brominated flame retardant, mercury and PVC, and feature arsenic-free glass and the casing is made from highly recyclable aluminium. Apple’s products are more energy efficient than most, and their products contain the least possible number of parts in order to cut down on wastage. However (yes, again there’s a “however...”), while Apple products may be more energy efficient, and more recyclable, they have a shorter life-span than many other electrical goods. Anyone who has owned an iPod will know that these gadgets are not equipped with removable batteries! So, once the battery is worn out, the whole player is useless, hence the whole player (and not just the battery) must be replaced. Notably, Apple computers don’t have this problem, but these factors certainly affect the iPod and iPhone lines. So, while iPod products might be “greener” in terms of recyclability, the amount of e-waste actually produced is

higher in terms of quantity, and the amount of fossil fuels needed to keep pumping out replacements (ie. new products!) essentially counterbalances the energy saved during the product’s working lifetime! CDs are often overlooked in discussions on e-waste, as they are not seen to be as harmful as larger electrical hardware. But CDs are so easily mass-produced (the process of encoding music onto a CD only takes between 5 and 10 seconds). In 2004, the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA) asserted that 63.1 million units of wholesale recorded music (including DVDs, albums and singles) were sold in Australia that year. CDs, DVDs, audio tapes etc. can be recycled!! Unfortunately, Australia hasn’t yet got a reliable system for this. (I checked on the Adelaide City Council Website, and they count these items as non-recyclable rubbish). Indeed, recycling discs is timeconsuming and rather tricky: the process involves “washing” the metal foil layer off the disc and dividing the remaining paper and plastic materials so that they can then be recycled separately. Of course, the paper liner notes and hard-plastic cases can be recycled in the normal yellow-lided household recycling bins. The obvious alternative to buying CDs is just downloading from iTunes, Amazon, BitTorrent etc. Of course, you don’t have a hard copy of the CD then, but downloading bypasses all the environmental issues regarding the distribution of recorded music. First of all, limited energy is expended on the actual manufacturing process - rather than having machinery running to produce the discs, encode the music onto the discs, print the liner notes, shape the plastic covers etc. the only energy used in online music distribution is the energy needed to run the computer which originally uploads the songs/album artwork, and the energy needed to run the ‘receiving computers’ while it downloads the songs/album artwork! Furthermore, there is no ‘hard waste’ in the form of paper, plastic, and chemical. Most people, when they buy a CD, just take it home from the shop and put it on their computer/iPod/other music device anyway! And honestly, when you’re CD collection reaches (continued over next page...)

In the late 1940s, John Cage, one of the most influential composers of the twentieth century, created an aesthetic philosophy which advocated the use of ‘environmental’ sounds - the sounds of everyday life - as a basis for musical composition. His ideas were manifested most effectively in two ways: works which included recordings of ‘found sounds’ (traffic, birds chirping, the sound of rain...) and sound experiments with ‘found objects’ (such as wedging old screws, bolts etc between the strings of a piano to create an array of different sound possibilities). In recent years, Cage’s ideas have been extended upon by numerous composers and musicians. ‘Ambient’ composers and (some) DJs have been among the most fervent promoters of ‘recycled’ sound. The Japanese sound-artist Susumu Yokota, for example, is renowned for his use of ‘environmental’ sounds within an electronic music soundscape. Some pop music has also embraced aspects of experimental sound design - Linkin Park, in the second track from their ‘Minutes to Midnight’ album, use the sound of jingling car keys to create an interesting rhythmic fabric. Percussionists are known to be particularly inventive when it comes to using surrounding objects as potential musical instruments. (Anyone who knows a drummer will probably be familiar with the sound of drumming on tables!) Percussion ensemble Stomp,* from the UK, are famous for their use of everyday items such as playing cards, brooms and kitchen appliances, to create intricate, and vibrant rhythmic layers. Stomp have also been known to salvage ‘found objects’ from which unique sounds can be yielded - discarded plastic pickle barrels become drums, and old planks of wood can be created into a charmingly crude pitched-percussion instrument. In terms of environmental issues, the great thing about using existing objects to make music is that no energy has to be used in order to manufacture new products - you’re just making an existing product multi-purposeful! Furthermore, ‘waste’ can even be made useful - “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” *Stomp will be performing at the Festival Theatre from May 12-17.

Quiet Child Interview

by J. Swanborough

In late 2004, Quiet Child played their fledgling form of dark, stridently progressive alternative pop/rock for the first time, and soon started carving a niche for themselves amongst the alternative rock scene. Since then, their sound has developed considerably, becoming a snarling monstrous force, conversely grindingly heavy and startlingly delicate. The band quickly gained the ear of Triple J staff following the release of their debut eponymous EP in 2007, winning them a spot at Big Day Out. 2 years later, they have completed their debut full length ‘Evening Bell’. I caught up with guitarist Jason Mavrikis to find out why the release has taken so long to come outJason: We’ve made sure with the LP that we’ve really put every ounce of ourselves into it. We all committed a lot of time to make sure that everything was done well because it’s our first big release. The EP we did in a weekend, so this time we’ve taken more than enough time to come to the conclusion that we’ve done the best possible job. Jimmy: There was a fairly big Triple J buzz following the release of the EP, have they shown continued support in the lead up to the album? Jason: They’ve been really supportive, particularly Dom [Alessio] from the Home ‘n’ Hosed show, he’s the one who initially heard our song ‘Stealing Inches’ and decided the he really liked it played it a few times now and I think we’re going to do an interview with them shortly, and hopefully, when we send them the album they’ll decide they really like it and continue to show their support. Jimmy: Is the album a very different sound from the EP? If people have only heard the EP, without having pursued our live shows since, I think they would think of us as being an upbeat hard rock, Queens of the Stone Age-esque kind of rock band, but then they would hear other songs on the record like ‘Gentle Minds’ and ‘Captain Trips’ in particular, which is a track that really combines a subtle slow moving gentle ballad with an upbeat weird rockiness and I don’t think people would be expecting that, if they’ve seen us live then certainly they’d have some idea, but we’ve definitely progressed a long way since then and even those who are familiar with our material will have a few nice surprises in store. Jimmy: Have you got anything special lined up for the album launch? Jason: I think, most importantly, we have a great line-up for the night. We’ve got Rook, Bushido and Shiloh in support, so it’s going to be a really exceptionally solid night of alternative rock. With regards to our performance it’s going to be great because we’re going to play most of our songs, if not all of them, it’ll be quite an expansive show, and I can’t make any specific promises, but it could be gig of the year. Jimmy: *Laughs* do you want me to print that? Jason: Yeah, print that, sure, why not. Seriously though, everyone should come along and let their freak flag fly, it’ll be a great night. Quiet Child launches Evening Bell at the UniBar, June 6th

Music Reviews Bat For Lashes Two Suns Two Suns is the second full length offering from Natasha Khan aka Bat for Lashes, following up 2006’s Mercury Music prize nominee: Fur and Gold. Aside from this nomination Khan also managed to capture the attention of Thom Yorke and was subsequently able to open for Radiohead’s 2008 tour. With these credentials Eagerly awaited by many, I persoanlly found it to be a little disappointing. Khan has split the songs between herself and Pearl; her “destructive, self-absorbed blonde femme fatale” alter ego, which follows up on the duality indicated in the album’s title. Compared to dualistic works such as Leonard Cohen’s Songs of Love and Hate, Two Suns unfortunately doesn’t contain the same symmetry or destinction between its two halves. Khan reaches deep into her imagination when conjuring the mystical imagery for her lyrics. The ethereal sound of the album is enhanced by her strong haunting voice. Whilst this works for the earlier songs, the album’s strong focus on her voice leaves it sounding fairly monotonous by the time you reach the final track. Dainel is the first single to be released from the album and has been met with critical acclaim. The song recounts Khan’s teenage crush on a fictional character, namely Daniel LaRusso from The Karate Kid. The cover of the single even features a topless Khan standing by the ocean sporting a tattoo of Daniel on her back! Taking cues from the Cure with its synth-drenched sound Daniel seems an obvious choice for a single but it’s a little disappointing to find the rest of the album doesn’t live up to this first taste. Bat For Lashes have been compared to artists such as; Bjork, PJ Harvey, Tori Amos, Kate Bush and Fnona Apple. Two Suns’s is well worth a listen for fans of these but for me it was alittle lacklustre. I’m told that to fully appreciate Khan’s work you need to see Bat For Lashes live, and I can well believe it because for me this album missed the mark. There are a few higlights, namley the yearning Sleep Alone and the synth heavy Daniel. Unfortunatly the variations beteween the the rest of the songs are generally too subtle, leaving the album sounding a little monotonous making it nice background music but not really an enthralling listen. DK

Mastodon Crack the Skye Mastodon have been moving more and more towards the prog end of the metal spectrum with their last couple of releases, and with Crack the Skye, they’ve finally jumped off the deep end. Complete with yet another suitably ludicrous concept (they have previously made albums about Moby Dick, and an epic journey through a wolf and Cyclops infested forest in search of a crystal skull), Crack the Skye follows the story of a quadriplegic boy who is sucked through a wormhole and confronted by Rasputin... As always, it’s much deeper than they would have you believe. For all the oh-so-metal posturing, Mastodon have heart to their music that few bands with this level of brutality care to display. Centred around the death of drummer Brann Dailor’s sister Skye by her own hands aged 14 (Brann was only one year older), the material here has a new found passion that the previous technical wizardry, for all of its raw energy, never quite matched. With a newly expanded production budget off the back of the phenomenal success of Blood Mountain, the guitars sound fuller than they ever have before. I was a little perplexed by the move away from the swaggering grooves that made Blood Mountain so good, they’re just more sporadic in appearance, but eventually what seems to be looser develops into something far from mindlessly sprawling. Nothing here is without purpose, Mastodon’s transitions always build towards something, which may not be immediately evident, but works its way almost subconsciously. Aside from the slightly mundane cries of “Let it go” near the end of ‘Quintessence’ and the pilfering of the breakdown section of Tool’s ‘Schism’ from which they build ‘Ghost of Karelia’, Crack the Skye is a work of complete clarity. I should also make mention of how incredible guitarist Brent Hinds’ voice sounds. He has always had a unique timbre about him, but as evidenced from the subtly harmonised vocals he lays down on the chorus of ‘Oblivion’ onwards, becoming one of the most intriguing personalities in modern metal. In a landscape of heavy music seemingly afraid to push forward, Mastodon continue to experiment and kick out the confines of what is expected of them, while somehow still sounding, definitively, unmistakably like Mastodon. J. Swanborough

Breaking Up Fiction

An Interview with Brad Gilbertson by Tim Cooper It’s not very often that one can interview a band so recently after breaking up, especially a band so close to home. In Fiction was a band rated as one of Triple J’s up and coming artists. Their Ghost EP debuted at No. 14 in the Aria charts, earning the band spots on the 2007 Boomtown Showdown Tour, as Well as the 2008 Adelaide Soundwave Festival and the 2008 Push Over Festival. I caught up with vocalist and front man Brad Gilbertson to discuss the highs and lows of inspiration, band-life and venues in Newcastle. I’ve been a fan of yours for a while, and I’ve always wondered: where did the name come from? Before we were called In Fiction, three of us were playing in a band called Short Term Gain. Our manager at the time pulled us aside and said ‘Look, there’s no easy way to say this, but [your] name sucks, you need to change it.’ The next day we wrote down a list of words and fiction was on it. It works well, as a lot of our songs are written almost as short stories. You wrote all of the lyrics didn’t you? Where does the inspiration come from? Some of them were from personal experience, feelings you have about different things. I’m always trying to tell a story through the song. The Illusion [The Forecast (Album)] kind of talks about life as a band… 1945 [The Forecast (Album)] is a song that’s very important to me personally, as it’s actually talking about my Granddad, who served in the Second World War, so it’s almost a love letter, talking about how he’s gotten married then gone straight to war, and then come home again to try and start anew. What’s the best venue you’ve played at, and why? There are so many good venues… Particularly the larger stages, the atmosphere is intense. Fowler’s Live has the best backstage I have ever seen. I

could list off the bad ones though. Alright, tell me about the bad ones. Well, I don’t exactly remember names… But anywhere around Newcastle is bad. The Three Legged Dog. Actually that might actually be a place there. Once when we were playing a show in Newcastle, a guy was murdered on the stairs of the venue, the night before we were playing. Tell me about some of the crazy things you guys have done. On our first tour, the Boomtown tour, we had played about 3 shows, then had a few days off, and we just went to the casino every night… Then all of a sudden our days off were gone and we had 8 shows left to play, I had completely lost my voice and we had to pull out of most of the next shows. We didn’t get offered any tours for a while. The art you guys use - particularly the album art - is pretty fantastic, where did the inspiration come for that? The Forecast was an interesting album, mainly because it was entirely written on tour. It was fairly unrealistic to produce an album in the time we did, but somehow we managed it. We got in touch with a Melbourne company called Robot Academy, what you see is what they gave us. What does the album art signify? Everything is exploding out of a clock! If you look at the whole picture, the closer to the clock is the more recent time, so at the other end, the start, there’s all the earthy type things, water, mountains and forests, then it becomes more industrialized, before moving to a gun and missiles, then eventually skulls. It’s designed as a circle, so the earthy nature things at the start eventually come around and kill off the development, and ready everything for a new beginning. You’re now onto your 2nd bassist and

3rd drummer, was it difficult rotating through band members? The hardest thing in Alistair’s [Bassist] case was that he had moved from Melbourne pretty much just to play in the band, so he had the whole relocation thing, and it was a huge leap of faith on his part, but, he liked it in Adelaide and actually met his lovely wife Courtney here, so that’s good. Drums were a little difficult because we actually switched drummers on tour; we ended up having Brodie [Her Latest Flame] play a lot of shows, which made the transition a lot easier for Tom [Drummer], So apart from replacing band members, what was the biggest challenge? We were individual people with individual lives. It’s really, really hard to keep all that running smoothly. Everyone has their own ways of doing things, some people want to play at certain venues and not at others, some people have a big night out and rock up feeling crap, whilst others take an early one to be ready for the show. None of this can be shown on stage. There were times where Paul [Guitarist] and I wouldn’t have spoken for days, we’d go out on stage and play and be ‘normal’, then we’d go backstage and there would be this angry stand-off. I think we did a pretty good job of hiding it. What is the best memory you have from the band? Probably how everything was when we first started, it’s was the type of thing that doesn’t really pay much but is so fun to do, like Steve [ex-drummer] and I grew up listening to Bodyjar, then all of a sudden we were playing on tour with them. Just the excitement of everything starting to come together. And then other things, like, touring all over the country and hearing the crowd sing along to Calendar Notes. Any last words? The support we got was amazing, we are all so grateful for the support that everyone showed us throughout the time with In Fiction. On the breakup… It’s hard to explain that type of thing, because for us In Fiction had run its course, it wasn’t like the start anymore, but it’s really difficult because very few people see what’s going on internally. And we’re all still involved in music projects, so it’s not like we’re giving that up. In Fiction are still maintaining their MySpace account, www.myspace.com/infictionband. Their music is also available for purchase via the iTunes Store.

m with Nav and Anders , Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and ders, Film

Star Trek (M) ★ ★ ★ ★

Confession: I have never sat through an entire episode of Star Trek, nor seen any of the prior films belonging to the franchise up until director J.J Abrams reboot. As scientifically proven to be true with 4 out of 5 people, I consider myself a Star Wars fan if anything, making me somewhat proud of such ignorance…that is until now. In Star Trek XI, Abrams wipes the slate clean and achieves the seemingly impossible; he makes Star Trek seem ‘cool’, regardless of whether you’re fluent in Klingon or not. Abrams tailors the film to appeal to a wider audience, partly reinventing the characters and narrative in the process. Taking place in an alternate reality to the original story arch, the film retells how each of the crew came aboard the U.S.S Enterprise, the Federation’s finest starship. With their characters fleshed out from childhood, the shaky relationship between the rebellious James T. Kirk (Chris Pine) and the brainy half-

Camino (M) Death and religion are always touchy subjects in film and in life, but Javier Fesser was unperturbed as he went along creating Camino. The writerdirector was inspired by a cancer victim that touched the hearts of Spain, and Alexia González-Barros’s possible canonization inspired him to create a tale showing different ideas of faith.

human half-Vulcan Spock (Zachary Quinto) sits central to the film. Despite being less developed, the rest of the crew onboard the Enterprise still have a great presence thanks to the consistently witty script. However, the film’s villain Nero isn’t given nearly enough screen time to truly justify his wickedness, unfortunate considering he is portrayed with great menace by Eric Bana.

The success of this narrative reinvention is that newbies are not overwhelmed by a franchise that has spent nearly fifty years in existence.

Although, fans needn’t worry too much; there is still an abundance of ‘in’ jokes, something I deduced from the impromptu laughter and applause of the costumed Trekkies in the back row. Fans should also take great pleasure in seeing their beloved universe recreated so vividly onscreen by cutting edge CGI, which also fuels the many spectacular space battles. Abrams captures this sci-fi action using the same raw camerawork he employed in TV’s Alias and Lost, where multiple wiz pans and sporadic lens flares create an unmatched energy and urgency on-screen. That said, the camera continues to shake incessantly during the most casual of conversations, leaving me to question whether this is purposefully dynamic cinematography or just a camera operator suffering from hypothermia. These minor quibbles aside, Abrams’ reboot is an exciting sci-fi action extravaganza well worth the Trek. Anders Wotzke

★★ ★ ★ ½ Fesser’s tale is beautifully crafted, giving us the story of 11-year-old Camino who falls victim to a crippling form of cancer. The film is a flashback as we’re told how she came to her deathbed, but more importantly we also see the progress of what she holds important to her – the Cinderella production of her local theatre where her Prince Charming, Jesus (aka Cuco) is waiting for her to return to the curtain call. If it sounds a bit fairytale, that’s because it is. Fesser draws on Disney’s Cinderella for the basis of Camino’s story, even excerpting footage from the animation as her dreams formulate the story with the help of friend Mr Muggles and her Jiminy Cricket pet mouse. The film roots its European origins in these scenes, giving us Camino’s worst fears through winding pathways and distortions in space and characters in a way unseen in Hollywood. We

learn the source of her fear comes from her protector – her mother. Camino’s family, followers of Catholic movement Opus Dei, rely on their Father’s Will to help her through the journey – but that leaves her father aside. Camino shows conflicting personalities: the controlling mother, the exemplary eldest daughter and a father who feels he’s gotten lost in the mix. Fesser lets every member have their time on camera and the performances are excellent. Mariano Venancio as Camino’s father Jose is where most of your sympathy goes, while young Nerea Camacho is just beautiful as the free spirit who accepts her fate as long as she gets the happy ending. A deserved winner of 6 Goya Awards (Spanish Oscars), Camino is a powerful and extremely emotive story that will leave you in awe of one girl’s faith in life and death. Katina Vangopoulos

20Nav and Anders , Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and m with

Anders and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and

Acolytes (M)

If you’re wondering why a bikini clad Lara Bingle stopped asking the world “where the bloody hell are you?”, it’s because there’s no need to further associate the words ‘bloody hell’ with Australia when our film industry does the job so well. Following in the grisly footsteps of Wolf Creek, the deeply chilling Acolytes further suggests that Australia is a murderer’s playground. Not only does this make Acolytes Tourism Australia’s worst nightmare, it’s sure as hell to be yours as well. The sluggish but necessary first act to Acolytes makes the impending bloodbath all the more harrowing. Skipping school, troubled teenager Mark (Sebastian Gregory) and his friends Chasely (Hanna Mangan Lawrence) and James (Joshua Payne) stumble across a man burying a body in the woods. Instead of calling the police, they decide to play detective and find the murder themselves. When the killer turns out to be seemingly normal husband and

father Ian Wright (Joel Edgerton), the teens blackmail him into killing excon Gary Parker (Michael Dorman) who is accountable for their traumatic childhood. Acolytes cleverly manipulates its audience by disguising itself as a straightforward crime drama; right before each revelatory twist, you’ll think you’ve got it all figured out. Suspense is expertly crafted through dynamic sound design and slick direction. The camera takes on an active role in the film, stalking the characters and not merely documenting their actions. Music emanates from diagetic sources, such as a Chasely’s mp3 player and the car stereo, subtly adding to the sense of realism director John Hewitt skillfully constructs. Furthering this realism, Acolytes keeps the bloodshed close to its chest, giving the violence profound consequence when it finally arrives.

Paris 36 (M) It’s a little romantic, a little silly, a little serious and very French. If you’re a cash-strapped student like me, but have still been bitten by the travel bug, then catching a classical glimpse of the city of love might just be the remedy. The film was originally titled Faubourg 36, an old French term for suburb, but was then renamed Paris 36 for us ‘uncultured’ English speaking audiences.

★★★★ Whilst it takes Joel Edgerton forty minutes to actually make his first notable appearance, his unsettling presence underpins every frame. His delicate shift from soft spoken husband to malicious killer is as unsettling as it is mesmerising. Michael Doorman’s performance as Parker is just as strong, convincingly developing a deep complexity to his vital character. Ultimately, the noticeably amateur teen leads do little to lessen the sheer impact of this cleverly twisted, gut wrenching Aussie thriller. Anders Wotzke

★★★★

The story revolves around the Chansonia theatre, which has suffered the effects of politics and closed. After losing his job at the theatre, Germain Pigoil’s hope to one day save enough money to fulfill his dream of seeing the sea is dashed. But with the arrival of beautiful young newcomer Douce, who is filled with hope and enthusiasm, the Chansonia is given a chance to be brought back to life. Of course, you can’t have a film in Paris without a love story, and Douce begins to fall for Milou, a rather hotheaded union advocate. Whilst I found this romance a little hard to swallow at first, as Milou is quite disgruntled and standoffish, it’s always nice to have some fiery tension between two characters before they go all lovey dovey. High accolades go out to Max Perrin as Pigoil’s son Jojo, who brings a great heartfelt quality to the film.

The icing on the cake for me was the music in Paris 36. Charming and catchy, it made me want to go out on a cobblestone pavement with an accordion player and sing in a French accent. Speaking of pebbled streets and moonlight nights, the cinematography does well to capture the gorgeous scenery. Although some of the stunning night views of ‘Pari’ are a little unrealistic, there is still a contrast with the portrayal of a gritty and often grey working class. Whilst Paris 36 is a fairly ‘safe’ film compared to many other art house forays, I took great pleasure in it, and I suspect you will too! Au revoir, mon ami! Alexandra Blue

Anders and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with

Film with Nav and Anders , Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav

I’m sexy, I’m cute, I’m popular to boot… uh sorry, wrong film. That’s right, you’re meant to be doing the math: 2 guys, 300 girls. A simple tagline brings a simple premise; highschool jocks hoping to score with the ladies. We’ve seen this all before, but the experiment of trying to mix American teen sub-genres comes out a mixed bag. Fired Up brings nothing new to the table as we see Shawn (Nicholas D’Agosto) and Nick (Eric Christian Olsen) do ‘whatever it takes’ to get some action. By ditching their gruelling football boot-camp for cheer camp (hence, creating a jock-cheer teen film), to the viewer they subconsciously emasculate themselves in the process. Most onscreen however, are blind to their charms and although Tigers cheercaptain Carly’s initial scepticism serves up a cold dish, there’s not enough to

suggest that this film won’t follow the same path as its predecessors. Appealing cheerleader films usually incorporate headstrong girls who try to buck the American ‘ditzy’ teen cliché. The film’s most ironic (and perhaps

most comical) moment comes as the girls recite Bring It On word for word. The inspiration is obvious as this aspires to be a cheerleader film with a bit more bite but ends up being a bit more mindless. It’s only one of many openly referenced comments, most of which surround Dr. Rick (David

Observe and Report “Observe and Report” falls into the stupid movie genre. It’s a great genre, sporting the likes of “Knocked Up”, “Dude, where’s my car?” and “Super-bad”. We know they rot your brain and disgust your parents, but if you’re immature at heart, you love them. In this very stupid movie Seth Rogen stars as Ronnie Barnhardt, a mall security guard that takes himself too seriously and seems blissfully unaware that he is a joke to his boss, the Forest Ridge shoppers and the bitchy, blonde make-up girl, Brandi (Anna Faris) that Ronnie is in love with. When a pervert starts exposing himself to shoppers (i.e. a flasher) in the mall parking lot, Ronnie takes the law into his own hands and tries to solve the case. Police take over the investigation and Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta) quickly finds Ronnie out for the idiot he is. Desperate to impress Ronnie tries to catch

Adventures in White Powder

★★½

AUSKI Interview Walton), Carly’s boyfriend who has CRINGE stamped on his forehead as the biggest cliché in the book. It’s unnerving that Sarah Roemer’s Carly is meant to be so in control of herself while she’s with a total douche, and the paradox is reflective of how most of this genre carries its female characters out. We’re subjected to a typical formula with influences thrown in as homage as well as a mix of old and new pop songs, but first-time director Will Gluck doesn’t handle the material terribly, frequently using segues to pass the time and help the film flow through its short 89 minutes. Ultimately, it fails to get you really Fired Up, but appreciating the fact that it’s all been done before makes it bearable.

Katina Vangopoulos

★

the pervert, thinking it will earn him a position in the police force and a place in Brandi’s heart. When everything goes wrong for Ronnie the plot becomes confusing and hard to follow. It is unfortunate that “Observe and Report” does not meet the standard set by other stupid movies. Seth Rogen normally makes a chauvinistic, dick-head character into a lovable guy, but in this case Ronnie’s aggression and stupidity destroy any sympathy that you may have felt. The jokes are too spread out, not funny enough and some are just disturbing. For example, Ronnie’s mum is an alcoholic and is shown drinking too much, slurring her words and passing out. How is that funny? Ronnie also brutally bashes a group of kids skate boarding in the mall car park. Again how is that funny? It’s not, it’s just sad.

So unless you have the maturity of a 13 year-old boy and are entertained by 2 minute long exchanges of “fuck you” and pictures of a fat guy’s penis you probably will not enjoy “Observe and Report”. Rating it against other stupid movies (“Super-bad” being 5, paint drying being 0) “Observe and Report” would be a 1.5, but if we compare it to all other movies made it would have a rating of 1.

Erin Cutts Film with Nav and Anders , Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav

Jolly Good Sport with Angus Chisolm

Fired Up! (M)

We all know about the major sports clubs at uni but it’s support for fringe sports and activities that really make the Uni sports collective interesting and unique. Since Mt Thebarton’s ski slope closed a few years back South Australians have had to turn interstate to get their skiing fix. Thankfully groups like AUSKI help facilitate trips during the season for students. I spoke with the AUSKI secretary Alex Arney about the club and their activities and thinly veiled excuses for a bit of a piss up. Tell us a bit about AUSKI? Since 1967, AUSKI has been helping those who enjoy falling down big mountains in the cold a chance to enjoy what would otherwise be an unfulfilled craving. Basically, it’s the skiing and snowboarding club at uni. Each year AUSKI holds a week long ski trip to Mt Hotham, where skiers and boarders of all experience levels can get out on the snow! The trip has an infamous reputation for great parties, great skiing and should be attended by all Adelaide University students as an integral part of their university experience. How did you get involved and what’s your role? Had you been skiing before or did you just see the booth at O week and think, ‘what the hell, might as well take up skiing’? I had been skiing before - in Colorado and British Columbia, so I wasn’t coming into the fray completely wet behind the ears. That being said, I’m no skiing master and there’s no need to be an expert to join in. The only catch to get on the committee is that you need to attend the annual general meeting and nominate yourself for a position. If you’re voted in, that’s it! My exact position is as the secretary, but every committee member gets to do a bit of everything, you have to be pretty flexible with your role, and prepared for some hard work, organising a ski trip isn’t as easy as it seems! Some people might think there’s a bit of a barrier to join a group like Auski, because it’s such a specialised activity, they might feel intimidated by not having any experience. Is that a legitimate issue or would people like that just be concerned over nothing? I’d hope that people don’t feel intimidated to join if they haven’t ever been to the snow. As part of the trip, lessons are included, which cater for all different ability levels. Most people find that after a day or

so of skiing, they can pick it up quite quickly. AUSKI as a club is more about encouraging people to experience and enjoy the snow. No-one is competing against each other and there’s no expectations on anyone to attain certain levels be able to do certain things. What’s the story with the ski trip this year? Where are you guys going and what else do you have planned? This year the ski trip is backing up last year’s record number of 184 trippers by taking at least that number again! It is held at Mt Hotham each year and this year it runs from July 18-25. Trippers are looked after during the day with hot meals, lift passes, accommodation, lessons and ski hire and during the night with themed party nights so you can let your hair down after a big day shredding up the mountain! Other than the ski trip, AUSKI holds a myriad of other events, including a pub crawl, Snow Ball and an Oakbank Races Day. This year we are proud to be screening the Australian premiere - as far as I know - of the newage ski film ‘Reasons’ from Poor Boyz Productions. Is there any scope for people involved in Auski to ski competitively or is it more of a leisure thing? We are hoping to expand into the winter unigames in the next few years, if not sooner, to increase our profile not only within the snow community but also the wider Adelaide University community. We are also looking at some other exciting opportunities for people keen to compete, organised through the Adelaide Convention Tourism Authority and The Ski Connection. Having said that, anyone who is interested to compete this year is more than welcome to come and have a chat with AUSKI to see what we can do to support them! So if anyone wants to get involved now or in the future, what should they do? The easiest way to get involved is to come along to any of our events throughout the year and have a chat with anyone from the committee, we’re all easy going and won’t bite! You can find more information about AUSKI from our website at www.auski.net or alternatively you can email us at auski@ adelaide.edu.au - of course, the best way to get involved is to sign up and come on the annual ski trip!

one child policy... doesn’t mean you can run over your neighbours kids

e e c in

Anna (who reduces, reuses, AND recycles) You’d really have to be living down a coal mine to avoid knowing something about the global environmental crisis. It leaves one with a vague feeling of helpless distress; much like wondering whether you set the VCR properly before leaving, so instead of recording Letterman you get an infomercial again. We, the upperlower-middle class of a supposedly advanced country, led by Tintin, would probably like to do more for the environment. I know I like to think that if Captain Planet ever dropped by, he’d shake my hand, not spit on my feet (I think, therefore I recycle). Just like we’d like to reply to our relatives’ daft letters, and exercise more, and finish assignments on time. But nobody really does, do they? Well, lazy students, rejoice, for I have good news. You can do something for this old planet of ours, by not doing something. Allow me to explain. In 1950, the world population was a neat little 2.6 billion. Since then, it has climbed steadily to about 6.7 billion. Walking through a nice

convenient supermarket, you’d never know, but other parts of the world are undergoing massive food shortages. Water, shelter, and even empty space are also becoming limited resources. The planet simply cannot support the number of people living on it, but the population is estimated to grow by another billion people by 2020, and by 2050 it could reach 9.5 billion (http://www.geohive.com). Scary stuff – picture starvation en masse, millions of people unemployed and homeless, and struggling health care systems. So this is where you come in. Your grand act of nothing. When you get all growed up, if you find a person who doesn’t think you’re too icky to make babies with, by all means, make some babies. Have one. Have one more, if you want, but then stop. It works like this. If every couple has two children, the next generation will have the same number of people. If they have more, the next generation will have more. If they have less, the next generation has less. China’s one child policy (which has massive

problems, I know) has prevented about 400 million extra people being born – about 20 Australias. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to smother the weakest of the triplets you just had (mazel tov!), and it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to run over the noisiest one of your neighbour’s kids. It just means that it would be awfully jolly of you to start taking birth control after bundle of joy #2. You just might get to be an honourary Planeteer. P.S. If you’re really interested, check out http://www.optimumpopulation. org

Why I HATE the Sunday Mail Home magazine

THINK

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d

hate

Home

conditioning. This is why Mawson Lakes

promotes Rendition Homesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Westbury

â&#x20AC;&#x201C; one of Adelaideâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newest suburban

house design. This supposedly cutting

developments â&#x20AC;&#x201C; has become the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

edge residential design takes the viewers

most energy intensive. Ever read about

Sunday Mail has such a huge reader

breath away with â&#x20AC;&#x153;its conventional

that in Home?

base of over 800,000 readers that I

magazine so much if I thought no one read it. But the problem is, the

know someone must. On one hand,

sandstone faĂ§adeâ&#x20AC;Ś [which] keeps in line

HOME IMPROVEMENTS

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T

published just over a year ago. The article

with the new millenniumâ&#x20AC;?. The designers

Although, I should point out that

many people regard showhomes (such

have taken a sustainable approach

Home magazine isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t all bad. Once

as those covered in the magazine) as the

to the design too, with â&#x20AC;&#x153;water saving

they published a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;greenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; edition which

most affordable option for new housing.

showerheads and tapsâ&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;Ś although the

featured a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;greenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; house in it. And they

But on the other hand, many of these

fact that there are two bathrooms and

produced a page on the weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s must-have

buildings will be too expensive to run

â&#x20AC;&#x153;a massive, well planned ensuiteâ&#x20AC;? pretty

decorative objects, which encouraged

over the next decade or two as electricity

much sums up the buildingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s water

the reader to â&#x20AC;&#x153;get eco savvy with new

prices rise. And as for the magazineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s home decorating tips: erm, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll leave

HIĂ&#x20AC;FLHQF\

that for you to decide. Ultimately Now I think we should discuss the basics of building design, starting with orientation. This is

look through a catalogue,

such a crucial aspect of quality architecture. Ideally, the main living areas should be north-facing, with

other

rooms

â&#x20AC;&#x153;the idea that you can

(bedrooms,

pick out your dream house, and it on any block of land is bloody ludicrousâ&#x20AC;?

plonk

Daniel Brookes

N CASE you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t guessed already, I confess I have a bit of a grudge against â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Homeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; magazine. You know, that ugly little liftout you get in the Sunday Mail each week with a ratio of reading material to advertisements close to one is to seventy three. Every edition has a photograph of some tacky lounge URRP Ă&#x20AC;WRXW RQ WKH FRYHU D IHZ DUWLFOHV on the same â&#x20AC;&#x153;newâ&#x20AC;? showhome designs and lots of images of luvvywuvvy partners proud to show off their newly purchased dream house. Sigh.

to the community, especially in liftouts like Home. So I hope you feel youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learnt something from this article. Maybe Home magazine that nearly, just

This allows the living areas to receive

nearly, matches my own. Or maybe

maximum sunlight in winter for natural

household productsâ&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;Ś

heating - whereas in the summer,

like a fruit bowl made from macadamia

correctly positioned eaves and window

nuts, tableware made from wood, a

tongs will cure global warming. Whatever

youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learnt that buying salad

Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the thing: if a building is planned

house on a day-to-day basis, but there

overhangs keep this space in shade.

fully recyclable tumbler, and â&#x20AC;&#x201C; my

it may be, feel free to go home and burn

out right it can run on extremely little

is also less energy consumed in building

However, many new showhomes are built

personal favourite â&#x20AC;&#x201C; bamboo salad

every damn copy of Home magazine

electricity, be constructed from materials

WKH GDUQ WKLQJ LQ WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW SODFH 3OXV \RX

without eaves, saving clients as little as

tongs imported from Thailand. Watch

youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever come across. But make sure

with low â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;embodied energyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; (the energy

get an attractive, unique house that all

$2500. The irony is that builders then

out climate change. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sure the Sunday

you plant a tree to offset the emissions.

needed to form the materials), be

those luvvy-wuvvy Home readers will be

try to counteract the overheating effects

Mail has published other articles about

operated without air conditioning and

jealous of.

of the sun by installing air conditioners.

sustainable design too...

This kind of issue is never discussed

Nope, canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think of any. Ever.

PLQLPDO DUWLĂ&#x20AC;FLDO KHDWLQJ KDUYHVW UDLQ water for everyday use, and look sexy

You see the problem is that Home

in the Sunday Mail liftout, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a

at the same time. This is a really good

magazine just doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t promote cleverly

fundamental concept that new home

thing. Not only is the amount of energy

designed houses. You will never see any

buyers really should know about.

reduced simply through running the

residential project by an architectural Ă&#x20AC;UP IHDWXUH LQ WKH PDJD]LQH ,WÂˇV

Cross ventilation is where correctly placed

always the same Sterling or Oakford

windows allow the wind to pass through

or Rendition or Rossdale Home. They

a building, or encourage air movement

all seem to be 100% reliant on ducted

through convection. By placing the right

air con, include huge panes of glass

kind of opening windows, cool air can

Not that thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s anything wrong with

regardless of the buildingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s orientation

enter rooms and hot air can escape â&#x20AC;&#x201C;

owning a show home. Or being the

to the sun, and none of them seem to

naturally cooling the space. The problem

arrogant little twat who feels the need to

have eaves. I mean, seriously. There is

is, cross ventilation often depends on

show off a showhome. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just that these

no mention of cross ventilation or locally

wind direction and the local climate.

types of buildings are based around

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Hence the idea that you can look through

a totally outdated and unsustainable

whatever.

a catalogue, pick out your dream house,

Got a different opinion? Contact Dan at: daniel.brookes@student.adelaide.edu.au

and plonk it on any block of land is

model of suburban living, are often

promote quality sustainable design

youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learnt to share a hatred of

bathroom etc) south of the building. erm... could we get eaves for those north-facing windows?

however, it is up to the media to

poorly thought out and are extremely

For example, take the article titled

bloody ludicrous. Instead of natural

LQHIĂ&#x20AC;FLHQW WR UXQ

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Heritage old is newâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, which was

ventilation, new households rely on air

On Dit Arts and Culture presents...

Sam Deere

Survival of the Hippest

Phat Natty

The Winter Culture Guide The winter holidays are coming up, and as tempting as it is to bundle up in a blanket, set yourself up next to a heater and hibernate for four weeks, it’s actually the perfect opportunity to indulge in some of Adelaide’s finest treats.

I’m in a Boat... Shed

Hot in a Hurry

Every Sunday and public holiday at the end of Port Road, right near the big red lighthouse, are the Port Dock Markets. Filled to the brim with the kitsch and vintage, it’s the perfect way to spend a wintry Sunday morning. Wear fingerless gloves (good for touching), coat, scarf and hat and trawl the many stalls selling odds and ends, prints and artwork, vintage clothing, bicycles and books. Get there early for good local produce and a hot donut.

Don’t have a lover to warm you up? A bloody good curry will. Curry night at the Exeter is an institution. Head down on a Wednesday or Thursday but you may need to book in advance. Not only will you get a good feed, but the Ex is always a winner if you like to partake in a bit of people watching in a cosy atmosphere with a beer in hand.

Chocolate Haven

Defrosting Forest Style

For those of us with poor circulation, it takes amazing things to turn our felanges from icicles, to toasty warm. If you can brave the cold, head to The Chocolate Bean on Union Street, it’s definately worth it. Try the Chocolate Soup or the Chilli Hot Chocolate - my personal favourites. If there’s one thing I love to do when it’s cold, it’s eat.

Dress warm, take blankets, pick a perfectly sunny, crisp day and with a bottle of booze in hand, picnic in the Botanic Gardens. Around 1 o’clock is best when the sun is high. Pick a spot in the sunshine and bask in that radiating vitamin D, taking in the scenery and spying on totally cute little ducks.

Well, we’re all going to hell in a handbasket. The temperature’s rising, we have to contend with endless cyclones, floods and fires, we’re choking on pollution, and all the arable land’s being destroyed so we can’t grow enough food. The environmental apocalypse is come, and it’s taking us all with it. One assumes (and at this point I borrow heavily from Mad Max) that warring factions who all dress the same way will wander the desolate landscape pillaging from all in their path, and conforming to their respective stereotypes. So who’s going to survive when the shit hits the wind turbine and remake the world anew, forging cities from twisted scraps of metal scavenged from burnt out Skill Tester machines? Surely some groups of people will be naturally predisposed to endure the impending environmental disasters. The people of this brave new world will have a myriad of hazards to contend with. The hipster set will probably emerge as one of the dominant factions. Harsh UV rays caused by a combination of ozone depletion and an anomalous overproduction of tanning beds in 2015 mean that only those prepared to wear Aviator shades indoors will retain their vision, and wearing a scarf 365 days a year will provide a handy face mask at a moment’s notice to stave off those choking fumes and diseases. Their main rivals would mostly consist of people who overindulge in flash photography in dark clubs, for purposes of publishing said photos to Facebook – anyone who can

adjust that quickly between blinding light and total darkness while simultaneously stretching their arms out and making kissy faces will have cat-like agility in hand-to-hand combat. Their orange complexions will also provide natural camouflage in the desolate sandy wastelands that will become their habitat. Faring less well would be douchebags who pop their collars, as their ability to outrun potential assailants will be limited by wind resistance, and the glue-like substances congealed in their hair means they risk entanglement in low-hanging branches. As other species evolve out of all proportion, anyone sporting goldy-lookin’ chains, will inevitably have their eyes pecked out by magpies the size of fucking huge magpies. Those with grills on their teeth will be in an even worse position. ‘Roid junkies would seem to be a good candidate for survival based on sheer horsepower, and because their shrunken testicles provide less soft spots to defend, however their prime muscle bulk means they’re also the most likely to be killed and eaten by weedier, hungrier members of the post-apocalyptic society. Politicians (student or otherwise) will fare better than most, as science has time and again proven that cockroaches can’t be killed. At the top of the food chain of course would be those who write petulant, stereotyping tirades in student magazines, for reasons so obvious I won’t bother pointing them out here. So, if you’re worried about the future, think about a lifestyle change. Not a sustainable, low-impact way of life that benefits everyone – when you’ve undertaken some subcultural survival training the remnants of the world are yours for the taking.

Witty Wordsmith Health Comes First Words by Sean Kellet

Every

time the uni holidays roll around it’s time to check if there are any clinical trials on at the local hospital. There’s no better way to supplement that meagre government welfare than as a guinea pig, running in the exercise wheel for some faceless multinational pharmaceutical company. Kicking back with a canulla and your favourite TV series.

In a moment could tell that he was selling marijuana. Our relationship had developed to the point where he trusted me enough to fill me in on his activities. He told me that he had organised bags of weed ahead of time, each bag valued at $25. He had arranged his Ex-girlfriend to stay at his house and exchange the marijuana for money per his instructions.

Whether you end up stuck in there for days on end or several visits of a few days at a time, it’s always a much needed retreat. It’s a great way to meet other losers who you will pretend are your best friends for the duration of the trial and then forget like a dentist appointment.

One evening i was trying to watch Frasier in the AV room when I heard a loud commotion. I was finding it hard to concentrate on the witticisms flying back and forth between the Crane brothers, so I went to the corridor to find out what was going on. Sure enough, there was Pete. He was red faced, yelling into his phone as though his life depended on it.

It seems like only yesterday I was sitting supine in my bed on a twelve day study with my new best buddy next to me. I couldn’t help but overhear his telephone conversation.

I could gather from the conversation that Pete’s Ex had her new man over and Pete didn’t like it one bit.

He couldn’t care less if she was seeing someone else, he just didn’t want some stranger near his $1000 pile of weed. By the last day of the trial Pete had sold all of the weed, with his Exgirlfriend doing a fine job in the end. I’m not sure if he ever apologised for all of his “stupid fucking bitch” talk but he seemed to have forgotten the whole episode now that he was $3300 richer ($2600 for the trial, $700 in drug profits). I raised my hand for two trials in our most recent break but was unsuccessful both times. Unfortunately I can’t use my adventures as a guinea pig on my resume, sigh. Lucky for me there are always dishes to be cleaned. Although i heard about this thing where they cut off your little toe ...

Fight for science. Fight for morals. Fight for the cause?

When forming an opinion are you more inclined to believe the facts and figures or believe the moral and social implications of a particular issue? Society tends to pick and choose between these two concepts as it suits and will side with whichever creates the greatest general consensus.

The environment has been on the agenda for the government, private enterprise and individuals for decades. The big change hasn’t necessarily been in the state of the environment over time, but how society as a collective, views this “controversial” issue. There is no denying that the environment is in great danger, that someone needs to do something, and there are ample solutions coming to fruit every week (by those intelligent people on Catalyst). But what gives us that sense of certainty and conviction to stand up say that there is a problem?

We have spent years being bombarded in the media, in our education and in our homes by facts and figures that state in no uncertain terms that the way generations have created energy and lived their lives has brought about one of the biggest international natural crisis of our history. Now on the dawn of the environmental meltdown (because whilst the world has been talking, the coast has been eroding) it would appear society turns not to science for comfort but to the social view. There are now endless stories about how the environmental meltdown will affect ‘us’. It is no longer a question of why is this happening to us. But what will it do to us? This is a bold turn around for society in an almost vain attempt to take the moral high ground to justify decades of ‘no action’. This is not an unprecedented moment for society, it is only a relatively

If you love shopping from the comfort of your bedroom but can’t afford the mind-blowing conversion of USD (not to mention pounds) to aussie dollars on websites like Mod Cloth and Top Shop, there are lots of lovely Australian websites out there with all the clothes and accessories to stock your winter wardrobe by a range of Aussie and International designers. For easy and safe transactions make payments with PayPal, and always make sure to use the size guides provided on the websites.

Words Natalie Wade recent development for people with disabilities to be referred to as just that, in time gone by people in general took the ‘medical mindset’ whereby disability made people, disabled people. Not a person first, but a person who had been inflicted by disease “A”, which affected “X” amount of people, and they would treated accordingly. Rather now it is focused heavily, if not solely on ‘how the disability affects the person’. I would suggest that if society as a whole took the moral perspective from the get go then perhaps we would see these social issues be addressed in more appropriate way and productive way. The writing is certainly on the wall for people who believe solely in the power of science, even if you do have quantitative measurements on your side. Society is just not that hardcore, everyone seems to need a bit of that ‘Planet Me’ philosophy going on,

Boutiques Online Kate Bird

http://frockyou.com.au Frock You give you 15% off automatically after signing up, and they’re always having awesome sales and promotions. They stock a versatile range of gorgeous, quality clothes by Australian designers, with beautiful dresses and a great Basics section. They also offer a gorgeous (and affordable) range of jewellery, with unique pieces by designers like Alice Wears Gold, Dolly Rockers, Moe Moe, Little Shop Of and Allira. Cheap, fast shipping and lovely service makes Frock You my number one place to blow my rudd bucks. http://www.bowerbirdvintage.com.au Bowerbird features an amazing range of eclectic vintage (both inspired and authentic) clothing using recycled fabrics. Products that really shine include cocktail frocks from a range of eras, handcrafted hair accessories and jewellery (including the most adorable brooches), and pieces under the ‘Rescued by Bowerbird’ label - reworked vintage garments that are truly unique. The website also features a great style guide and gorgeous fashion blog and shipping is only $5 Australiawide.

h t t p : / / w w w. c a s h m e re a n g e l . c o m / Cashmere Angles is an Australian company which supplies essential wardrobe basics – scoop necks, cardies, hoodies and scarves – all in gorgeous cashmere, with free shipping all year around. Need I say more as we move into winter? Their products are absolutely top quality (you get what you pay for, people) and with such a beautiful range of basics in so many different colours and styles, it’s easy to get carried away with your credit card bearing the brunt of your splurge.

https://www.beloved.net.au Beloved Boutique offers a range of stunningly beautiful, high-end fashion from Australian and International designers, including Tina Kalivas, Lonely Hearts and M Missoni. Inimitable, fabulous pieces by high-end designers obviously = $$$, but if you have the money it’s well worth it. Plus they have exceptional customer service with lovely staff who go above and beyond the call of duty to help you with whatever you need. http://appletreeboutique.com.au/ A little pricier than most others (in fact, I own a dress currently featured on this website. I purchased it at full RRP from a boutique and it’s still $45 more expensive on ATB, plus shipping.) And occasionally, instead of decent sales, they have really lame competitions, like ‘whoever can find this logo on the website wins a $30 gift certificate.’ Like $30 makes a difference when I’m buying a $400 dress.) Anyway, vaguely insulting promotions aside, these guys stock dresses to die for, featuring a gorgeous range of Australian labels like Bracewell, Pani, White Suede and Adelaide designer Little Potty Red Shoes. They also stock essentials extras like Hollywood fashion tape and converting clips to hide bra straps. http://www.mintshop.com.au Mint Shop is a HUGE online boutique which stocks an endless list of Australian and international labels, catering to both girls and guys. They have a wide price range, a super accurate size guide, and you can stock your entire wardrobe just from these guys: they have swimwear, jeans, all your basics and accessories right down to summer frocks and elegant cocktail dresses. Mint Shop stocks a variety of young labels like Grab, Birds of a Feather, Secret Squirrel, Shona Joy, One Teaspoon, Piper Lane, Nudie Jeans, Chip Chop Designs, Vanishing Elephant and Alice McCall...just to name a few.

Eco-Fashion: Friendly or Frightening? Elise Lopez Natural fibres are becoming increasing popular as people become more aware of the effect that fashion is having on the environment, but are we getting the whole picture? Not only do we need to look at environmentally-friendly materials, but the impact that the production of these materials has on the environment. Natural fibres are made of plant and animal materials and therefore require either the sacrifice of animals and/or their rights, or a great deal of land usage and water. The most commonly used natural fibres are wool, cotton, silk and, to a lesser extent, hemp. So let’s take a look at their environmental impact. Kim Andrew, Design Lecturer with Unisearch at the University of NSW, says “there’s a lot of problems in the fashion industry in terms of sustainability. There’s a lot of pollution, a lot of waste, a lot of abuse of finite resources and there’s a lot of human impact as well as land, air and water, impacts that the textile industry has to deal with in order to become more sustainable. The main key problems, I think, are in terms of growing natural fibres. We all thought that natural fibres were the best, but not so. There’s a lot of chemicals used in the actual production of the plant, in harvesting, in defoliating the fibres off the plant, in processing”.

Cotton Cotton is perhaps the most commonly used natural fibre, becuase it’s soft and it breathes, making it comfortable to wear. However, it may be causing more problems for the environment than we realise. Land and water usage is becoming more and more of an issue in growing cotton, especially in dry countries like Australia. “The cotton industry alone uses 5% of the world’s available land for cotton production and uses an enormous amount of water per kilo,” Andrew says. Also she says, “the workers have a lot of problems working in mills, for example, when cotton is spun. There are a lot of fibres, small fibres that are released into the air and they can lodge in the lungs. And that’s called asbenosis and that’s like dying of asbestosis, it restricts your breathing and you eventually suffocate to death which is a terrible thing”. There have of course, been a lot of improvements in recent years due to worker’s rights. Novotech in Denmark now enclose all of the cotton spinning so that there are no floating particles in the air at all. However, the worker’s rights in poorer countries are obviously not of the same standards as a country like Denmark. There’s also the problems of noise affecting workers’ hearing and their exposure to chemicals. Workers can be exposed to chemicals when moving them and when they are not stored safely. In the past, a lot of people have taken in metal dyes and other chemicals through their hands when working without gloves or the proper containers, instead measuring chemicals with cups and similar items. Now computers control a lot of that in countries like Denmark. However, do the positives still outweigh the negatives?

Wool Wool is a soft, warm fibre that is commonly used here in Australia, because we have so much of it. There are approximately 114 million sheep in Australia that are responsible for the production of a quarter of the world’s wool. That’s over 450 million kilograms! Important wool characteristics are influenced by breeding, nutrition and husbandry. Sheep husbandry involves: • Correct stocking rates to reduce effects of dry periods. • Drenching programs that minimise the incidence of scouring and dung stain by reducing the worm burden. • Correct tail docking, mulesing* and crutching to eliminate dung and urine stain from the fleece. • Sensible grazing of the property to avoid areas of heavy grass seed or burr contamination. • Correct application of jetting fluids and dips to eliminate fly strike and external parasites, such as lice, ticks and itchmite. *Mulesing is a controversial practice which involves the removal of strips of wool-bearing skin from around the buttocks of a sheep to reduce the incidence of flystrike in regions where flystrike is common. Animal rights activists argue there are other ways to prevent flystrike and representatives of the Australian wool industry met and voted to phase out the practice of mulesing in Australia by December 2010.

Silk This natural fibre comes from silk worm cocoons. Production of silk involves unwrapping the cocoons, thereby killing the silk worm. It is easily affected by alkaline conditions and it discolors readily. It creases easily, does not withstand much friction, and is difficult to wash. “Hybrid silks” are an attempt to increase demand for silk by minimizing these disadvantages and maximizing its desirable properties. By combining silk threads with synthetics, new silks can be created that offset the disadvantages and build on the advantages of each of their component textiles. Therefore, hybrid silks are new textiles that combine the smooth texture of pure silk with attributes such as elasticity and durability. The first of these new silks appeared in women’s stockings and tights. Next, acrylic filament thread core was entwined with silk threads to make socks and blouses, while heavier satin and “silky touch” knitted products - which are easy to dye, have volume, and are machine washable, yet retain the sheen and texture of silk - were developed more recently. The world of silk as a textile product is growing steadily, thanks to the excellent match between technological progress and user satisfaction. Due to these new blending processes, it is now possible to recycle silk without losing its original quality.

Hemp In the production of hemp, the stalks are dried and broken down into two parts: thread-like fibers called the “bast” and the inside pulp or “hurd.” They have some applications in common, yet each one has its own very individual and distinct applications as well. The long bark fiber from the stalks is cleaned and spun, knit or woven into a variety of durable high quality textiles which can be used for an endless variety of products including clothing, curtains, upholstery, shoes, backpacks, and towels. The variety of fabrics made from hemp range from those as tough as burlap and denim, to cotton-like fabrics, to those as fine as silk, or as intricate as lace. The original Levi’s were made of hemp cloth and today designer Giorgio Armani, as well as other clothing manufacturers, is weaving hemp into clothes. Even shoe companies are now using it in the manufacture of shoes. Hemp fabrics have added beneficial qualities of being stronger, more insulative, more absorbent and more durable than cotton and they don’t stretch out of shape. Natural organic hemp fiber “breathes” and is biodegradable. It can produce approx. three times as much fibre in a specified area than cotton. Designer Charlene O’Brien says, “it’s qualities are extraordinary, for example it has three times the tensile strength of cotton and is 25 times more durable, as well as being resistant to stains, mould and bacteria, moth and silverfish, it’s even fire and heat resistant. What’s more, it’s perfect for Australia’s hot climate where we need trans-seasonal clothing.” One of the disadvantages of hemp clothing is that it is not naturally soft like cotton. It has more of a texture comparable to burlap, or canvas. When combined with other fabrics, or if it undergoes a special processing treatment, it can be made to be extremely soft. Unfortunately, hemp is a little controversial, seeing as it is produced from an illegal plant.

Disadvantages of wool as a product are that it can shrink, it can go smelly in the rain and some people find it scratchy. Apart from mulesing, wool appears to be fairly animal-friendly, as sheep need to be sheared regularly. However, wool can only be used in particular garments, as it tends to be a winter material due to its weight and thickness.

Charlene O’Brien’s Tierra Ecologia Charlene O’Brien, who graduated from the London College of Fashion in the mid 80s, established her own fashion business, Tierra Ecologia, in 2002. Balancing the latest technology with ancient craftsmanship in clothing production, Charlene strives to combine fashion and conscience by designing clothing which preserves ancient hand crafts, creates fair trade opportunities and provides employment opportunities within community villages which, she said, “helps break the poverty cycle”. “We invent new yarns using recycled denim, organic cotton, hemp and naturally dyed wool and silk for eco textiles, eco fashion and accessories,” she explained. “Our production methods use ancient hand skills in knit, crochet and weaves”. Charlene is determined to gain accreditation with the International Fair Trade Association so that all of her products are endorsed. Keep an eye out for her clothing label Eco Logika Australia and her denim label Eco Denim. When it comes to it, recycled materials top the list of those that have the least impact on the environment. While we are all converting to our green bags, why not use the old plastic bags to make handbags and satchels like the ones at Oxfam? Recyclable silk feels great to wear and looks elegant without looking recycled. Recyclable materials may require large amounts of water to be cleaned and processed, but they do not require the breeding of animals or plants to make them and can be recycled over and over to make so many different things.

To Shave or Not to Shave? That should be the question.... Lara Francis On my arrival to Adelaide from my humble country town some five years ago (*ed Shout Out to Merbein!) I befriended a private school girl from an unnamed school – let’s say... somewhere in the Wilderness. This girl was gorgeous without a doubt....curves to drool for, a natural tan worth bitching about and flowing Mediterranean locks bound to turn heads. The hair on this foreign beauty’s body was nothing but normal, but she was obsessed with its removal. She would schedule a weekly leg and nether region wax, as well as a wax to tame her arm hair and eyebrows. Then if she happened to secure a date there would be another quick run to the torture chambers just to make sure she wouldn’t be embarrassed at that time of the night by showing her suitor that she is in fact a healthy woman who has passed puberty. **This may be an appropriate time for a disclaimer: if this story is entirely familiar to you or possibly describes what you did last week, the following article may elicit a negative reaction from your psyche. If not, read on...** With winter now upon us many fashion conscious students begin to ponder their winter attire. Be it dusting off the unsightly, yet somehow still trendy ugg boots or swapping over that cotton floral outfit for plaid flannelette. But somehow in the course of our winter transformation we forget - or more to the point we refuse to consider swapping over our hair removal techniques to a more winter-friendly approach.

Let’s face it ladies and the metro-men among us: in winter it’s cold and so we cover up our legs and most certainly our underarms with warm clothing. Which leaves me to beg the question, why is everyone still obsessed with getting rid of their ‘unwanted’ hair in the winter months? Now I’m not asking everyone to turn into a raging environmentalist here, or to start up a monobrow club – but I would like us, as supposedly free minded, intelligent human beings to ponder our deep obsession with hair removal? In the years that have passed I now realise the fate of my friend isn’t that unusual - we as a nation are ashamed of our natural hair and will do and pay anything to ensure it isn’t seen. And will also quite willingly mock those who don’t adhere to the law of the land. But of course hair removal is nothing new in our society. Today’s trend for fuzz-free legs and armpits was upheld by Eastern women thousands of years ago. Other techniques, such as shaving with razors, plucking with tweezers and using depilatory creams, date back just as far, if not further. The obsession, however, really began to take off in sync with popular woman’s magazines when the May 1915 edition of Harper’s Bazaar featured a model wearing a sleeveless evening gown with hairless armpits. The mode for smooth pits was also aided by the Wilkinson Sword Company who had the bright idea of running an ad campaign in the 1920s persuading women that underarm hair was unhygienic and unfeminine,

an idea which somehow still lingers to this day. No wonder women decided to fight for the vote! So next time you go to schedule that trip to the beautician just stop for a second and think... It’s natural and perfectly normal. There were women in the ‘20s that could see through the chauvinistic propaganda of ‘cleanliness,’ so why the hell do we today believe it? Most recently, there’s been the fascination with below-the-belt hair removal, with the ‘Brazilian Wax’ and the ‘Hollywood’ feted by a slew of celebrities and of course followed diligently by us minions. A walk down the beauty aisle in any store reveals just how deep this obsession runs, with the display of a wide variety of shaving creams, razors, waxes, depilatories, and bleaches. Many women in Australia do shave or wax their legs and underarms, but it is important for you to know that not everyone does. As a woman with an unclear family lineage it’s obvious I have got, somewhere in my ancestry, a Mediterranean gene evident in my thick, strong head of hair, eighties style eyebrows and of course leg and down under accessories. But, having lived in Spain for a portion of my university career, I realised the futility of my fervent hair removal rituals. The women there are beautiful, natural and yes, a little prickly, but unashamedly so. I have never felt so at home and liberated as when sitting on a beach in Spain with two day stubble. Back in Australia, I have on many occasions looked down during a lecture to realise the leg hair which I thought were well hidden from unwanted leers was actually breaking free from

the confines of my double knit tights. I have also, like many of you, endured laughs and conversations developed entirely around my less-than-anal approach to my body hair. But on the whole I have to say the less I care about it, the less everyone else seems to. Does it really matter if you let your legs be free for just one extra day? Or maybe let good ol’ dick and fanny be themselves for a week instead of making them pose as some sort of lewd centrefold. After all don’t you think it’s a bit weird your boyfriend prefers it when you look prepubescent? By all means trim it up, do whatever you feel you must to stop it from taking over the world - but try if you can to free yourself from this addiction plaguing our nation. I mean honestly, are we really that shallow? We find it easier to accept that someone would want to pierce their face ten times or dye their hair bright pink than accept that someone may want to just leave their underarms be for three days. If we can’t be proud of our hair can we at least accept it? After all it is natural and something we all have. Now I m not asking everyone to grow a forest under their arms but maybe, just maybe we could all chill out a little bit on the hair removal front. Lastly and most importantly - if you’re worried about getting flack from friends and loved ones, don’t. If they actually do love you they’ll leave you alone and accept you for your sparkling personality instead of your impeccable hair removal techniques.

Miss Lauren Lovett,

Want to take my neckscalf to an Op Shop Review?

Store: RSPCA Location: Warradale I have never been to the RSPCA at Warradale so the excitement of seeing this store today almost made me wee myself. The two ladies in the shop were overly friendly, which usually makes me throw up in my mouth. These ladies, however, were friendly in the endearing (not vomit inducing) kind of way. Surprisingly this op shop holds more shirt than skirt, having thrice as much menswear than it has lady attire. The shop also stocks a nice array of bric a brac so you can be sure to select yourself a lovely cat adorned coffee mug or burnt orange Tupperware lunchbox. Upon making my purchase I was also informed, in extensive detail, about the shop’s buy some get one free card…which is akin to a coffee card but rewards you with store credit (so you can get free essentials like clip on earrings and John Denver records). Go green buy wearing other people’s unwantables. Yours thriftfully, Lauren.

Wil lShort Story by Margot Lloyd I have spent a long time thinking about what I ought to say today. This is the first time I have met most of you, so it will come as a surprise, I guess, to learn that I am William’s oldest friend. I was surprised, too, in fact, when I was contacted by the funeral director about saying a few words today, but it makes a little more sense to me now. In a way I knew William better than anyone else here. Though of course that seems ungracious. He told me many times about his wife, Diana here, and about the way that she has selflessly raised their two young boys. He always spoke of you with awe, my dear, and of course the boys meant more to him than anything else. I remember him telling me about picking up their clothes from the washing basket and marvelling at the size of them, their chests smaller than the span of his hand, arms and legs perfectly small, perfectly formed – and somehow they came from him! He was amazed by them. He was nothing but a proud parent, always talking about how intelligent Sam was and how Billy was going to break hearts – how he already had. And work, of course. I will always picture William in the grey suits he would wear, catching the tram to the office, looking perfectly crisp and starched even later, after working all day. He told me about the views from his office, over the city to the hills and the haze of something else beyond that, and how he preferred to use green ink because it was the only sign of softness he could show. The prosecutor, he said, is the modern day executioner. And yet he took no small pleasure in his work. This is something I have never been able to understand about Will. Of course, I should explain how we met. Will was six, about to turn seven, and I was his elder by a full four months. He was new at school and he was placed next to me in class, and we quickly became best friends. We rarely left each other’s side throughout primary school,

but we had a falling out in high school, as many young men do as they learn more about themselves. We didn’t see each other for many years. Which does not mean I can’t fill you in on his university years: I can almost see him, shedding adolescence and hanging on to every word of his lecturers, making connections with the people he most needed to know, becoming a career man. It was during those years, I believe, that he first met Diana. It was also during those years that his life fell apart, in many ways. I find this very difficult, because I know what William wanted me to do. He wanted me to explain this all to you, to fill in the equation with the pieces of information that you all lack at the moment. He was a lawyer to the last; he filled in every final detail before his death, and now it is simply up to us, to me, to carry out his final wishes.

Short Story Section with Subbie Lauren Lovett

Why Hello There

A few years ago now, I walked into a bar and found him, half drunk, trying to start a fight. I took him home, I sobered him up, we reminisced. We began to see each other for meals, for drinks, on Tuesday afternoons between court sessions. He told me about the nights in the park, the young men, and his family, his job, his life, the way that he would stand in front of the mirror trying to decide which tie to wear, whether or not he could stand one more day. I think I made things easier for him. At least, I thought as much, until the funeral director’s call on Tuesday. I did not know, of course; nobody knew to tell me. I can see it all, though: the note that he left for his boys at home before kissing Diana on the cheek, then catching the tram out past the city through the hills to the haze of something else beyond that. The body that they pulled out of the lake. I miss him. I could tell you how much we loved each other – but I forget myself. Forgive me.

Short Story Section

Poetry Section

with Peach Howey-Lenixxh

Dear all you upcoming Keats and Ginsbergs, So, we’re honing in on World Environment Day on June 5, so let’s go organic. Let’s start digging out what’s home-grown. Within our little commune of education, let’s remind ourselves just how awesome we are. And seeing as art is synonymous with culture, let’s open the doors on student poetry, whose metaphors and symbolisms may have for too long been dormant on the Barr Smith Lawns and are ready to jump into the pages of the almighty, international best-seller, On Dit. Oh yes. This is a call for submissions for On Dit’s poetry section because we’re out to muster up some of the best from the class of Adelaide University 2009. So get excited! Scan away your funky pocket notebooks and send away your words to me, Peach, at klimmy@hotmail.com and hopefully I’ll be hollering back congratulating YOU on being published in On Dit! And if you are successful, you’ll need not be perplexed anymore about what interesting life-stories you’ll be telling your grandchildren! I really look forward to reading them all. In all seriousness, I think it very important that local poetry is promoted as much as possible; so go on, get your stuff in! I can’t promise that all that will be received will be published, but all will definitely be appreciated. And remember, for information on spoken word gigs happening around Adelaide (whose dates and locations are always changing) just ask in an email and I’ll be sure to get back to you. An open mic poetry slam is happening on the second Tuesday of June; check out www.friendlystreetpoets.org. au for more details. Below is a selection of poetry already sent in:

The boat became lighter. Short Story By Damjana Bogatic

It was dark, apart from the light that snuck through the gaps of the wooden deck above. That, mixed with the guard’s torch, shone on the pale, scared faces as he waded through the waist-high water down the aisle separating men from women. He held onto the cold iron bars for support as the monster rocked. Salt water hung in the air. It mixed with the smell of seasickness and of the prisoners, unable to clean themselves in weeks. Panicking voices screamed above. Thunder. With each crash of a wave on the side of the splintered cabin walls, they were thrown into the iron bars. The water continued to rise, the panic growing with it. Bruises formed on their skin from the beating. The guard, seeing that it was unsafe to stay below the deck, opened the hatch. A pleasing stream of light entered, but quickly disappeared only to leave them alone in the dark again. Suddenly, the monster grew tired. It ceased its beating. They had been punished enough, for today at least. The latch door opened, again the much appreciated stream of light entered. The guard jumped into the pool. He ducked under momentarily, and the iron bars came apart. They swam, and now helped each other. They climbed out of the latch. Buckets were now passed back and forth. With each bucket, another body came into view, the stench becoming stronger, the boat becoming lighter.

Free

by Ben Adams Free to be apart from you

Free to be this season

I am free to dream

I am free to fly

Of the moon and of the midday sun

I am endlessness

And which I want to be

Too free even to die

Free as fallen raindrops

Free in the morning

Soaking deep into the earth

In the evening’s auburn glow

Free to be let back into

Upon the blue skies highway clouds

The arms that held me first

On the summer grass below

Free to be a part of you

Free to see the autumn sky

Silence close my eyes

I am free to find

Just as the moon must leave us

Colour in the black and white

The sun must also rise

Background of my mind

People More Interesting than You

Poetry Section

Keepsake

by Steph Walker When I ran I knew I’d forget That you were so paternal So with our dual regrets I placed your photo in my journal I went and found a print before I slid it in the frame I bound it with some words Of things I didn’t say Not so you could see Or pause favourably on me I hid it in a letter Before someone took you Someone better I always styled my life by you You were so maternal When I was just a child I placed your photo in my journal My thoughts turn to you And I feel sincere regret That I never apologised For all the mess I left at least I have a record Of what I want to say Its heavy but I hoard it In my journal everyday. Like a watch too close to your ear You can always hear the tension Of my souvenirs in their place fighting for attention These horrid little keepsakes A mismatch of collections Remind me of mistakes But show I had connections Even though the bond Was nowhere near perfected It shows I have respect For things I have rejected.

Self-titled by

Morgana Le Fay

From Elysian rock I come, Carried on a western wind That transcends the Syrian With the ghosts of Grigori, Flung from the stars, Upon your precious kin. From dragon’s tail I come, Grinding Hermon’s limestone, Thrusting against you With the conflicts of Manasseh That has taken you under Into my gurgling moan. From fertile Ghor I come, Shaping my body south; I take your arid surface And nourish it with warmth While you plague me in divinity And into the Tiberias mouth. From Arbel cliffs I come, Designated special light, Shimmering in angelic symphony Amongst the fishers of men To see my freshest figure supple Upon a lake so bright. From the great rift I come, Locked in an earthen hell; Slowing to a salty depression, I nourish the wicked —steal their pains and all their love; This be my holiest spell. And twenty million years could not persuade me to bow down to you.

JAMES LITTLEMORE. ….Director, photographer, producer, editor, animator and all out creative genius, James is responsible for the iconic PNAU ‘Wild Strawberry’, a bunch of sweet music vids and animation for the likes of Silverchair, Infusion, Teenager, Faker, Lost Valentinos, Lisa Mitchell and about two hundred other rad musicians, not to mention a string of successful commercials. So, you’re probably thinking ‘Littlemore huh?’ Total déjà vu right? Yup, his little bro is Nick Littlemore, one half of Teenager, Empire of the Sun and PNAU. Or you might be familiar with the eldest Littlemore in the pack, Sam ‘La More’, the mega notable dj/ producer (think Gwen Stefani, Nelly Furtado, Robbie Williams, Veronicas). Ok, so now we’re done with the name dropping (nearly), there’s no denying that Mama and Papa Littlemore have produced one talented bunch of boys. “As kids we all used to collaborate, work on each others stuff, support each other.” James tells me, on the phone from his West London digs. “It’s good having family around to keep your perspective, rip the shit out of your work and keep you honest.”

By Claire E. Knight If you’ve been to a PNAU show recently, you’d definitely be familiar with the intense visual activity onstage. Perfectly synced screen animation, hundreds of giant balloons being catapulted into the crowd and offcourse, those wildly flamboyant stage-invading icons. Hey, perhaps you’ve even been picked out of the crowd to dance like a maniac inside a sweltering Wild Strawberry or Green Skull suit? “People think they’re all fruit when they see them onstage, but they’re not. They’re icons!” James declares. “Some of the costumes didn’t work out that all… some we couldn’t do, like the flying keys for the song ‘We Have Tomorrow’. We also have a lightening bolt that people think is a piece of cheese” he scoffs.

Having just come off a mass cross-continental, festival-packed PNAU tour, James has now returned to London, where he’s been So, rolling with a sweet living on and off for band and having a a year, working on ‘famous’ bro must “I would have days where I’d be on a job, working documentary film, have some pretty cool short film on a television commercial and it was like ‘do I go editing, perks. “People think animations and I’m part of the band all and do this exam or do I get ﬁred from this job?’” directing a bunch the time… it’s kind of of commercials and funny.” James muses, music vids. Um telling me of the public yeah, cool. As you recognition him and the band receive. “(Nick) gets recognised in do. “I’ve cut about 200 music videos for all sorts of people… the street… It’s not weird because he has a bit of a persona of a you’re hired by the producer or director.” He casually tells me. star… I just wish him the best success and part of that is being Right. “If you want to do music videos… just find bands and public”, he reasons. make music videos for them and spend money and work for free and get in there and people will pay you if you’ve got skills.” James has been working closely alongside brother Nick and James advises. PNAU co-conspirator Peter Mayes as their creative director since the birth of the ‘PNAU Project’ in the 90s. “I had just finished And what about study? Did that come into play when scoring high school and was studying film at uni.” James recollects. “The sweet jobs with rockstars n stuff? “I Didn’t finish my degree guys were making music and when they got out of high school, because I was working too much and I started missing exams.” (were) playing gigs at clubs and outdoor raves and weird stuff…” James tells me. “I would have days where I’d be on a job, working Before they released any records, James tells me he dabbled in on a television commercial and it was like ‘do I go and do this live multimedia for early PNAU shows. “I’d just do live video or exam or do I get fired from this job?’” James attributes his flippant film projectors or shit like that with them for their shows and then attitude to study with the Howard government’s dissemination of as it progressed I started making videos for them and we started the education system. “Uni life was transformed.” He remembers. releasing singles and doing album artwork and then they signed “There was a lot less activism on campus, less community, a record deal and we got money” he explains. politics, culture… (the government) just changed the orientation of education, it became a different world. I thought I might as well More recently, signing a record deal with Ministry of Sound meant work instead.” that team-PNAU were able to conceptually plan the outfit’s third album, “PNAU had been going for four years, the whole idea was So, if you want a career as a filmie and are perhaps a little to crack back into it so the guys could have viable touring again.” disenchanted with your studies, my friend Mr (J) Littlemore has Reveals James. “We planed out this concept to have a whole some advice for you. “In film making, you just make stuff” he campaign … give each song an identity.” Carefully choosing says. “You just have to make stuff full stop. If you’re willing to a different colour for each of the twelve songs on the album, learn, you work long enough and do the yards…but it’s great to they were aesthetically immortalised in individual icons, based have a degree.” He adds as an afterthought. “People give you a upon blotter art designs of the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s, “Blotter art lot more respect.” not just being related to hallucinogens” James explains with a laugh. “We built these icons, some of them were obvious, the There you have it kids. Stay cool, stay in school… Wild Strawberry for ‘Wild Strawberries’. It was done as a piece and if you see a giant piece of cheese, please of blotter art and then it became a drawn character with legs don’t eat him. and arms, then a miniature version in felt, a puppet, which was Check out some of James’ work @ animated into quasi-narrative for the video clip… then we had jameslittlemore.com or at a PNAU show near you! the full sized costumes, which we designed and had made in China.”

Literature Section

OverKill or Critical Issue? In the world today, we are constantly being told that we are doomed if we do not rein in our excesses. Are these messages correct or are they being over inflated by those who environmental opportunists wanting to claim celebrity. The following books have all been selected all present different versions of this interesting and controversial issue.Released in April, this is book is causing quite a stir in the environmental circles. Heaven and Earth by Professor Ian Plimmer (Connor Court Publishing) is a very interesting look at climate change in the world today. Plimmer is a geologist who is arguing in his book that climate change as we know it has been blown out of proportion. His argument is that the changes in climate that we are undergoing currently are not something out of the ordinary. He believes that the current popular idea that the earth is heading towards a catastrophic end is unscientific, especially the idea that the main reason for it is carbon dioxide and therefore if we reduce these emissions we will slow down climate change. Plimmer asserts that human beings will adapt with any future temperature changes whether they be cooler or warmer than the norm. Science is distinguished by Plimmer from the political spiel, environmental activism and celebrity seekers. He firmly sets out his argument and makes it something

that even an unscientific person can understand reasonable well. After 40 years of caring for the planet and being a passionate advocate for the environment and sustainability, in Suzuki’s Green Guide, David Suzuki along with David R. Boyd have compiled a guide of how to live a better life to maintain the best planet possible. Specifically written to deal with the Australian environment and local conditions, Suzuki and Boyd have taken a look at how best to reduce the size of our ecological footprints. It is set out in simple, easy to read chapters which go through how and why the alternative offered are the best way of keeping the environment safe. A lot of what is in here is just basic commonsense, but then again, perhaps we need to hear it out loud for it to penetrate the brain. However, there are many interesting titbits’ in here which get you thinking about what you can do to be a “green citizen” and slow the decay of our planet. The earth is fighting back didn’t you know? Or at least that is what James Lovelock is claiming in his book The Revenge of Gaia. Humans have been pillaging and destroying the planet for years without thinking about the consequences. But now earth is fighting back to survive. This

By Alicia Moraw

sounds like a science fiction movie, but author Lovelock asserts that it is what is actually happening now. His arguments have much weight behind them and if we believe what he has written... well lets just say, I am pretty sure there won’t be anyone left on earth because of how we’re treating it. Controversially, Lovelock is actually pushing for the expansion of nuclear energy plans, believing that this is the way forward to a cleaner and happier Gaia (earth). However, I wouldn’t read this is you want to believe that there is hope for a better world because, well, Lovelock is so doom and gloom, it brings you down. An interesting book which presents the world in a different light. All three books look at the world in different ways. One says we’re drama queens, the other is predicting disaster and the third is giving us ways to living a better life. Hopefully one of these will set you on the path of trying to make the environment a healthier happier place... but then again, we’re all probably dead when the shit hits the fan, so does it really matter?

A Lion Called Christian

By Anthony Bourke & John Rendall

After the success of Marley and Me by Josh Grogan, it seems that every publisher is trying to replicate its success by bringing out animal biographies of their own. We’ve had ones about other dogs and ones about cats; however none of them come close to Christian. Last year YouTube showed a film clip of two men being greeted by a lion in Africa. It was a worldwide phenomenon. A Lion Called Christian tells the story of two young men embarking on their post-university life in London. They come across a lion in the pet department in Harrods in 1969. They all lived together in a flat where Christian became a well known animal in the Chelsea area where their home was. However, Christian was becoming too big to continue in this small area. So his owners began to look for somewhere for Christian to live where he would be comfortable. They eventually found George Adamson, known for his ability to help captive lions re-enter the wild. This is a new issue with added photos and added bits of memories which weren’t mentioned in the 1971 publication of A Lion Called Christian. The visits to Christian after he had returned to the wild are also included in this new edition. This is not the most fabulous book in terms of writing style. Rather it is just an interesting story. It’s easy to read and fun. Animal lovers may not agree with keeping a lion in a domestic setting, but will secretly love to read about having a lion on the house. Highly recommended for anyone who once longed for a pet lion when they were a kid.

Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change it By Michael Grose I’m the eldest child. There are only two of us, but there is a five year age difference between us. I’ve always been the one to take charge, organise and make sure all our plans are executed. My brother on the other hand has always been pretty happy to follow my lead (I suspect that he believes the path of least resistance is the safest path with me). I’ve never really thought about it. It’s just always been that way. However one of my friends told be about this book that they had been recommended for their sociology project. It explains how birth order is a vital factor in determining what our dominant personality traits are as well as the future path we set out on. Michael Grose presents this information as matter of fact. He does concede that there may be exceptions to every rule, but the consensus is that first borns are bossy, middle children are constantly seeking a way to establish their individuality and the youngest are always the most outgoing and babied. It’s well written and presents information in a way that makes it interesting, with some statistics thrown in to make it look more credible. It goes through many different scenarios so everyone is covered and fits into a slot. It’s really interesting and not at all dry information. It makes some good observations and made me think about my actions... I’ve tried to stop being so bossy, as according to this book, first borns have a higher risk of heart problems due to the stress that they take on. I highly suggest anyone with siblings read this and look at themselves closely. Even if you’re an only child, it discusses the role that your solidarity takes in your life. It may not be a life changing book, but it does make you take a step back and consider the actions you have taken and the plans you may make in the future.

The Guide to Ethical Supermarket Shopping produced by the Ethical Consumer I’ve never really thought about what I buy at the supermarket. Admittedly since I live at home I’ve never really had to as my mother and father do all the shopping for me. But we do live in a time when we are aware that human rights abuse, animal cruelty, genetically modified food and destruction of the environment is rampant. These things can often be things that we believe that we can do little about. However, this is where The Guide to Ethical Supermarket Shopping comes into play. It explains that if we all do our part, we have the power to have an impact on those big industry giants who are dealing in unethical behaviour. By consciously deciding not to purchase something at a supermarket, we are making and economic impact. And it is this economic hit which will hurt the most. Because if everyone chooses not to purchase one item, then the profits are not coming in and it will force these big companies to wonder why. This shopping guide provides information on what brands of food are ethical, which aren’t and which have no information – negative or positive – available at the time of printing. It is written for Australia and is the result of many organisations’ research. It is very easy to use, not to mention it has an excellent little section every so often to explain why or what is wrong with a certain brand of food. I was devastated to realise that I shouldn’t be eating Cottee’s Jam because it is part of the Heinz company brand, but relieved to find out Cottee’s Cordial is ok, because it is owned by Cadburys. Be warned – this guide has the potential to freak you out. I read this at work and realised that all the beauty products that I buy at the Supermarket or Priceline are unethical. After many years of trying different things and working out what is good for my skin and hair, I’m now placed in an ethical dilemma. Do I start all over again in the search for beauty products which don’t damage my skin and have a happy conscience, or do I ignore it all and continue on in my unethical purchasing? Who knows? For more information about ethical buying go to: www.ethical.org

Matt the Morris Dancer Jess, S he and Tas lley ha 1) J: Lightening, S: Fire, T: Water 2) J: Food, S: Clothing, T: Water 3) All: Yes! Who doesn’t? It’s 2009! 4) J: Pro Seal Clubbing, S: Save the ‘rangas, T: 5) J: Bowls; they make food taste better, S: Women, T: Styrophoam 6) J & T: Mile Die Club! S: Sin City Rollers (respect)

1) water 2) eating mouldy leftovers - waste not, want not! 3) I suppose human actvity is impacting on climate in the long-term. I dont know 4) Frogs, they’re a good indicator of the environment’s healt 5) Don’t care really 6) Buns McBoom Boom (team Zebra) cos shes my partner

Matt d n a ine Just

1) people fire-extinguishing

Georgia

2) I found $50 once... 1) Justine: COCKRINGS! Carbon Neutral

Matt:

2) J: I wear the same clothes for a week and then shower in them to clean. M: I cashed in the bottles in my Garden Shed to the value of $120 3) J: This much (mtions as wide as her arms can spread) M: That depends... Are we exiting a new Ice Age? *rambles further about the ambiguity of pollution and fossil fuel usage* 4) J: A COCKRING FOR EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD! M: all the semen in the world to be gathered and organized in a databse to be coordinated with the Darwin awards, thus predicting who is stupid and removing them from the gene pool. 5) Both: TUPPERWARE!!! We bring our own containers, take it home and wash it, drinking beer in our kung fu panda sippers

Vox Pop at the Roller Derby

6) J: The ref who fell over. M: BARSTAFF!

Samm

3) bullshit! it’s freezing in my house! 4) I’m with her. (Georgia) 5) I’ll eat anything put in front of me 6) Minxie! (Pistola) Balboa is pretty good too.

1) Setting people on fire 2) In primary school I picked up syringes, even though they told me not to. It’s cool, I had gloves 3) Yeah, look at the icecaps! Have you seen Planet Earth with David Attenborough? 4) Recycle panties! 5) Biodegradable 6) Minxie! (Minx de la Rinx)

your 1) If you were a Planetee r, what would your ring power be? 2) What’s the most extre me form of recycling you’ve engaged in? 3) Global Warming; real

or bullshit?

4) Leo had the Ice Caps an d Bono wants to feed the starving children; what would your celebrity ‘cause’ be? 5) How do you prefer yo ur food; paper, plastic or other? 6) Just for Kicks: Who is your favourite Derby girl?

Devil’s Advocate

rism e t n m e nsu mer nm o o r i C v En son on ti-Consu e h T es r, the An L a and Taylo reg by G

A consuming society has many impacts on both the planet and the world. When referring to the planet I refer to the system that is Earth, and when referring to the world, I mean humanity and our various cultures, and the state of our society. On one hand we have the tangible impacts that our consuming has on the planet. These are the increased levels of carbon in the atmosphere resulting in global warming and its subsequent effects. On the other hand we are faced with the intangible effects of a life based on consumption, effects on culture, on our needs as people, on our beliefs and values, and our attitudes. And it is the impact of consumerism on the world that has caused the impact on the planet. So therefore you could call the planet an indirect casualty of consumerism, but a casualty nonetheless. If the world was not emersed in consumerism and all of it’s bells and whistles, it is fair to say the planet would be in an acceptable condition. Some could argue that with a system promoting advancement of technology, we will be able to achieve acceptable planetary conditions. For example, in time we may be able to source the majority of our energy needs from renewable resources. This is a scenario that will not soon be realised. While there is oil to be drilled for, there will be cars made to burn it, and there will be consumers to drive the cars. It is a similar story with coal, and the planet

now has the emerging populations of China and India to contend with. There is a lot of energy to be provided, and a lot of coal to be extracted. There is a lot of money to be made, and those making it are powerful indeed. This logic tells us that our lives of consumption will not save the planet. It is our consumerism that has led us to this point, and it is our consumerism that will make it almost impossible for the planet to regain its natural state. Our quest for products keeps the industrial world ticking, and it is a ticking time bomb for our home. So let us look at the grand scale of consumerism, for we need to understand ourselves as consumers, to see how our consumerism has its effects. Consumerism suggests a mindlessness. It is a continuing cycle of earning and spending that we are all a part of. It goes beyond weekly grocery shopping, buying petrol, or a new suit for work. That is the consuming part of it. At a more cultural level, consumerism is life. It is sitting in a job that may have no meaning, so you can have a pay check which enables you to spend. Consumerism is fashion, it is gadgetry, and it is television. Consumerism is McDonalds, Coke and cigarettes being a part of our lives. It is knowing off-byheart the jingle to an ad. Consumerism is your credit card, which makes you feel like you are not spending your own money. It is an infomercial shown every single night telling you that you should

be looking younger. It is the animal you eat without consideration of its slaughter. Consumerism is the millions of messages and signals that pass through your mind each day reminding you to consume. It waves goodbye to you at an airport, is with you on the plane, and greets at your destination. Consumerism is not realising that all the things that we consume daily rely on industry, production and energy use that is responsible for warming the globe. Consumerism is, in short, your existence, programmed into you since birth, with little other option. Not all of us are bound by consumerism however. Releasing yourself from it is kind of like being freed from the Matrix, and highly recommended. You begin to realise that the world in which you lived was surreal and quite bizarre; Millions of people rushing around you, trying to make as much money as they can, so that they can buy the latest of everything. And you fast become aware that in the process of their consumption, they are damaging the very planet that you are trying to inhabit. Part of you wishes you could reinsert yourself into ignorance so you don’t have to think about it, but once enlightened there is no turning back. “Sign me up” you say? The first step is turning off your TV. The withdrawals are harsh, as with anything addictive, but after a time you will feel peaceful, and ready to look at the world, and the planet, in a new light.

ainsaws h C e th n o g n ri B ro-Consumer s, P

by Tristan Adam

As promised ladies and gentlemen, here it is, my two step plan to save the environment:

lot of carbon, trees are made of a lot of cellulose (~50%), ergo, trees are made of a whole lot of carbon.

Step 1: cut down all the trees Step 2: sit back and read a good book, content in the knowledge that you’ve just saved the planet.

This all means that trees are probably our best carbon sinks, but they’re only carbon sinks for as long as they are growing and producing cellulose. Most trees stop growing up at around the age of 20 years. They still grow out, but don’t sink anywhere near as much carbon; therefore, we should cut them down and replace them with younger trees. (It may even be detrimental to the environment to leave old trees standing, because of the methane they produce, a much more potent Greenhouse gas then CO2, but the jury is still out on this.)

Now I know at first, that cutting down all the trees might seem a bit counterproductive to saving the planet, and I can’t claim entire ownership of this plan, it is built on others ideas, but I like those ideas because they show interesting and creative thinking. Interesting and creative thinking is important, because that is what will save the planet, not feel-good hippy bullshit. Sometimes I think they open their mouths just so they’ll have something to grow their mushrooms in. There are a couple of things you have to understand about trees to understand this brilliant plan. Despite all those lovely little root diagrams that were thrown at you during childhood, trees are not made out of soil nutrients. Shock-horror. If they were made out of soil, then there would be large holes underneath the trees (roughly equivalent to the tree’s volume). Instead trees are made out of air and water. Trees, and all plants, convert CO2 to O2, it’s a well known fact that is oft cited in the argument to save trees. But then people seem to forget that the carbon doesn’t mysteriously vanish, rather it is incorporated into many components of trees, and the component I’m most interested in is cellulose. Here is a chemistry lesson of the best kind, its short and sweet: Cellulose is made of a

Once you’ve cut the trees down you can’t just leave them there, because as they rot those little bacteria will fart all that dreaded carbon back into the atmosphere. There are a few options of dealing with the wood, I like turning them into paper, and not just because I have a passion for origami. Paper is nearly 100% cellulose, so it does a fantastic job of storing carbon. We could then wrap all that paper up in plastic and drop it in the ocean, but I’ve always thought a few more libraries wouldn’t go amiss in the world. This is a necessarily brief outline of the plan, and as such there are plenty of holes in it, but a little bit more creative thinking can plug them. E.g. save habitats by using rolling cut downs, or taking every second tree. Next, keep the amazing trees of Tasmanian and the Californian sequoias by declaring them nation monuments. How about using chemical pulping or nuclear energy instead of fossil fuels in the paper mills to stay carbon negative?

Moving on, here are two other ways to be smart about the environment. The first is, don’t listen to hippies. The easiest of their arguments to deride is organic food. With lower yields, greater environmental degradation and more deadly, there is a reason we changed away from it to industrial farming. It doesn’t work. I’ve read the studies claiming it does, and they ignore economies of scale and the huge decreases in human productivity. In short, they make our current sustainability issues look like a joke. Actually, most of the hippy arguments can be defeated by economies of scale and human productivity. Not a hippy argument, but still very pointless and only feel-good, is Australia’s ever threatened carbon emissions trading scheme. The entire pollution of Australia’s 21 million people, is eclipsed by Beijing’s 17.4 million, let alone the rest of China. So how about we take the prospected $8 billion the CETS is going to cost and invest it in something to help the Chinese pollute less? For example, an inexpensive, efficient LED light bulb, which will dramatically cut their energy consumption. I’m not saying we give it to them for free, the Chinese are a proud and touchy people who don’t take kindly to charity, but we could magnanimously offer it to them cheaply and have a real impact on the world, rather than make each other feel good and achieve nothing. When it comes to climate change, think smart rather than doing what feels good, and don’t buy recycled paper when you can get it from managed forests. I’m now off to read a book about chainsaws.

ell

b mp

urteen Tonn Fo Ca : y e es insl fe i l t yA h

Nig

Did you know that On Dit is 3% Carbon Neutral! That’s right, by writing for On Dit you can help save our planet from global warming!!! Submission can be sent to ondit@adelaide.edu.au upcoming editions: metropolis, june 26th eccentricidit, july 10th comedy/tragedy, july 27th

Turn on the bathroom light, put on the radio, talk on the phone, use the hair dryer, turn on the straightener, pick up a friend, drive into town, drink from a bottle, drive on to McDonald’s, order some food, throw away containers, drive home from town, turn on the light, have a shower, get into bed. On any average night out the mind is entirely focused on having a good time, with thoughts of organising where to meet up with friends and how to do one’s hair at the forefront of the mind. After a few drinks the thought of reducing one’s carbon footprint may seem absurd, but as research has shown, Australian’s per head of capita, produce more carbon emissions than any nation in the world. As a population we should care about this, as an individual we should care about this, even when under the influence. In 2002, research was conducted by the CSIRO into energy in the major industrialised nations. The USA contributed 23.45 %, with China following closely on 14.6%, the EU stood at 11.6%, you may ask where Australia fits in? Our

carbon emissions were calculated at just 1.4 percent of the total global emissions. This you might think is significantly lower than the other nations, but don’t go turning on all the lights just yet, when the numbers were calculated into emissions per head of population “Australians became the worst carbon emitters”. It was determined that on average each Australian emits fourteen tonnes of carbon each year. A preference to drive rather than take public transport, use high energy appliances like air conditioners, tumble dryers and electric hot water systems, not using fluorescent globes and a general ‘throw away’ lifestyle are all contributing factors. As a society and as an individual this issue must come to the forefront of our minds, every action has a consequence. What can you do to reduce your personal footprint? * Catch the bus or train into town, and you have the cheapest taxi ride of your life. It will cost you approximately two dollars each way, no parking tickets, no cab ranks at 4am, and Adelaide metro run the night services until the early

hours of the morning along all major routes. (See their web page for more details, www.adelaidemetro. com.au) * If you choose to buy drinks from a bottle it is not generally better for the environment, if the bottles are recycled, the amount of energy it takes to clean, break down and re-process that bottle is far greater than if one chose to drink beers on tap, where the kegs are delivered form the brewery and returned when finished to be re-filled. This also applies to mixed drinks, bars buys in bulk and so there is far less waste and packaging to be discarded compared to a one-use drink. * Re-use outfits, not everything has to be new, borrow items off of friends and you double your wardrobe. Every small change counts, before you head out next, spend a few moments to think about your own habits and what you could do to make a difference.

...unless you want polar bears to drown from exhaustion that is...

Film Competition Thanks to Palace Nova Eastend Cinemas we have 10 double passes to Giveaway! Win tickets to Sunshine Cleaning starring Emily Blunt, Amy Adams & Alan Arkin

To win, answer this question:

Sunshine Cleaning from the makers of Little Miss Sunshine.

How fast did the bus in the movie Speed need to go in order not to blow up?

send your answer to onditffilm@gmail.com

49 49

Social Fumbling

Six Months of Free Wine and Tiny Soup by Vincent Coleman

As I write this I am a single day away from our three-week holiday from On Dit. I feel like I’m three weeks away from going committed to some sort of institute quite frankly. The weekend just gone was one of a Pete Doherty proportion meltdown, one that actually kicked me hard enough to re-evaluate how I was going about life arse-over, but that’s what unknown chemicals will do to one’s conscience as you lay in a bed, insides cramping and afflicted with fever-sweats, but that’s another story for another time. The social life of an editor is a strange one. With deadlines constantly overlapping, nights become long and friends and family are soon left behind in lieu of first of all the business at hand of creating a student publication, and then later for the heady world of red carpet events and after-parties. It is these that truly skew one’s life into a sort of strange caricature of how ‘important’ people live. As an On Dit editor you begin receiving invitations to various events sch as the Adelaide Big Pond Film Festival opening night, Cabaret Launch Party and so on. You stop paying from tickets to concerts and sporting events, your name perpetually inhabiting door lists, admitted with a mention of credentials and a knowing nod. Having never been to this sort of ting we snapped up our RSVP’s and dived in feet first. There’s the fun of getting needless haircuts, dressing up in dapper suits and polishing shoes, and then there is the mingling and ‘schmoozing’. The most fun thing about this is that you never really feel like you belong here at first, so it’s all a big game, playing grownups so to speak. The after-parties themselves were

a world like I’d never encountered before. Important old people in dresses, suits and jewellery more expensive than my first car flitted to and fro. They threw back their heads and laughing at inane witticisms, sipping on seemingly bottomless glasses of champagne. Waiters wove their way through the crowd of cackling bourgeois yuppies, carrying trays of tiny, tiny food. We were proffered shot glasses of a thick green liquid, which I assumed to be some sort of organic liqueur and threw back what tasted like blended lawn clippings, nearly choking on the tiny prawn floating in the miniature swamp I held in my fingers. The snooty waiter promptly advised me it was chilled cucumber and dill soup. “In a (30mL) shot glass?” I asked rhetorically, before grabbing another 8 or so and downing them in rapid succession. Food this small, you can’t eat it fast enough, at least not fast enough to counteract the copious amounts of free alcohol sloshing around one’s stomach, a vile mixture of beer, and wine both red and white, with bubbles and without, the cocktail added to as each sort of free alcohol slowly but surely runs out. Eventually you meet people you probably shouldn’t ever meet, let alone under the influence of too much drink and too little food. Through bleary eyes you seen Margaret Pomeranz standing proudly out front, a defiantly cracked laugh issuing from her mouth as a sophisticatedly length cigarette hangs from her lips. You say something inane and slightly slurred and you get a smile, the polite sort a world away from the face you saw upon approach. Her hand feels like the bark of a tree and she says how lovely it was to meet you and she turns away and goes back to laughing uproariously with her friends.

You might be like my co-editor Steph, and seeing a family friend swagger up to her, drunkenly crying “Hey bribri! What’s the happy-haps!?” before realizing she’s talking with her close friend, film director Rolf De Heer. At least you didn’t drop the C-bomb in reference to the film editor of The Advertiser. Or did you? You’ve just made an arse of yourself and realize you’re out of your depth, socially. No one else is as drunk as you, knowing that the alcohol is free to spare them of the petty act of exchanging moneys rather than so you can drink to the point of social, if not physical impairment. You’re not meant to drink all the beer, and all the sparkling red, and the champagne, and the Shiraz and the chardonnay. Next thing you’re appearing half-cut in the social pages of a dozen Adelaide publications, slamming booze like a frat-boy. That’s what office parties are for. Two days from now On Dit lane will be inhabited by 60+ editors, subbies, student pollies, friends and family as we drink and dance like we’re meant to, with reckless abandon, half a ‘grands worth of free alcohol*, woo! sloshing in our bellies, full of real food, dancing to real music with real friends, exactly as it should be. Fuck red carpets. Fuck after-parties. This is how we roll.