5 minute read
Real Talk: Mental Health
By Kelly Williams, LMFT, Clinic Director, and Giselle Vallejo, LPCC, Lead Clinician The Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD, San Diego
www.vvsd.net/cohenclinics
How Do You Create Lasting Change Beyond What’s Determined on New Year’s Eve? How About, Don’t.
As we approach the new year, it can be quite common for us to reflect on how we navigated our responsibilities over the last 12 months. Beyond reflection, we might also take some time to think about how we want to approach the upcoming year in new or different ways.
That can become overwhelming for some people and there can be added pressure to create new year’s resolutions. But we recommend taking a different spin on it and, instead, taking time to recognize what has been accomplished. Often, people tend to focus on what they should be doing, what they could have done, and less attention is placed on what you have achieved.
Here are some things to consider:
• Stigma related to continual improvement can be a method of growth, but it can also limit us from reflecting on our strengths or resiliency that we have formed. Instead of focusing on what you want to change, try focusing on what you want to maintain. For example, maybe you were successful at eating more consistent meals. Something you can tell yourself is, “I did a great job of taking care of myself and that made me feel really good!” It is important to remind yourself of your successes and abilities.
• Try replacing the word “improve” with “strengthen.” The word “improve” can often feel like you are taking away from the strengths and abilities you already possess. Instead of saying “I want to improve my physical fitness” try, “I want to strengthen my physical abilities.”
Also, try taking some time to identify what you are looking forward to in the new year. This does not have to be the typical things you think of with new year’s resolutions.
• Wondering how to create lasting change that is more than a goal determined on New Year’s Eve?
How about, don’t. We humans are meant to change, evolve, and grow. Something that seemed important to master in January might not be as important in June. Try conceptualizing how relavent these goals will be 7 days from now, 7 weeks and 7 months. Perhaps, you can set a goal for a period of time and allow yourself the chance to check in before getting upset that you didn’t make it a full 365 days.
• Identify a word for the year. A great way to reflect on the year is to find a word that can wrap up the way you approached successes or challenges. Maybe there was more “intention” behind your actions. And for the upcoming year you may want to focus on speaking kindly to yourself, “self-compassion” can be your new year word.
• You can also create a mantra for yourself that will help you focus on what you want to strengthen or achieve, “I control my anger, it does not control me” or “I will have control of my thoughts” or “Feelings aren’t facts” and “Don’t forget to breathe.”
• Try creating a list of things you would like to do
for the upcoming year. You may have spent some time making travel plans for the new year. Maybe you have plans for a family event, and you are really looking forward to that. Tracking time by activities is another valuable form of measure.
Increasing healthy habits is often a common new year’s resolution, which is why we see gyms extremely busy at the beginning of the year. However, health is more than just physical health. Mental health is just as important to maintain, and we don’t mean just attending your therapy appointments. Here are some ways to focus on strengthening mental health.
• Take 1-3 minutes to do a mental health check-in.
Ask yourself, how am I feeling? What might be making me feel this way right now? Where do I feel it in my body? What do I need? Have I given myself credit for what I did today? What is something that went well for me today? Remaining conscious of what feels good or bad both physically and emotionally is an important part of our health routine.
• Take time to reach out to your support system.
When was the last time you talked to your best friend? How about your old roommate? You can schedule time to talk to those who you are not able to see regularly. It can be an easy mental health booster. If you’re having a hard time scheduling a time, a simple text message saying, “Thinking of you” can yield positive endorphins to get you through a difficult day.
• Set time to do something you enjoy for yourself. Examples of that can be making yourself a tea or coffee in the morning, taking in intentional breaths to get your day started or to wind down after a long day, or treating yourself to something you don’t get to do like getting a pastry at your favorite bakery. Lastly, find ways to cope with stress. Cohen Veterans Network’s (CVN) Tools for Managing Stress & Worry is one way to tackle the ways you deal with stress during this time of year. This free, self-paced course was specifically created for military family members to help manage stress and worry through a series of brief and flexible educational modules. Brought to you by CVN and Blue Star Families, Tools for Managing Stress and Worry provides research-based strategies, tools and techniques to help manage stress and worry. The course was designed by mental health experts with input from military family members themselves.
Most importantly it is the intentions behind what you do that ultimately determine how you start your year. If you have positive and compassionate intentions towards yourself, your methods of achieving or maintaining change will eventually catch up. At the very least, you also have the power to determine when the new year starts for you. While the commercialization of New Year’s Eve might end after January, no one ever said that you can’t have your own new year on February 1st. All it takes is a mindset and your own personal buyin to what you are doing.
Cohen Clinics provide therapy to post-9/11 veterans, service members, and their families, including National Guard / Reserves. CVN Telehealth, face-to-face video therapy available statewide.
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