Real Talk: PSC Season

By Hope Phifer The Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD

www.vvsd.net/cohenclinics

It is PCS Season. Time to Declutter.

How did I get here? It’s a question many of us ask ourselves when we suddenly notice that we’re sitting in our home, surrounded by stuff – childhood memories, clothes long past their prime, houseware and décor that we have a million versions of, a closet or two filled with things we haven’t looked at in years, and yes, I’m going to say it, junk.

This “Aha!” moment of clutter oftentimes comes during the most inconvenient moments for military families – PCS season (dun-dun-duuun!).

Before you start feeling guilty. Do not. You are not alone. There are many reasons for clutter.

Items can have meaning beyond their value, says Kirsten Alfaro White, M.A., NCC, APCC, Associate Director at the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD in Oceanside, California. The Cohen Clinic, part of Cohen Veterans Network, provides high-quality, evidence-based mental health care for post-9/11 veterans, service members and their families.

“Oftentimes, people find deeper meaning in an object beyond its actual value. This can be in the form of sentimental or nostalgic value,” White said. “For example, parents might look at their children’s things as ‘special,’ like their first pair of shoes, or the first picture they drew. Items can also be seen as having possible value in the future. Like, you may view something that ‘could be really helpful in the future, so I better hang on to it.’”

Another reason you may find yourself in a clutter predicament is because you simply just may not know where to start. White’s examples show how clutter could have started, but then it accrues and then it feels like it is too much to tackle. Military families particularly face these challenges because they deal with frequent moves as part of PCS transitions. A military family may have to downsize to a new home, having more than the space comfortably allows. Or they may move into a bigger home, which means buying more items to fill the space.

“Military families don’t always have control over where they are moving,” White said. “In attempt to ‘fit in’ with their new community, in a new state, they might buy certain items that align with the community better so that they can feel more adjusted with their peers.”

Additionally, she said the accumulation of items from various places should be considered. “Those items hold a deeper value because they are tied to a deeper memory.”

Facing clutter during PCS moves can present mental health challenges for military families, including:

• Anxiety when attempting to declutter

- This can occur when items are thought to have meaning beyond their value. Therefore, the thought of getting rid of items that have sentimental value can cause anxiety. - Similarly, if someone thinks that items could hold value in the future, they might feel anxiety around letting go of them.

• Distress when feeling overwhelmed or embarrassed

- Decluttering, no matter the size of the task, can feel very daunting, especially if it has to do with meaningful items. And the thought of the task itself can be overwhelming, even more so if someone does not know where to start or how to organize. - Someone could also feel embarrassed by how many items they need to sort through, how it all looks, or the things that they have kept—this feeling of embarrassment could lead to, or mix with, the feelings of anxiety and/or depression.

• Depression

- letting go of an item that holds significant sentimental value could lead to a state of depression. - Also, being overwhelmed with emotions can lead to depressive symptoms such as the lack of energy or motivation to declutter.

As overwhelming as it seems, there are many solutions to overcoming these mental health challenges. White outlines a few of them below:

• Include everyone. That means the entire family, friends, and other loved ones. This can help with the nostalgic part of addressing the value of items. However, be sure to set the stage for those involved; share with them that the items may be hard for you to let go and/or that it might bring you anxiety.

• Ten-minutes sweeps. Break up the decluttering in small increments and be sure to include timed breaks or moments for selfcare, deep breaths and mindfulness. Set small goals and achieve those to build a big win!

• Donate! Donating is a wonderful way to add meaning to something while letting go. A military spouse friend of mine told me recently that something that helped her with letting go of some items was donating them to someone in need and knowing they were going to be cherished by someone else.

• Manage expectations. When embarking on tasks that can be overwhelming, manage your expectations of the process and your end goal.

• Give yourself grace. Remember, it is okay to have a tough time with challenges. Guidance and tips can help, but that does not mean that they will make the process easy for everyone. Consider seeking a mental health professional to help you cope.