Real Talk: - Deployment Mode

By Jenny Lynne Stroup Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD

www.vvsd.net/cohenclinicsandiego

Deployment moDe

Deployment mode. It is a state of being that transcends all other abilities and enables me to detach from my deploying spouse and handle all the things. This mode takes over approximately a week to ten days before my spouse leaves. One by one all other faculties shut down and I become completely consumed by deployment mode. My ability to love and feel loved is limited, but my ability to simultaneously cook, clean, work, shuttle kids, redecorate the house, plan events, and take on extra volunteer positions increases exponentially. In short, it’s a defense mechanism, and it works every time.

I lived the greater parts of 2010 through 2013 in deployment mode. My husband was either deployed, preparing to be deployed, or in school learning how to be deployed for most of those years. I became so accustomed to doing it all that I simply forgot what it was like to not live that way.

Within twenty-five days of my husband’s arrival back on American soil my family packed up our belongings and moved seven hours north. Deployment mode. I didn’t have time to come out of it. We transitioned from one of life’s greatest stressors to another. The ability to reconnect and work as a team was not a luxury we had.

I was operating in get it done mode, focused on the all the decisions I made alone: our new residence, our pack out date, what to pack in our personal vehicles, while he was operating in adjustment mode: living on Eastern Standard Time, being near me and our toddlers, being able to step outside without a full kit strapped to his chest.

While we did what we could to maintain connection and intimacy during the years of training and deployments, having to actually do that in person was much more difficult than I realized.

I was not in the business of asking for help. I was not in the business of letting others in. I was most certainly not in the business of relinquishing control over the way our days went and how things were accomplished.

Deployment mode: such a good and helpful way to live; until it isn’t.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know that, then. I didn’t know that this defense mechanism that was triggered to protect me during deployments was not going to serve me well in the long run.

Now I know that in these times of intense transition whether it be post deployments, PCSs, or from active duty to veteran status, there are a few things I need to do to protect my mental health.

• Ask for help- from family, friends, neighbors • Let others in- sometimes this looks like actually letting people into your home to share a cup of coffee. Other times this looks like sharing some of what you are struggling with so they can help carry the load. • Relinquish control- having routines and systems are excellent strategies for a life well lived, but when those routines and systems are so rigid, they amp up anxiety and stress it may be time to reexamine them and let them go. • Remind myself that this period of transition is a season and seasons don’t last forever.

Deployment mode is something that serves a purpose and has its place. It just doesn’t serve me well or need to have a place forever.

Jenny Lynne Stroup serves as the Outreach Coordinator for the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Veterans Village of San Diego.

www.vvsd.net/cohenclinicsandiego

The Cohen Clinic at VVSD is one of 19 mental health clinics nationwide under nonprofit Cohen Veterans Network (CVN) which focuses on providing targeted treatments for a variety of mental health challenges facing post-9/11 veterans and military families, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, transition challenges, and more.