LENS: Words Matter

Mental Health Monthly

By RanDee McLain, LCSW

WORDS MATTER We had very open and candid conversations about the election and specifically addressed the why. It is often easier to just say something is wrong or get As I began to write this month’s column, I thought about upset than to truly understand the why. I was able to the words I would like to use. I thought about how in learn more about her background and why she voted recent history our words have had significant impact the way she did. I was able to understand why certain and many times have attributed to high emotions and issues where important to her and why others where reactivity amongst us. Not that this hasn’t happened not as impactful to her. She was also able to hear before, but it seems in recent years it is more prevalent. and learn about my views and background. Neither of us changed our decisions….but we respected and In order to combat any confusion, I thought some basic understood each other. This is what I see so often definitions would help. I reached out to my good old missing in our day-to-day dialogue. It is ok….in fact friend Webster. it is healthy….to have different opinions. It is how we deal with them that is the challenge. Here are three tips that can help us all.

Unity: The state of being united or joined as a whole Divisive language: Creating disunity or dissention Polarizing: Causing strong disagreement between opposing groups. Civil Discord: lack of agreement (between people, things or ideas)

I must also say - this is NOT a political article. These lessons apply to all areas of our lives.

Back in 2016, our country was gearing up for an election. That year my sister also turned 30 and we went to celebrate with a weeklong trip to Cabo San Lucas. As we were getting ready for bed one night, we turned on the TV. We turned to the only three channels that were in English. Of course, they were all tuned into the election. We spent several minutes checking out each one and they were all three covering the same speech. We knew the speech was the same due to what we were watching but the commentary was VERY different. The different spin from each channel was astonishing. If you did not know better, you would not know they were watching the same speech. That day I realized the news in that moment was more opinion than fact. This is when I truly saw how polarizing the information was being put out- on the very same event. If I had only watch one channel, I would have only had one very far leaning biased view. Seek out positives in any situation. It does not matter what the situation is – there can always be something positive. It is easy to find negatives in our daily life, but it takes effort to see the positives. I make a conscious effort to point out at least three things daily that have been positive and at least one way I brought positivity to the world around me.

That same year, I had an amazing friend who had and still does, very different political choices then myself. What was unique was the way we approached the election and our friendship. Own what is yours to own! Let go of what is out of our control. So many times, we get frustrated about things that are out of our control. Many times these are things that have little impact on us. Example: I once dated a guy who was so enraged in traffic. He would let the fact that someone was going slower than he wanted impact his entire night. Someone else’s slow driving negatively impacted his mood for several hours after. Granted this is extreme but so often we let things we can not change impact our emotions and behaviors.

Lastly, we have more alike than we are different.

Take time to talk to others and see their point of view. Listen to others and use less divisive language. We do not all have to have the same beliefs to get along or respect one another. Respect for others goes a long way towards unity and over all happiness.

Words have power…..use them wisely. Think before you speak and spend more time listening.