Hidden Helpers

May is the Month of the Military Caregiver

Military caregivers are the all-too-often unsung heroes who play a critical role in the health and well-being of our military community.

Today, there are an estimated 5.5 million military caregivers nationwide. They are the spouses, parents, siblings, friends, and even children who step up in incredible ways to care for the wounded, ill, or injured veteran or service member in their life.

The wide spectrum of military caregiver support includes organizing medications, providing transportation to doctor’s appointments, monitoring medical conditions, assisting with daily tasks like getting dressed and bathing, communicating with health care providers, advocating on their behalf, helping with housework, meals, grocery shopping, and much more.

In many cases, caregivers don’t identify themselves as caregivers, and see this support as simply doing what needs to be done when someone they love needs help. Still, it is important to recognize that the additional physical and emotional strain of caregiving responsibilities can affect caregivers’ mental health, and acknowledge that in military households, the culture of sacrifice and selflessness can prevent caregivers from taking care of themselves.

Month of the Military Caregiver presents the perfect opportunity to encourage military caregivers to carve out time for themselves in support of their own mental health and wellness as they care for others. Self-care can include any activity or practice both big and small that have a positive impact on your mental health and well-being. While time and resources may be limited, there are self-care strategies anyone can practice on a regular basis:

Say “No” As a Form of Self-Care

There are times when you might be asked to do more than you can realistically give. If someone asks something of you, use a “tactical pause” to gather your thoughts and consider if it is doable. If it is not, practice self-care by saying “no.” You don’t need to apologize for it, “no” is a complete sentence.

Stressed Out? Take Action

If there is a clear, actionable thing that’s stressing you out, the best self-care you could possibly give yourself is to act. If the task is just too overwhelming to tackle all at once, then break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks. In other words, you don’t need to climb the entire mountain in one day. Simply walk 10 ft. today, and then another 10 ft. again tomorrow. This approach can make projects less intimidating and more doable.

Ask for or Accept Help

If someone says, “Let me know if you need anything” take them up on their offer! It’s ok to let others help you carry the weight of what you’re experiencing. If you’re uncomfortable with receiving help, think about what you need in terms of your friends. If your friend asked you for help with the same thing, would you help them? If the answer is “yes”, then let your friend be a friend and help. Or, if it’s an acquaintance that’s helping, think of it as an opportunity for connection. They help you, then you help them all the while you’re building friendship and community.

Practice Grace with Yourself

Give yourself some credit! It is OK to not have all the answers. We often feel that we could have or should have done more. But instead of focusing on the things you didn’t get done in a day, focus on the things you did get done. Extend the same kindness you offer others. Practicing grace with yourself first is important.

At the Cohen Clinics at VVSD, part of Cohen Veterans Network (CVN), we are acutely aware that sometimes caregivers need someone to care for them, too. From the day our first clinic door opened, caregivers have been eligible for our high-quality, accessible mental health care. Last year, in partnership with Wounded Warrior Project, CVN extended our commitment to caregivers through a new initiative called “Hidden Helpers”. This initiative provides extended services to children who act as caregivers in military households, who are receiving care at any of our 23 Cohen Clinics around the country. Roughly 50% of all clients at CVN are military family members, and of that group 16% are children.

We are proud to have expanded our care to these remarkably resilient Hidden Helpers and look forward to continuing to serve.

To find care near you or to learn more, visit: cohenveteransnetwork.org/our-care