Adulting
Adulting
this month’s
Ultimate Guide: Move it Like Tatum Pro’s Advice: What Not To Spend
Confessions of moving back Home
Who Says You Can’t be a Baller on a Budget?
Is your Roommate THE Worst?
Hope & Chris:
Partners in Adulting
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Exclusive articles with
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Life Changing Advice
Adulting
Letter from the Editor What does it mean to be an adult?
For some, it’s the point where you’re past childhood and where responsibility becomes a constant companion. For others, it’s total freedom, balanced by self-accountability. No matter how you describe it, one thing that it can never be is objective.
Being an adult means different things for different people, and there’s no way to place a blanketing concept over something so varied. There is no one true definition for being an adult, yet we love to try and summarize it with a finite path that we should all follow: grade school, then college, then adulthood. But the process of “Adulting” is much more than just what school can teach us: It is a subjective experience, and life itself prepares us for it. With a fantastic team of talented minds and inquiring spirits, the Adulting staff collaborated to produce something unique. Each and every one of us is reaching a major turning point in our lives, where education and wisdom coalesce. There is nothing quite like reaching adulthood and facing the real world: it’s a pivotal time that introduces you to yourself. Our publication acknowledges the changes that adulthood brings, while respecting the individual needs of our readers. With this guide made for young adults, by young adults, we sincerely hope that this comprehensive guide will reach our readers on a level that we can all appreciate. In this first issue of Adulting, we hope that our audiences will be able to relate to our experiences as we travel along the same road. Alex Hemphill
Editor In-Chief, Adulting Magazine
Alexandria Hemphill, Editor-in-Chief Cole Christy, Multimedia Director and Photographer Luisa Beguiristain, Creative Director Jeffrey Gilcreast, Business Director Danielle Thorne, Design Editor Emily Lazration, Copy Editor Jasmin Curtiss, Multiplatform Editor Kathryn O’Brien, Multimedia Editor Logan Joyce, Advertising & Promotions Director Morgan Arnott, Social Media Editor Nora Frenkiel, Publisher
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May 2016
In this month’s issue...
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Confessions of a Comeback Kid
Traveling on a Budget Thorne’s Pointers
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6
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Partners in Adulting How to Tell Your Roommate They’re Being an Asshole
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17 Eight Things
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Finessing the System 18
New Kid’s Guide
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Spend this, Save that
21 Jasmin’s Healthy Habits
Tiny Houses for a Tiny Budget 23 Death and Tax Forms
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26 A Guy’s Guide 29
Embracing Life 3
Adulting
Confessions of a Comeback Kid
That Awkward Moment When You Move Back Home Nobody knows better than millennials that there’s nothing wrong with living at home after college. Let’s face it, the job market sucks, and rent sucks more. For years the “normal” path was for a college student to find an apartment by the time they graduated, if not before. The age of independence used to be 21, or close to it, but now adolescence is extended. It’s not good, it’s not bad. It just is. I graduate in May of this year, and lately I’ve been thinking, what is it gonna be like to move back under my parents’ roof? I like to think of myself as an “adult kid.” I have the legal independence and to an extent, the financial freedom of an adult, but I’m not totally there yet. Don’t get me wrong,
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I’d love to get my own apartment. A room with a view that’s absolutely covered in pink sounded like the life around this time last year. And then I found out about this little thing called a lease and I was like “No.”
I had to come to terms with the fact that my dream apartment was just going to have to wait, and at first that was kind of a hard thing to accept. It seemed like every two seconds another one of my friends was buying an apartment in a cool city right after graduation, and I was gonna be stuck hearing “Ally, get up!!” for the next couple of years. It hardly seemed fair that I’ll be stuck at home while everyone else is going off, starting their life. But then I realized that I was buying into this
social expectation that you have to move out as soon as you’re done with school. What I didn’t realize is that I was not alone. According to a study by the smart guys at the Wall Street Journal, we are what they call “The Boomerang Generation.” Just like our name suggests, we’re coming right back to where we started. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that about 30% of millennials live with a parent, as convenience and financial factors are the main reasons for staying at home after graduation. Moving back home takes readjusting, but at the end of the day its’s a reality for a lot of American young adults. Here are seven simple steps to being a Comeback Kid.
May 2016
Stay diligent & positive – You are educated and intelligent: don’t get discouraged. Like with anything else, a little bit of positivity goes a long way. Don’t expect things to change overnight; let things happen at their own pace, and give your parents, and yourself, time to accept the new setup. Don’t give in to the old expectations – The whole move-out-immediate-after-college thing is no longer feasible for everybodythose days are over. Sure, a lot of kids move out of their parents’ homes after they graduate. Some don’t, and that’s okay. The truth is the economy and the housing market both suck, and the move-out dogma no longer applies. After all, who wants to pay rent when you can have free room and board for a teensy bit longer? Don’t listen to the idea that moving back home makes you a loser: there’s a difference between free-loading and economic budgeting. Talk to your parents – Establish ground rules with your parents. Voice your concerns, listen to theirs, and work out some guidelines. Curfew? Dating? Privacy Settings? Think of it as a roommate agreement between you and your parents. See things from each other’s perspectives. Remember that you will always be their baby, but still remind them that you are an adult and respectful boundaries should come from both sides. Set achievable goals for yourself– Take time to come up with a five-year plan. Sit down, think about your situation from all angles, and map out the best time for you to find your own place. Set benchmarks for when you want certain things to happen, from finding a better job, to researching new places to live, to planning an estimated move-out date.
Find a roommate – Just as you would research a place to live, research good people to live with. Having a roommate can ease the financial burden of moving out on your own and can make the transition seem a little less singular. Be patient –If you feel that your boundaries are being overstepped, take some time to regroup. Depending on how hands-on your parents are, the adjustment can be frustrating at first, but high school hissy fits are not the way to go: that will just make things worse. Remember that you have been living a supervision-free lifestyle of adulting proportions for the last four years, and to them you’re pretty much still a child. Reconcile these two realities: make good decisions on your own, and if your parents disagree with something, calmly explain that while you respect their authority, you are an adult and you are entitled to your independence. Remember that your parents love you – Your parents only want what’s best for you. Your life represents an ongoing investment that they have made, and all they wanna do is protect that investment. But when their parenting
and your adulting conflict, don’t give up: talk to them, talk to an older sibling, or just take time to figure things out for yourself. If you don’t know what you want, how can you expect them to understand what you want? Nobody is going to give you the love and nurturing that your parents give you. Hang in there because after you move out, you’re gonna miss that TLC. Bonus Tip for the parents out there: Avoid the “my-house, my-rules” mentality. Coming from a young adult, I know this tip kinda seems like a copout. But think back to when you were a young adult: what were some of the things that you wanted? How did you feel about your independence, and when you felt that it was being impeded? Keep in mind that your kid has successfully managed their own life for 9 months at a time out of the past four years, and their sense of self-sufficiency is ever-growing. So remember to give it space to flourish. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll have the house to yourself again.
by Alexandria Hemphill
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Adulting
Your study abroad experience was amazing and you caught the travel bug
Traveling on a Budget
a Quick Guide
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May 2016
You can still travel post-graduation; student loans don’t have to be the death of your wanderlust! Here’s a quick guide on how to travel cheap. Research shows that buying plane tickets Tuesdays between 1:00 PM and 3:00 PM is the cheapest time to purchase. Try to book about three months in advance of your departure date for the best deals from airlines. Google Flights is an awesome way to plan any trip you could think of! Google lets you enter your destinations (as many as you want) and it will show you the best days and flights to book; it even offers a “discover destinations” feature that can show you new and exciting places to go. Another cheap flight trick is to travel off-season, if you can. You’ll avoid the jacked-upped prices and all the crazy crowds. Generally between the end of October through early April for Europe, and May through September for Asia. Stay in hostels or house swap: everyone knows hostels are a cheap option for travelers but there’s also options like Airbnb or home exchange where you can swap places with another traveler. Once you get to your hostel you can barter work in exchange for your room fee. Speak to the hostel manager when you arrive to see if they need any extra
work done. Don’t check a bag. Some airlines have a fee for checking a bag so use a carry on instead. It will save you some change and time since you won’t have to wait in those ridiculous baggage claim lines. But if you really have to, Jetblue and Southwest Airlines offer one free checked bag! Use ATMs, not traveler’s checks or currency exchanges. ATMs actually offer the cheapest rate for your dollar; the only thing you have to watch out for is a transaction fee. Avoid these by taking out the largest amount you can so you withdraw less often. Also check with you home bank to see if they have any international patterns, for example there’s no transaction fee at Banco Santander in Mexico if you have a Bank of America card! You can relive your study abroad experience by traveling with a group! There’s an affordable travel company called EF College Break, which handles ALL those annoying travel details (flights, hotels, tours, transportation, and food) for you and is open to anyone 18-28. They offer trips all over the world from Oktoberfest in Germany to adventures in Costa Rica and beyond, the options are almost limitless AND they offer a budgeted payment plan so you can make deposits either monthly or bi-weekly.
Use Public Transportation! Once you get to your destination figure out how their bus or subway system works by asking the front desk at your hotel/ hostel, usually they have very helpful maps. Buy a bus or subway card and start exploring the city! It’s much cheaper and faster than cabs, plus you’ll feel like a really hip local. Use Wi-Fi! Save a lot of money on your data and cell plan by staying in touch using free Wi-Fi spots. Unless your going to the Amazon jungle, almost anywhere you go will have WiFi or even a complimentary computer you can use in your hotel lobby. You’ll still be able to use all your fav social media apps and even iMessage while connected to Wi-fi! Every dollar you save can go towards your drinking budget. ; ) While you’re online check to see what you can do in your destination for free. A lot of cities offer free walking tours that will let you take in all the iconic tourists sights. You don’t have to travel far and wide to find exciting things to do. Take a road trip with you friends across the U.S or even to a new town and explore what’s in your own backyard.
by Emily Lazration
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Thorne’s Pointers: Adulting
How to Dress like an Adult
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May 2016
Being mercilessly ripped away from the comfort of college life where sweatpants are totally acceptable and thrown into fast paced, work life where you have to wait for “dress down Friday” to look halfway relaxed can be unsettling. So here are a few tips that will hopefully help you to look great for the job and develop good habits to keep it up. Give your dress down clothes a designated space: Try starting out by getting those comfy sweats and sneakers out of your way in the morning so that you can focus all of your attention on your professional clothes. This will cut out a big distraction. Stay away from bright patterns and colors: Of course this can vary depending on where you work. But for those of you climbing the corporate ladder, keep it simple with dark black, greys, blues, and possibly a mix of earthy tones. Some occasions might call for a pop of color, which is fine!...just keep it classy. Don’t outdo your boss: One thing that people don’t think about is not dressing too nicely. You don’t need an expensive suit for the first day and you certainly don’t need to upstage the people who hired you by spending a fortune on one outfit.
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Adulting
Accept that length rules are for men and women: Ladies, I know everybody keeps nagging you to wear skirts that are at the knee and sometimes it’s restricting. But it is the professional guideline. To the men, make sure your sleeves do not come below your wrist. Not only is it unprofessional, but the extra fabric looks messy. Try getting your things tailored. Experiment: You don’t have to look like a box to look like an adult. Try experimenting with different silhouettes and suit cuts to tailor your look to your personality. Becoming a drone is boring. So venture out and see what looks good on you.
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May 2016
Think about the event you’re at: Of course there is the dress code for work, but there are also standards for dressing like the adult you are when you’re out on the town. so PSA: DO NOT revert back to your old college habits. As people get older, they tire of the college-like scene and acquire different styles, even in a potential partner! So try some nice jeans or even a skirt, pumps or oxfords, and a respectable top. Try to pick something that says “I’m playful but I’m classy”. Now you’re ready to be an adult and look good doing it! Have fun starting your new wardrobe.
Photography by Cole Christy
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Partners in
Adulting
Photography by Cole Christy
May 2016
Chris and Hope describe themselves as partners, which they are in every sense of the word. They work together, live together, and ‘adult’ together. I sat down with them to talk about when and how they first started ‘adulting’ and the lessons they have learned along the way. In Hope’s opinion, she first began her path of ‘adulting’ when she moved to Baltimore. After finishing grad school, Hope moved out of her parent’s house where she had been staying. To Hope, living at home was a challenge in and of itself. Defining boundaries with her parents was key and it was difficult to navigate the transition from child to adult child. When Hope moved to Baltimore for her first job, she knew no one in the city. “I had to navigate the world as an adult for the first time, “Hope said, “I had to find an apartment, and I had to do my research. I had to determine what was reasonable for rent, how much of my salary was reasonable to spend etc.” When faced with many challenges in a new city, Hope had to consciously ‘adult’. Unlike Hope, Chris did not do his research when it came to finding a post grad apartment and paid the price. Chris had decided that he didn’t want to spend more than a certain amount of money on rent. He found a cheap place on Craiglist that fit his rent expectations and moved in. If Chris had done his research, he would have known that his expectations of a low rent apartment were very high and that he would need to pay much more for a decent apartment in Baltimore. His roommate/ landlord had several cats…that she did not clean up after. The dishes were never done and the apartment was constantly dirty. She
“Adulting is about you getting to determine what your life is like.” - Chris also refused to fix things that were my age. It was difficult meeting new broken in the apartment. Chris was people.” “Exactly, “Hope agreed. miserable and knew after a week that Once his six months were up, Chris he needed to move. He had told his moved into a different neighborhood roommate online that he would be of Baltimore and everything changed. staying for six months. Chris did “It was like, ‘literally everybody stay in the apartment for six months in their twenties lives here, “Chris despite the fact that he had not signed laughed, “I was like, where have you a lease and was actually under no legal guys all been?” Rent price isn’t the only obligation to stay. In retrospect, Chris thing to consider when finding an realized that he was being too accomapartment. Neighborhoods are importmodating and had every right to leave. ant too. “My world was completely “It was a lesson learned,” Chris said, different because of where I lived.” “A big part of ‘adulting’ is being less Chris and Hope agreed that the idea nice because sometimes you have to be of “work-life balance” isn’t practical assertive instead of accommodating. “ anymore. Personal life and work life The cats and clutter were not the have become much more fluid and only problems with Chris’ apartment. integrated. “Rarely will people do only It was also located in a neighborhood work at work and rarely will people where no one was his age. “In that not do some work at home”, Chris neighborhood, you were either a kid said. The lines between personal life or an old person. There was no one and work life have blurred. “I felt like
“One of the biggest challenges we have because we are a couple that works together is finding boundaries.” - Hope 13
Adulting
“There’s no such thing as work-life balance, there’s work life integration.” - Chris
work was going to see my friends, “Hope added, “ Up until recently, my best friend worked with Chris and I and my work life and social life sort of became one.” You develop a community at work that becomes part of your social life. “In terms of my relationship with Chris, we had to create timelines where we’d say we’re not going to talk about work past this point,” Hope told me, “ We’d look at each other when we were at home and be like, ‘why are we still talking about work?’ You do want your life and relationships to be about more than just work.” “Work is important but it is no longer the purpose of my day, now it is a part of my day,” Chris added. 14
Chris explained that he loves what he does but that it isn’t the most meaningful thing that he does. He finds meaning in the relationships in his life. “The most meaningful things that I’ve done in my life have been simple conversations and most of those have been outside of work. It’s important to find meaning in work and meaning outside of work.” I asked Chris and Hope what they would tell young people about adulting. Hope answered, “Students don’t realize that life doesn’t end after college. You have possibility in front of you.” Chris nodded adding, “Exactly, adulting is about holding yourself accountable. The ways of measuring success are completely different. You get to determine what you life is like.”
“You always want work to be a meaningful component of your life, but not have it be your life.” –Chris by Kathryn O’Brien
May 2016
“I don’t think ‘Adulting’ is something you can ever master. It’s something that you have to consciously try to do.”
–Hope
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a Guide for Passive-Aggressive people
Adulting
How To Tell Your Roommate They’re Being An Asshole
Imagine yourself sitting calmly trying to enjoy a great morning cup of coffee and an episode of Good Morning America. The morning is so peaceful and you’re enjoying the brief moments of peace you have in your day. Then all of a sudden, like a bulldozer into a building, your peace is interrupted by screaming and yelling! “You never respect me John! All you think about is yourself! How do you expect this to work if you keep being so freaking selfish?! Whatever! I hate you! Bye!” You throw your hands up in pure anger. This is the fourth time this has happened this week and it’s only Wednesday. You have to go talk to them. This is absurd! You get up clearing your throat as you take the first few steps, fix your shirt, and take a deep breath. The conversation starts off pretty well with some forced small talk but then the awkward silence falls and you’re rubbing your sweaty palms on your jeans trying to keep down the word vomit that’s slowly accumulating in the back of your throat. The clock is ticking. Your roommate is staring. “Crap! What do I do?!” You ask yourself. The pressure is really weighing down. You can’t take it anymore! Until finally you blurt out… “You are such a giant asshole!!!” The rest is history. Sometimes we can get into a frenzy spewing disrespect, festering hatred, throwing plates, and saying a bunch of things that we can’t take back all because having difficult conversations are...well….difficult. So here are a few 16
life saving tips to having those conversations and getting real results. Cool down: No one is able to think clearly in the heat of their anger, especially if this anger has been boiling for a while. So the first thing you want to do is take a few deep breaths or even a nap to cool off. When you recenter your mind, you think more clearly and make better decisions. Easy right? Pin-point the source of your anger: Before you even enter into any risky conversation, you want to figure out exactly what it is that is making you upset. Without this, you end up making really harsh statements like “You’re a giant asshole” with no real evidence to back it up. And guess who looks like the asshole then. That’s right. YOU. LifeHacker.com journalist, Adam Dachis says, “While you may not like the person, it’s seldom helpful to attack anyone’s overall character. Know what lies at the heart of your annoyance.” And he is right! Attack the action, not the person. Don’t go into the conversation expecting anything: The reality of living with people is that sometimes things just won’t go the way you want them to. But that is okay. That is where a person’s maturity has to be exercised. There is a chance that you may say all that you need to say and your roommate will deny it all and not change. The bright side is, when you don’t have any high expectations for change, then you won’t be so devastated if they decide that they want to keep being an asshole. Or maybe there might be something wrong with you! Huffington
Post journalist Rosalie Puiman says it perfectly, “instead of thinking about solutions: hold space for someone to tell the full story. Instead of judging (if only in your head): open your mind to the unexpected and try to understand where the other person is coming from.” Now you’re ready to have the conversation. Listen intently and openly: Sometimes we are so fixated on our own issues and emotions that we can not bare to hear someone else’s side. Active listening will not only give you some insight about yourself, but it might cause your roommate to be more willing to work with you. Listening makes people feel valued. Don’t yell: Your roommate is not a child. They do not need to be yelled at. Have the conversation again if necessary: One key to clear communication is consistency. Things won’t get better overnight, but when you finally take the issue head on, you’ll probably feel less stressed about having difficult conversations again. Two people who are living together need to have a clear avenue of communication. Passive-aggressive behavior is like pouring some dirt over it or shoving it in the closet. It provides instant gratification but it doesn’t get the job done. So keep your head up, follow these tips, and go have that conversation!
by Danielle Thorne
Eight Things
May 2016
Your Parents Want You To Hear
Find your North and Follow It Knowing where you want to go is not always easy. Be a student of life, and constant learning will help you thrive. Money doesn’t matter, but it can help... Don’t let money be the reason you’re happy, but a way to find what makes you happy—health, travel, or maybe just a good book. Choose a career you enjoy Face it. You don’t want that office-cubicle job. Or maybe you do. Search for a career you enjoy, and if you ever need to search again, don’t be afraid. Embrace it.
Relationships are complicated Good communication and dedication can take you far. But you need to want to give time to that relationship. Couples have to dedicate time to each other, and not what’s left over.
Figure out how to share your gifts with the world You have been given opportunity. Use it! Find someone’s next favorite book. Teach them a new language. Give knowledge to those who miss it.
Always Trust. In yourself. That your knowledge has taken you this far and will take you further. Trust in the wealth of the world that surrounds you—its wisdom, its religion, its society.
Life isn’t easy, but it’s beautiful Keep at your center family and good friends. These are the people who love you unconditionally. Call them. Visit them. Love them. Never forget them. Stay out of prison Ha-ha-ha, yeah, you laugh now. Some rules are meant to be broken, and others are not. Live your best possible life—professionally, socially, emotionally, morally. by Luisa Beguiristain
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Adulting
10 ways to Ball on a Budget
Finessing the System Face it, college loans are taking most of your annual income. We’re all going through it together. But just because you aren’t making it rain in South Beach doesn’t mean you can be ballin’ on a budget. Check out these quick tips on how YOU, yes YOU, can save a few dollars in your everyday life. Get an unlimited bus pass Not only is it great for the environment, but it’s great for keeping your bank account in the green zone. Who needs added car payments when the bus goes almost everywhere. With dozens of transit apps out there, the system is even easier to navigate. Don’t worry about having to pay to transfer. With an unlimited pass, you’ll be saving money and seeing the sights of the city. Lunch specials If you’re planning on getting take out, find out when the lunch specials are. They’re cheaper, and usually similar sizes to dinner platters. Instead of ordering dinner at 7pm, order it around 4:30 and heat it up later.
Discounts automatically get applied to your purchase. Ch-ching!! Find out if your favorite store is offering sweet deals. Enjoy half priced afternoons and early-bird specials While everyone else is at work or sleeping in, get up and take advantage of early morning discounts. When no one is likely to be at the movies on a Sunday at 9am, you’ll be sure to find yourself a half priced ticket. They might even throw in a discounted oversized tub of popcorn. Buy in bulk, but also don’t buy in bulk It’s to your advantage to buy certain things in bulk – pasta, bottles of water, your favorite snack that smiles back – but sometimes it’s best to downsize. Buying 2 gallons of milk for someone who doesn’t drink it regularly probably isn’t a good idea. It might spoil before you get around to finishing it. Instead, go with the quart sized cartons and save a dollar.
Store brands are your friends Nine times out of 10, there will be a generic version of basically every product. Try out the store brand version of bread, yogurt, milk, pasta, and even chicken before you write it off. Most of the time it tastes the same or even better.
Don’t count out dollar stores If you’re like me, dollar stores can skeeve you out sometimes. But if you need paper goods or holiday decorations, they’re the perfect place to go. Where else can you get a five foot Christmas tree, 100 paper plates and 15 feet of garland in assorted colors for under $10?
Sign up for loyalty programs Stores love to give discounts to people who shop often. Even if you rarely visit a store, sign up for one of their free cards and start earning points today. *Side note* If you’re a frequent shopper at Giant like myself but don’t have a card, make sure you click FORGOT CARD in the self checkout line.
Turn off the lights and the faucet when you aren’t using them Your parents have been telling you this since the day you were born, but it really doesn’t register until you’re the one paying the bills. Every little bit of conserved water counts. Seriously! You can find out how just how much water you actually waste. Try opening up the
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curtains during the day and using natural light to illuminate your world. At night, use candles (please blow them out before bedtime). Your significant other will think you’re being romantic, but really, you’re being economically savvy. Check out your town’s free events Chances are, there are tons of free or cheap events to do in your town or city. A quick Google search will lead you to weird, and fun, events you never knew about. You’ll be happy because you got to do something out of your element, and the organizers will be happy because someone actually came. You might even make a new friend! Be smart about laundry You no longer have to wear the same underwear for four days straight. If you’re finding yourself low on undergarments and quarters for laundry, take some to the shower with you. A quick scrub-a-dub-dub to a few pairs will help you last until you can dig in the couches for some change. Give a few of these a try this week. I dare you. You’ll be amazed at how much you really can save with just a little bit of thought and a little bit of coupon clipping. If you’re in need of a little assistance budgeting, check out these tips and tricks. Always remember that money doesn’t grow on trees.
by Jasmin Curtiss
a New Kid’s Guide to
May 2016
Happy Hour
It’s 5:30 on a Friday evening and you find yourself packed into a tight, bar struggling to get a margarita and dying for some two-dollar tacos.
You just finished your first week at your new job and your co-workers are insisting that you, “the new kid”, must to come to happy hour. By following these tips, any “new kid” can navigate the complexities and intricacies of happy hour with co-workers. Tip # 1: Chit chat while you wait You’re at the bar and the place looks like a grocery store the day before a blizzard. At this point, everyone’s belly is growling and people are starting to get hangry. But have no fear. You know your office neighbor, also watches the Walking Dead and you break the ice with a little friendly zombie talk. You’ve got plenty to talk about while you wait. Huzzah! The red sea has parted and you and your new co-workers have finally found a booth. The time passed pretty quickly as you bonded with your neighbor about TV. The waiter comes over with a few pitchers of margs and the tacos are on their way.
Luckily the margs are also pretty good… Tip # 2: When in Doubt, Booze is Out Everything is going fine and you’re having a good time. All your co-workers have a drink in their hands and the conversation is flowing. Suddenly someone shouts, “Guess I’ll make another copy!” Everyone bursts out laughing… except you. Goddammit, you don’t know the office inside jokes yet! But it’s okay. Be cool, keep calm and enjoy your drink. You grab your glass and drink till the laughter dies down. No one even noticed the new kid didn’t get the joke and you’re starting to feel like you got this. You realize that these margs don’t suck either and that the tequila is pretty good. You take another couple gulps and lick the ring of salt with satisfaction.
Tip # 3:Don’t Panic….even if you Panic Twenty minutes later, you realize you got too nervous and you’ve probably been killing those margaritas way too fast. You’re feeling some type of way and you’re scared. After all, you don’t know these people very well. They don’t know that after a couple rounds, it’s pretty much a guarantee that you will sing “My Heart Will Go On” if there is a karaoke machine within 200 yards!!! Tip # 4: Just let loose Suddenly you realize that you don’t care. Once you ignore the fact that you’re nervous and awkward and insecure about being “the new kid”, you realize that this is what happy hour is all about. You just spent forty hours with these people and you still want to hang out with them and let loose. So you put down your marg. Get up on stage, grab the mic and make Celine proud. By the end of happy hour, you’re no longer “the new kid.” You’re “The Karaoke Kid.” Not too bad for a former new kid at their first happy hour.
By Kathryn O’Brien
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Spend this Adulting
Save that
A general guide to saving and investing
It almost seems impossible not to blow through each paycheck we get. Pay this, buy that, get drinks at the bar. The consumer mindset is a real struggle when we have bills, loans and a social life. As the saying goes, however, if there’s a will there’s a way. It is possible, and important, to begin saving early and continue it throughout our professional career. Saving and investing now, will help build the foundation we need for later in life to be able to retire and live the way we want to. Try not to think of saving and investing as a constraint, but rather an investment for the future. Saving is relatively straightforward; the budgeting aspect is the hard part. (Visit Forbes for more.) The advice for saving is very general. Most people will tell you, to save 10 - 15% of your income starting in your 20’s, but that doesn’t account for the different situations people are in. As a young professional, we don’t need to save as much as someone who is beginning their savings later in life, because we have more time before retirement. Investing is the trickiest part of saving, because it seems like there’s no easy way start. Investing also seems to be extremely confusing to the average person, so when looking to start it can be a daunting task. Dr. Kerria Tan is an Assistant Professor of Economics at Loyola University Maryland. We contacted him asking for some guidance regarding financial independence/literacy. He has made a career out of teaching others financial literacy and was happy to help us answer some general questions: Q. Why and how should we start saving our money ASAP? What are some good options when looking for shortterm savings and/or long-term savings? 20
A. It is important to save money as soon as possible so that you can build the funds needed for expensive future purchases, such as a car and a house. A savings account through a local bank or credit union can help you get started; however, online banks like Ally Bank or Capital One 360 can earn a higher interest rate. More importantly, it is good to get in the habit of contributing towards a retirement account through your employer (401k or 403b) and/or on your own (Roth IRA or Traditional IRA). You should take advantage of compound interest and returns since a dollar saved now will typically generate more money in the future than a dollar saved later. Q. Investing seems to be a daunting task. What would be some tips that could break it down for people to understand why and how they should invest? A. Investing can indeed be quite daunting. I learned a lot by reading “A Random Walk Down Wall Street” by Burton Malkiel and listening to the weekly Motley Fool Money podcast. As a long-term investor, I think it is best to leave the stock picking to the pros and simply invest in low-cost index mutual funds, such as the ones offered by Vanguard, Schwab, and Fidelity. Q. Is knowing one’s net worth important? If so, how would one calculate it? A. I find it useful to track how my net worth has increased over time. If anything, it has developed confidence in my ability to save money and provides a measure of my overall financial progress. Your net worth is simply calculated as your personal assets (cash, bank accounts, property, etc.) minus your liabilities (credit cards, loans, etc.). I personally use a website called Mint, which provides a free service
that tracks the balances in my various bank and credit card accounts in order to give me current and historical values of my net worth. Certainly, my net worth was negative when I first graduated due to student loans, but I have been diligent with my spending and am now well into positive territory. Q. Do you have any tips on budgeting? How to budget and what to budget once we are in the real world? A. I created an Excel spreadsheet to budget about 50% for housing, bills/ utilities, and loan payments, 30% for food, fun, and entertainment, and 20% for savings. However, I admit that it takes a lot of discipline in order to stick with these guidelines. When I first analyzed my expenses (Mint can also help with this), I was shocked at the difference between the amount I budgeted and actually spent for certain items, particularly how much I spent shopping and eating out. I periodically review my budget to ensure that I am sticking to it and am making good progress towards my goal of being a homeowner within the next two to three years.
By Cole Christy
Jasmin’s Healthy Habits
Let’s face it, now that you’re not paying tuition, your free gym membership is kaput. No more running up to the fitness center in between classes for a quick cardio session. No more discounted pilates or spin classes. No more looking like a fool at Zumba (Hey, at least you tried). Just because you can’t afford a gym membership AND rent AND student loans AND real groceries doesn’t mean you have to gain a post graduation pot belly. Completely changing your life is hard, and admit it, it isn’t that realistic. Don’t forget that what you put in your body counts. Don’t be ashamed of your chewable Flintstone vitamins. They’re a great source for making sure you get your daily dose of minerals. If you love your burgers and fries, you get you a burger and some fries, but do so in moderation. Instead of beef, try chicken or turkey. Instead of fast food fries, try some home-made oven baked fries. Set a goal for yourself, and when you reach it, reward yourself with a treat. For some, that might be a cup of greek yogurt. For others, that could be a scoop or two of cookies and cream ice cream. Don’t try to completely be someone you’re not.
Try starting off your day by drinking a nice cold cup of water. I double dog dare you. While it’s not everyone’s favorite, it’s recommended that we drink eight cups, or two liters per day. Getting a head start from the jump is essential so you don’t find yourself binge drinking water right before bed. It’s also proven that water helps wake your body up and give you the energy you need to start your day. Additionally, it works to clear up your skin and keep you looking younger. Remember to get physical. You don’t always have to sweat up a storm to workout. Doing heel raises or butt clenches while in line for your coffee, walking to work, strapping on some ankle weights, or taking the steps instead of the elevator are all simple ways of toning in your not-so-free free-time. Waking up early isn’t always ideal, but a getting in a nice jog around the block or in a local park early in the morning will help jumpstart your metabolism, AND you’ll be able to put the day’s workout behind you. Fitness doesn’t end with working out and eating right. When it comes to staying healthy, it’s important to remember the mind, body and soul.
May 2016
Take time to breathe and reflect. Leave the house a little earlier to avoid traffic stress. Make a playlist of your favorite de-stressing music and listen to it whenever you start to feel some type of way. Take a different route to work and enjoy new scenery. Try a new restaurant or bar. Grab some friends and hit up happy hour. Take a spontaneous road trip with no set destination. Think about your highs and lows of the day and of the week. What can you improve on? What did you accomplish? Be proud. To help keep track of your overall health, consider heading over to the app store. There are tons of fitness apps waiting to be downloaded. Keep track of your entire health workup, including sleep schedule, calories burned, steps taken, and what you’ve eaten. It’s great to see results and progress over time. The bottom line is, don’t stress if you put on a little weight or get a pimple in the middle of your forehead. It’s a part of growing up. As the wise people before us have said “Be the best you that you can be.” Not everyone can look like Adriana Lima. 21
Tiny Houses
Adulting
for a
Tiny Budget
Imagine waking up one morning in North Carolina and deciding you want to discover what life in San Francisco is like. With a tiny house, you’re able to up and move your ENTIRE sanctuary to the other side of the country. If you’re on a tight budget and unsure of where you want to live now that you’re out in the real world you’re in luck. You don’t have to live in your parents’ basement anymore. A new craze is sweeping across our great generation that grew up on classic Nickelodeon shows. From coast to coast, more and more of our classmates are choosing to live with less and downsize into “Tiny Houses”. Instead of paying rent every month, tiny house owners are choosing to pay a flat rate for land to plop their garage sized customized homes on. While 22
building your own tiny house from scratch can cost you anywhere from $8,000 to $40,000 depending on how fancy your features are, this one time payment can leave you with more money in your pocket month after month.
own. Some are strapped to the back of pickup trucks, and some have decks and hot tubs attached. They’re also great for those with traveling occupations, such as reporters, volunteers and freelance photographers, as well as those who want to travel the country.
Anywhere from 200 to 700 square feet on average, they can be moved almost anywhere. Now these might sound small, but the possibilities for the layout inside are endless. Tiny houses can be worked to include bathrooms, full working kitchens, living areas, and lofted bedrooms and offices. Storage under couches and beds and even in the floor helps to maximize space.
Need even more convincing to jump on board with the movement? You’ll get to save on heating and cooling bills. For those looking to reduce, reuse, recycle, you’ll be happy to know that less space means less clutter and a cleaner environmental footprint.
From old converted dumpsters, trailers, and even buses, tiny houses are great for people starting out on their
Are you ready to jump on the bandwagon? Don’t be another millennial living in a box sized studio apartment in midtown Manhattan. Be free and independent in your very own tiny house, built just for you. by Jasmin Curtiss
Death and
May 2016
Tax Forms
When tax season comes around it’s bitter-sweet for everyone. On one hand we get our tax return, on the other hand we have to, once again, fill out the upcoming fiscal year’s tax forms. The current year’s filings are coming to an end, and so the process must begin again. People say the only obligations we can’t escape in life are aging and taxes, and once we have our first job the saying rings more true than ever. Every paycheck we get, the money we worked hard for, is pillaged by our state and federal government. It’s for the greater good though and it’s the basis of our country’s financial infrastructure, so it’s well worth the frustration and time in the end. I’ve had to file taxes in two different states and neither time was it easy nor clear. It can also be a little
nerve-wracking if you don’t understand exactly what you’re doing, seeing as how these are binding federal documents and you are held accountable for them if there are any mistakes. The good thing is there are options for help. Accountants, tax software and the IRS are all here to help the average tax payer learn the proper way to file
their tax documents. The situations recent graduates and young professionals are typically in now don’t require the usual tax forms we remember. The IRS has come out with a form curated for people who meet specific requirements such as having no dependents and making less than 100,000 a year. You can find more information here. This link will tell you exactly how you qualify and how to fill out the form if you do qualify. If you think you qualify, check it out because it can make filing much easier.
Paying taxes is rough on most everyone, but that’s not even the worst part. For someone who is just starting a job and getting paychecks, the most confusing part seems to be completing the actual tax forms. The forms are a mass of financial jargon which is almost impossible to understand by the average person. It becomes even more complicated with the legal ropes we must navigate if we are looking to receive professional advice. Luckily the IRS isn’t just here to collect the money, they’re also here to help us understand how to properly have them collect it. The IRS’ website has information to help everyone out on all of our tax needs. It’s not the easiest site to navigate, but it’s definitely worth spending the time looking for what you need.
by Cole Christy
23
Yay!
Adulting
You’re in a New City
Now What?
Moving to a new city is without question one of the most thrilling and terrifying things that you can do. Whether you’re coming out of college, or after a few brief years of bumming it in your parent’s basement, moving to a strange, new city is exciting! Of course, the excitement soon fades after you put your last piece of IKEA furniture into place, and you realize that you’re by yourself in this strange place. What are you to do? Walk (or Bike) Around on the Weekends…A Lot Every city has insanely cool things to offer; and if you look hard enough, it could be
budget friendly too. That hole-in-the-wall ramen bar around the corner? DELICIOUS $5 bowls. The basement bar six blocks down the way? Paint night Tuesdays with $1.50 beers. Simply walking around can even bring you to some of the greatest scenic spots in the city, just 20 minutes from your new digs. If all you’re doing is driving to-and-from work in your car during the week or struggling to navigate the metro but not walking around, you could miss some really great things right in your neighborhood.
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Say Yes, Always Even for the world’s biggest “Yes Men,” being open to new things in a new city can be intimidating. It’s hard to go to places on your own, so if a coworker or neighbor ever invites you to an event, say “yes.” Maybe you’re not their biggest fan in the world, and maybe they don’t brush their teeth on a regular basis and smell a little, but don’t hesitate and pull the trigger. A huge part of moving to a new city is making friends, but an even bigger part of moving to a new city is finding events and activities you love. If you find things you love doing, then you’ll meet people who love doing the same things as you. Your Friends From Home Are Still Cool! Just because you’re in a new city
May 2016
sweet ramen bar around the corner was sold. Your colleagues stop inviting you out to happy hour. At some point, you will probably question if you can make it in this new city. Okay, maybe you can freak out every now and then. But.
doesn’t mean you get to leave your old city behind. An essential part of moving to a new city is keeping your relationships and connections from home strong. These connections could be valuable for your new job, or your friends from home may even know someone in your new city that they can connect you with. Plus, having some friends from home or old city is great for the
weekends where you feel a little lonely. You can always pack up and head back home, or invite your friends to come to you for a weekend. Who knows, maybe they’ll love it so much that they’ll move too! Don’t Freak Out Even if you adore every little thing about your new city, there will be some challenging times. Your apartment begins to have a mysterious odor. That
Tinder Dates
Tinder is revolutionizing the way young people date today, and if not already, everyone is coming around to it. Don’t do any of these Tinder whatnot-to-do’s when you’re on your first date. These 8 simple tips will help you potentially have a great first Tinder date!
Don’t make TOO much eye contact You have to make the right amount of eye contact - too much and the other person will get creeped out, but too little and the other person will think that you’re not into them. It’s a fine line, but try and keep it somewhere in the middle. Getting too touchy feely too early We all could get a little handsy after a few drinks. Don’t go too much too
fast. Usually the first date is never a time for intense touching. Keep it classy. Having one drink too many Don’t get drunk on the first date! You’ll say something you didn’t want to say, behave in a way that you wouldn’t usually and do something (someone) that you wouldn’t normally do. Have a drink by all means, but don’t go over your limit. Being on your phone Put your phone away! There’s nothing more rude and irritating than being out with someone and they’re constantly texting on their phone. You can’t put it away for 30 minutes?! Make SURE you’ve got the right Tinder date!
Be patient. Not just with the city, but with yourself. You’ve made it this far and have gone through a lot, and the rough patches will pass faster than you know. Give it time, and there will be a great new restaurant where your ramen bar used to be, and soon you will have new colleagues that you can befriend and take out to happy hour! Give your new city at least a year. If after a year you’re still not loving your new city, you can always find a new one. The best time to look for a new job is when you have one! by Jeff Gilcreast
Before you go on that Tinder date, MAKE SURE you know which person it is you are asking out. Don’t get confused. Study their Tinder profile and make sure you got the right name! Do what your mama told you Remember what your parents taught you when you were younger - don’t open your mouth while chewing, don’t burp at the dinner table or use your index finger to pick food out of your teeth! Keep the conversation light Starting a conversation about sex or future plans with someone you’ve just met is not something you want to do. You will overwhelm that person and make them feel uncomfortable. Ask how their day was and what their interests are instead. by Morgan Arnott
25
Move it like Tatum A Guy’s Guide Adulting
How not to look like a Fool on the Dance Floor...
The nightclub. A scary place where few have the courage to go test their skills and fewer yet succeed. It’s a place where adults go (yeah, real adults) to bust a move, cut a rug, and get their groove on. It can be a bit overwhelming for guys going to their first club, and the pressure of dancing well to impress females is a lot to handle. If you’re looking for some tips to have a great time and not make yourself look like an idiot on the dance floor, you’ve come to the right place. Everyone needs a little bit of rhythm and a few go-to moves for Friday nights. No, we’re not talking about lifting Jennifer Grey over your head, but if you want to succeed in the social world, you’re going to need a few pointers to make sure you’re not Kevin James in Hitch either. First, you have to understand what’s going on in the head of the opposite sex while millions of thoughts are swirling around in yours. Us guys seem to think that a “good” dancer is someone who can break dance, pop and lock, and captivate the entire room by his moves alone, but most girls aren’t looking for that in a dance partner. Basically, she’s just looking for someone who looks comfortable and confident, and is having a good time. I mean let’s be honest, she probably isn’t that great of a dancer either, and even if she is, she’s not going to hold it against you if you’re not. If you’re someone who looks like they would be fun to dance with, then chances are that a girl will be interested, so let’s just focus on getting you to “functional” level.
Rule number one of dancing: Know yourself. I don’t mean to say that you should have all your life questions figured out and have a deep spiritual understanding of your mind, body, and soul, but rather just know who you are and what you should (and shouldn’t) do. If your name isn’t Usher, Justin Timberlake, or MC Hammer, then don’t try and dance like them.
like one of two things: Old, or dumb. I’m not sure which one’s worse in a nightclub. You want to draw the right kind of attention to yourself, so stick to this century’s moves and leave last century’s behind. Maybe there’s a reason nobody does them anymore.
Over-dancing claims lives. Don’t be a casualty.
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Don’t try and do moves that people don’t do anymore. The cabbage patch, running man, moonwalk, and the funky chicken all had their times, and are great reminders of the past, but should not be done in a non-sarcastic setting. No exceptions. Don’t try and be cute, because all you’ll do is look
Also, don’t try and do moves you can’t do. Stick to what you know, and you’ll avoid sticking out like a sore thumb because you’re trying to hit that whip but you’re really just punching people and breaking your neck. Every club has one of these guys, and you really, really don’t want to be the one who OD’s. Over-dancing claims lives, don’t be a casualty. Find something to do with your
May 2016
We’re not talking about lifting Jennifer Grey over your head. arms. It sounds silly, but seriously, keep an eye on them. Chances are, if your elbows aren’t at your side, they’re probably either sticking out like chicken wings or your arms are stretched out too long to where you look like a palm tree blowing in the wind, so just go ahead and stop that right here. Keep your elbows where you can see them, and don’t let them ruin this for
you. The same goes for your hands; don’t have T-Rex arms with your hands just dangling in front of you, and absolutely, 100%, without exception, never do spirit fingers/jazz hands/ whatever you want to call it. A quick fix is to buy a drink and hold it in your hand, but hold it low so it doesn’t seem like you’re being weirdly defensive. And if you’re really worried about what your other hand that’s not holding a drink will be doing, then buy two drinks and hope everyone thinks you’re just holding one for a friend. Practice makes perfect. You may
be thinking, “Why would I practice dance moves before going to a club? It’s not a dance performance, it doesn’t mean that much to me”, and you might be right, but it still wouldn’t hurt. Just practice being on beat, and being able to coordinate your moves with the music you’re dancing to. It’s always nice to see someone who does things a little differently, but don’t be the one who literally dances to their own beat. You’ll look like you’ve never danced before or like you’re on drugs, and both are great ways to make sure you never dance with a girl in a club. Listen to some music at home and just work on recognizing the beat and moving accordingly. This brings up the most important tip of them all. Being able to be “dance literate” is somewhat important, but no one’s asking you to be Chris Brown. Going out to a club with your friends is about having fun and letting loose. Sure, you don’t want to look like a robot, but ultimately you shouldn’t stress too much about it. It’s about being yourself and doing whatever is the most fun to you, and not worrying about what other people are thinking of you. If you want to go out to the club and jump around like a teenager at a rock concert, then go do it. As Young MC might tell you, “Don’t just stand there, bust a move”.
Going out to a club with your friends is about having fun and letting loose.
By Logan Joyce
27
Adulting
So When do you...?
Tell your Person you Play Quidditch
So when exactly should you tell your potential partner that you catch snitches better than Harry Potter himself? How do you tell them that you play quidditch, or any sort of weird, sort of lame, but wicked awesome hobby you have? Well the moment has finally come. It was bound to happen. You and this wonderful human being have been casually dating for a few weeks, and things are looking really great. You want to talk with them and make an effort to bring this whole we-go-onDating shouldn’t be about hiding all of your “weirdness” from your partner. Dating should be putting all of your weirdness (okay, maybe not all of it - being a squirrel whisperer is something that could possibly wait) on full display. In the first few dates, you should be exploring your partner’s interests, and you should be telling them about yours. If they think that your quaffle-handling abilities are lame and can’t respect you doing you, then move on to the next one, because having sick quaffle handles is totally awesome. And so is quidditch. cheap-dates-together-sometimes-andthey-make-me-smile thing into an actual relationship. But before you can do this, you have to come clean. You just have to be honest and up front and let all of your dirty laundry out to dry: 28
You’re a quidditch player. A damn good one at that, but unfortunately many people find quidditch to have the same sex appeal as being a professional bocce player. Well if you have gotten to this point without telling them: it’s too late.
Take pride in your weirdness and wear it with honor; because if you do this, then someone equally weird will fall in love with you, and that’s really what it’s all about.
Embracing Life stories by the
May 2016
Adulting staff
Sit Down
with Dad
I was sitting and relaxing in my office for a quick breather before I got up to leave after a very tiresome day of class and work. I eased through the day with little to no interest in what was actually going on. In fact, there was just too much going on. My day was awful and it seemed like things were falling apart in my hands. I had all of these problems and no one to vent to. “Maybe I need a love life”, I think to myself. Then like clockwork I get a text from my sister explaining how she hates men and life isn’t fair. Blah-blahblah. I began to look around my office at my fellow interns and it dawned on me that almost everyone in the room was in a relationship. But not just any relationship: they were blissfully happy, golden relationships. They were the kind of relationships that people envy: including me. I felt confused and sad. “Why doesn’t anyone want to be with me? Is there something wrong
with me? Why can’t I find that person who loves me and makes me happy and vice versa?” I thought. I’ve always put so much into my interactions with people and I have this big heart with so much love to give away. So what is my problem? I walked home and laid across my bed. Staring at the ceiling, I picked up the phone and called my father; a steady voice of reason when I am lost in a turbulent sea of emotional waves that violently crash upon the shore of my heart. The phone rang and rang. Then finally a small pause and a hearty: Dad: Hello Danielle! I’m on the road, you’re on speaker. Daughter: Hi daddy! I miss you. Dad: I miss you too baby. What’s going on? Daughter: Daddy...what’s wrong with me? Dad: Wha..wh….what’s wrong? What kind of question is that? Nothing is wrong with you. You’re a Thorne
lady. Thorne’s don’t have flaws!!! He laughed very hard at his own joke. Daughter: Daddy I’m serious! I feel like no one likes me. I’ve been single for years and the one boyfriend I had didn’t even last a year!! I started to whine. Dad: Dan….Are you getting lonely? Is that what this is about? Daughter: I mean of course I’m lonely. But my point is that I don’t understand why I’m lonely. But I think it’s because no one likes me and I’m never going to get married and I’m going to die alone! Dad: Now, Danielle you know that’s not true. I’m going to tell you a little story. Your mother never dated anyone in her life (you know she was kind of a prude growing up). But she never had a relationship and grew up thinking that she would never find anyone who appreciated her enough to put a ring on her finger. And then you know I’m 29
Adulting
the smartest guy alive and so I changed that whole situation! You know what I’m sayin? Again he burst into laughter at his own joke while I rolled my eyes and giggled too. Dad: But my point is, I recognized that your mother was marriage material and was the greatest servant that I’ve ever met. She has a heart of gold that’s unbreakable. She can take any bad situation and make it good because every dead and shriveled stem that she touches turns into a blissful flower. But someone that special is usually not appreciated. Humility and meekness being paired with confidence and inner boldness scares people (little boys to be exact). Danielle, you’re a spitting image of your mother. You remind me so much of her. You’re a bold wom-
an of many talents who knows what she wants. You serve others without thinking about it. You care for others from the depths of your heart and expect nothing back. You and your mom have servant’s hearts and that is something so special, so rare that it’s almost unrecognizable. So when guys don’t stick around much, it’s because they don’t recognize what’s in front of them. They’ve been served ground beef all of their childhood and you’re a steak babe!....HEY! Watch it jerk!!!... Sorry Dani, this jerkamatron cut me off and almost killed me!” He paused for a minute. “Wait, are you crying? Daughter: Yes! I can’t help it! Dad: It’s okay babe. Someone is coming. The kind of guys that I’m talking about are very few and far between, but God has someone for you I
know it. Daughter: But dad, how do you know? Dad: Because, I’ve met him….in a dream. And then I prayed for him. Everything fell silent for a second as I contemplated everything that I had just heard and he was probably focusing on the road. Dad: Dan? Daughter: Yes daddy? Dad: Gotta go babe! I love you and I’ll talk to ya soon. Daughter: Love you too dad. Byebye. The phone clicked and I prayed for the man in my dad’s dream too. by Danielle Thorne
Grown-Up?
or Lost in the “I don’t understand” The tropical wind rustles through the palm trees, the cool breeze a reminder of winter. It’s the last time I’ll be home before graduation, but I feel at peace.
Mom walks out, sits in front of me, and puts her legs up. We create a bridge with our legs, allowing Lala, our littlest dog, to walk back and forth between us. The other two run around the backyard, barking at children. My 18-year-old sister decides to interrupt our game, hopping on Mom’s lap. Dad walks out, and it’s silence. And my world shatters. Moving away from home is difficult when you don’t know where home is. It made me question everything, and that broke me. Suddenly I was mad. 30
Mad that nothing could be done. Mad because I didn’t understand how this could happen. Mad because he didn’t have the decency to take his time. “I asked your mother for a divorce.” Please stop. “Do you have any questions for us?” Just stop. I remain quiet, looking down as my sister asks the questions I avoid, question I don’t want answers to. The dogs. The house. Us? I cried when they didn’t spend their 23rd anniversary together, upset that Mom had gone to Miami while Dad stayed home. I didn’t understand. “Your father wasn’t answering my calls, avoiding our meeting, and I couldn’t take it. It was making my depression worse. So Marilyn told me
to visit them for Thanksgiving. They just wanted to help me get through this difficult time. When I saw him the weekend after, I though it was to talk about me coming back to the house. And then it wasn’t.” She gave me her story with all the sadness and pain she had felt. And I hated it. I hated every time he had said “I don’t understand your mother” or “What’s going on with your mother?” I wanted to yell at him. SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH DEPRESSION. And you did nothing. You left her alone. You left our home. And didn’t seem to care. For some reason, when she decided to split up, I was accepting of her. But the second he turned, I lost it.
May 2016
Losing faith in your parents is horrible. A single moment can ruin how you see them. Knowing what they do, and who they become when you’re not there. But being unable to get the other side is even worse. Being mad at them, falling apart after every conversation. Not wanting to hear their voice, being upset when you do. Seeing that you’re losing them even the slightest, losing the relationship you once had. “When you’re here for the summer we should…” Don’t you understand I’m not coming back? Don’t you get it? It was worse each week. Seeing him leave us alone with Grandma Gladys each time he decided to go hang out with his high school friends. Spending our only time together either in a car or in his room with the door closed. Losing our movie nights to “I’m tired” and “Maybe another day.” I’m 21, and I’ve never felt more hopeless. I’ve never felt more ungrown up. Suddenly I can’t handle two part-time jobs and five classes. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to drink. I just want it fixed. I want him to say, “I don’t know what I was thinking. I never should have left you.” But all I
taste is bitter abandonment. He called yesterday. Asking what the plan was after graduation, emphasizing how important it is that I know. Housing. Moving. Working. Grad school. “Have you heard anything yet?” Don’t you think I would have let you know if I had? I send messages and all I get are the thumbs up emoticon and Godbless-you’s. My stomach remains in a twist, and I just want to go home and crawl in bed. But I’m at work. Conversation ends abruptly. Am I a grown up yet? Facing the world and all its problems. Setting my emotional life aside as I try to put school, work, and future together. Never allowing myself to think about anything that isn’t a movie, a novel, an article, a design. Never letting myself go beyond taking food and drink orders, or creating royalty statements for people I don’t know. Unable to write a letter of intent because I no longer know why I want to go to that school. Unable to write a cover letter because I’m just so tired of writing. I face the world. And suddenly I feel homesick. I don’t talk to Dad. Not really. But I need Mom. I need her to wake me up in the mornings, and she
does with a phone call, no matter what the time. I need her to hug me, tell me it’ll be okay. That I can get past this. That my strength and the love I give make me as “grown up” as I can be. Growing up doesn’t happen in an instant. It comes slowly, undefined by circumstance. It’s not a result of leaving your home, or even graduating from undergrad. It’s a state of mind. It comes in beginning to accept that a new part of your life has begun. It comes the moment you pay your first lease with your own money. It comes with changing relationships. It comes with loss and gain. It comes with you. And nothing else. Losing my parents’ relationship is one of the most difficult things I’ve had to experience. And I guess that makes me luckier than others who’ve gone through much worse. These moments help shape us. We question who we are. We wonder why. I’ve haven’t been this dependent in a long time. And I guess I’m just holding on. Because I’m a little homesick, and I’m not ready to grow up. by Luisa Beguiristain
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Meet the Staff Hello! I am 22 years old and I am from Mantoloking, New Jersey. I currently am a senior at Loyola University Maryland and I will be graduating this year with a Bachelor’s degree in Communications. I am hoping to live in New York City after college and I am excited to see what the future holds! Morgan Arnott, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism & Digital Media
I am a former DI swimmer with a passion for writing, news and food. I enjoy strong coffee and a good work out. As a part of the staff of Adulting, I love to interact with our readers and am happy to answer any questions from the readership so feel free to reach out at cdchristy@loyola.edu.
Luisa Beguiristain, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism, Minor in English
Born and raised in Puerto Rico. I fell in love with literature and writing at a young age, and this May, I graduate with a B.A. in Journalism and a minor in English from Loyola University Maryland. In the next year, I hope to continue my endeavor into adulthood— in the meantime, I’m here to give some insight for those who wish to master Adulting.
Jasmin Curtiss, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specializations in Journalism, Public Relations & Advertising.
New Yorker. Cheerleader. Lover of mac & cheese and chicken fingers. World Traveler. Sports fanatic. Libra.
Cole Christy, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism, Minor in Photography
My passions in life are rather simple. I love baseball, Ben & Jerry’s, Jeopardy, and Oreos (Double Stuffed only, please). This spring, I will be graduating from Loyola University Maryland with a degree in Communication. Although I’m in love with my hometown, Tolland, CT, my future plans involve law school in North Carolina.
Alexandria “Alex” Hemphill, LUM ‘16 B. A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism, Minor in Spanish
I’m a writer, a dancer, a BuzzFeed Food lover, and a yoga pants enthusiast. When I think of facing the real world, I feel an ecstatic combination of fear and excitement: I’m anxious to see what the future has in store as I learn the true meaning of Adulting.
Jeff Gilcreast, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism & Public Relations Logan Joyce, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism, Minor in English
World traveler, food enthusiast, and dog lover.
Emily Lazration, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Global Studies Minor in Communication, Specialization in Journalism
Philadelphia sports, not keeping my opinions to myself, and old Nintendo games. Advertising and Outreach Coordinator for Adulting. Graduating with a degree in journalism and a minor in English, and looking to make an impact on the world of sports broadcasting. Don’t let me fool you, I have no idea how to be an adult.
Danielle Thorne, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism
Cheese enthusiast. Pop culture addict. Dog lover.
Kat O’Brien, LUM ‘16 B.A. in Communication Specialization in Journalism
I’m a bubbly individual who loves singing, reading, drawing, & digital design. From New Haven, CT, I’m finishing up my degree at Loyola University MD, and will graduate this month with high hopes of becoming a news reporter & political correspondent on a national news network. I also enjoy laughter, social justice, and making lots of friends!