10 minute read
A PIECE OF SALVATION THROUGH ULTRAS
WORDS: KIERON DOUGLASS IMAGES: LOUIE J HADFIELD, AMBER CALLAGHAN
FINDING A PIECE OF Salvation THROUGH ULTRAS
Queensland runner Kieron Douglass hasn’t run away from his traumatic upbringing. In fact, despite facing countless challenges and defiances as a youth, today he has braved his troubled past and wants to share his story in the hope of inspiring others. In 2021, he worked together with filmmaker Louie J Hadfield in making a beautifully created documentary that shares his journey into ultra running, and Kieron tells of how his past helped shaped it.
THERE was once a time in my life at age 10 where I wasn’t too sure if I would make it to live to a ripe old age. At 13 I nearly proved myself right.
I had been to hell and back more times than Doc Brown went Back To The Future. But for me, there was no going back to change the outcome of what I would go on to endure. I may not have been able to control what I had been through, but I knew that what I could control was what I was going to do next.
Back in July, I received a message from Brisbane film maker Louie J Hadfield asking if I would like to be part of his next documentary film. Although excited at the thought, I was a bit reluctant at first as my soul focus this year had been on studying and other projects within conservation along with getting a few injuries sorted out before tackling a big year of running in 2022.
But having had a chat with my wife, I thought it would be a nice opportunity for me to share a part of myself that not a lot of people really get to see. A part of myself that took me a long time to get back.
And I was able to do so – by none other than running stupid distances.
Before I did 100km and 200 mile races, I was flat out trying to comprehend that people ran further than a marathon. That was until I met Sam Weir.
But let’s take it back – way back!
A STORY OF HEARTACHE
I grew up loving athletics. I loved the thought of sprinting a hundred miles an hour down a grass track, but when other kids had their fancy spikes, all I had was my feet and my feet only. My family grew up poor, we sometimes didn’t have enough money for milk and bread let alone running shoes. Yet one Saturday morning, my father told me to jump in the car and he drove us to a nearby garage sale just around the corner from where he was living. As we walked up this stranger’s driveway we came across a pair of old dusty blue running spikes hanging from a table.
They were a few sizes too big with the sole hanging off one of them, flapping around in the breeze, and the price tag was $8. Upon closer inspection I must admit, I didn’t think much of them, but Dad was so confident telling me he could fix them with some trusty old shoe glue he had on a shelf in his shed.
So I began to feel pretty excited at the thought
of owning a pair of spikes, and these were literally my first pair of running shoes – ever! When we arrived back home to my dad’s place he glued the sole back on with this thick brown caramel sauce looking glue and I was able to try them out the next day down at the park. I wore those shoes for quite a few years after that, until one day the shoe glue that once brought them back to life gave in minutes before running my first 200m Heat at the school districts running carnival.
I quickly grabbed my frozen drink bottle, pulled the rubber band off that was holding a raggedy old t-towel around my drink bottle and used it to wrap around my left shoe. I wrapped that shoe as tight as it could go. It wasn’t ideal but hey, it stopped my left shoe from flapping around in the breeze. Well, sort of. I ran my last race barefoot. They may have been old, dusty and falling apart, but they were mine. And for the most part they did the job.
I found running to be the ultimate escape from what I was dealing with at home; things no child should ever have to deal with. My parents divorced in 1994, with my sister and I awarded to my mother in a custody battle. It wasn’t an ideal situation, and it was a situation that went from bad to worse when we moved in with my mum’s new boyfriend. One I’d feel full force from both physically and emotionally. But you’re given an option in hard situations and I just chose to not succumb to my surroundings.
Instead I chose to run. Running made me own the hard times. It brought such comfort, but like the saying goes ‘If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm’.
By the time I reached age 13, that storm had turned into a cyclone category 5 and had almost decimated everything inside of me. I walked into my bedroom, and I tried to take my life.
I could feel the cool breeze slipping through the half open window as my physical body lay dormant soaked into the landscape of my bed frame, my consciousness running deep into an unconscious state. So deep that I could hear the symphony of my heart beating accompanied by the peaceful sound of my breath. It was an orchestra of familiar sounds, feelings and emotions orchestrated by my heart bringing strength within myself. A strength ready to take on the world for when I woke.
A few weeks later, after going through that traumatic experience, I set my sight on school cross country. With no money for running shoes yet again, I had been wearing these big heavy, steel capped Doc Martin boots to school along with ‘hand me down’ clothes from our neighbours. I arrived at school in tears and embarrassed at the thought of running cross country in my boots so I made the decision not to run.
It wasn’t until I heard the starter gun go off and watched the last kid run out of the school gates that I decided ‘stuff it’ and I got up and ran, boots and all. I had run so hard that I could feel the blisters forming on the inside of my big toes and heels. I didn’t care though.
I didn’t place that day (I came in 4th) but I was gifted something even greater – my life. I discovered that I didn’t have to become a product of my environment. My life path was in my hands and my hands only.
STRAIGHT FROM FINDING SALVATION DIRECTOR LOUIE J HADFIELD
“I’ve always been fascinated by the sport and the people who choose to participate in ultra marathons. As a filmmaker, and someone who’s in the process of building their own ultra running career, sharing these stories is something I am truly passionate about. Kieron has always been so much more than an ultra runner; when I learnt about his story, I knew there was more to tell so when the opportunity presented itself in 2021, I jumped at it. For the past few months I have put everything into this piece. I am very excited to share this incredibly personal story exploring Kieron’s life, from his running career, his childhood, family and the legacy he is building. I believe this story is one that many will resonate with. It’s a story about survival, accepting your place in the world and most importantly, the strength it takes to overcome adversity.”
A 12-HOUR FIRST TIME RUN
Seven to eight years ago I caught up with one of my best mates, ultra runner Sam Weir, who invited me down for a trail run one Friday morning. It was a great excuse to call in sick for work, so I grabbed my shoes and off I went. I asked Sam the question of how would I even begin to train for an ultra, and all he said was, “Put your shoes on and run as far as you can, then run some more until you’re really hurting, and then run a little bit further and turn around and run home.”
So that’s what I did. Having never run more than 12kms before, I woke up early one Saturday morning and told my daughter to “Tell mum I’ll be back in an hour.”
No food, no water, no shirt, no hat and no phone for distractions – and off I went. I had reached 15km and thought I would run just a little bit further. Before I knew it, I’d run from my home in Victoria Point on the Redlands Coast all the way to Brisbane City stopping every so often to find a water tap on someone’s property.
Twelve hours later I returned home sunburnt with blisters everywhere, hungry, dehydrated and one furious wife who was just about to file a missing person’s report – literally. I couldn’t walk for days after that and I vowed to never run again.
But as runners do, a couple days later I entered my first ever trail race, a 100 miler – I’d fallen completely head over heels in love with ultra running.
The uncertainty is what led me to the world of ultras. The uncertainty of what my body and mind could endure, what it could achieve. To connect with myself on a deeper level and to understand my abilities. I wanted to learn who I was as a person. I wanted to better myself and hold myself accountable. After all, I owed it to myself to do so.
But you have to be willing. Your mind has to be willing; be willing to step outside the norm, to hurt, test and push personal boundaries. Be willing to feel every bit of pain, emotion, every up and every down. And be willing to feel every ounce of strength ripped right away from you. That’s ultra running at its purest. It’s a beautiful brutal sport.
Finding Salvation is a story of pure resilience. My life has been like one big ultra. You’re smack bang in the middle of hell, but you have no choice but to just keep going. And having run ultras ranging from 100km, 200 miles and 350km, it’s not my past struggles that get me through these races – it’s the strength I take away from those struggles. Those struggles are a part of me, but they are not me. I run to feel, and what I feel is unbreakable.
REVIEW
Finding Salvation is pure, genuine filmmaking by director Louie J. Hadfield. Ultra runner Kieron Douglass tells his story in a way that will pull at the heartstrings, finding its way to those who can relate in the closest, possible way. Raw and emotional, Finding Salvation will bring you to tears with Kieron’s mental health struggles, but it will also make you cheer at the top of your lungs for his courage, determination and human spirit. A must see for everyone and anyone who needs a little inspiration to know they are capable of more than just existing, Finding Salvation is a documentary that delves into connecting with something greater than ourselves.
Kate Dzienis
