Rituals keep us together

How ‘date night’ readies the spirit

My wife and I are approaching our 26th year of marriage. Throughout that time — lean times and abundance, law school, seminary and demanding jobs — we have sustained a regular Friday date night. With few exceptions, Friday night has been the one time we set everything else aside and spend time together. Marriage expert John Gottman says that kind of ritual is one key to a healthy relationship. It allows us to catch up, to remain aware of what is happening in one another’s lives and to build shared experiences. For people of faith, spiritual practices give us the same opportunity to connect with the divine.

When we think about spiritual practices, we often go straight to the classics: prayer, meditation, studying scripture, maybe a labyrinth if we’re feeling frisky. But, just as a marriage ritual can be something as simple as a kiss goodnight, a spiritual practice can be anything. Contemplative practitioner James Finley defines spiritual practice as “any act habitually entered into with your whole heart that awakens, deepens, and sustains within you a contemplative experience of the inherent holiness of the present moment.” That’s pretty broad. Watch a movie that stretches you. Take a walk. Engage in intentional conversation with someone you trust. Sit still for a moment. Find whatever works for you.

I will warn you, however, that “what works” can be a little hard to ascertain. For one, it’s not a formula where if you do this, then you will get this. This isn’t self-help. It isn’t transactional. Instead, spiritual practices prepare us for transformation.

Transformation is beyond our control. Things will happen to you and you must decide how you will go forward. It could be something traumatic, such as death or illness, loss of a job or relationship. It could also be more success than you expected and more than you are prepared to handle. In those moments, we can double down on what got us there, or we can allow ourselves to be transformed. But you may not be as free to choose as you would like if you haven’t done the work.

There is a Buddhist parable about a man on a journey that comes to a river. On this side, dangers abound, but the far shore is safe and serene. He builds a raft to cross the river. Of course, when he gets to the other shore, he discards the raft. It was useful for getting him there, but not for living in this new place.

Most of us probably think we’re pretty good at knowing when to discard the raft, but not so with our habitual patterns of behavior that help us make our way in the world. At some point, they stop working for us and may even be harmful. Even good

Night

things can be a problem. For example, being helpful is good, but there are those who become so addicted to the praise they get for their service that they don’t know how to feel or accept love without it. This kind of self-abnegation leads to resentment, but it is so hard to break away from it. We’ll drag that raft around forever.

Spiritual practices help us see the raft. They help us see what a burden it is. They help us see that this shore, this new place, is okay. We don’t need the raft anymore.

Life can be relentless. It is easy to get swept up in whatever gets us through. And it’s easy to get addicted to that. We need a date night with ourselves, a moment to set aside the world of constant cares and reconnect with who we really are. In that, without the haze of the muchness and many-ness of life, we get a little glimpse of God and who we might be in God’s embrace.

Scott Shirley is the pastor of Church in the Cliff. The Worship section is underwritten by Advocate Publishing and the neighborhood businesses and churches listed here. For information about helping support the Worship section, call 214.560.4202.

Worship

BAPTIST

CLIFF TEMPLE BAPTIST CHURCH / 125 Sunset Ave. / 214.942.8601

Serving Oak Cliff since 1898 / CliffTemple.org / English and Spanish

9 am Contemporary Worship / 10 am Sunday School / 11 am Traditional

GRACE TEMPLE BAPTIST Come to a Place of Grace!

Sunday Worship: English Service 9:30am / Spanish Service 11:00am 831 W. Tenth St. / 214.948.7587 / gracetempledallas.org

Disciples Of Christ

EAST DALLAS CHRISTIAN CHURCH / 629 N. Peak Street / 214.824.8185

Sunday School 9:30 am / Worship 8:30 am - Chapel

10:50 am - Sanctuary / Rev. Deborah Morgan-Stokes / edcc.org

EPISCOPAL

CHRIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH / ChristChurchDallas.org

Sunday School: 11:15am /Mass: 9am & 10am English, 12:30pm Español

Wednesday Mass: 6pm English, 8pm Español / 534 W. Tenth Street

NON-DENOMINATIONAL

KESSLER COMMUNITY CHURCH / 2100 Leander Dr. at Hampton Rd.

“Your Hometown Church Near the Heart of the City.”

10:30 am Contemporary Service / kesslercommunitychurch.com

TRINITY CHURCH OAK CLIFF / Love God. Love Others. Make Disciples.

Sundays 10:00 am / Worship & children’s Sunday School 1139 Turner Ave. / trinitychurchoakcliff.org

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Look here for local professionals.

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Pergolas, Patio Covers. 214-435-9574

FLOORING & CARPETING

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Complete Kitchen And Bath Remodels. Tile, Granite, Marble, Travertine, Slate. Insured. 214-563-5035 www.blake-construction.com

PEST CONTROL

MCDANIEL PEST CONTROL

Prices Start at $85 + Tax For General Treatment.

Average Home-Interior/Exterior & Attached Garage. Quotes For Other Services. 214-328-2847. Lakewood Resident

NATURE KING PEST MANAGEMENT, INC

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GARAGE DOORS • 972-757-5016 Repair. 10% off to military/1st responders.

GARAGE DOORS AND GATES

Locally Owned. 214-251-5428

WINDOWS & DOORS

GLASS & MIRROR Mirror, Shower, Repair. 24 Hr. Emergency. 214-875-1127

WINDOW CLEANING dependable. Matt 214-766-2183

GLASS CO Replace, repair: windows, showers, screens. 214-837-7829

A HANDYMAN?

here for local professionals.

HANDYMAN SERVICES

DANHANDY.NET Repairs Done Right For A Fair References 214-991-5692

DAN The Handyman. ToDo’s Done Right. handy-dan.com 214-252-1628

HANDYMAN SPECIALIST Residential/

Large, small jobs, repair list, Refs. 214-489-0635

REPAIR HANDYMAN Small/Big Jobs + 30 Yrs. Exp. Steve. 214-875-1127

HOMETOWN HANDYMAN All phases of No job too small 214-327-4606

WEEKEND SERVICES

Handyman. Remodels, Renovations . Plumbing, Drywall, Electrical.469-658-9163

THE POOCH PATIO Daycare, Boarding, Training, Taxi, Spa. 214-252-1550 thepoochpatio.com

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POOLS

CERULEAN POOL SERVICES Family Owned/ Operated. Weekly maintenance, Chemicals, parts & repairs. CeruleanPro.com 214-557-6996

Get FAA approved maintenance training at campuses coast to coast. Job placement assistance. Financial Aid for qualifying students. Military friendly.

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LAWNS, GARDENS & TREES

HOLMAN IRRIGATION

Sprinkler & Valve Repair/ Rebuild Older Systems. Lic. #1742. 214-398-8061

MAYA TREE SERVICE Tree Trim/Remove. Lawn Maintenance. Resd/ Commcl.Insd. CC’s Accptd. mayatreeservice.com

214-924-7058 214-770-2435

Locally harvested wood!

JD’s Tree Service

RESPONSIBLE TREE CARE FOR THE ENVIRONMENT Firewood/Cooking Wood Full service trimming & planting of native trees. 214.946.7138

LEGAL SERVICES

Get FAA approved maintenance training at campuses coast to coast. Job placement assistance. Financial Aid for qualifying students. Military friendly. Call Aviation Institute of Maintenance

LEAFCHASERS POOL SERVICE Parts/Service. Chemicals/Repairs. Jonathan. 214-729-3311

800-481-7894

REAL ESTATE

SELL YOUR HOUSE FAST Cash Buyer. 214-796-6170

REMODELING

A2H GENERAL CONTRACTING,LLC Remodeling, Painting, Drywall/Texture, Plumbing, Electrical,Siding, Bathroom/Kitchen Remodels,

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Notice of Nondiscriminatory Policy As To Children

Helping inventors and idea people since 1989.

Cliff Temple Child Development Center admits students of any race, color, national and ethnic origin to all the rights, privileges, programs and activities generally accorded or made available to children at the Center.

Helping inventors and idea people since 1989.

A WILL? THERE IS A WAY! Estate/Probate matters.maryglennattorney.com 214-802-6768

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30+ Yrs. in Business

Complete Renovations

• Major Additions

Cliff Temple Child Development Center does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national and ethnic origin in administration of its educational policies, admissions policies, scholarship programs, and other Center administered programs.

• Kitchens/Baths

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