Learn to be All In

Learning to be

‘All In’

One of the things I remember my father saying to me is that if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. And, as many children do, I kind of ignored this for many years, but now I must confess to taking a lot more notice of the things he used to say. Being ’all in’ is a phrase that implies commitment - giving something your all. Why on earth would we not?

Take a moment to consider what is important to you in life right now – what things do you want to work towards –what kind of future is important to you. The details don’t matter but it is important to know where your destination is – it’s hard to be all in if you are vague about what results you want. Consider a few areas of your life and it really doesn’t matter which ones you choose I have simply given a few as examples.

For most areas there are some similarities which come back to how we acknowledge and demonstrate our commitment to areas of life we say we value. If we don’t value it then there is no problem at all with NOT being all in – if we do however, then let’s be honest with ourselves and acknowledge the value it has for us and be ‘all in’.

Relationships

If we care about a relationship then the only way to make it work whether it be with partners, family members or friends is to prioritise spending time together within the restrictions that exist at the moment, and that means being all in – deciding NOT to do certain other things so that time can be devoted to those we care about. But how many times do we hear time being used as an excuse. I understand there are limitations on time because of the other responsibilities we have – but if something is important, we will usually find ways of creating time.

Job – Career - Business

For many people this is another important area of life –clearly for most of us it is how we earn money to live. But for a lot of us a job, career or business is much more than that. It will often give us satisfaction, and many will seek to be promoted which might involve study, or working particularly hard to gain recognition. The same is true of business owners who will often work long hours and go without to further their business or enable it to survive in these rather challenging times.

But time isn’t the only element of going ‘all in’ it’s what you do with the time. We have probably all had times when we go online, it doesn’t matter what device, to do something productive but end up being drawn into a rabbit hole and suddenly hours have elapsed. Another thing that can look like real commitment but I think can be a bit of a red herring is the chasing shiny objects syndrome. I bet many of us will have done it – we sign up for a course, a facebook live, some free training which all sounds very good but as soon as we do one, we are onto the next never allowing ourselves the time for the real work the application to our own practice.

Home

Whether it is tiny flat or a country mansion or anything in between it is usually our place of greatest comfort and safety and as such it is important for most of us. But there are also some people for whom their home feels like an extension of themselves – something that they love to pour time and money into. If it’s not then that’s fine – some use it simply as a base from which to further their other plans and ideals. But if it is a big deal for you, acknowledge it and give it your all. If not then accept that and know that ‘home’ for you may be much more about people than things – in which case don’t waste time and energy on creating a physical environment that isn’t very important to you.

Hopes and Dreams

Perhaps this is where being ‘all in’ can reap the greatest benefits. We all have hopes and dreams whether we hold those secretly in our hearts or whether they are open and everyone knows about them And, it doesn’t matter what they are – buying a home in the sun, growing your business, booking the holiday of a life time, moving home, writing a book or anything else you might hold as a dream.

If it’s not really a dream you hold dear and believe can happen, then probably you should let it go and use your time and energy to pursue something you feel is more achievable but if it really is a dream then go ‘all in’, commit to it give it your all – if it is worth striving towards.

Perhaps it is more apparent than ever that we only get one shot at what we call life – so decide what is important to you and go ‘all in’.

Why not visit the Facebook group ‘All About You’ for more help and support on ways you can achieve a happy, balanced and fulfilled life?

www.facebook.com/groups/AAYGroup/about

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Midlife Madness

I don’t really want to use any of the words like lockdown, unprecedented, new normal, distancing etc but oops I just have. Suffice it to say that our language has now changed a bit to reflect the times we are living through. Our daily routines have also changed to reflect the current situation. I have always enjoyed a walk but blimey at the moment where, when and with whom (distanced or course) that walk will be takes up an inordinate amount of mental energy.

Then there are all the other words which were part of our usual lexicon BUT they have assumed a new importance, words like Netflix, jigsaws, crocheting, and many others. There is no doubt our worlds have, hopefully temporarily, shrunk a bit and we now seem to spend longer concentrating on the minutiae of lifewhich actually is the ‘real’ stuff. And many of us have realised anew that relationships are what makes the world go around – I’m talking mostly about our relationships with others but we can’t forget we have a relationship with ourselves.

Anyway, I’ve bought a calendar, goodness knows why because for the foreseeable future I’m going to be writing ‘stay at home’ on every day. Unless I put all the detail about my ‘walks’ which you can tell are one of the central parts of my day. Oh, I’d love to be writing ‘meet ‘C’ at theatre’, ‘meal out with D&J’, ‘weekend away in Sussex’ or even better ‘flight booked’. But I know that isn’t going to be happening any time soon.

For many of us, much of our day may be spent in front of a computer screen on zoom or teams or whatever –maybe dressed completely or as several friends have told me this week wearing PJ bottoms and something more work like on their top half. I bet we have all used the ‘my signal dropped out’ excuse either disappearing completely or disabling camera/microphone while we stuff our face, run to the loo, take another call etc. And the most over used though essential phrase has to be ‘you’re on mute’ – now wouldn’t muting be a wonderful feature to have in real life!

So, there is no denying life has changed and doesn’t look like it will change back anytime soon so we are stuck with a lot of this new language that reflects many of our new habits. Habits which I am fairly staggered I have got to enjoy so much! For example, we have long conversations about the birds that have visited the garden, how much of the bulb’s new shoots are showing, where that odd-looking jigsaw piece fitted, how muddy the woods were, let me tell you very, very muddy, or numerous other, not earth-shattering topics!

Then there is food which has assumed immense importance – obviously we eat it, but we also plan it, discuss it and consider various options for almost every meal or snack in minute detail. Planning trips to the shops is done with military precision considering how busy the shop will be – will we walk, bike, or go by car - which of course means lengthy consideration of the weather – still it engages me and passes the time!

If someone had told me a while ago, I’d get into crosswords I would have laughed in their face but actually they have become a really pivotal part of my day. While we have breakfast, we often do a quick crossword, before dinner often a crossword and during the day a 5-word cryptic crossword – still can’t cope with any more ‘crypticness’ in life – it’s complicated enough. At the weekend we have a real treat – the Jumbo general knowledge crossword! Well, it is important that we make weekends feel different from the rest of the week! But when hubby comes into the kitchen and asks if I fancy ‘quickie’ I have to remember he is probably talking about a crossword!!