Things to Unlearn

Things We Need to Unlearn

Ioften use this piece to talk about learning but this time it’s the opposite. I want us to think about things that we maybe need to ‘unlearn’.

Often, we have learned things that are unhelpful, either from family when younger or friends and experiences later on. And of course, the world is changing, we now recognise the need to take care of ourselves but also recognise that part of that involves not just our physical bodies but our minds and emotions too. How well we are able to do that will depend on some of the beliefs we have acquired – things we may need to ‘unlearn’.

Pleasing others ahead of ourselves

It’s nice to do things for others, either people we care about or even helping out complete strangers via charity work etc. And doing that can be very good for us. But like all sorts of other things, too much of a good thing can become a problem.

Our needs count too and the danger with feeling that we need to keep pleasing others all the time is that our needs end up being a very low priority! We can pull the stops out for a while but if we are constantly undervaluing the importance of our own needs that can have an impact on our health and wellbeing AND even on the very people that we care about. It would also be nice to think that if we care about them they also care about us and wouldn’t want us doing things that are detrimental to ourselves. So, think about putting in place a few boundaries for yourself, because your needs count too!

Feeling you can’t ask for help

This can often stem from the same internal belief that somehow you and your needs don’t count as much as others.

We’ve all had times when we’ve been asked how we are and we’ve said ‘fine’ when we know we aren’t.

Now I’m not saying that we tell everyone all our problems but we are deserving of support just like anyone else so it is absolutely okay to ask for it.

Avoiding conflict at all costs

As a human your beliefs and views are no more or less important than anyone else’s.

But I bet that many of us have had times when we’ve not been honest about our beliefs because we want to avoid conflict.

There is nothing in essence wrong with this, as adults we can choose to avoid conflict if we want but if we always think our views are less important or if we are always afraid of conflict then that can have an impact upon us. Our views count too and we should be able to share them without worrying about conflict or upsetting people.

Seeing productivity as self-worth

What we do and achieve will have an impact on how we see ourselves, on our self-worth. But it is important to realise that our selfworth is not just about what we do or produce, or even the roles we play. Our selfworth stems for the fact that as a human being we have an inherent value. If you have any doubts about that then it’s mindset or belief you need to unlearn pretty quickly.

Not facing our feelings

Feelings can be messy and tough to process. BUT if we don’t process them, and by that I mean express them in ways that don’t harm ourselves or others, then they have a nasty habit of spilling out when we least expect it AND they can do us harm.

Celebrating your wins

However small it might appear to others if it’s important for you, you should be able to celebrate it. But I bet many of us have played down successes because we believe others have bigger wins, are somehow more successful. Or maybe we play it down because we find success a bit uncomfortable, maybe we worry people won’t like us as much or that it will change how people relate to us.

But the reality is however small the win the chances are you’ve worked for it so step up and acknowledge your success.

Remember it is not your fault that you have ‘learned’ these things but that doesn’t mean you have to live with them. It might not have been your choice to learn them, but you certainly can make the choice to unlearn them and, in the process, free yourself to other ways of being and living, possibly living in a happier, more fulfilling way.

For tips and hints to help you live a more fulfilling positive life join our face book group:

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M&Co