Stop Saying Sorry

Sorry but I’m Going to Stop Saying Sorry!

I am not saying that rude people don’t exist, those who would never dream of saying sorry even when they are completely out of order – we’ve all come across them, but in general I think we are a nation of serial apologisers!

Apologising when we have hurt people, inadvertently caused an inconvenience or to show sympathy or empathy, a sense that we understand their loss or pain is obviously a good thing to do. Many of us may even had the experience of NOT saying sorry through stubbornness or pride even when we were in the wrong or we caused hurt and suffered the consequences of not apologising.

Many of us have probably also experienced people saying sorry to us when we know that it is an empty word and in essence sorry means we won’t do it again, sometimes we know when the sorry is said that the actions will be repeated.

The problem I think we have is that it is overused, we’ve, well some of us anyway, have got into the habit of saying sorry for a whole bunch of things that, really, we don’t need to apologise for at all.

But ‘what’s the problem’ I hear you ask. Lately we have come to realise that our own words not only have a powerful impact on others but they also have an impact on ourselves our mindset and view of the world. Here’s a few things we shouldn’t be saying sorry for, see if any of them resonate with you.

Your own self care

We are gradually realising how important it is to care for ourselves. To make time for what we know supports the health and wellbeing of our own body and mind. There is never a reason why we should apologize for doing those things. In terms of people we care about quite simply we won’t be able to do anything for them if we let ourselves get burnt out and run into the ground by NOT taking care of ourselves.

By saying sorry for doing things for you – making time to go to the gym or simply turning down an invitation as you know you need quiet night in – you are giving the message to yourself that it is something you should apologise for when in fact looking after yourself is a perfectly reasonable priority to have.

Your time

Sometimes the simple fact of the matter is that we end up apologising for NOT doing certain things or taking part in events etc simply because we are too busy. But here we need to remind ourselves again that we control our own time (a lot of it anyway) and generally speaking we don’t need to apologise for the way we use it.

Again, if we do apologise for it we are somehow having a go at ourselves yet we are perfectly entitled to spend our time in the ways we see fit.

Your Boundaries

If we accept that we owe it to ourselves to take care of ourselves then that often involves setting boundaries. These come in various shapes and sizes. Many of us will set boundaries around negativity. That might mean being careful what we watch, read or listen too, but it might also mean limiting time with people or in social circles that ‘bring us down’.

Putting ourselves in positions where negativity is rife simply won’t do us any good at all – it is very hard to stay positive when surrounded by negativity and removing or reducing the sources of that is an entirely reasonable thing to do. If we apologise for doing it we are again giving the message to ourselves that our feelings and wellbeing are somehow not a priority.

Those are just three areas where apologising probably doesn’t help us. But we don’t want to hurt people and we know sometimes others can make a lot of demands. Here are a few helpful phrases to use without saying sorry but all of them rely on communicating clearly what it is you want.

If someone is asking for help it is okay to explain that you don’t have the time or energy to help right now (if you can later then say that but you don’t need to). When it comes to negativity or negative conversations simply explain that you understand you see things differently but you find this type of conversation unhelpful. If you are turning down an invitation just communicate why –explaining that maybe you’d set aside this time for an exercise class or whatever because your health is important to you.

There are lots of ways to NOT say sorry and each one will, of course, depend on the situation. But by explaining as above you are actually affirming to yourself why you are doing what you are doing which will speak volumes to your subconscious. Turning something down because getting fit is important to you for example. So next time you feel tempted to say sorry ask yourself first if you should be apologising and if it isn’t better simply to state your position.

If you think you have some unhelpful mindsets that are limiting how you live then checkout my book about Mindsets ‘Make it Magnificent’ available on Amazon.

Beauty NEWS

Britain in a Bottle

As part of its 10-year anniversary celebrations, luxury fine fragrance bath and body brand, Noble Isle, has launched its luxurious Britain in a Bottle Gift Set (£75, www.nobleisle.com) The set contains four products and takes you on a sensorial journey, with each blended with natural extract from local producers in England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales and includes Rhubarb Rhubarb! Hand Wash, Whisky & Water Bath & Shower Gel, Fireside Bath & Shower Gel and Wild Samphire Hand Sanitiser.

Prepare to be Pampered

Perricone MD’s Limited Edition Pamper Bundle, is pperfect for indulging in the ultimate head-to-toe beauty preparation before a special occasion. This indulgent collection will leave you feeling pampered from head to toe with expertly curated products that deliver visible results to leave you feeling your best. The Pamper Bundle includes: No:Rinse Exfoliating Peel, High Potency Growth Factor Firming & Lifting Eye Serum, Cold Plasma Plus+ The Intensive Hydrating Complex, Cold Plasma Plus+ Concentrated Treatment Sheet Mask, Cold Plasma Plus+ Fragile Skin Therapy and is available for £150.00 from www.PerriconeMD.co.uk

Top That

Transform any regular nail polish into a high-shine, long-lasting, salon-worthy gel with the Leighton Denny TOP THAT! Starter Kit (£65). Painted over dry nail polish, TOP THAT! gives you both a shiny gel finish and hard protective top coat that extends a normal polish manicure up to 14 days - and even longer for a pedicure! Unlike a traditional salon gel application which uses several layers of cured gel product on each nail, TOP THAT! requires only one coat of GEL, so it is gentler on the nails and easier to remove…all from the comfort of your own home!

The Ultimate Duo

We’ve found the perfect day and night skincare products that work effortlessly together. Jojoba Ultimate Day Cream (£34) uses precious fermented marine active (Arctalis) along with orchid and magnolia extracts (Akoactive Garuda) that is clinically proven to visibly reduces skin sagging and fine lines while protecting from external environment aggressors. Jojoba Ultimate Night Cream (£48) uses clinically proven, powerful natural jojoba extracts, and is a rich, deeply moisturising natural night cream for aging skin that enhances skin texture, visibly reduces deep wrinkles, and regenerates skin cells overnight. Both available from hejojobacompany.co.uk

THE HEALING POWER OF GARDENING

We are all well acquainted with the idea that gardening, as an activity, helps our mental and physical health tremendously. People who spend time around plants perform better in the office and home. Researchers have found that tasks performed under the calming influence of nature are more accurate and efficiently executed. In addition, being outside in nature can boost memory performance and attention span by 20%.

So you have to quite literally stop and smell the roses. According to a study where office workers were exposed to pink roses, results showed that they brought significant physiological and psychological relaxing effects to the participants.

“Roses are among the most beautiful and versatile garden plants. From patio roses to shrub roses, ramblers, and climbers, they come in many varieties. To thrive, most roses need full sun and heavy soil.”

They provide escapism

Whether it's from our job, daily chores or any responsibility we might have, we all need to escape reality once in a while. Taking care of plants can be a great activity to break up a mundane routine and add colour to our lives.

It’s also been suggested that getting our hands dirty and working with soil makes us happier. A 2007 study found a bacterium in soil called Mycobacterium vaccae triggers the release of serotonin, which is the hormone that is responsible for elevating moods and reducing anxiety.

They encourage you to be more active

Instead of a gym membership, you could switch to garden work outs in the summer to get a dose of vitamin D and literally a breath of fresh air. In fact, the Covid-19 pandemic led a lot of us to work out in our gardens thanks to the availability of virtual work outs and many of us have kept this up. Your garden isn’t just a good space for skipping and jumping around though. With the right plants, it’s a great place to unwind and stretch. It’s also been suggested that when more than one of your senses are engaged (the feeling of the sun on your shoulders and the scent of roses in your garden), you are more likely to feel relaxed.

Having a visually appealing garden can make it a perfect space for outdoor exercises like yoga for a calming atmosphere in the summer. However, British weather might not always be ideal, so we recommend creating a sacred space and the perfect retreat away from the business of everyday life – like a yoga room or if you’re on a budget, a gazebo can give you some shelter whilst you practise your flow.

They help in forming better relationships with others

There is a correlation between growing ornamental plants and feelings of compassion. Interestingly, people who spend more time in nature are much more likely to care for others and develop better social relationships. Researchers have found that time spent in nature makes us feel connected to one another and to the world. And we need more of that in the hustle and bustle of this crazy world.

Having a unique space such as a garden room that the whole family can enjoy socializing in, or use and an escape from time to time, would be a fantastic opportunity to foster mindfulness and wellbeing.

Sometimes failure teaches you more than success

Sometimes plants just die, no matter how much you took care of them. Or maybe you made a mistake, forgot to water them or didn't provide them with the right environment to thrive. This teaches us to let go of our expectations that things will always go our way. To accept that sometimes things don't go quite as smoothly as we might like them to. That's okay, cause next time the grass will be greener because we learned how to water it.

www.crownpavilions.com/garden-room-range

Midlife Madness

As I am now not in the full flush of youth I have had lots of opportunities to learn to be patient. Can’t say they’ve been wonderfully effective as I’ve been landed a whole host of new opportunities to refine my clearly deficient patience skills.

We’ve all had the hanging on the phone training – luckily phones have loud speakers and I have found that I get quite a lot done when hanging on the phone starting at being 29th in the queue or on one particular occasion to the doctor surgery finding that the queues was full so you couldn’t even join the queue! I had been previously 34th in the queue so goodness knows how long the queue was! But guaranteed if I pop to the loo that’s when they’ll answer.

Lately though we have been at our house in Portugal (yes I’m lucky and I know it) and we’ve been buying a car. We try very hard with the language but couldn’t use the word fluent to describe our particular form of pigeon Portuguese – made worse by the Algarvian dialect – I was asking someone what time they close – said the phrase several times then we switched to English –turned out I’d said all the right words but fecahdo (closed) was said so fast it sounded like a sneeze.

Back to the car tale. We managed to buy the car without too much hassle – even managed the registration of it –in person in an office we had used probably 20 years ago with the same agent – face to face often easier with our limited language skills. A long wait while many numbers were laboriously copied by hand but it all worked. Unfortunately, docs will be posted out to us – which will be interesting as our post box (not at house but in village) seems to have vanished and the lady who used to hold our post has sadly died. So, whether it was worth it will remain to be seen. But the lengthy waits started when we tried to get a radio for the car. Simple I hear you cry – so we asked at an appropriate unnamed Portuguese retailer and were told the man we needed to speak to was busy with another customer and he would be 2 minutes! 2 Minutes. The problem was that he was selling a TV to an English family but it was the display TV so the box had to be got from out the back, the TV had to be cleaned, set up demonstrated to buyers, (which you wouldn’t get if buying a boxed TV) then said TV had to wiped down, have feet taken off, and be put back in box from out the back!!

Loooong doesn’t even come close! But eventually and I mean after almost an hour, he was available and we knew from overhearing his dealings with English TV buying couple that his English was good so our radio purchase began. He checked out the connections in the car and assured us this particular radio was the best option (twice the price of the one we had picked out!). So, we bit the bullet and bought it. He said he wasn’t able to fit it till his lunch break – which he was starting soon. I tried to clarify what soon meant when 2 minutes had previously equalled one hour but he just repeated soon. Anyway, this time it was soon and he went to car inserted new radio only to discover that we need another ‘connector’ which of course after much looking they established they didn’t have! So, he sent us to another car parts retailer, now that was interesting as while waiting in the queue with 2 older French guys who didn’t speak Portuguese we ended up interpreting for them! But after much looking around and checking stock on line we established they didn’t have one either. BUT they could order one.

So the waiting continues – the car is great if only we could have music!