On a Sober Day Somewhere far from you On a sober day
Dear perfect ex-lover, How are you? I know I shouldn’t be asking that because I'm aware of exactly how you are. That was a very silly question, but I have to ask. It is the proper thing to do. How do I begin this? How can I make you understand? How can I make you see that I am not who you think I was. I was who I am from the very start but you saw who you wanted to see. You were optimistic. You still are. That is the problem—you are too optimistic. About what happened that night? I can explain. It is not what you think. I swear it is not! I know you have told me not to swear by anything and that is why I am not. I remember when I swore to God in your presence and how quick you were to smack me, with those soft, tiny, little hands of yours. You smiled and so did I. Your smile is so beautiful. That was one of the things that attracted me to you—your smile. The other thing was your background. Yes, I knew about you before we met on your street. I had heard how much of a good girl you were and a lot about your family. Your family? You might be wondering why I am talking about them as a unit instead of your sister in particular. The thing is, they are a very important factor to our relationship. I remember the first time you took me to your house to meet your parents and sister. That was a bad day for you, for us. Your dad was not happy about you bringing home a not-so-rich guy as your boyfriend and potential husband. The look he had on his face reflected contempt. You did not notice it as much but I saw every disdainful look. Your mother was no better. She stood by her husband and was quick to follow him when he abruptly left the living room. Later she called you from the living room. Do you remember what they said to you? I do not know till this day. You never answered every time I asked you. Your sister was nicer. She asked me questions when you had gone to meet your parents. I figured she was coming from a good place. You thought otherwise. You didn’t like that I was cordial with your sister. Immediately you got back, you pulled me outside and prevented me from bidding her goodbye. I wondered why. Throughout that day I asked myself, why were you unhappy that someone in your family liked me? That bothered me more than your parents hating me. Your parents were right in protecting their daughter, besides they knew
better. After getting to know you more, I realized there was animosity between you and your sister. From a very tender age, your parents supported competition between you two. It was always about who was better academically—your sister was. She got the appraisal, and gifts, you didn’t. That affected you for a while but you somehow worked through your self esteem. You never repaired your relationship with your younger sister though. It had always been a competition between you too, so why change it now, was what I got from you. I have to admit that I loved the animosity between you two. It was great for my intentions. I wanted you to myself. I didn’t want to share your love and attention with anyone else, so it was great that your family didn’t care to know about the relationship and neither did you care to let them know. Plus you didn’t have any close friends to interfere with your relationship. I was your best friend and I loved it! What you don’t know is, I got your sister’s number the day you took me to your house. I know you’d be shocked to know that I called her regularly to make sure we were on good terms. It was a scheme to have at least one person to intercede with your parents in the future. Everything worked out according to my plans until your family dynamics started to change. Your parents initiated that you and your sister saw a counselor to help resolve your issues. You immediately accepted to make things better. I couldn't believe it. I hated it. What was worse? Your sister started to interfere with our relationship. Everything went downhill from there. She opened up about how I had called her and told her how much resentment you had towards her. Before your counseling sessions, I got the impression she disliked me when she barely picked my calls. She was very hostile the few times she picked up and expressed her doubts on me loving you for real. I was utterly shocked that you took so much importance to what she said. You questioned my motives that same day and you were emotionally distant. You became more discreet about what you told. Even though you still loved me, you didn’t trust me like you used to. The financial assistance I got from you reduced drastically. I was devastated! I hadn’t even gotten what I wanted from you. I don’t play with my money, I'm not sure you knew that. I had to do something real quick to get back on track, to be on your good side. I resorted to mess with your self esteem. You should remember the time I always got angry at your slightest move. It was a time I complained about how ugly your outfits looked, or how I disliked your hairstyle. But for some weird reason, you were not sad or depressed about my attitude. It was quite
frustrating I must admit. You belittled my way of getting under your skin. Neither did you give me the money I needed to start my business. Yes, it was a huge amount, but I knew you could afford it. You are from a rich family. You have more than enough, so why not give it to a not-so-rich guy like me? That was the reason I dated you. I dated you because of what I could get from you, because of your family’s wealth. Your parents saw right through me. So did your sister. Your sister. As if it was not enough that she told you negative things about me, she had the effrontery to mess with my money! How dare her tell you not to give me any money?! What nonsense!That's a crazy sister you got. Your sister. That night. That night was no mistake, at least not on my part. Yes, indeed. Everything happened according to my plans. You remember I sent you a text at work saying I needed to tell you something very important. Your response had been quick and I remember you being anxious to know what I wanted to tell you. Right after I sent you the text, I called your sister. It took a few times before she eventually picked my call. She’s such an arrogant one! I told her you had called me from work, and wanted her to bring a nice outfit to my place because we both were going to a party. She was swift to ask how I expected her to know what outfits you wanted. She was going to call you. I couldn’t let her do that, so I lied. I told her you were in a meeting with your boss and would not like to be disturbed. It worked. I told your sister she had to bring the outfits between 6:00 and 6:30pm. I figured since you get off work at 5:30pm, you would be at my place within the time frame I gave your sister. At 6:15pm, your sister got to my place. She was shocked when she realized you were not there waiting for her. She refused to stay any longer. She dropped the outfit and headed for the door. I forcefully pulled her hands, looked sternly into her eyes and told her to wait until you got to my place. She returned the gaze and shouted she didn’t want to. She began to pull her hands from my grasp. At that time, I knew it wouldn’t be a smooth transition into my bedroom. I dragged your little sister into my bedroom. She kicked and screamed all the way. I pushed her to the bed and began undressing her. She kept on screaming and fighting with all of her strength. I covered her mouth, slapped and beat her. She became weaker, and finally she submitted. As I kept undressing her with much ease this time, I heard your footsteps towards my bedroom. I quickly pulled off your sister’s blouse, and boom, you came into the room. I turned around just in time to catch the shock, hurt, and disappointment all
over your face. I noticed it became worse when I shifted so you could see it was your sister beneath me. You almost died. I loved that. When you saw your sister’s face, you ran out of my apartment and so did you sister. I didn’t need her anymore; she had already played her role in my movie. I am certain she was happy I didn’t rape her. I couldn’t have anyway; she’s not my type. Judging from the look on your face, you thought your sister betrayed you. You must have concluded that it was an act of competition against you, and to be honest, it was your sore relationship I used against you two. I realized it would be more hurtful than if I messed around with some stranger. I don’t know how you and your family resolved the issue. I really don’t care to know anyway. What I loved about you was the money your family had; it was all I had ever wanted from you. And since you didn’t want to give me monetary assistance anymore, I just had to hurt you the way you hurt me. I never did love you, even though you could have given your life for me. I feel bad about that. I hate that you loved me that much, Cassandra. I am sure you are happy that I am far away from you. I can only imagine what victory it would be for you and your family to have me in prison right now. I suppose you believed your sister after all. Written sincerely, Your convicted ex-boyfriend.