OUR STORIES
Foreword In the fall of 2016, I conceived the idea of telling the stories of those coping with anxiety and depression. I didn’t want to just sit down and interview people; I wanted to take their photos to make the storytelling more relatable too. Even in 2016, people have a hard time relating to those with mental illness because it’s not openly discussed. The goal of this project is to relieve the stigma that we as a society have placed on mental illness of all kinds. In order to kick off the project, I first had to develop interview questions. I didn’t want people to go over every single little detail that led to their anxiety or depression. I wanted to make sure that they say the most important things: What it’s like dealing with it on a day to day basis, how long they’ve been coping with it, what they want other people to know about mental illness, etc. I also wanted the interviewees to bring in something personal when I went to take their photograph; something that told a story. After developing the basic scope of the project, I decided on the name the OK Collective. People with mental illness, including myself, know that we will never be 100% “OK” in the tradiational sense. We will always feel anxious to some extent, we will always have sad days we can’t control. However, we get through every single day, whether it’s a good day or not, and from that we can say “I’m OK.” From there, I advertised on Facebook that I was doing a project about anxiety and depression, and I wanted to know who wanted to volunteer to discuss their mental ilness and have their photo taken. To my surprise, about 30 people (two times more than what I needed for the project) messaged me and said they wanted to tell their story. For a month, I met up with people in Grand Rapids and Big Rapids, interviewed them, bonded with them, and photographed them for this book. These are their stories. You’ll laugh, you’ll feel a tug at your heart... But overall I hope you will empathize. It takes great courage to tell your own story, especially about personal dark times and struggles, and I’m so thankful that I found these beautiful people to tell theirs.
OUR STORIES For anyone who feels like they’re never going to be “OK.” You will be.
NATALIE EZABELE
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It doesn’t really have a specific race, a specific gender; it can happen to anyone, any age.”
Natalie is 22 years old and is from Lansing, MI. She has four brothers and is the youngest of all her siblings. Her dad is African, and her mom is Caribbean. She’s currently a senior in the graphic design program at Ferris State University.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I noticed something was off when I was 12, and then I got diagnosed when I was 16. I’d had a suicide attempt. The anxiety happened sophomore year in college. I’m not diagnosed with anxiety, but I am diagnosed with depression.
4. What is the significance of the item you brought?
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness?
It plays a part in a lot of the sad moments in my life. When my mom passed away, I can still smell the room, the people around me, and other things that happened to me. [The smell] also reminds me of my mom.
It doesn’t really have a specific race, a specific gender; it can happen to anyone, any age. Be open about it instead of making us think we can’t talk about it. Talk about it earlier, like in Kindergarten. Why not?
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you?
7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves?
I think just acknowledging there’s something wrong, but still trying to be comfortable in your skin. Taking steps to get to that place is usually helpful; that’s what makes me feel OK. My religion makes me feel that I have a purpose. I don’t know why I’m here, but there has to be a reason why.
The biggest one is acknowledging it and understanding what it is. Maybe writing down patterns that you’ve noticed. Even if you feel like you can’t talk to someone, find a way to speak out about it. A mechanism, like poetry, design, film, comics... Find a way to speak out, even if you don’t have someone to talk to.
2. How do you cope on the bad days? Poetry. I go to open-mic nights, and I shut everything off with music. Poetry and music usually help. 3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness? They’re not very open. My dad, when we went to therapy, he purposely made me miss my appointments. We don’t talk about it much. I don’t really talk to my friends about it. My dad says crying is drama, so you’ll probably never see me cry.
LUCAS GILLIS
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I’ve always been someone with obsessive thoughts, who thinks about things over and over again, and doesn’t usually stop.”
Lucas is 21 years old and is from Zeeland, MI. He’s a junior in the advertising program with an associate degree in graphic design. He identifies as a queer trans-male.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I think I became aware of it in middle school. I’ve always been someone with obsessive thoughts, who thinks about things over and over again, and doesn’t usually stop. The lows were really low... I remember generally hearing about it but as far as 100% being diagnosed, it wasn’t until my senior year of high school/freshman year of college when I went through a really bad depressive state. I was not officially “out” as trans-gender and went through a really bad breakup with a really shitty, emotionally abusive ex-girlfriend to the point where I was suicidal. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? It’s a lot of time by myself to decompress. Watching really bad reality TV, ice cream... usually in that order. When I’m feeling up to it, I text one of my friends to hang out. I grew up as an only child, so I appreciated time by myself and being away from everything.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness?
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you?
My mom I know has been more supportive in the past couple of years because she’s figured out how serious this is, but at first she brushed it off as “you’re over-thinking it, it’s fake, it’s all in your head”, stuff like that. Other family members haven’t expressed a lot about mental illness to that extent, though I’ve got a cousin on the autism spectrum.
“Content” being really relaxed of mind; there’s nothing out there causing any stress of any sort. Not necessarily feeling numb, but a sense of content, sense of calm.
4. What is the significance of the item you brought? It’s a bottle of my testosterone. Ever since I started my transition from female to male, it’s brought me a sense of peace, it’s lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders, and overall made me a better person. A lot of my anxiety and depression before my transition came from body dysphoria, gender dysphoria. So once I started taking T, those things didn’t necessarily go away, but they lessened. I still have my really bad days, but they’re not as bad as they used to be. Because of that I was able to focus more on the other surrounding issues and take care of one thing and move on to the next.
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness? I want people to realize that it a. exists and b. it should be a more prominent issue in terms of discussion because it’s out there and so many people are affected by it in various walks of life. It’s not discriminatory in the slightest. 7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? I would definitely encourage someone to reach out to their peers, not necessarily a professional, but someone they can talk to, not to use them as a crutch per se, but to decompress and unload a little bit. A lot of people are surprised that there are a lot of people with the same mental health issues.
DRAKE BUURSTRA
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I can’t say that things are going to get better, but I can say: You’re not the only one.”
Drake is 23 years old and from Allendale, MI. He’s majoring in marketing at Ferris State University.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I don’t think I was ever “officially” diagnosed by a doctor. I remember a counselor said, I can’t remember what kind of depression it was, but it’s that I’m apathetic towards everything. I would say I realized it around middle school, 8th grade. I guess it was because everyone else seemed like they were having fun, figuring out what they were good at, and I never had that realization. I was sad all the time.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness?
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you?
I guess, poorly. I never really told my parents I was depressed or anything. I think they know I have anxiety because my panic attacks make it very apparent. My brother though, he’s been diagnosed. He goes to counseling and got medication and stuff. They’ve been dealing with him better than me I guess, but then again his [mental illness] was a lot worse than mine was.
I would say not having anxiety attack me at that moment. Just an overall feeling of “Things are good right now, I’m safe right now. Maybe something bad will happen in the future, but I can’t see it right now.”
4. What is the significance of the item you brought?
2. How do you cope on the bad days? I don’t really cope healthily I guess. I stop doing anything productive. I lie down and do very unproductive things like stare at the same three apps over and over again. On my really bad days, it’s hard to be productive which sucks because I have a lot of shit to do these days haha. I haven’t found a good coping mechanism.
This is my folder of memories. It’s little tokens that I’ve kept from the past few years. It has all my concert and movie tickets since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2... Going to the movies used to be a big deal because I’d only go a few times a year. Once I had my own income and go to movies whenever I wanted, I started keeping my tickets. I have drawings my friends and I would make, drawings from clubs... Some of them are bad memories I want to forget. These memories are from people I really don’t like now. They screwed me over, but I keep them because it’s a reminder that once we still had good times. When I insert a new memory, I look through the old ones.
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness? All these false perceptions about mental illness created by Hollywood just aren’t true. Also, a lot of people have a negative perception about medication for mental illness. That’s bullshit. Not all medication is bad; you’re not gonna automatically turn into a zombie or a drone. I know people that need to be medicated but they won’t because that’s how they think. 7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? Well, I can’t just say “it’s going to get better,” because statistically that’s not true. But I can say, “you’re not the only one.”
GRETCHEN BOLEY
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Depression isn’t people trying to get attention. It’s a medical thing, and it can be genetic. It’s not something you can just switch off.”
Gretchen is 23 years old and from Jackson, MI. She’s currently a senior in the graphic design program at Ferris State University.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? Probably high school. Starting sophomore I started to notice how detached I felt. I wasn’t happy at school and I felt like if I wasn’t there, nobody would care. I felt like a ghost. I’ve always had low self esteem... and my home life was fucked up. Then, once my parents got divorced, things changed. We moved into town, but then I attended community college and felt like I wasn’t doing everything I was supposed to do. Over the summer my mom talked about going to see a counselor at Birkham, and I did the first week of school and liked it, but now I can’t find the time to set up an appointment because of school. She talked about putting me on some kind of medication... a lot of people in my family have been diagnosed with depression. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? Well, I can’t focus. I’ve been having trouble the past few years with that and it’s been getting worse and worse. I push off my work till the next day, I get on my phone and switch back and forth through all the social media platforms.. I’m guilty of that. I sleep, take long showers, watch TV. I get in the mood where I don’t want to be alone, I want
someone to distract me, but at the same time I don’t want to talk to anyone.
telling myself I have to finish, because I told my grandma I’d finish school.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness?
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you?
Well my mom has always had it since she was little; it got really bad in her marriage. She’s always been open about it. My friends are open about it. I had one friend that had to go to a psychiatric ward her senior year of school. I feel open to talk about it with her. I feel like I have a couple friends to talk about it with, but I don’t talk about it much cos it’s a lot of energy to talk about it and I don’t want them to think I’m seeking attention.
“OK” would be like you just feel “blah.” I feel like a zombie a lot; emotionless. My therapist told me since I don’t really talk about how I feel, that I don’t process it. I keep it in and turn into an emotionless wreck, instead of crying it out or talking about it to feel better. “Content” would mean I physically feel relaxed, not anxious about anything. Maybe a little happy, like I’m enjoying the present.
4. What is the significance of the item you brought? It’s a ring from my grandma. She had a ton of rings... A couple of years ago she brought my sister and I in her room, and during Thanksgiving she took us aside all secretive and asked “OK girls, what do you guys want?” When she passed, we ended up going through her rings... I like sapphires and my aunt said “here’s one!” so that’s how I picked this one. My grandma... She called my sister and I her kids too. Like grandkids, but closer. She helped us through school, money-wise. Back at home she’d help us with groceries and other expenses. I keep
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness? Depression isn’t people trying to get attention. It’s a medical thing, and it can be genetic. It’s not something you can just switch off. 7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? Talk to somebody regularly about it. Or journal... Do some sort of activity like working out or doing a craft.
AARON GARCIA
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[Mental illness] shouldn’t be a negative thing you need to avoid, it should be something you embrace and live through.”
Aaron is 28 years old and from Tuscon, Arizona but moved to Grand Rapids, MI when he was 13. He studied music in college and currently works at Founders Brewery.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? It’s hard to pinpoint. It’s became more of a common thing when I was 17, 18, 19, when I had to find my own bearings. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? The best thing for me is to play music. I like to sing and play guitar. I feel like a lot of people have outs that aren’t always healthy, like self harm. But for me, music is my out, that release, to wail it out. It’s really easy to get into this “Zen” state where you’re not analyzing everything that’s going on. It gets you refocused. Other than that, definitely changing my environment like cleaning and rearranging things or going for a walk to get out of my environment. 3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness? Mental health is kind of a thing that runs in my family. They’ve had problems from either depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. I have people close to me that have dealt with it in varying degrees. I think by being around people [afflicted by this], instead of having a direct conversation
with someone, you know about it in a different way. 4. What is the significance of the item you brought? I brought 2 things. The first is my guitar; I like to write music a lot and perform a lot. It’s my “healthy” out, and I know a lot of people haven’t found their coping mechanism. This is what saved me from diving into harmful coping mechanisms. I also brought a book called The Myth of Sysyphus by Albert Camus. It’s a book that talks about more general terms [of mental illness]. At the beginning of the book it says “In the end there is only one true philosophical problem, and that’s whether or not to kill yourself.” The whole thing is about how everything is completely absurd and meaningless, and what are we going to do about that. Anxiety and depression has a purpose some people say, “to better ourselves”, but that can only go so far. 5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you? This is something I’ve learned recently.. When I was younger I always thought the goal was to be happy. Now, I feel like being happy is overrated. You have to acknowledge that some days you’re going to
feel nauseous, and terrified, and anxious, on top of feeling blissful and great. You have to take it all and embrace that you’re existing. That’s part of being “OK”. It’s not about being happy. It’s embracing everything that’s coming at you. If you didn’t feel anything, you’d be dead. 6. What do you want people to know about mental illness? Everyone has mental illness to some degree or another. And, I hate to say “it gets better,” because I don’t fully believe it, but it’s not about it getting better. You’re going to find a way to be okay with whatever’s going on right now. And if you think about it, great art happened because of suffering and getting through it. Life needs to have suffering or else it’s not worth living. It shouldn’t be a negative thing you need to avoid, it should be something you embrace and live through. 7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? Honestly, sometimes I think there’s not anything another person can do. Sometimes you can help a person through an episode, but I think the trick is to really face it on your own in a way.
AUSTIN KNIGHT
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If I could, I would unsign the user agreement. It’s not great, but it’s not terrible either.”
Austin is 25 years old and from Inkster, an inner-city suburb of Detroit . He’s a registered behavioral technician and an applied behavioral analysis worker who got his education at Grand Valley State University.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I realized it in my junior year of high school, maybe freshman year. Junior year is when I started seeing people but wasn’t diagnosed because of insurance. Junior year is when I had my [suicide] attempt. I wasn’t diagnosed until college because I seeked it out. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? Mostly just a lot of affirming statements, [like] still being here... I usually try to do more on bad days which is weird because stereotypically, at least with people who have depression, they don’t really do anything. I just do more, I try to have things to look forward to. I like playing video games, reading comics, working on comics, something. I guess I don’t have avoidant behavior, but I accept that I’m having a bad day and let people know, the people I’ve picked through counseling when I made action plans, that I’m having a bad day and not stopping my life as best I can.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness? Friends overall seem pretty accepting. I have
some friends that are very candid about it but they clearly need to deal with their own mental illness and self care but they don’t, or they do crystals or meditate which is fine, but they also need to go see somebody. As for family, my mom has general anxiety disorder, and possibly a cousin. Not talking about it is pretty typical in black families and that community in general.
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you?
4. What is the significance of the item you brought?
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness?
I got this [music box] in Japan, which was a life goal, and now it’s a life goal to live there for a month or a summer. It was a huge thing. The thing that got me through a lot of bad days was anime and movies and such. Toonami, on Cartoon Network, had a Studio Ghibli month and they played Princess Mononoke. It was the first time I watched an anime, or anything animated really, that made me think a lot about stuff; life, balance, your own tenacity, being able to understand “the other” or whoever you’re opposed to, emotion like rage, compassion. All of that spurred me into doing what I did; studying Japanese, getting more into anime, going to Japan. It’s a key part of who I am. This music box plays the theme song of Princess Mononoke, which helps on bad days.
Just know that it’s not that bad. I mean it can get bad, even if you get help, that’s sometimes just how it goes. And it can be scary and a lot of work to work on it through therapy, or meds, or whatever professional help you wanna get for it. It’ll be really bitter work, but it doesn’t mean you can’t get to a place where you’re doing better. Everyone has a part of them that scares them for some reason, but because of the stigma a lot of people are afraid to get help. If I could, I would unsign the user agreement. It’s not great, but it’s not terrible either.
It depends on context. When bad stuff happens and someone asks if you’re okay, you’re basically saying “I’m OK, I’m not dead.” Maybe it’s saying you just had a pretty normal day, which I guess is a little more like being “content.”
7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? Accepting parts of yourself that you can’t control are things that people should work towards. Be honest with yourself.
VERONICA KIRIN
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I know it’s really fucking hard to ask for help some days, but you need to.”
Veronica is 30 years old and an anthropologist turned serial entrepreneur. She’s writing a book in addition to running a business. Veronica is from Grand Rapids, MI.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I don’t know when I was officially diagnosed... When I was 14 I was suicidal. My parents tried to force me into going to therapy and it didn’t work out. I wouldn’t really talk to them because they were the cause. So I’d say it happened somewhere around my 14th year. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? If it’s really bad, I’ll be thinking about suicide again. I’ve been trying to build up different systems, because once you’re in that mental state, you’re not going to come up with something that’s going to help yourself, so you have to come up with it beforehand. I try to curl up on the couch with a particular blanket from my childhood and watch a movie or I’ll try to make myself some tea. My friend made an analogy that the logic center is the adult and the sadness is the child, so I try to pull myself out of it; segregate my identity so that I can take care of myself. It’s like my “self” is different from “I.” Last time I sat outside and texted the suicide hot-line because being outdoors helps, and having someone hear you out.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness?
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you?
My family doesn’t talk about it; doesn’t exist. Not even about what happened when I was 14. It has to be vague when I talk about that time, otherwise they get really fucking uncomfortable. As for friends, you have to make it okay for your friends to be comfortable with talking about it around you. You have to bring it up the first time, and from there it’s all good. This past year’s been a big journey for me accepting the fact I have PTSD and depression and realizing that if I keep hiding it, I’m not going to be able to heal or have support. So I’ve started talking about it and being open about it with my friends, and I’ve seen it being reciprocated so now I feel like I have a web of support. Friends are way open and willing to talk about it; family not so much.
Being “OK” for me means that I can get up, I can think logically, I can somehow function and be productive throughout the day, communicate well with others, and probably think about the future in some manner. When I’m down, all I think about is how down I am and how much I just wanna end it. When I’m up I feel like I can really do stuff.
4. What is the significance of the item you brought? It’s my quilt when I was 10. I have no idea why it’s the thing I go to because I still have my little blankie from when I was little... Maybe because it’s bigger and I can wrap myself up in it.
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness? It’s not something to be afraid of. Historically we’ve stigmatized it because we couldn’t understand what was going on. But now we have the science, and the medicine, and the communities where we understand what it is and what’s going on... If someone’s freaking out, they’re not going to come after you like a zombie. They need to be comforted and made to feel safe somehow. Just don’t be scared of others; reach out to each other. 7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? Reach out to each other. I found that I feel way better when I’m around others. Physical contact with others helps. I know it’s really fucking hard to ask for help some days, but you need to.
TYLER FELTY
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We’re all in this together, and there’s no goddamn reason you should feel like it’s all on you.”
Tyler is 23 and is from Cedar Springs, MI. He has a bachelor’s degree in psychology and is now in graduate studies at Ferris State University for social work.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I started recognizing early-set depression in my middle school years. I didn’t have the cognitive abilities to understand what the hell was going on, but I did spend a lot of time having panic attacks. When I was 14 I started seeing a therapist for some of the deepseated issues that I had after self harm scars started presenting themselves. They did a small diagnosis for bi-polar disorder. Going through high school and college it became apparent that this wasn’t just a transitional phase, but it was a personality disorder that would stick. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? Most people who have depression have a network safety. They’ve got family who help them, they’ve got something. I’ve never had the ability to take a day off; I’ve had to do it myself. I just get through the grind. When it comes down to it, sometimes you just have to go home after a long day and drink.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness?
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness?
A lot of my friends and family understand where it comes from. They may not understand it personally or fully. Some of my family has it, some of my friends have it. I don’t talk about mine too much because I feel like it’s a burden on them, even though that’s a sign that “you have something.”
It’s not a stigma to have it. A lot of people will face this throughout their life, and it’s better to have an understanding of what it means. And if you are really facing a problem, seek help. There shouldn’t be a stigma in seeking help; it’s just like getting help for breaking an arm or a leg.
4. What is the significance of the item you brought?
7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves?
I brought a scarf. This is something I got my freshman year of college in a really down time in my life. They had this knitter’s club on campus. I had $5 in my pocket and I saw this really comfy gray scarf, and I felt it and it felt warm. It’s something that someone made, and even though it wasn’t intentionally for me, I felt it and I felt really passionate for that.
If you feel like you have something going on that’s causing a disrupt in your life, there’s no reason you should have to be unhappy. Seek help for it, and don’t feel ashamed for needing help. We’re all in this together, and there’s no goddamn reason you should feel like it’s all on you.
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you? “OK” means today you’re not feeling like death, like everything’s going against you. Today doesn’t feel heavy.
Afterthoughts: Being a male and understanding that these are cognitive factors that happen, there’s a huge stigma. Everyone still thinks “men shouldn’t cry” and they should be a hyper-masculine self. There’s no reason for it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman or whatever gender fluidity you express, there’s no reason for you to have a mental illness and be untreated.
JEN BANCINO
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Knowing that, going through all the hard times you have to go through, makes you stronger.”
Jen is 24 and from Grand Rapids, MI. She’s a junior in the graphic design program at Ferris State University.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I knew ever since I was really little. I had anxiety and panic attacks and “chills.” My parents got divorced when I was 2, and I think that affected me because that’s when the brain really develops. They were abusive and threw stuff and broke things, so it was traumatic to me. In high school I had more panic attacks. A couple years ago when I first started at Ferris, I’d get chills and black out for about ten seconds, and be really out of it. High school is when I officially got diagnosed with panic attacks, though. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? I dig my nail in my hand to get myself grounded, to keep me from getting a panic attack. I like positive quotes; on Pinterest I have a “clear mind” board where I have uplifting quotes and exercises for anxiety and breathing techniques. I’ll take a bath, light a eucalyptus mint candle, and play nature and calming music.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness?
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness?
I would say kinda neutral. No one else in my family, my brother or either of my parents, all say they don’t have anxiety. They understand it when I tell them about it, but not firsthand. They’re accepting of it, but they don’t think it’s as crazy or as serious as it is sometimes because they can’t relate to it.
How common it is. A lot of people think of “severe” mental illness when they think of mental illness, like schizophrenia, and how they see it portrayed on TV. People don’t realize how many everyday people, people you think seem happy, have anxiety and stress. It’s not that bad word we all think it is, and that it’s common. We should make it not a taboo.
4. What is the significance of the item you brought? The Ellen [DeGeneres] quote that I have, that I look at especially when I get in a deep area with lots of anxiety, at least when I have a lot of projects going on. I look at it and it says “your failures are as equally important as your successes.” Knowing that, going through all the hard times you have to go through, makes you stronger. It helps soothe my anxiety reading positive things. 5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you? Obviously not being stressed out, and having time for yourself. Times where I actually feel gratification from doing something that day, something I enjoy. Not feeling exhausted and drained, feeling energized and feeling happy doing something you like to do.
7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? I would say find what really helps you. Talk to people. Talking to people is always helpful. Talk to people and see what they do. Go to a therapist. Looking through quotes helps me... Find something that suits you and find ways to make time for yourself because you need a mental break and time to relax.
NICOLE GAFA
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Find someone that you’re comfortable with to talk to, someone that’s always willing to be there for you. It might be hard but it WILL happen eventually.”
Nicole is 22 and from Algonac, MI. She studied photography at Grand Valley State University and does photography for a living. She identifies as bisexual.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I think I realized that I had depression and anxiety probably when I was 13 or 14. It was when I first started noticing that I was feeling really down a lot, and that’s when I started noticing the anxiety being prevalent. That’s when I knew something was wrong. It was also when I started having suicidal thoughts. I don’t think I ever got an official diagnosis... I talked to someone on the phone about getting a support animal, answering quick questions. They said it seemed like I had anxiety and depression [based on the questions.] 2. How do you cope on the bad days? On the bad days I try not to lay in bed all day, even though that’s what I want to do, and it’s definitely not the healthiest way to cope. Sometimes I’ll text some of my friends and be like “hey, wanna go to the hookah bar?” or something even if we just hang out, to get out of the house.
3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness?
5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you?
Not bad. All my friends have been open and okay with it; they’re pretty good. My parents were a little difficult because I tried telling my mom about it when I was 14-ish and she kinda brushed it off. She’d say things like “oh it must be PMS” and I was like “yeah, it’s really not” haha.
“OK” is more so like “things are OK, things are alright, they could be a lot better, but they’re not and it’s alright.” As for content, “things are good, I’m on a positive track right now.”
4. What is the significance of the item you brought? I brought my camera. I had a huge mental breakdown my freshman year of college. I was gonna be a writing major, and then I realized I don’t write nearly as much as I used to. So I was like, what am I going to do with my life if I can’t get a job in my field? So after that I started thinking, what else do I like? And I realized I liked photography. So I started taking photography classes. At Grand Valley they start with film classes. Photography is something that’s always been really calming to me, and it’s something that I’ve always been really comfortable with for being a (usually) uncomfortable person, haha.
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness? The biggest thing I want people to know is that it’s not something that’s easy to get over. It’s a lot harder than just “cheering up and going out and doing something that you like. 7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? Find people that are going to support you. One of my best friends, Dani, is one of the only people recently that I’ve been able to vent everything to. Find someone that you’re comfortable with to talk to, someone that’s always willing to be there for you. It might be hard but it WILL happen eventually.
TAYLOR MEAD
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No one else besides you can really convince yourself to be happy. It’s a personal endeavor. Anyone can have depression.”
Taylor is 21 years old and is from Grand Rapids. They work as a celebrity ambassador at conventions. Taylor identifies as pan-sexual and non-binary.
1. When did you first realize you had depression/anxiety? Were you ever officially diagnosed? I was first diagnosed in second grade, which is younger than most I’ve really heard of. I think I’ve met one other person that was diagnosed around the same age. 2nd grade was when I was put on meds. Recently I was officially diagnosed with anxiety; I knew I had it for a long time, but I was just put on medication for it. 2. How do you cope on the bad days? I will either go out with friends, hang out, or... It really depends on my mood. If I’m feeling extroverted, I’ll spend time around friends. But most of the time I’ll throw on a video game or movie, go on the Internet, experience/learn something new... Whatever I have the energy and drive to do. 3. How have your friends and family reacted to the topic of mental illness? Depression/anxiety is genetic in my family. My family’s been incredibly supportive my entire life. They’ve helped me seek help from a young age, from before I could even comprehend what depression meant. They’ve kept me well-educated. My mother has a medical background so she’ll run me
through what each medication does to my brain, how it interacts, etc.
6. What do you want people to know about mental illness?
4. What is the significance of the item you brought?
It’s not something someone can snap out of. When someone says “it’s all in your head”, it literally is. No one else besides you can really convince yourself to be happy. It’s a personal endeavor. Anyone can have depression.
I don’t attach memories to physical objects as much, but anything that forms positive memories I form attachment to. I have attachments to a number of books, a lot of indie films (anything by Don Hertzfeldt). I’m really into video games. It allows for a healthy form of escapism without feeling isolated. The game Dark Souls tackles isolation and its world is very lonely, and you aren’t the center of the universe... I’ve always loved playing through this game because it means a lot when an artist can step away from the hero’s journey, the normal fantasy tropes, and just make a game about depression that isn’t set in modern day. That doesn’t have a spelled out story and is all about atmosphere and emotion rather than a story driven in modern day, a typical portrayal of depression in modern media. 5. What does being “OK” or “content” mean to you? To not be anxious, to not have the tightness in my chest. Not necessarily being happy, but not unhappy either.
7. What advice do you have for anyone suffering from mental illness themselves? Don’t be afraid to reach out, to seek help. Speak out if you’re not feeling well, if your meds aren’t working, if you even need meds at all. Don’t be ashamed of your emotions and don’t let others diminish how you feel, because those are YOUR emotions, those are valid. They may not be rational, but they’re absolutely integral to getting better, with the accurate expression of them. Society has so many stigmas against mental illnesses. It’s something that’s hard to tackle on a personal level, but because I’ve been dealing with it for so long, I’ve become a vocal advocate of getting treated properly, getting proper psychiatric care, etc. I encourage you to reach out and talk to someone. Seek help and healthy outlets for positivity and negativity, respectfully.
ANDREA CORDES
“
I’ve come to accept that I’ll never fully be “OK”, and that’s OK.”
I’m from Alpena, MI. I want to use photography and design to not only tell the stories of others, but improve the lives of people through empathy and design thinking.
Reflections I’ve always wanted to do a photo series. I love the idea of sitting down with someone and getting a peek into what their life is like, and then being able to translate that into a photograph. I originally had the idea of shooting photos of women with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) because it’s something I suffer from, but I later changed the topic to depression/anxiety because it’s something I’ve had experience with as well. I knew that I felt different mentally when I was in high school. There were times where I just felt extremely sad and lonely but the majority of the time I didn’t have a reason for it. The real depression came out after my first major breakup; I couldn’t eat, I didn’t want to do anything but sleep for days. Things got better after awhile, until my sophomore year at Ferris where I ended up getting panic attacks and had to be put on anxiety medication for it. For awhile I felt alone, having anxiety and the occasional bouts of depression. Some of my friends dealt with it, but we drifted apart after we graduated high school. My parents in the beginning mostly just told me to cheer up, to not obsess over things, to calm down... Nobody quite understood what was going on in my head and how different I felt. How
some days I felt totally fine, and other days I just felt like I was sitting on the edge of a cliff, like someone was hovering over me getting closer and closer to pushing me off but never actually going through with it.
as long as it gets combined with the necessary professional help whether that be talk therapy and/or meds. There are so many options out there to get the help that people who suffer from mental illness deserve.
While I’ve gotten a little better at managing it, I’ve come to accept that I’ll never fully be “OK”, and that’s OK. The concept behind the OK Collective was to say that even though we will always be plagued with anxiety, with bad days, with breakdowns that we can’t control, in the end, we’ll be alright.
I’m so thankful that I got the opportunity to interview and shoot such wonderful people. Everyone was so insightful, and they all had different insights to mental illness and how to deal with it, as well as explaining it to other people. I hope that after reading this book, you understand mental illness a little more. Even if you can’t relate to it personally, I hope that you can empathize with whoever in your life is coping with having a mental illness.
After talking to everyone involved with this project, I’ve realized that it’s so much better to reach out than to keep mental illness to myself. I think that people, even if they don’t suffer from a particular mental illness, can benefit from talking to those that suffer from it. For me personally, it made me realize that I’m not alone. It’s okay to have days where I’m not the most productive, to feel isolated and down in the dumps. There’s no “cure” for it or a go-to method to make everyone feel better, but the beauty of it is that because everyone is different, there are different things that can help. As my friends have talked about, you can discover what’s right for you whether that be music, poetry, film, art, anime, comics, positive quotes...
THANK YOU Natalie Ezabele Lucas Gillis Drake Buurstra Gretchen Boley Aaron Garcia Austin Knight Veronica Kirin Tyler Felty Jen Bancino Nicole Gafa Taylor Mead