Kindness is King

By John F. Rutter, John Rutter Hair Solutions, Morgantown, West Virginia

I remember sitting in the waiting room waiting for my third test in a series of three. It was the weekend before Labor Day. I asked myself, how the heck did this happen? How did I get here?

My future is no longer so clear. I should be leaving work early today. I should be going to the market to get a bunch of meats to smoke and grill for the weekend. But no, I’m getting poked, prodded and scoped by a doctor who didn't seem to like to smile.

In my 35 years of providing hair replacement services, I’ve seen countless clients who are staring cancer and treatments in the face. And now, it may be my turn. I never thought I’d be here, feeling all the feels, thinking all the thoughts. I experienced fear, apprehension, self-pity, uncertainty, hope, and many feelings I can’t even begin to describe.

Cancer took my father when I was 13, the same age as my son is now. And, here I am, waiting for the news — a fearful husband and father of four children ages 10 to 15. To say I was freaking out is an understatement.

Myriad questions raced through my head. How will I tell my kids if this third test is positive? How will I tolerate chemo? Did the cancer spread? How will I make a living? How will I feed my family? Will I miss birthdays? Will I lose my hair?

Here’s how I got here. I had my blood work done routinely, but this appointment was different. Usually, my doctor tells me that I'm fine, and he’ll see me in six months. But this time was different. He told me that there was something unusual with my blood work, and wanted me to see a specialist. His office made an appointment for me and gave me the address. What he didn’t tell me was that the specialist was at the West Virginia University Cancer Center in Morgantown.

At my first specialist appointment, the doctor told me, with a blank stare, that my blood work and other tests indicated that cancer was present. She then proceeded to tell me that "chances are, it’s spread into other areas, so further testing is needed." What I heard was entirely different, I heard Charlie Brown's teacher, that inaudible droning of words. Her lips moved, and I heard gibberish. I could barely see straight. I was a mess, pure and simple.

I won’t go into details about the tests, what they did and how they did them. But I will say that it took three and a half months to get the testing finished and even longer for the results.

While seeing these doctors, nurses, physician assistants, receptionists, and insurance processors I’ll never forget how some of the professionals I dealt with were completely impersonal, almost numb. Some of them seemed robotic. I remember telling one of the doctors that he should introduce himself to his patients before he performed his tests, scopes and biopsies. I doubt he will change unless perhaps he or someone he loves is shown the same lack of human decency.

The results of my tests all came back negative. No cancer, thank God. But, the experience changed me.

One of the biggest ways it changed me is how I deal with not just my clients dealing with cancer or health challenges, but also my hair loss clients. Losing your hair, for any reason is never easy. Whether it's cancer treatments, burns, alopecia, aging, and so on. We are one of those professionals that our clients see. After being treated like I was just another patient, another test before lunch, another form to fill out I've since realized how important our connection is to our clients.

I’ll never forget the people that were kind to me. I will also remember that no matter how bad my day is, how tired or irritated I am, kindness is always king. I've learned how to treat people, and how not to treat people.

As a hair replacement expert who sees people going through health issues I am reminded to give my clients a positive experience that hopefully will never be forgotten. I may be the only person that day that shows this "patient" any kindness.