The Moment I Realized I was a Terrible Leader and What Happened Next

By Adam P. Blanchard, MS, CFRE, Director of Donor Engagement at Dayton Children’s

In today’s world, a solid reputation seems to be in short supply. From those who are caught up in controversy, either by their own doing or as a victim of circumstance, to others who are getting “canceled” for any number of reasons that play out in the court of public opinion.

The reality is people who are highly visible and who have some degree of authority, including leaders at all levels, are regularly scrutinized. It’s no wonder there’s an absence of authenticity from those in positions of influence, as often, the ones who are willing to allow space for

FROM STAGE TO PAGE:

This article was adapted from a live presentation given at AHP’s International Conference in October 2022.

vulnerability and transparency are subject to criticism and blame.

The result is leaders who shut themselves off from the humanity of their job and focus strictly on the production, not the people. I used to believe this was normal; after all, the research supports it. “For many years leaders of all respects have embraced that sentiment, doing everything they could to come more across as powerful, strong, and flawless.”1

When you’re brought up as a leader in a certain way, recognizing how things are done, it becomes easy to go overboard on the bravado and fall into an imposter syndrome, holding relationships at arm’s length.

It’s taken a while, but I feel like I’m finally moving in the right direction, and I’m not alone. In their January 2023 Harvard Business Review article, Li Jiang, Maryam Kouchaki, and Leslie K. John noted that “recent research has found that effective leadership isn’t about always being perfect, but about being genuine.”2

Learning I Was a Terrible Leader

With that in mind, I’d like to share my story... it’s about the day I learned I was a terrible leader and what’s happened since. It’s a tale of relationships made, relationships damaged, and relationships recovered. It’s a snapshot of my leadership journey so far.

Hopefully you’ll leave having read this with some nugget or a new a-ha. Or perhaps, you’ll even become a bit more confident in your own leadership practice. But before we dive in, let me provide a little background.

I’m a husband, father, son, brother, and child of God. I’m also the Director of Donor Engagement at Dayton Children’s Hospital Foundation in Ohio. I’m a two-time college graduate, earning my bachelor’s degree at the University of Cincinnati, and then my masters at St. Joseph’s University in Philly. I’m an unapologetic Cincinnati Bengals fan—long before they were good! And I’ve been in the same fantasy football league for over a decade, winning it just once.

I serve on boards and committees, have earned my CFRE, presented at conferences, and was previously published in this very journal. I’ve helped drive significant philanthropy during my career for some incredible organizations.

But at face value, none of this really matters.

You see, the good things in life, the positive outcomes, only come from the strength of our relationships and how we maintain them. We know this as leaders, but sometimes we can become defensive or distracted, and lose our way. We’re all trying to navigate a challenging and ever-changing world; I hope my experience can provide some perspective.

Allow me to set the scene. The annual giving team had been four people; the previous director left the role abruptly after nine years and another manager resigned shortly thereafter to be a stay-at-home mom. What remained was a junior staff member who was still relatively new, a longtime volunteer auxiliary liaison, and me. In this moment of relative desperation, it was the first time I recognized that our greatest resource as fundraising leaders is the human resource. More on that later!

Once I was in the position, I immediately began to think about how to assemble the team. I reimagined what our purpose and goals should be and what types of roles and people should play a part. Within six months, we had backfilled a critical program manager role, hired a brandnew digital fundraising specialist, and promoted another member from the major giving team to our staff to work in donor engagement.

Everything seemed to really start clicking from where I sat. But as I would soon learn, I had some blind spots…three years of blind spots!

Fast forward to early 2020 and I felt like I was on top of the world. We were hitting our metrics, performance evaluations were solid, and we were growing. I was cruising, but at the same time, becoming somewhat of a box-checker–we were working hard, but I was operating with blinders.

People were successful, but not necessarily happy. And it took a complete shock to my system to wake up and understand what was really happening around me.

Have you ever had a time when you realize something is obvious to everyone except you? Yeah, me too. I had thought things were just fine, but others felt different. And when the opportunity came for our staff to share anonymous feedback through a 360-degree evaluation, this fact became painfully clear.

Really, for the first time in my career, I began to question out loud whether I was cut out for this whole leadership thing. I was spinning and catastrophizing and had to figure out where to go and what to do, and what should happen next.

After some tears, some yelling, and some cursing, and after some very intentional conversations with several trusted individuals, I began to recover and try focusing on how to learn from this. I had to figure out how to move ahead productively.

I was quickly reminded that truth is in the eye of the beholder and perception is reality. The 360-degree evaluation allowed our staff to be radically candid about their feelings toward leaders, including everything from strengths and weaknesses to management style, from the culture within our foundation to suggestions for growth, and so forth.

To say the least, I was blown away and completely caught off guard by the feedback. I vividly remember asking myself “How could they think that about me?”

When reviewing the report with my staff leader and the hospital’s head of human resources, I experienced a whole new level of self-awareness, but also some significant self-doubt. I was angry, and I was hurt. I was perplexed and confused.

With the help of my staff leader and the HR leader, I put together a 90-day action plan to spark some immediate change. I identified the top things I wanted to achieve and what I need to be successful. Through this work, I began to journal weekly about my trials and errors, recording very honestly what worked and what didn’t. I made sure to celebrate the successes and recognize the failures so I could continue to learn.

When I started doing this, my behaviors began to change. And so did the perspectives of others. I quickly learned that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

In fact, as the research suggests, there’s strong evidence to support this approach. “Leaders’ selfdisclosure of weaknesses can foster perceptions of authenticity, meaning that many leaders miss an opportunity to develop rapport [with their teams].”3 If I was willing to look at things differently, recognize, and apologize where I had come up short, it would provide a level of genuine transparency and help strengthen my relationships. That it did.

I also identified available resources and sought advice from trusted individuals, including executive coaches. Over the past three years, I have leaned into better understanding emotional intelligence (EQ) and how to leverage it in my leadership practice.

The BlueEQ assessment and training was conducted with our staff about a year after the initial 360-degree feedback exercise. This provided a great introspective look at my emotional intelligence and a safe space to discuss and learn how to keep improving. Shortly thereafter, Crucial Conversations training was provided to all hospital leaders to teach us how to effectively carry difficult situations forward. It helped me learn how to get unstuck with some of my staff and address challenging issues in a very respectful and productive way–clear is kind! Finally, I read the book, Radical Candor, by Kim Scott. Of the many takeaways, my main insight was that I can challenge people directly and care for them personally, all at the same time.

It’s been said before and I’ll say it here again: education is power. When I developed new skills and added new tools for a different approach, my relationships improved. In his book, Partnership is the New Leadership, Ty Bennett notes, “taking time to create an atmosphere that develops relationships, builds trust, and strengthens the team is invaluable to fashioning the environment you desire.”4

It’s critical to put people first and regularly invest time inviting them to be part of a psychologically safe culture.

For fundraising leaders, the business of our work can quickly become all about the numbers. If you find yourself exclusively focused on the outcomes, and not on who is best positioned to help deliver them, and how you foster an environment of trust and authenticity, fear not! The trajectory for leadership isn’t simply a straight line from Point A to Point B.

Understanding this truth is the first step to owning where you’ve been and declaring where you want to be. Be open to always learning, recognize that feedback is a gift, and remember that the greatest resource is the human resource. Self-awareness of your own shortcomings is the foundation for building greater strengths.

Paying it Forward from My Lessons Learned

I don’t presume to have all the answers. I’m an imperfect human on a journey to try and help create better humans to impact our little corner of the world. But my hope is that some of the things I’ve picked up through my experiences will resonate and allow you to improve your own leadership today, tomorrow, and into the future.

Always talk less and listen more. Don’t be afraid to learn about yourself. READ every day! Your head is a scary place; it’s therapeutic to clean it out from time to time.

Identify your sounding board of trusted advisors and regularly seek their advice. Take a genuine interest in those entrusted to your guidance. Oh, and by the way, this all works with donors too!

I challenge you to take just two minutes and make a single commitment to yourself today. What will you do different? What one change can you make to realize a different outcome? Write it down and revisit it frequently.

Regardless of your position, you are a leader who is visible to many and who will be judged. How you’re seen depends entirely on whether you value relationships ahead of results. As Simon Sinek says, ensure your time, effort, and decisions go into the people you lead.5 Take an opportunity to invest in YOU so that others may benefit.

Endnotes

1 Li Jiang, Maryam Kouchaki, and Leslie K. John, “Research: Why Leaders Should Be Open About Their Flaws,” Harvard Business Review (2023).

2 Li Jiang, Maryam Kouchaki, and Leslie K. John, “Research: Why Leaders Should Be Open About Their Flaws,” Harvard Business Review (2023).

3 Bennett, Ty, Partnership is the new Leadership (United Graphics, LLC., 2016.), 101.

4 Sinek, Simon., The Infinite Game (Penguin Random House, LLC., 2019), 42 .

Adam Blanchard serves as the Director of Donor Engagement at Dayton Children’s Hospital Foundation. He joined Dayton Children’s in 2015 after spending nearly eight years with the Boy Scouts of America in Cincinnati, Ohio in various fundraising and leadership capacities. Blanchard has over 18 years of professional fundraising experience.

Throughout his career, he has been engaged in fund development and strategic leadership. While studying as an undergraduate at the University of Cincinnati, he gained interest in fundraising and philanthropy as a student caller for the university foundation and developed a strong passion for the work. Blanchard also places high value on professional development and the mentorship of young people in the workforce. He has translated these passions into a career that matches his affinity for fundraising with his desire to cultivate talent.

In addition to his professional accomplishments, Adam has a strong record of community service. He is a member of both the Association of Fundraising Professionals and the Association for Healthcare Philanthropy, where he was recognized as a member of the 40 under 40 class in 2022. He is also a member of the board of directors for Miami Valley Council, Boy Scouts, serving as Vice President of Membership, and Discover Classical.