Jermaine & Catron Turner @Jpixphoto There are cancer cells living within each one of us. Aside from the obvious sources, what ignites those cells to become malignant is a marvel. I recall the day my mother, Patricia Moore was diagnosed with a brain tumor very clear. I often wonder what caused the tumor, how long she had been living with it and if it had been discovered sooner would she have survived.
The journey began December 26th 2010 the day after Christmas; she went to the emergency room feeling lightheaded and weak. She was quickly diagnosed with a rapidly growing cancerous brain tumor. Little did we know the next year and a half of her life and ours would be filled with a whirlwind of emotions, anxiety, and difficult decisions.
Illness not only affects the inhabitant but those around them as well. After being laid off a few months prior to her diagnosis my mother and younger sister had come to live with my family of five. Although there was an adjustment blending families; with 3 small children, it was nice to have her help. With the lay off she was the loss of health insurance accompanied by huge financial bills.
Prior to the surgery to remove her tumor my mother was positive and her completely trusted that God would heal. The effects of brain surgery can vary from person to person. None of us was prepared for the outcome. After surgery, my mother was slightly paralyzed on the right side of her body. My mother had always been a doer. She had slowed down later in life but she took pride in her ability to lend a hand. Waking up without the ability to move her limbs was disheartening. After her hospital stay she quickly went to rehab to regain mobility.
After several months it was time for my mother to come home but nothing can prepare you for the level of care, patience, and commitment required to care for a loved one that is ill. The medications made my mother experience so many emotions and the most dominant was anger. They also caused her to develop diabetes; so on top of the cancer, she was now diabetic. She was scared of the unknown and so were we in many ways. She was making progress but once she started chemotherapy she became weak and feared trying to walk.
I feel with the loss of mobility also went her hope that she would ever be able to walk again. She spent the majority of time in her room in the bed. She had regular visits with the doctor but eventually she required the help of the paramedics to get in and out of the house. Eventually the
tumor reemerged and the little faith that she held on to quickly faded and the belief that she would get well eventually went with it.
I’ve always believed that our faith or belief in a thing good or bad will manifest itself in that which we believe. I feel like my mom gave in to the cancer. She lost her fight.
To say that living with cancer is difficult would be an understatement. My mother now needed around the clock care. Her anger put a strain on our relationship as well as my relationship with my wife. My mother was not only contentious with me but with my wife as well. I was torn. My allegiance was always to my wife but my mom was dying. I begin to avoid visiting her; there was so much tension in my home. I was unaware at the time but the growing tumor was causing her to be mean and violent both in words and in her actions. The tension in my home grew to a point that it was intolerable and my kids were being affected. Eventually in December of 2011 my mother and sister moved out but things were hardly back to normal. I loved my mom but our relationship had been strained and the quality of my family life damaged but not beyond repair. It’s amazing how one life occurrence can cause so much pain. Amazingly with that pain comes the power to heal.
After a few months, my mother took quite ill. The tumor was causing her to have strokes quite often and in due course she had to be admitted to the hospital. They finally told us that there was nothing more they could do. The tumor had not only reemerged but had now taken over both sides of her brain and doubled in size. She was sent to a nursing home with around the clock care. We visited often and like all families we continued to love each other even though there had been turmoil. She was still our mother and we knew that inevitably she would pass and my wife and I wanted to be by her side. There had been years of memorable moments and we made the decision to cling to those. It’s compelling how significant things happen on the most unforgettable days. On Mother’s Day of 2012 I went to visit my mom. I found her lying in the bed with food from the previous day that had not been chewed sitting in her mouth. She had another stroke, which was common with brain tumors, and sadly no one had been to check on her since the Saturday prior. Unfortunately, state medical insurance does not afford you with the best care. Needless to say I was livid and grieved. That night I had my mother moved to the local hospital. The next several weeks were the most intense. Decisions had to be made that I honestly wasn’t prepared for. My mother had made me her health care agent and I was now responsible for her life. Should I keep her on life support? Hospice or not? I never realized the agonizing power of having someone else’s life in your hands. I knew that moving her to the hospice meant that death was near. Or should I selfishly keep her on life support? The brain tumor had taken over and my mother was in a state of unconsciousness. She would never waken from that last stroke. I made the very distressing choice to move her to the hospice.
After a few days at the hospice on May 27, 2012, a representative contacted me to let me know my mother wasn’t breathing normally and most likely wouldn’t make it through the night. They encouraged me to come in to say goodbye and notify my family should they want to make a final visit. While I knew it was coming, I didn’t want to hear it. I decided not to go to the hospice. I had seen my mother living and I wanted to remember her that way. I couldn’t say goodbye knowing she couldn’t hear me. Her brain could no longer comprehend. She wasn’t there.
Death is difficult to put it mildly. Within eleven years, I had lost four of the closest people to me. My grandmother, grandfather, brother, and mother. But this time things were different. I would be required to arrange and plan a viewing and funeral, make decisions about clothing and burial and deal with family issues and lack of finances. To my dismay, my mother didn’t have life insurance so there was a lot to deal with and this added more stress to my family.
To God be the glory, we made it work. I am blessed to say that people supported my family and me and chipped in to assist wherever they could.
We buried Patricia Jeanette Mastin-Moore on June 7, 2012. I regretted not speaking at my brother’s funeral so I decided that I wouldn’t live with the same regret this time. I spoke about the cancer we all have living within us, not just the cells but also the destructive and poisonous behaviors, attitudes, bitterness and un-forgiveness we live with everyday. I was thankful to have the opportunity.
We miss her incredibly and I think of her almost daily but a lot of healing came through the sadness; many family relationships healed. It’s so odd how the most unfortunate trials can birth amazing healing, blessing and change in the lives of others. It’s how we view the trial that counts.
Would I change anything? I can’t say for sure, my trial has blessed so many others. My story has been used in so many ways to help others deal with their own lives, in-law relationships, and sicknesses. Through great trials comes the greatest development. The most important lesson that I have learned is to trust God in every circumstance. Lots of times we go through different trials and it doesn't make any sense at all. God is always in control and he will never leave us. “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca