Parentlife

parentlife

WITH STACIE GAETZ

The truth about TANTRUMS

“It occurred to me that there had to be a better way”

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Airdrie’s premier French Immersion preschool. Come learn and play in French with us. Contact Jackie at 403 512 3921 People warned me about tantrums when I had my first child.

I prepared myself for the worst, but my daughter never had the epic outbursts my friends described.

Then, my son came along.

What my daughter lacked in meltdowns, my son made up for in spades. We thought our only choice was to pick him up off the grocery store floor, abandon the cart full of food in the aisle and make our way red-faced to our car, all while being hit and kicked by our tiny human.

It occurred to me that there had to be a better way. I first had to learn the basics; children do not have the ability to express their big feelings calmly without help. The parts of their brain that allow them to do this are not developed yet.

Therefore, a tantrum is a (very loud and messy) call for help.

After months of research and speaking with experts, we implemented a four-step plan that lets my son know that he is being heard and teaches him the necessary tools to work through the problem.

1. WAIT – Until they stop screaming and crying and can talk calmly. Do not engage with them until this happens. Repeat ‘I will talk to you when you are calm’ and say nothing else.

2. Ask them what they are FEELING – This helps them to identify emotions and they will eventually just tell you without asking.

3. Ask them what they WANT – They know their concerns are being listened to.

4. Give them two acceptable and related CHOICES – Don’t say ‘you can’t have candy before dinner,’ say ‘You can choose either a cookie or candy as a treat after you eat everything on your plate.’

Of course, this is not a magic solution that is guaranteed to work every time but using this four-step process has significantly decreased the amount and length of tantrums for our son because he feels that his concerns are being understood and he has a say in the outcome.

Isn’t that what any of us want when we need help? life