Farewell Facebook, Part Deux

from Healthy Living August 2018

DAVE SAYS

Annoying status updates are reason enough to kick Facebook to the curb.

Story: James Combs

In January 2017, I wrote a column about Facebook and vowed to delete my account due to wacky things people post. I never kept that promise, unfortunately, because people are posting even crazier things these days. Here’s a sampling of my News Feed:

7:40am: give us play-by-play details of his mundane day. “Just got out of the shower,” he wrote.

9:11am: Mary posted seven pictures of her grandchildren. They sure haven’t grown much since the 11 pictures posted yesterday.

9:32am: Ted posted a motivational quote: “You can be the ripest, juiciest apple in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates apples.” Translation: Ted didn’t score at the bar last night.

10:59am: Elizabeth went on a political rant: “Donald Trump is an obnoxious, disgusting pig.” Yep, political Facebook posts change a lot of people’s minds. Said nobody, ever.

12:02pm: Carrie posted a memory to remind Facebook today. I didn’t care then. Why would I now?

1:42pm: Timothy shared a chain message: “This is a cat named Bob. Bob was abused and has lost sight in both eyes. This is a test to see how many likes and shares Bob can generate. If you refuse, you must hate animals.” emotional blackmail aggravates me.

3:45pm: sunbathing at Daytona Beach. Next time, leave your camera phone at the hotel.

5:09pm: Jim posted a fake news story. The headline read, “Spider found in tampon results in medical emergency.” One friend comically commented, “Maybe the spider needed a new website.” off for good. thought-provoking status update.

7pm: Rebecca declared her love by writing, “I have the best hubby in the world,” followed by predictable hashtags: #luckywoman, #lovemyman, #theloveofmylife, #arentwecute? That’s much more romantic than telling him in the privacy of your bedroom.

8:30pm: Julie posed a question: “My baby is cutting teeth and is miserable. What can I do to make her feel better?” Here’s a wild idea: Take your baby to a pediatrician. Don’t seek medical advice on Facebook.

“Just fed the dog.”