ANXIOUS

DON’T BE SHY

Do you find yourself feeling anxious every time you think about going to a party or even a small social gathering? Have you found yourself sitting in the corner as you try to calm yourself down? Social anxiety is no small problem for those afflicted with it, and many people feel it on some level. Anxiety disorders affect about 18 percent of the population, and even people without anxiety disorders may feel an anxiety attack once or twice in their lifetime.

The symptoms of social anxiety include panic attacks, shakiness, sweating, blushing, dry mouth, upset stomach, vomiting, or an unsteady voice. Some people experience one or a few of these symptoms; others experience many. Your symptoms might be steady or might change, and you might experience them only in specific social situations.

Many people have found that coping with social anxiety is not so much about eliminating it; it is about learning to deal with it, managing it, and removing one’s self from situations that are too overwhelming to handle. Here are some tips on how to overcome social anxiety.

1. LEARN HOW TO RELAX IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. Teaching your body to associate social situations with something other than anxiety can be challenging but valuable. Take the time to get into a relaxed state using whatever works best for you, whether it’s reading a book or taking a bath. Then, start thinking of a social situation that makes you anxious. Ask yourself what you want from the social situation and picture it coming true. Visualize the successful social situation. Keep doing this exercise on a daily or weekly basis until your stress and anxiety levels remain the same when you think about the social situation.

2. LOOK FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET SOCIAL.

If you are trying to overcome social anxiety, you can’t do it sitting in a quiet room. You will need to seek out a social opportunity, but the upside is you get to choose what opportunity it is. You can find the party of your choice, attend a club meeting, go shopping on the weekend, or attend your office Christmas party. You cannot feel forced into the opportunity or your hard work learning to relax might come undone. Learning not to avoid situations will prevent your unconscious mind from associating avoidance with fear.

3. START FOCUSING ON YOUR SENSES.

Once you are in a social situation and you are feeling anxiety, try to put your anxious thoughts on pause and focus on your senses. What do you see around you? What outfits are people wearing? What colors are the walls? Is there a particular smell? What does the party food taste like? Is the fabric of the tablecloth rough or smooth? Try to focus on three to five sensory observations that are not about you.

4. THINK OF THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO.

When you start picturing awful scenarios, you have one of two choices. The first is this: if you’re outside the situation and aren’t in danger of a panic attack or moment of social anxiety, let your imagination go and try to think of the worst possible thing that could realistically happen. If you are anxious about being in a crowd, what would happen if you accidentally knocked someone down? They would probably forgive you after you apologized and by tomorrow, they would barely remember what happened. If you are anxious about a party at work, what would happen if you found yourself unable to make conversation? Maybe a co-worker would think you’re a bit weird, but it wouldn’t stop them from passing you cake at the next office birthday party. When you let go of the awful scenarios and realize they actually aren’t that bad, your imagination will calm down.

5. GENTLY STOP YOUR IMAGINATION.

If the above technique doesn’t work, try stopping your imagination. Stop imagining people are thinking about your outfit or shoes, wondering why you’re weird, or secretly disliking you. There is no possible way you can read their minds to figure out how they feel about you, so remind yourself to stop trying. Besides, even if you knew what they were thinking, you couldn’t control it, so there’s no point in worrying.

6. REMEMBER: NOBODY IS PERFECT.

In the end, many people feel social anxiety because they are worried people will find out they are less than perfect; however, everyone else is less than perfect, too! Everyone has had awkward social moments, but we tend to remember our own social flubs in far more detail than anyone else will remember them. Go easy on yourself and remember people admire those who aren’t afraid to show an imperfect side now and again.

Overcoming social anxiety is a lifelong process, but these six tips can help you find peace in a challenging situation and will train you to stop avoiding situations. They can also help you reduce the stress you feel, relax more, tame your imagination, and notice things outside yourself when you’re in these situations. Social anxiety doesn’t have to stop you from being social!

Social Anxiety During The Holidays

Coping with social anxieties during the year can be tough, but trying to handle them during the already stressful holiday season can be downright overwhelming. Here are four tips that can help you survive the holidays in peace.

• Show interest in others.

Celebrating the holidays means people are friendlier, so take the opportunity to smile and greet people. It is a great way to practice your social skills.

• Learn to cope.

When the anxiety starts to build, use some selfhelp strategies to ward it off like deep breathing or correcting negative thoughts by replacing them with beliefs that are more rational.

• Be choosy about social events.

It’s fine to bow out of an event if you receive invitations from people whose company you don’t particularly enjoy. However, make sure to participate in some social activities to avoid becoming more anxious.

• Drink responsibly.

Avoid using alcohol for “liquid courage.” Although a glass of wine might help ease your nerves, drinking too much will impair your ability to interact effectively with others and negatively affect your ability to drive.

SOURCES: “Social Anxiety Disorder & Social Phobia.” www.helpguide.org/mental/social_anxiety_support_symptom_causes_treatment. htm; “7 Techniques for Overcoming Social Phobia.” www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcoming-social-phobia/;

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