FOOLPROOF SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

No relationship is perfect, and even happy couples occasionally have problems. Healthy relationships are those in which couples handle conflict constructively. However, every relationship is different. Just because yours isn’t like someone else’s doesn’t mean it’s an unhealthy relationship. Someone who calls your relationship unhealthy might not have the same criteria as you and your partner. Here are some questions to help gauge whether you’re in a healthy relationship or not.

1) IS THERE ANY PASSION?

Passion is the strong desire to be close to and intimate with your partner. It’s deeper than sexual desire—it’s the excitement of wanting to be with them and make them happy. Do you both still want to be close to each other, feel good with each other, and want each other to be happy? A healthy relationship only happens when this feeling is mutual.

2) CAN YOU COMPROMISE?

Compromising means giving something up to accommodate your partner. The fewer values, goals, and lifestyles you share, the more you’ll have to compromise. In healthy relationships, partners compromise out of respect and trust. If you can compromise easily without feeling pressured or unloved, your relationship is probably healthy.

3) DO YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER WELL?

Couples who know each other well know their partner’s fears, what they want out of life, and what excites them. They know each others’ achievements, accomplishments, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. Do you know these things about your partner, and does your partner know these things about you? Couples in healthy relationships rarely wonder if they know their partners.

4) DO YOU COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS CLEARLY?

The ability to communicate is one of the best indicators of a healthy relationship. Do you communicate easily, or do you feel as though your partner never hears or remembers a thing you say? In healthy relationships, partners can express both positive and negative feelings freely and easily and without anger or frustration.

5) DO YOU RESPECT THEIR PERSPECTIVES AND BELIEFS?

Respecting your partner’s beliefs means giving them room to think independently, even when you disagree. You don’t have to share the same beliefs on everything, even controversial issues, to have a good relationship. However, people in healthy relationships can disagree and hold conflicting beliefs without fighting or letting their differences erode the relationship.

6) DO YOU SUPPORT EACH OTHER?

Supporting each other means more than just being there for them, helping them with problems, or always taking their side when things go wrong. It also means taking your partner’s wants and needs seriously and taking steps to meet them. People in healthy relationships don’t have to constantly remind each other about those wants and needs because they are already being met.

7) ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH WHO YOUR PARTNER IS?

Are you happy with who your partner is right now, or are you hoping he or she will change? Waiting for your partner to change is unhealthy for a relationship. People in healthy relationships are happy with their partners right now. They aren’t waiting for who their partner could be or missing who they used to be.

8) ARE YOU PROUD TO INTRODUCE YOUR PARTNER TO FRIENDS?

Introducing your partner to your friends and family shows you respect, admire, and are comfortable with him or her. It shows you trust your partner not to put you down or embarrass you in front of others and you will treat your partner the same way. A healthy relationship is one in which couples readily display this mutual trust.

9) ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE RELATIONSHIP?

When couples are happy with their relationship, they constantly protect it. They address problems quickly and resolve them, so they don’t escalate. Unhappy partners often do many subtle things, sometimes even subconsciously, to destroy or escape the relationship. Couples in healthy relationships eliminate threats instead of creating them.

10) ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS REALISTIC?

Many relationships fall apart because the couple had unrealistic expectations either about the relationship or each other. They may have idealized their partner or believed the relationship was “meant to be” when it wasn’t. Couples in healthy relationships don’t need to rush through relationship milestones or create a “fairy tale” image—they realize things sometimes go wrong and neither partner will meet all the needs and desires of the other.

A relationship doesn’t have to be perfect to be healthy, but if you can answer yes to the questions above, your relationship is on the right track. Working on the areas that are lacking can make your relationship stronger. However, every relationship is unique—your relationship might not have the same qualities as someone else’s, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy together. You and your partner may not need the same things other couples need, but you can always use the guidelines above as conversation points to improve upon your relationship and make it as healthy as possible.