NEW YEAR’S ENCOURAGEMENT

WRITER: CHRISANN REID, LCSW

Encouragement — sounds simple enough… kind words, expressions, actions that help to motivate or inspire one to do their best. Yet, I frequently find this word to be confused with its nemesis — discouragement.

Let me give you an example: a woman in my office, who has been struggling to lose weight, discusses her personal frustration with her husband who believes he encourages his wife to stick with her diet by reminding her of how fat she currently looks. Now he states that he truly believes he is in fact encouraging her and motivating her to turn down that second helping of dinner because he knows that she does not want to look fat. However, by the look on her face, she clearly does not feel inspired by those words to stick to her diet. What she is feeling is defeated, discouraged, and somewhat angry at her husband for calling her fat!

Now, is it her husband’s fault that she does not stick with her diet? Of course not. But could he have found words that might have been more encouraging? Absolutely! When we decide to make a change toward selfimprovement, we must take personal responsibility and accountability to follow through on whatever thoughts, actions, or behaviors will create that change. However, her husband could have offered more valuable encouragement by stating how impressed he has been with his wife for making difficult decisions and sticking with her commitment to lose weight.

As we start a New Year, how many will be making New Year’s resolutions? How many have made these same resolutions in previous years? What might be the difference this year? It may be your personal commitment level, your ability to self-motivate, or how realistic the goal is in the first place (another topic for another day!). If all of these are where they need to be, then it might just come down to the right words of encouragement.

Here is a thought… maybe even a challenge, perhaps. What if you make it your New Year’s resolution to successfully encourage someone else who is trying to attain their New Year’s resolution? What would it take to do that?

First and foremost, there needs to be a clear understanding of the difference between encouraging and discouraging. Ask yourself: are the words I am using kind, positive, nurturing, or inspiring? Using the word “fat” to describe someone does not fit any of those adjectives.

What if you have had a friend who has been unemployed and has just survived a very difficult financial year? They might make a vow that this year will be better, but they still have not found a job. What do you say to encourage them? Do you ask them how many resumes are they going to send out this week, and remind them that they have been slacking in this area? Or do you describe what a trusted and loyal employee you know them to be, and you are confident that the right employer will discover them soon?

Take a moment to think of how you might encourage a child having a difficult time at school, a friend trying to recommit to the gym, or a colleague trying to quit smoking. What if the person who needs encouragement the most doesn’t even recognize they need it? Times have been very tough for a lot of people for a very long time. Sometimes when people get stuck for too long in one place they don’t realize their gradual decline. Perhaps a once positive person has begun to see everything in the world from a very negative, “glass-half-empty” perspective. What would it take to encourage them to turn things around and be reminded of the happy-go-lucky perspective they are capable of having and that you have seen in them on many occasions?

Just by the very act of searching within yourself to find the best words or actions to inspire another person to achieve their best will bring its own rewards back to you tenfold. The very process forces you to think and create your own positive thought patterns, which can only bring happiness into your own life.

Try this exercise for a moment. Think of someone who you know could use a new smile on their face. Now see yourself saying or doing something that will help to put that smile there. Now stop, and take a look at your own facial expression. My guess is that you are smiling... at least just a little!

Through the use of technology and social media, there are many opportunities to offer encouragement during someone’s day. Sending an uplifting text to a close friend or family member who you know is facing a difficult day takes very little time and yet can make a significant difference. The point is that encouragement can be about something big, such as helping someone reach their New Year’s resolution, or just small day-to-day opportunities to encourage someone. Either way, offer some encouragement. What does that really cost you? In my book, it cost you nothing and brings you many rewards in return. So let this be the year that you make it your goal to pass it along!