STILL LOOKING FOR ANSWERS

Here I am, in my 54th January, still seeking the answers to life’s most pressing questions.

I can only hope 2015 is the year I finally gain peace of mind and find the answers to questions that continue to keep me awake at night.

Perhaps you are on the same quest. I can’t be the only person with an inquiring mind that adds two questions for each questioned answered.

Don’t you wonder …

• Why MTV doesn’t show music videos?

• Did a Grand Prix driver design that curvy, swervy piece of U.S. 27/441 that sends you toward a pawn shop parking lot, then snaps you hard left?

• Why don’t kids have acne anymore?

• Why do people name their trucks?

• Why isn’t Bill Mallonee incredibly famous?

• Why aren’t Leesburg Krystal burgers as tasty as Ocala Krystal burgers?

• Why does…the president…speak in… sentence fragments?

• Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

• What percentage of Q-tips users don’t use the cotton swabs to clean their ears?

• How repressed memories can be buried in your subconscious for 30, 40 years or longer?

• Is The Villages too large?

• Why no local pizzerias serve “to-theedge” Indiana-style thin-crust pizza?

• Whether the unkempt person holding the “please help” sign is really needy?

• Can Lake Square Mall be saved?

• Why are preseason hurricane forecasts so inaccurate?

• Was Fred Flinstone based on Ralph Kramden?

• If Mr. Toyota is actually Miss Toyota?

• Do sign spinners bring in business?

• How many people have a blooming onion cutter they haven’t used for years?

• Whatever happened to the “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” guy?

• Why can’t anyone serve a hot dog as good as the ones A&B Hotdogs sold?

• Why do I have to wear a seatbelt and your kid can bounce around in the bed of a pickup?

• Don’t Paul McCartney and Robert Redford know how silly their dyed locks look?

• Will we ever know the identity of Little Miss Lake Panasoffkee?

• Is Trenton Duckett alive?

• How much longer will James Duckett live?

• Does Umatilla Inn really have the cleanest kitchen in Lake County?

• Ginger or Mary Ann?

• Is Lamphair’s Meat & Seafood the only place I can get a great steak for under $7?

• Am I the only person upset that Grand Theft Auto V allows players to have sex with prostitutes?

• Did I really see a UFO?

• Who or what is Bill Cosby?

• Will County Road 466A ever reopen from Powell Road to U.S. 301 into Wildwood?

• When did the Rolling Stones cease being relevant?

• How do you unhurt?

• How can I make this magazine even better than it is?

Gary Corsair