THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE QUIET TIME

WRITER: JAMES COMBS

t’s the question I’ve come to loathe. “You’re a quiet one, aren’t you?”

I’ve been asked this repeatedly throughout my life. Of course, they don’t always phrase the question like this. Sometimes, the word quiet is replaced by other words. Introvert. Antisocial. Reserved. Shy. Distant. Conceited. But they all agree on one thing: My social skills need some fine-tuning.

I’ve always answered the dreaded question in true introvert fashion. I nod my head in agreement without saying a word.

Deep down, I know they’re right. Social events, company meetings, and dinner outings leave me feeling mentally exhausted. I love the peacefulness of being alone and not having to endure someone’s drama or nonstop blathering. I like to carefully think things through before offering an idea or opinion.

For many years, I’ve pondered what it would be like to come out of my shell and live the exciting life of an extrovert. You know, those people adored and cherished for being alive, energized, and enthusiastic. The bold, brash self-promoters like Muhammad Ali and Donald Trump to whom people naturally gravitate.

Unfortunately, I’ve always felt people viewed me as quite the opposite— unappealing and a bit bland. And it all stems back to that dreaded question: “You’re a quiet one, aren’t you?”

However, I’ve recently come to the realization that being an introvert is neither a character flaw nor a curse. Several weeks ago, I asked a fellow introvert how she responds to being labeled quiet. She provided a thoughtprovoking answer.

“The people who make an effort to get to know me by digging beneath my surface are pleasantly surprised to find a person who is indeed quite interesting. Sure, there are some people who label me quiet and make no effort to discover what kind of person I really am. However, the ones who make an effort are the only people worth my time.”

This splendid response gave me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and ask an extroverted coworker how she perceives me. We share an office, have many conversations, and even enjoyed lunch on a few occasions. She knows me better than most. I feared the worst but received a surprising answer:

“I like your quirky sense of humor, as well as your sweet nature. You’re dependable, loyal, and sincere. I wouldn’t want you to change for anything.”

There it is, fellow introverts. Sometimes we assume others think ill of us when, in fact, they see us in a more positive light than we see ourselves. We have hidden personalities that bubble under the surface. We don’t deliver our personalities on a platter—it’s up to others to put in the effort to get to know us.

Going forward, introverts, it’s time to accept that we’ll never be social butterflies because we cannot change our fundamental wiring. Let’s instead embrace our strengths. We’re creative thinkers, loyal friends, and excellent listeners. We may have only a few close friends, but each of those friendships has depth and meaning. And we shouldn’t be envious of extroverts. After all, when people gravitate to them in social situations, we get more breathing room to hide in the corner and assess the situation before deciding who to hesitantly approach.

And to you extroverts, yes, we’re different than you. The mere mention of a dinner gathering likely will make our skin crawl. After several hours of mingling, we require alone time to recharge our socially drained batteries. Try to be more understanding. Make an effort to know us on a more personal level. You just might like what you find.

If nothing else, please avoid asking the bothersome question, “You’re a quiet one, aren’t you?”

Honestly, introverts avoid small talk like the plague.