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You can’t believe everything you read, but you can believe this. Honest.
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s I’m writing this, I’m watching the film “Conspiracy Theory,” which has that great opening with Mel Gibson’s paranoid cabdriver character driving around and ranting about politics and government to a captive audience, his passengers. Wait a minute. That’s not Mel Gibson. And this isn’t “Conspiracy Theory.” It’s the news! A lot of crazy ideas are floating through the airwaves these days, and some of them seem to be coming from members of a formerly respected profession. You’ve probably heard them, spewing stuff about secret leaders and fake deaths and plots to kill Big Bird or some such nonsense. What kind of journalist would perpetuate ridiculous, far-fetched scenarios and present them as news? Everybody knows the real truth about the world. This country actually is run by the performers who have portrayed Col. Sanders in the KFC commercials. The Cabinet includes Darrell Hammond, Norm Macdonald, Jim Gaffigan, George Hamilton, Rob Riggle, Billy Zane, and Jason Alexander, and it’s led by Reba McEntire. There’s no plausible explanation for her to dress up as Col. Sanders otherwise, so that’s as good a theory as any. The real Col. Sanders, of course, is still alive and running the Pentagon. Elvis is the secret head of the Food
and Drug Administration. JFK and Marilyn Monroe are keeping tabs on things from a private island, which makes perfect sense since the president of our country is their love child. They all share a resort hotel, probably a Marriott or a Red Roof Inn, with Jim Morrison, Tupac, Amelia Earhart, Andy Griffith, and Stalin’s body. It’s not just the humans running the show, though. Everyone cites George Orwell’s “1984” and makes ominous references to “Big Brother is watching.” But have you ever thought about Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” where the animals revolt against their “oppressors”? It’s not a satire, it’s a true story. Barnyard animals are coming after us. And who do you think backs up the KFC Cabinet? Those “Eat Mor Chikin” cows from the ads—they have the ability to make signs and who knows what else (though I can’t understand why such talented cows aren’t better spellers). Look out close to home, too. You’ve always privately wondered whether the neighborhood dogs are controlling your mind—and your TV remote. They are. “Dog spelled backward is god.” You’ve heard that meaningless observation all your life and never gave it any thought, but now you better. Oh. My. Dog! The dogs are in cahoots with the Russians, who transmit secret spy messages between the lines of
resolution in old non-HD TV shows—only dogs can perceive them. Why do you think your dog loves watching MeTV? The Russians prefer to transmit via “Charlie’s Angels.” The dogs, naturally, prefer “Lassie.” Man’s best friend, my buttocks. But this is scarier than anything else that’s going on in the world: the real leader of the free world…operating from a heavily guarded bunker in western Australia…brace yourself…it’s Paul Hogan! The actor has been biding his time since “Crocodile Dundee.” It’s no coincidence that he’s holed up in a place called Gibson Desert (as in Mel Gibson), which is located between Lake Disappointment (also like Mel) and Lake Macdonald (like Norm). It all ties together like every logical conspiracy theory should. Hah! Fortunately, an underground network of moles is working on an anti-Dundee campaign. Not moles as in spies; actual moles. Underground. We should be fine. Still, I feel like I’ve said too much. It may not even be safe to print this article—or read it. I urge you, without hesitation, to rip out these pages, crumple them up, put them in your mouth, and eat them. (Online readers, eat your laptops.) A nation depends on it! Later, as nature takes its course and the pages go through your digestive system, the end result will amount to what passes for news today in our society. And that’s the truth.
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A lot of crazy ideas are floating through the airwaves these days, and some of them seem to be coming from members of a formerly respected profession.
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He also did an interview for “The Big Interview with Dan Rather,” which will air on AXS TV in 2019. Tyler posted on Twitter that it was one of the most in-depth interviews the country singer has ever done. “He’s a true family man that The awardloves his family, and that’s what winning singer has seven albums I think when I hear his name.” certified platinum —ELAINE WELCH WILSON or higher, two Grammys and three Country Music Elaine Welch Wilson, who Association awards, and $30 grew up in Leesburg and million in career album sales. graduated from Leesburg Travis was a hit and High School in 1984, says she thoroughly enjoyed being a enjoys knowing Theresa is a judge on “Real Country,” a hometown girl. “I think it’s great to never see them in tabloids or read hints of infidelity,” Elaine says. “He’s a true family man that loves his family, and that’s what I think when I hear his name.” Some of Travis’ more notable appearances include performing at the 1996 Summer Olympics, two Super Bowl halftime shows, a World Series game, the opening of the Georgia Dome, and the final Braves baseball game at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium. It turns out, however, the country superstar can still be wowed. He recently met Randy Travis and posted on Facebook that, “This was such a great and humbling moment for me…Y’all just don’t know how much I love this guy and all he has done for my beloved country music.” 19, and Tarian, 15 (the only University of Florida Gators fan in the family), are working on school and other interests.
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talent-search show on USA Network. He worked with country award-winners and judges Shania Twain and Jake Owen. Like “American Idol,” the show picks emerging solo artists, duos, and groups for performances in showcases that shine the spotlight on the valued traditions in country music. The sevenweek show ended with Jaida Dreyer as the winner in its inaugural season. His music keeps popping up in movie soundtracks, too. His song “Country Club” is in the Clint Eastwood movie “The Mule,” and “Slowing Down” is in “Forever My Girl.”
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The Florida Porch Café 706 W. Main St. 352.365.1717 The Old Time Diner 1350 W. North Blvd. 352.805.4250 Turners 114 S. 5th St. 352.530.2274 Two Old Hags Wine Shoppe 410 W Main St 352.435.9107 Vic’s Catering 352.728.8989 Wolfy’s 918 N. 14th St. 352.787.6777 Wrapsody 712 W. Main St. 352.801.7239 Mascotte Minneola Grill 117 W. Washington St. 352.394.2555 Napoli’s Pizzeria 556 Hwy. 27 352.243.7500 Rainbow Restaurant 704 E. Myers Blvd. 352.429.2093 The Surf Bar and Grill 650 Hwy. 27 202.527.0100 Minneola Jack’s Barbecue 100 S. U.S. Hwy. 27 352.394.2673 Lil Anthony’s Pizza 205 N. U.S. Hwy. 27 352.394.1516 Tiki Bar & Grill 508 S. Main Ave. 352.394.2232 Mount Dora 1921 by Norman Van Aken 141 E. 4th Ave. 352.385.1921 Anthony’s Pizza 17195 U.S. Hwy. 441 352.357.6668 Barnwood Country Kitchen and Smokehouse 3725 W. Old US Hwy 441 352.630.4903 Beauclaire Restaurant at Lakeside Inn 100 N. Alexander St. 352.383.4101
Bocce Pizzeria 925 E. First Ave. 352.385.0067 Breezeway Café 411 N. Donnelly St. 352.702.7898 Cecile’s French Corner 237 W. Fourth Ave. 352.383.7100 Cody’s on 4th Cafe 111 E. 4th Ave. 352.735.8426 Copacabana Cuban Cafe 320 Dora Drawdy Way 352.385.9000 Eduardo’s Loko Tacos Mexican Restaurant 226 Alfred St. 352.742.1181 Frog & Monkey English Pub 411 N. Donnelly St. 352. 383.1936 Highland Street Café 185 S. Highland St. 352.383.1446 Jeremiah’s 500 N. Highland St. 352.383.7444 J.K. Thai & Sushi 116 E. 5th Ave. 352.385.5470 Let’s Do Lunch 426 N. Donnelly St. 352.735.4577 Mount Dora Pizza & Subs 2718 W. Old U.S. Hwy. 441 352.383.5303 One Flight Up - Coffee, Dessert & Wine Bar 440 N. Donnelly St., Ste. 100 352.758.9818 Pisces Rising 239 W. 4th Ave. 352.385.2669 PizzAmore’ 722 E. 5th Ave. 352.383.0092 Shiva Indian Restaurant 140A W. 5th Ave. 352.735.4555 Sidelines Sport Eatery 315 N. Highland St. 352.735.7433 Sugarboo’s Bar-B-Que 1305 N. Grandview St. 352.735.7675
The Goblin Market 331-B Donnely St. 352.735.0059 Whale’s Tale Fish House 2720 W. Old U.S. Hwy 441 352.385.1500 Zellie’s Pub 4025 N. U.S. Hwy. 19A 352.483.3855 Sorrento Del Franco Pizza Place 31436 CR 437 352.383.8882 Gi Gi’s 25444 State Road 46 352.735.4000 Tavares Angelo’s Italian Restaurant 2270 Vindale Rd. 352.343.2757 Buzzard Beach Grill 12423 U.S. Hwy. 441 352.253.5267 Hurricane Dockside Grill 3351 W. Burleigh Blvd. 352.508.5137 Lake Dora Sushi & Sake 227 E. Main St. 352.343.6313 Mary’s Kountry Kitchen 15945 County Road 448 352.343.6823 O’Keefe’s Irish Pub and Restaurant 115 S Rockingham Ave. 352.343.2157 Palm Gardens Restaurant 1661 Palm Garden St. 352.431.3217 Ruby Street Grille 221 E. Ruby St. 352.742.7829 Sunrise Grill 462 E. Burleigh Blvd. 352.343.7744 The Hideaway 11912 Lane Park Rd. 352.343.3585 The Villages Amerikano’s Grill 998 Del Mar Dr. 352.633.8027 Bavarian Brewhaus 2738 Brownwood Blvd. 352.399.5516
Bravo Pizza 1080 Lake Sumter Landing 352.430.2394 Chengs Chinese and Sushi Restaurant 4050 Wedgewood Ln. 352.391.9678 China Gourmet III 343 Colony Blvd 352.750.4965 City Fire Brownwood & Paddock Square 352.561.2078 Fiesta Grande Mexican Grill 297 Colony Blvd 352.751.0400 Giovanni’s 3439 Wedgewood Lane 352.751.6674 Margarita Republic 1102 Main St. 352.753.4600 Mezza Luna Italian Restaurant and Bar 320 Colony Blvd. 352.753.3824 NYPD Pizzeria 4046 Wedgwood Ln 352.750.1994 RedSauce 1000 Canal St. 352.750.2930 Ricciardi’s Italian Table 3660 Kiessel Rd. 352.391.9939 Sakura 265 Colony Blvd 352.205.7393 Takis Greek and Italian Restaurant 13761 U.S. Hwy. 441 N. 352.430.3630 The Lighthouse Point Bar and Grille 925 Lakeshore Dr. 352.753.7800 VKI Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi Bar 1004 Old Mill Run 352.259.9887 Umatilla Fish & Chix 100 N. Central Ave. 352.669.7145 Gator’s 9 N. Central Ave. 352.669.6969 Greg’s Haystax 526 Umatilla Blvd. 352.669.1555
Nicky D’s Pizza 325 N. Central Avenue 352.669.2400 Old Crow Real Pit Bar-B-Q 41100 State Road 19 352.669.3922 Quarterdeck 801 Central Ave. 352.669.4662 Shanghai 531 N. Central Ave. 352.669.2004 The Mason Jar 37534 State Rd. 19 352.589.2535 Umatilla Tavern 605 N. Central Ave. 352.669.1325 Wildwood China Jade 420 W. CR 44 352.330.5913 Cotillion Southern Café 101 N. Main St. 352.748.1223 Los Magueyes Mexican Restaurant 346 Shopping Center Dr. 352.461.0577 O’Shucks! Oyster Bar and Grill 1016 S Main St. 352.399.2200 Traditions Café 3107 Hwy. 44 352.748.1077 Woody’s Bar-B-Q 1220 S. Main St. 352.748.1109 Yalaha Yalaha Bakery 8210 County Road 48 352.324.3366
Country Club Restaurants Clermont Sanctuary Ridge Bar & Grille 2601 Diamond Club Road 352.243.0411 Legends Grille & Tavern 1700 Legendary Blvd. 352.243.1118 Howey-in-the-Hills Mission Inn Resort El Conquistador Nicker’s Clubhouse Restaurant 10400 CR 48 352.324.3101 Mount Dora The Country Club 1900 Country Club Blvd. 352.735.2263 The Villages Belle Glade Country Club 446 Moyer Loop 352.205.8208 Cane Garden Country Club 1726 Bailey Trail 352.750.0627 Evans Prairie Country Club 1825 Evan’s Prairie Trail 352.750.2225 Glenview County Club 3914 Glenview Rd. 352.753.0077 Hemingway’s at Havana Country Club 2484 Odell Circle 352.430.3200 Legacy Restaurant Nancy Lopez Country Club 17135 Buena Vista Blvd. 352.753.1475 Orange Blossom Country Club 1542 Water Tower Circle 352.751.4501 Palmer Legends Country Club 1635 Palmer Way 352.750.4499 Tierra Del Sol Country Club 806 San Marino Dr. 352.753.8005 Wildwood Continental Country Club 50 Continental Blvd. 352.748.3293
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