18 minute read
FROM THE PUBLISHER
COMMENTARY
Off the top of my head
Halloween is a reminder of out-ofbody experiences.
STORY: CHRIS GERBASI ≈ ILLUSTRATION: MEGAN MERICLE
hatever happened to Ted Williams’ head? Remember that head-scratcher back in 2002? After the baseball hall-offame slugger died, his son had Ted’s head cryonically frozen, ironically in a lab in the hot desert of Arizona. Presumably, the son hoped that one day Ted’s head could be thawed, reanimated, and returned to the fi eld as the Boston Red Sox version of the Mr. Met mascot. Or perhaps Ted’s head could be placed on top of a costumed lackey and he could race against the hot dog, bratwurst, and sausage mascots in between innings.
Thoughts about disembodied heads are fl oating around this month as writers across the country are visited by ghosts of Halloween past and warned about the journalistic cliché of writing a holiday column. They usually are scary bad. But I have the fearlessness, and the mindlessness, of a zombie, so here’s a grab bag of “fun size” bonbons and bon mots—no pennies, gum, or dental fl oss.
Halloween used to be a really nice holiday for little kids. Do they still roam the streets like packs of tiny plunderers? I wouldn’t know; I keep my house lights off and my doors locked. The thought of being around children anytime is frightening. The thought of being around adults on Halloween is horrifying.
Somewhere along the line, adults misappropriated the night and turned it into an excuse for wearing skimpy costumes, over-imbibing, and debauching their neighbors. Well, I guess that’s not all bad. But if you must be a drunken idiot, please be a drunken idiot at home. No one goes to a party to see Biff and Doris from down the street twerking together as Abe Lincoln and Wonder Woman while drinking margaritas from a 3-foothigh glass and shouting, “How ya like me now?”
I always liked Halloween as a kid. For many years, I went out as Robin Hood, taking candy from the rich and giving it to myself. When I was very young, I wore hand-me-downs
from my brothers. I recall a combo of cowboy chaps, a cowboy hat from a steakhouse, and a cowhide vest from a club that apparently still exists despite possible political incorrectness: the Indian Guides. That may be a false memory, however. Only therapy will unlock the truth. One of my favorites was a costume with a plastic mask that had the odd juxtaposition of a Frankenstein face in an astronaut helmet. You could blow into a mouthpiece that was supposed to make a scary “oooohhhh” sound but actually sounded more like a kazoo. I’ve watched “Frankenstein” movies countless times, but I’ve never spotted him terrifying the villagers with a kazoo. As for the astronaut helmet, maybe I missed a fi lm titled, “The Three Stooges and Frankenstein Go to Outer Space.” During the rest of the year, every day at home was a little like Halloween. The kids usually were dressed weird anyway because of Mom’s style sense, but mostly it was because the house was fi lled with candy. My dad worked as a sales manager for 30 years at Nestlé, so candy bars, Quik, cocoa, and tollhouse squares were staples. I devoured $100,000 bars, Triple Deckers (milk, dark, and white chocolate), Choco’ Lite bars, and, of course, the classic big seller that put me through college, the Crunch bar. I’VE WATCHED “FRANKENSTEIN” MOVIES COUNTLESS TIMES, Naturally, the treats made our house a popular Halloween attraction, even though we
BUT I’VE NEVER SPOTTED HIM never decorated with more than
TERRIFYING THE VILLAGERS an old cardboard witch on the WITH A KAZOO. front door and one pumpkin on the porch. Jack-o’-lantern “heads” always reminded me of imagery like the headless horseman in “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” Today, they remind me of the headless batsman. Knock on wood, Ted Williams’ head and his separated body are resting comfortably in the Arizona lab, according to a news report earlier this year. Still, it’s diffi cult to imagine a cryonics story ending well. Let’s hope Ted doesn’t become a horror story one day when a lab worker reveals that Ted’s head was “misplaced” and wound up in his freezer at home between the Rocky Road and the Totino’s Pizza Rolls.
Have you ever lost your head on Halloween?
Comment on this article or share ideas for new stories by emailing chris@akersmediagroup.com.
CHRIS GERBASI
OCTOBER 2019 EDITION
PAID PROMOTIONAL FEATURE
Michelle Blauser Standridge didn’t miss an opportunity to remind others to get their mammograms, especially during the three years she herself was battling breast cancer. She knew that early detection could save lives.
The cost of mammograms can be prohibitive, which is why the Michelle-O-Gram charity was established in her name following her untimely death at age 36. With the approval of Michelle’s husband and family, Joey Wiesbaum, RN founded the Dunnellon-based charity to carry Michelle’s message and reminder to everyone regardless of age, race, or fi nances. MichelleO-Gram negotiated pricing (clients are responsible for just a $25 co-pay) and has partnered with radiology centers and clinics like Advanced Imaging (Ocala), Inverness Medical Imaging (Inverness), and Medical Imaging and Therapeutics and Sand Lake Imaging (both in Lady Lake).
Through their partnerships and outreach, Michelle-O-Gram helps mainly women, but also men, whose lack of insurance or funds would otherwise prevent them from getting mammograms or follow-up examinations. Many have insurance with deductibles too high for them to meet; others have no insurance. The high costs of these tests can lead people to ignore a cancer that then spreads. Recognizing the importance of early detection and follow-up tests, Michelle-O-Gram provides access to screening and diagnostic mammograms, breast ultrasounds and MRIs, BRCA gene testing and counseling, breast biopsies, and referrals for procedures and other treatments.
Michelle-O-Gram’s website, www. michelleogram.com, is a testament to their care. “One woman who felt alone, had no fi nances, turned to us and continues to call us to say, ‘thank you, you saved my life.’”
You can fi nd Michelle-O-Gram at Mobile Mammography (Dunnellon Woman’s Club, October 5) and next year at the Southeastern Youth Fair hog sale (February 29), Southeastern Pro Rodeo (March 28), and Ocala Bunco Babes Tournament (April 4). Michelle-OGram has no administrative costs, so every donated dollar goes back into the community assisting those who need it. RBOI is a proud sponsor of this compassionate, lifesaving charity.
Helping Each Other
RBOI's support groups are available at no charge to participants both during and after treatment. Our Breast Cancer Educational Group meets in our Lecanto offi ce. Our Women's Cancer Group meets in our Ocala and TimberRidge offi ces and is available to people with breast cancer and gynecological cancer. Call us for more information.
by the numbers
2009
The year Michelle-O-Gram was founded
almost 1500
Number of people served by Michelle-O-Gram
30 to 50
Age of most women who have used Michelle-O-Gram
Life-Saving Screenings Are Within Reach
The Florida Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program offers free or low-cost breast and cervical cancer screenings at many locations. Diagnostic funding is reserved for women screened through the program, which can help cover the costs of additional care. Services provided include: • Breast and cervical cancer screening exams (clinical breast exams, mammograms, and Pap tests). • Care coordination to all clients with abnormal exams. • Referral to the Florida Medicaid Program for eligibility determination, for women screened through the program and diagnosed with breast or cervical cancer. • Paid breast and cervical cancer treatment through
Medicaid for eligible women screened through the program. To see if you qualify, call your County Health Department or the American Cancer Society National Hotline at 1-800-227-2345 for more information. You can also call the Florida Cancer Program at 850-245-4330.
6
Counties served by Michelle-O-Gram (Alachua, Citrus, Lake, Levy, Marion, and Sumter)
Patient-centered radiation oncology close to home
The Villages 352.259.2200 Ocala 352.732.0277 Timber Ridge 352.861.2400 Inverness 352.726.3400 Lecanto 352.527.0106
RBOI.com
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COMPLETELY REMODELED! You will immediately be impressed as you pull up to this “like new” home sitting on almost HALF ACRE of WATER FRONTAGE! Covered front porch leads you to an open floor plan with new SPC Luxury vinyl waterproof plank flooring throughout. Large living/dining area offers a great room concept with cathedral ceilings. Custom kitchen “fit for the chef” featuring new cabinetry with granite counters, beautiful back splash, under cabinet and recessed lighting. BRAND NEW stainless steel appliances to include side-by-side refrigerator with bottom freezer, smooth top range, built-in microwave, dishwasher and disposal. Endless entertaining opportunities with the newly enclosed family room with glass windows giving relaxing water views or enjoy summer bbq’s on the open deck patio. This split bedroom floor plan includes a large master bedroom with tray ceiling, deep walk in closet and private bath featuring a new raised vanity with granite counter and tiled walk in shower. Bedrooms 2 and 3 have carpet and share a guest bath with a tub/shower combo and new vanity as well. UPGRADES GALORE to include new landscaping, new ceiling fans, and more... You will not be disappointed in this fabulous find... PLUS NO HOA! MLS# G5017496 // $249,900.
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LOVELY 3/2 HOME ON THE GOLF COURSE OF HARBOR HILLS. Enjoy the views from almost every room of this 2400+ square foot home. Call today to see this popular floor plan.
LYNN HAYNES
MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR PRODUCER
352.516.0903
LYNN@MORRISREALTORS.COM
THIS VILLA HAS A GREAT LOCATION Nice open floor plan with laminate floors in the dining and living room with sliding doors to the private patio. Enjoy bird watching, reading or entertaining on the screen enclosed front porch. Spacious master bedroom has a walk in closet and master bath. The guest room is large enough to double as a den/ office. The one and half car garage is large enough for additional storage and the laundry. Furnishings are negotiable so just bring your toothbrush. $10,000 REMODELING CREDIT paid at closing for this home in the community of Westgate located in Eustis. This popular open floor plan was built by Showcase Homes in 2004 and has 3/2. Formal dining and living rooms with a great room and dining space in the kitchen. Home needs some TLC but is a desirable community with a dock on Lake Eustis.
CHARMING LAKES & SPRINGS POOL HOME with a POND view and three car garage has room for your family and friends. This 4/3.5 home was built in 2006 on .53 of an acre and has three bonus rooms that can be used as additional bedrooms, media or for an office/den. Formal living and dining rooms are open to one another with French doors to the screen enclosed heated pool and spa.
NO BOND ON THIS POPULAR CREPE MYRTLE
(Lantana/Juniper) model in The Village of Piedmont. This 3/2 open floor plan home has gorgeous wood floors in the living and dining rooms with neutral decor. Kitchen has lots of counter space with an attached utility room which has additional cabinets and INSIDE LAUNDRY. A MUST SEE CHESAPEAKE MODEL in Del Webb’s Spruce Creek Golf and Country Club which is truly gated. Enjoy the open floor plan with split bedrooms and inside laundry/utility room. The kitchen has a breakfast bar and spacious counter tops with a newer refrigerator. The large family room/den/ office has sliding glass doors that lead to the patio. Well cared for and move in ready with neutral colors throughout.
Rich LeMoyne Regional Manager
NMLS#333158
725 E Alfred St. Tavares, FL 32778 352.408.5999 cell //352.742.1077 fax
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DUCHARME LEVENSOHN
RESIDENTIAL SALES
352.874.5906
KIM@MORRISREALTORS.COM
KIM CONNECTS… YOUR REAL ESATATE CONNECTION
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FANTASTIC FIND! This 3/2 Eustis home has a superb location in Lake Joanna Shores area. You will not find this opportunity again. The large completely fenced backyard is perfect for pets or enjoying evening BBQ’s on the oversized spacious open Deck. The inside offers eating space off the kitchen, new kitchen counters, new soft stone sink, and a large 300+ square foot Family room that has a door leading to the backyard with freshly painted exterior. Brand new carpet in the bedrooms is sure to please! This amazing home is located within easy commute to Downtown Eustis or Mount Dora and walking distance to Lake Joanna. Enjoy the community picnic and beach area complete with dock and boat launch. There’s plenty of parking in the double carport and if you need more storage there is a workshop equipment with electricity and a workbench. Don’t miss this chance to call this one HOME! MLS# G5020329 // $169,900.
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