ALASKA HIGHWAY NEWS
A8 | COMMUNITY | THURSDAY, JANUARY 2, 2020
Temerarious Tabias
Tabias on a shelf
T
abias didn’t believe in Santa Claus, which meant, to him, that the Elf on the Shelf rules didn’t apply to him. So when Sister double dared — “move Elf on the Shelf” — Tabias didn’t even blink an eye. The pesky red elf was sitting in a pile of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. The note said the cookies would not be available until the bedrooms were cleaned. Sister dashed upstairs to tidy her sleeping space, but Tabias rolled his eyes and with all the temerity in his body, pushed the frozen Elf doll off the cookies. He ate one-half cookie before he felt anything strange. At first, it was his feet, they tingled but then shrunk half a size, then half size again, and he toppled to his bottom from the feet that were too narrow. Later, his ears became too small, and he couldn’t hear Sister coming down the stairs. Then his eyes were so small that Sister looked like a giant and her large hand that came down on him, put him on the shelf... Where the Elf had sat with cookies just moments before. He saw them, but he was frozen in horror. Not horror, but plastic! He was the Elf on the Shelf, frozen in place, and the Elf suddenly ran free around the house. Sister didn’t seem to notice the tall red hat that gave him away as they dashed outside together to play in the snow, leaving Tabias stuck watching on the shelf. A plastic tear formed in his eye but didn’t move anywhere. He was stuck and would be until midnight when the Elf received one hour to move. When that hour came, Tabias was sure to
use it to the best of his abilities. He had to get the Elf to move Tabias, or else the boy would be trapped forever as a Christmas doll. So, at the stroke of the big twelve, Tabias was finally able to blink his eyes. “Oh man,” he groaned, having held in his discontent all day as he had watched Elf and Sister run and play. Tabias was angry, scared, and more so, ready to get on the move. No more stationary body for that little boy. Tabias jumped up, wiped away the tears of defeat away and went to work. He built himself an igloo made of mini marshmallows, meticulously setting each staggered from the last to be sure it would stand the test of time. Or until morning, at least. After the hour was up and the hot cocoa was made, Tabias froze himself in space, in the igloo. He stared at the white wall of mallows until footsteps approached, and sure as the cocoa was sweet, the Elf grabbed a healthy handful of marshmallows to add to his hot chocolate, touching Tabias in the process, and reversing the Elf curse back to the elf himself. Norma Rrae is an author based in Fort St. John. Read more at notmewriting.com.
Christmas Slippers Tabias had gone to bed angry on Christmas Eve. He had tossed and turned in his car shaped bed until he was sure his parents were asleep. They hadn’t let him open a gift on Christmas Eve. It had been tradition up to this year. Step Mother had finally snapped and said there weren’t enough gifts to open one on Christmas Eve and sent both children to bed. Tabias wasn’t having any of that; he wanted a gift, and he wanted it now. He snuck downstairs, and his eyes lit with the sparkling lights around the tree. Yet their stockings hung empty, and under the tree was a single gift. It had Tabias’ name on it, so he ripped the paper off in a fury. “Slippers?” he questioned. He slipped them on anyway, a dull ketchup colour, and as soon as his right heel hit the cushioned bottom, his cozy living room dissipated into a silver train with flowery wreaths lining the walls. Tabias found himself standing in the moving train, and he walked to the window to see the snowcovered landscape whirling by. A cemetery with an old man kneeling before a ghost, crying out, “I will live in the past, the present and the future. The spirits of all three live within me!” The train sped on, Tabias sat on the train stool but soon found himself atop a mountain. Teetering on the
edge with a sleigh. One full to the brim with gifts for children that were crying in Whoville below. He knew who would be standing behind him and climbed down to better kick that green butt. As his feet hit the snow, a red glow made his slippers grow even brighter. They seemed to turn the snowy landscape, fog, and falling white gold flakes all to a luscious pink. Tabias turned to catch a glimpse of Santa’s sleigh as it took off. His head spun; what was happening here? The landscape shifted once more, and a cartoon clay skeleton was climbing into a painted door on the side of a ginormous oak tree. He lunged toward the man, trying to warn him how many disasters he would cause but landed in a pile of paper. Envelopes, to be exact. All addressed to Santa. A judge’s gavel banged loudly in the courtroom. A man was pleading to the court about trust and beliefs. Tabias didn’t doubt that Santa also sat just behind him in the witness box, since he was a magical man and could be everywhere at once if it required. Tabias also didn’t complain about the limited number of gifts he had to open under the tree when he reappeared in his living room. He knew all the lessons of Christmas; sometimes, he just needed a gentle reminder.
Party Party? It is not always a good idea. The next day hurts more than what you intended So, for your next drink, make it with chia Seeds that is. Not the type that grows grass Or hair, not the seeds that grow hair. Or grass hair. Is what I meant. In the sentence before the last Cause the party you went to; you had some Beard’s beer. Not one or two, but more than you fear. So have some seeds in your next drink. Not the seeds that grow grass hair, quick like a blink. Chia Pet, I mean. Not that
type of seed. But this is about your hangover Booster juice. To add seeds in the shmoose. Chia seeds that are. Not the seeds to grow grass or grass hair. A special type of grass. Lemongrass, I tell you at last You wouldn’t want to drink the chia pet type You wouldn’t want to smoke the chia pet pipe But it might kick the hangover With a Booster Juice drink (said by Joe Sirola voice over) Made with lemongrass and chia seeds Or limit your party, please Not endorsed by Booster juice