October 2017 by Al-Bayyan

Issue 18

The UIC MSA Publication

*insert your insecurity here

October 2017

Al-Bayyan

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Osman Manzoor Saba Ali Aminah Johnson Aminah Yasmine Esraa Elkossei Shaima Darayyed

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Introduction

For a long time, I conceptualized the idea of a mask to be a front that I put on in front of others; a protective layer shielding my true self from the masses, covering what I thought was my unacceptable self with a coating of socially acceptable behaviors, formalities, and figures of speech. Eventually, as time passed and I began to grow up, those masks shed. It just becomes too tiring to hide who you truly are, and after high school most people just stop caring about projecting an image of themselves to others. In that sense, I had no trouble shedding the masks I would put on, as a brown kid in a white town; and a Muslim in a Christian society; as a confused Muslim in a confident Muslim home; as an insecure young adult in a world of firm and secured identities. Time passed, and I took off the mask. Easy. What became difficult, though, is shedding the spiritual mask I put on myself: The mask that kept me from asking myself uncomfortable questions, and giving myself uncomfortably honest answers; the mask that made me put on a smile when greeting someone I don’t get along with, rather than purifying the dislike from my heart and making my smile genuine; the mask that makes me flex Islam outwardly—perhaps even with beautiful intentions—rather than seeking spiritual rectification and

allowing Prophetic character to flow naturally and genuinely—from the heart, and not the head. It’s not easy being honest with yourself, and often times putting on a mask doesn’t feel wrong when the mask is molded in a manner of etiquette and uprightness. But the next step in growth is to recognize what’s deep down in your heart and deal with it—not cover it. In my kitchen, I have a Malcolm X poster up on the wall. Behind that poster, I could’ve punched through the wall and left a hole. However, the poster would still cover it up, and it would not take away from the beauty of the poster. Or, I could take the poster down, take the time to fix the wall, and then put the poster back up. The difference is that the poster now hangs on solid foundation, and there’s no fear of the hole underneath sticking out some day; there’s no fear of something crawling inside the hole and making the problem much worse, ruining the poster too. There are no doubts in the back of my mind about the poster, and no discomfort—only happiness upon seeing Malcolm X pensively looking in the distance. The mask we put on to hide ourselves from our Self could make one’s life easier, but we don’t do ourselves any favors. We must fix the drywall underneath the poster. Editor in Chief Farooq Chaudhry

Poetry For your own sake

Bad Days

As you wake up every morning, you brush, you pray, and you put on a face. A face, you ask? My mistake, I mean a mask.

my bad days are the ones i don’t talk to you about can’t because you don’t understand these kind of bad days don’t know the kindness i need during them or how nervous afraid worried i constantly am how it’s especially hard to forget about the mean things they said about me now how it bothers me much more than i let on because the concept of just not caring doesn’t exist for me how could i ever describe to one who doesn’t understand how it is not possible for me to joke around and laugh like i did yesterday because on my bad days i may as well be floating next to the moon

A mask that covers our emotions, our struggles, our pain, to get through each day. Worn because we believe this is the only way To ensure that the outside world sees us as happy, always on cloud nine and to tell ourselves that we are, in fact, actually fine But are we really fine, if we’ve suppressed everything to show a smile? Instead of faking happiness, isn’t it more important to live a life worthwhile? Sure, there are sad days, but there will be good days too All that matters in them, is prioritizing you It doesn’t matter what the world sees, Worrying about them doesn’t put you at anymore ease. It doesn’t matter whether everyone else looks much happier than you, They all have things they are struggling through too

Aiman Ghani

The grass always looks greener on the other side. I may be smiling now, but you don’t know that a few minutes ago I had cried. We keep our emotions bottled up in our soul. As a result, from our lives, we begin to slowly lose control. Control of who we actually were meant to be, But you are the best you there is, wouldn’t you agree? So perhaps, instead of putting that mask on everyday Think about what actually makes you happy, for your own sake, and then be on your way. Ummesalmah Abdulbaseer

Untitled It’s such a strange feeling Being lonely. I never thought I’d ever feel it; The girl who thrived off of everyone else’s energy the girl who jumped into everything with wide eyes and full of hope. It’s like the world is in brand new sharpie highlighters from neon yellow to electric blue and you’re the dim piece of white chalk. It’s being in a room full of people who give you hugs and ask you how you’re doing, and feeling irrelevant. It’s hanging out with your bestest friends, the ones who you imagined would be at your side on your wedding day, and realising you don’t get the inside jokes like you used to. It’s isolating yourself, because what’s the point anyways. At least then, you won’t be the awkward silence that takes up too much space. How could it be that the more I submerge myself in this world of colors the more washed out and faded I become? Loneliness is a strange feeling, But a friend once told me that this too, shall pass. Until it does, I guess I’ll just admire the scenery. Anonymous

Poetry Our Heroes American-Muslims We are proud and we are hyphenated We were born here raised here call nowhere else home but here My people are heroes They’re multifaceted humans For peace and progression Some got big and many stayed small No one race encompasses them all My people are Olympians Reppin that red, white, and blue Dalilah Muhammad, making history in 52 Seconds and 8 milliseconds Flying over literal and metaphorical hurdles Earning that gold, truly a legend Ibtihaj Muhammad, fashion designer by day 5 time senior world medalist by night And in a hijab, that’s right My people are NBA all stars Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 6 time NBA MVP to start it off Among the 50 greatest NBA players of all Still standing tall My people are 20th century revolutionaries Malcolm X, inspiring Black Pride Spreading racial tolerance in the last days of his life My people are the greatest Muhammad Ali, the one and only number one heavyweight Defining drive and dropping meaningful beats at the same time Trying to bring people together even after he died My people have sacrificed everything for this country Humayun Khan, the Officer in the US Army And his parents Khizr and Ghazala standing up to bullies My people saved lives on 9/11 Abdul Salam Mallahi, a worker at the world trade center Courageously helped some others escape, don’t misremember Because he lost his life amidst this disaster My people are significant and life-saving scientists Ahmed Zewail, the father of femtochemistry Accomplishing so much in 10 to the negative 15th of a second Ayub Ommaya, inventor of the Ommaya Reservoir Altering chemotherapy of tumors forever

Now don’t you see My people are your people And they are our heroes Sarah Ather

Surface Between a graveyard and a garden only one holds life the same can be said for heart and soul, One only beats and bleeds, the other grows Beneath the surface is true existence Below the soil and under the skin

Samirah (inspired by Rudy Francisco)

Plz Fook it, Mask off. Jazzy

My 2AM Excerpt I’ve never been a “I’ll think about it person.” My mind is usually made up right from the get go I don’t like warm It’s either hot or cold for me I fear the words “I don’t know” and “maybe” Spontaneous? Not even close But I’ll go for an adventure every now and then I have a difficult time saying no But I will always say yes If you take one breath You already know where you stand on just about everything life

Safa

Poetry The Mask I Wear I suffered a great deal of pain Lost the ones I couldn’t lose To avenge, and to transcend What a simple man can be It cannot bleed, nor feel agony For it is hope, and it is fear The mask I wear -----------The world we live in Is a funny one indeed I show them how feeble Their pathetic plans are Giving rise to fire and chaos All while smiling with The mask I wear -----------To be stripped of freedom At such a young age I sought to bring pain To a world so corrupt While limiting my own torment A symbol of liberation The mask I wear -----------The above stanzas describe fictional characters, but the message behind them and their “masks” hold some inconvenient realities. The masks we wear, both figuratively and literally, can be manifestations of our doubts, our fears, our inner self. Sometimes our masks give us the opportunity to be who we really are. Sometimes they give us an escape, or a chance at voicing a self-evident truth. But the question we often ask ourselves, alone and vulnerable: is that me? Or is that me merely behind a mask? And more importantly, which one can be trusted? “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” – Oscar Wilde Abdul Basith Basheer

Reflections 5 ways to recognize a snake Nui Waris

1. They LOVE drama. They can never have enough of all the latest gossip. Just give them a big bucket of popcorn and a juicy story and they’re bound to come slithering to you for all the latest talk. 2. You hear mixed things about them. Some people say they’re the most loyal friends and others say they’re two faced and have a bad habit of sticking their nose where it shouldn’t be. This is a sign that they have multiple masks and can change their personality like a snake sheds their skin. 3. They can’t keep a secret. You can tell them something in confidence and next thing you know, a friend’s friend friend knows that you developed a crush on Farhan ever since he started hitting the gym. 4. They rant to you about other people. They see the worst in others and come to you about it. Know that they can do the same to you when you wrong them. It’s just a matter of time before their venomous fangs bite you in the back. 5. They have low self- worth. Often times snakes are snakes because it makes them feel better about themselves. They like talking about others and comparing because it makes them feel higher on whatever animalistic social hierarchy they abide by.

Recognize some of the signs of a snake in yourself? Worry not, continue reading below. 5 ways to be more self- aware about your inner snake (corresponding to “5 ways to recognize a snake”) 1. Realize that we all fall into the trap of gossip every now and then. Sometimes that gossip about Abdullah and Sarah just interests us a little too much. Only an hour after talking about them, do you realize that they are probably some of the kindest people you know. 2. Know that people talk and not everyone will like you. Everyone will say something different—good or bad. It just means you’re authentic to who you are and that may not be everyone’s cup of tea. 3. Accept that sometimes you slip up with secrets. One of your closest friends told you something in confidence and you let it slip to a mutual friend. Maybe it was relevant to the conversation and maybe it wasn’t. Once again, you realize that you made a mistake. Sort things out with your friend whose trust you broke and realize that we all can do some work on ourselves. It’s ok to admit that. 4. Sometimes we just need to rant. It’s ok if Fatimah wronged you in some way

and now you’re pouring your feelings of anger out to your closest friend. After you’re done, let those feelings go, realize that Fatimah is also human, and give a disclaimer to your closest friend that it was anger talking. Next time this happens, just realize that anger and hate are emotions we can take control over and instead of ranting to your closet friend, try ranting to yourself or maybe try problem solving between you and Fatimah. 5. We have ALL had low self-worth at some point in our lives and we have ALL compared ourselves to someone to make ourselves feel better. It’s ok to recognize this- humans naturally compare. Once we recognize it, we can take steps to realize that comparisons don’t define us. It’s hard to realize that each human has their own, unique struggles and strengths. If it was that easy, we would have all reached selfactualization in the third grade.

tragically made them no longer like math. Apparently, part of my job as math major is to be a math therapist. Go figure. The next most common response though, is when a person tries to imagine what one does to attain a mathematics PhD. This is always incredibly amusing to me because the person is almost never close. Generally, people seem to think math is either a.) something that was all figured out in the 19th century, or b.) some sort of hierarchical discipline, like karate,

where the goal is to master higher and higher levels of calculus, presumably so that we can eventually challenge out masters to math combat or something. Starting from this basis to try to figure out what I do for 40 hours a week means that the person either thinks I’m the next Isaac Newton or some sort of weird math version of Jackie Chan. Unsurprisingly, neither of these is true.

Life as a Math Major Yunus Syed

When I tell people that I’m aiming for a PhD in Mathematics, the most common response I get is, “Wow, I hate math!” This always seemed a weird response to me, largely because I must have missed the point when it became not rude to tell other people how much you hate their vocation, but it’s an extremely common refrain. Sometimes, this is followed by a story about how the person was good at math until some horrible occurrence, usually Algebra 2 or fractions or calculus, that

Reflections Costume Ideas for 2017 Samirah and Nahian

Halloween is right around the corner, and that means YOU need some last minute spooky costume ideas for that big Halloween party! Luckily, we saved you the trouble. Here are just a handful of costume ideas we collected that are perfect for 2017.

1. My mf GPA Imagine, you pull up to that Halloween party, reminding everybody that our education ultimately reduces you to a number on a 4-point scale, subsequently invoking a sense of impending doom on everyone’s heart. THAT is classic spook. 2. When your mom told you to defrost the chicken 8 hours ago and now she’s five minutes away from home and you didn’t defrost shit. Self explanatory. 3. Liking your crush’s insta post from 17 weeks ago at 3:09AM The perfect way to terrify at least one person at the party!

4. Too many groceries for one trip There’s nothing more terrifying than having to walk all the way back to the car... twice. 5. 8 A.M’s at BSB God’s way of reminding us that this life is a test. 7. “Rawr XD :3 :P” Honestly, get the hell away from me. The scariest phase of your young life, hit up Hot Topic and remember how no one understood you in seventh grade. 8. Having $1.72 left in your bank account Also self explanatory.

Masks

Ali Nasaruddin

So many of us are constantly in a state of pretending to feel what we don’t actually feel. We pretend to be happy, we pretend to be sad, we pretend to be excited, we pretend to be angry. We’re so afraid to be confronted by others about our feelings and it’s because we’re afraid of how we feel. Emotions are powerful waves and over time become stronger and stronger.

If we never learn how to deal with these waves of emotions early on, we become dangerously ill prepared to handle them when they’re stronger. Emotions are temporary though and if we spend our time beating ourselves up for feeling a certain way instead of letting these waves crash and leave, we are ignoring the problem and blow small problems out of proportion.

Not putting on emotional masks can be so liberating. It doesn’t even have to be something major. Sometimes, my friends and I will go somewhere for wings, but once I get there, I want a burger, so I’ll get a burger. We try to make so many permissible things impermissible instead of just letting things be. When we just are as we are, instead of being hit with the crashing waves of life, we learn how to ride them.

Editors in Chief Farooq Chaudhry Nuha Abdelrahim Managing Editor Ibraheim Mohammad Staff Writers Ummeselmeh Abdulbaseer Sarah Basheer Safa Shameem Nahian Saed Samirah Alam Nui Waris Ali Nasaruddin Javerea Ahmed Staff Artist Saba Ali Meme Masters Aleena Haider Manal Qadeer Kareem Jabri Doodles Sumaiyya Ahned Creative Direction Noor Abdelrahim Interested in contributing to Al-Bayyan? If so, email submissions to albayyanuic@gmail.com

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