Club Football Magazine - October 2019 by Alchemy Contract Publishing

CLUBFOOTBALL www.clubfootball.org.uk

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Contents 6

4 News

10 Live sport in January

A round-up of the latest news including the announcement of the venue for the 2023 Champions League Final.

Unmissable games taking place in January.

13 Premier League Fixtures A look at the full Premier League fixture list.

6 A Festive Football Feast How clubs across the country are aiming to make the most of the bonanza of live Premier League fixtures this Christmas.

16 Marketing Matters

8 Live sport in December

19 Quiz

All the key sporting fixtures across December, including the full kick-off times for the 20 Premier League games showing on Amazon Prime Video.

Test your football knowledge.

How to ensure your club is getting the best return for its marketing budget.

20 Did you hear the one about...? Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re having a laugh!

GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 3

News from the sidelines Major rebrand for Wychwood’s Hobgoblin

Ale brand Hobgoblin has been given a major rebrand which aims to give the beer a more contemporary feel. “This is a bold change for Hobgoblin,” said Brand Manager Jo Wyke. “We know how much it is celebrated as the leader of the pack and its legacy amongst great British beers, so we wanted to make sure we tested the new look, researched and tested again, ensuring we kept the character that everyone expects from Hobgoblin. “The design revamp is just the beginning of the journey we want to take our new consumer on and it will be the quality, taste and range of the beers that will keep everyone coming back.”

Walking Football is a big success in Derby The second annual Drinkaware Cup, held in September, attracted more participants this year, with 11 teams from across the country competing in the Walking Football tournament, hosted in partnership with Derby County Community Trust. Nottingham Forest were crowned champions after beating Doncaster in a heated final. Drinkaware has worked with Derby County Community Trust since 2017, providing alcohol education and advice to midlife men and women playing walking football. Results so far have been impressive; at the outset of the programme, 55% of participants were found to be drinking at risky levels, but by the end of the first season, this had reduced to just under five percent. Chris Grayson, Head of Account Management at Drinkaware, said: “We’re grateful to Derby County Community Trust for hosting the Drinkaware Cup. By working in partnership, we can offer tailored support to help people make better choices about their drinking.” 4 GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL

Make festive drinking safe drinking, urges Drinkaware

Ahead of the festive season, Drinkaware is encouraging clubs to take steps to create an environment where customers can enjoy themselves without suffering alcohol harms. Drinkaware Chief Executive Elaine Hindal said: “A visit to the club with friends, family or workmates is part of the fun of Christmas for many people, and most will enjoy a glass of wine or a pint of seasonal ale responsibly. “However, the sheer number of people coming into bars over the festive season inevitably means a heightened risk of alcohol harms, especially as it often involves drinking over a long period of time - the office Christmas lunch followed by drinks, for example - or group drinking, where people feel under pressure to join rounds. “Responsible operators will be aware of these risks and plan now to mitigate them. They'll also be looking at how customers who choose not to drink alcohol - whether because they’re driving or for other reasons are made to feel just as welcome as those who are drinking.” Festive socialising in groups can lead to people feeling peer pressure to drink more than they intended. Latest research from Drinkaware revealed the scale of the issue, with more than a third (35%) of drinkers saying that pressure to drink is common in their age group, rising to 60% in the 18-24 age group.

The survey found that peer pressure is exerted mainly by friends and co-workers, with 43% of drinkers saying they felt pressure to drink when out with colleagues. Men report pressure to drink from bosses or superiors (13%) more than women (8%). Drinkers who want to moderate their drinking employ a number of techniques to achieve it. According to research by Drinkaware, 72% of drinkers choose certain drink free days in the week to stick to, around half (52%) set themselves a limit and the same number alternate alcoholic drinks with soft drinks.

Drinkaware's tips for an alcohol harm-free festive season l Offer an interesting selection of no and

low alcohol drinks. This will be welcomed by customers who are choosing not to drink alcohol, including drivers, and it can also help customers who are drinking, if they alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. There’s never been more choice, so nonalcoholic spirit alternatives and mocktails into your drinks list and make sure customers know they’re available. It’s also great to offer self-serve tap water on the bar, for customers who want a glass of water in between, or instead of, alcoholic drinks.

l Review your wine list. Drinking large glasses of wine can quickly add up to a harmful amount of alcohol. Offering smaller serves, and lower ABV wines, can help customers to stay within the Chief Medical Officers’ low risk drinking guidelines of 14 units of alcohol a week. For example, a 250ml glass of a 14% ABV wine contains 3.4 units, while a 125ml glass at 11% ABV contains 1.4 units. l Make food available, where possible. Food helps to slow the absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream. Ideally, make sure customers can order food for the same hours as you serve drink. l Make customers aware that you will not serve alcohol to any customer who is drunk, or who you think may be buying alcohol for a drunk friend; the latter being something to look out for if you have a large group in your club. l Train your staff. Without the right training, your staff team may not be able to identify and support people who may be at risk of alcohol harms, particularly when your venue is very busy during the festive season.

For more information visit: www.drinkaware.co.uk

Wembley to host the Champions League Final during Centenary

New grass pitches at Bollington United FC Portsmouth winger, Gareth Evans and former Derby County midfielder, James Bailey, returned to their local roots to celebrate the opening of three newly refurbished grass pitches at Bollington United Junior Football Club in September. The pair were joined by Vicky Jepson, manager of Liverpool FC Women, who grew up in Bollington and Macclesfield Town coach, Danny Whitaker. The renovated sports pitches were made possible thanks to investment from the Premier League, the FA and the Government's Football Foundation, as well as contributions from a number of other local organisations. The construction contract was managed by Bollington Town Council.

After netting a £97,898 grant from the Football Foundation, work began at the Bollington Cross Sports Field in October 2018. The work included the creation of new 5v5, 7v7 and 9v9 pitches, all constructed to the appropriate FA standard, with significant drainage improvements made to the newly levelled site of the three pitches. The new and improved pitches will help limit the number of cancelled matches which are often caused by waterlogged surfaces in the winter months. Bollington United JFC’s junior teams ranging from Under-7’s through to Under-12’s began playing on the new surfaces in September for the start of the new football season.

UEFA has announced that Wembley Stadium will host the 2023 Champions League Final as it celebrates its Centenary year. It will see European club football’s biggest match come to London for the third time in 12 years, with the most recent occasion back in 2013 when it was an allGerman affair with Bayern Munich beating Borussia Dortmund. Wembley is already hosting another two of UEFA’s major games - the finals of both the men’s 2020 European Championships and the women's version in 2021. Sadiq Khan, Mayor of London, said: “It’s fantastic that one of the world's biggest sporting events is returning to our city. "Hosting the biggest game in men's club football is the perfect way to mark the

Centenary of Wembley. “UEFA's commitment to bringing the final to Wembley for a third time in 12 years, alongside the finals of the men's EURO 2020 and women's EURO 2021 tournaments, confirms London truly is the sporting capital of the world and open to everyone.” UEFA also announced that St Petersburg will host the 2021 Champions League final, while Munich is the venue for 2022. Meanwhile, the Irish Football Association has won the right to host the UEFA Super Cup at Windsor Park in August 2021. The success for the association follows extensive lobbying by both Irish FA President David Martin and Irish FA chief executive Patrick Nelson allied to a strong bid from the association to UEFA to host the game.

Black Sheep Brewery launches new gin The Black Sheep Brewery in Masham, Yorkshire, has made a first foray into the spirits sector with the launch of Black Sheep Yorkshire Dry Gin. The 42 percent ABV premium strength gin, which is single shot distilled in a copper alembic still over an open flame and bottled by hand in Masham, contains a blend of 14 botanicals. With a strong focus on citrus flavours,

Black Sheep Yorkshire Dry Gin features a plethora of fruit botanicals including lemon, orange, apricot, elderberry and pomelo peel along with a touch of spice from pink peppercorns and in a nod to our brewing heritage, it’s finished with malt barley and lemondrop hops. It is described as “an artisan Yorkshire take on the classic London dry gin style”. Jo Theakston, Sales and Marketing Director

at Black Sheep, said: “The demand for authentic, premium drinks continues to grow and entering the spirits market is a natural progression for Black Sheep as our range of beers and lager have established a reputation for quality and authenticity. The gin market is continuing to grow, and we strongly believe there is a place for Black Sheep spirits as consumers are looking for authentic, high quality, well-crafted products.” GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 5

SPORTS SCREENINGS

A festive feast of football fun With all 20 Premier League clubs in action during December on Amazon Prime, including the full programme of Premier League Boxing Day fixtures, we asked clubs how they will be gearing up for a busy day of football-related trade during the festive period.

mazon Prime Video will be making its Premier League debut in December and will see the streaming service exclusively showing every match from the Boxing Day/December 27 fixtures, as well as the early December midweek ties. The deal will mark the first time both rounds of all 20 December fixtures, featuring every Premier League team, will have been broadcast live in the UK. The evening fixtures on December 3/4/5 include the first Merseyside Derby of the season, as Everton travel to Anfield to take on Liverpool, and Manchester United take on Champions League runners-up Tottenham Hotspur. Last season saw Liverpool once against overshadow their closest geographical rivals, beating the Toffees 1-0 at Anfield and then the sides fighting out a tense 0-0 draw in the return fixture at Goodison Park. Meanwhile, Spurs and Manchester United will be eager to show their fans that they have turned a corner after some mightily disappointing results of late and are ready to re-establish their reputations as potential top-four finishers.

Northern FC

6 GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL

Boxing Day and December 27 will see all 20 topflight clubs in action again, including Arsenal travelling to Bournemouth, Chelsea welcoming Southampton to Stamford Bridge, Leicester City hosting Liverpool, Manchester United taking on Newcastle, Tottenham playing host to Brighton and Manchester City’s clash with Wolves. David Giles, General Manager of rugby union club Northern FC in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, is certainly expecting his members to show plenty of interest in Newcastle United’s December fixtures. Clubs will be able to access the games using their current set-top box equipment and satellite without needing to be a BT Sport customer. “Even though we’re a rugby club, live football is a big draw for our members, particularly when Newcastle United are playing,” says David. “At times in the recent past, it has been standing room only in our bar when a Newcastle game is on but we’ve actually extended our bar recently so we'll be able to accommodate everyone more comfortably this year. “Boxing Day is a big day for us traditionally live

sports-wise and we’ll definitely be getting the Amazon Prime Pass. “We have several screens so we can deal very well with fixture clashes, but the big one for us on December 26 is obviously Manchester United v Newcastle United. “It’s an away game so we'll be extra busy anyway but you add in the fact that we beat them 1-0 in early October and it’s a ‘must show’match for us! “We’re open throughout Christmas – including Christmas Day – and have a huge amount of activities and events going on throughout the festive period but all eyes will be fixed on the football on Boxing Day and December 27.” Members of the the Harrowgate Club in Darlington will also be looking forward to witnessing the festive Premier League action. “Boxing Day is, without doubt, one of the busiest days of the year for us and can often be bigger than New Year’s Eve,” says Club Steward Iain Young. “We’re open throughout Christmas – including a few hours on Christmas Day – but Boxing Day and December 27 are when people really enjoy coming

AMAZON PRIME FIXTURES Tuesday, December 3 Crystal Palace v Bournemouth (7.30pm) Burnley v Manchester City (8.15pm)

into the club, having a drink, catching up with friends and watching the Premier League action. “We have three digital boxes at the club and various screens so that we can deal with fixture clashes and keep all our members happy. So given that all 10 game are running across two days at various times, we'll show the games which are most in demand. “Our members support a mix of different clubs but obviously Newcastle United is the main draw so the game against Manchester United will be the key Bhai’s Lamb fixture for us on Boxing Day. “I would imagine that some people will also want to see Leicester City v Liverpool, given the form of those two teams during the first half of the season, while the Wolves v Man City game will also be interesting after Wolves got the win at the Etihad in October.” The action taking place at Molineux on December 27 is also likely to feature on the screens at Boothstown Royal British Legion Club in Salford, Greater Manchester. “Our members are overwhelmingly Man United and Man City fans as you’d probably imagine given where the club is situated,” says Club Steward Kenny Bailey. “Showing the Premier League helps to get members into the club, particularly when City and United are on. “The club is always buzzing during the festive season, including the week between Christmas and the New Year. Boxing Day is always a very busy day in the club and our members will be expecting to come

Wednesday, December 4 Chelsea v Aston Villa (7.30pm) Leicester v Watford (7.30pm) Manchester United v Tottenham (7.30pm) Southampton v Norwich (7.30pm) Wolves v West Ham (7.30pm) Liverpool v Everton (8.15pm) Thursday, December 5 Sheffield United v Newcastle (7.30pm) Arsenal v Brighton (8.15pm)

into the club and watch their teams in action, whether it's United v Newcastle or Wolves v Man City on December 27.” Meanwhile, Chatteris Working Men's Club in Kent will also be offering their members a feast of festive football action. The club is renowned for its live sport offering and exciting matchday atmosphere. “We’re one of the top venues for live sport in Chatteris and we show pretty much all the major events, be it Premier League, UEFA Champions League, UEFA Europa League or internationals,” says Sam Beaney, Club Steward. “There’s plenty going on around the club during the festive period but we'll be showing the Premier League games - both on the December 3 and 4 plus Boxing Day and December 27. We have several screens so we can choose which games to watch and that’s really down to the members. “Obviously being in the Kent, most of our members support the London clubs, so there’ll certainly be a focus on the games featuring Arsenal,

Thursday, December 26 Tottenham v Brighton (12.30pm) Bournemouth v Arsenal (3pm) Aston Villa v Norwich (3pm) Chelsea v Southampton (3pm) Crystal Palace v West Ham (3pm) Everton v Burnley (3pm) Sheffield United v Watford (3pm) Manchester United v Newcastle (5.30pm) Leicester v Liverpool (8pm) Friday, December 27 Wolves v Manchester City (7.45pm) Chelsea, Spurs and the like. “We put up regularly updated fixtures posters around the club and promote the upcoming games on our website and on social media and the live sport definitely helps us to bring more people into the club during what is already going to be a busy December for the club.”

PURCHASING A PASS The Amazon Premier League Pass provides access to 20 exclusive Premier League games throughout December. • The pass is only available through BT Sport Not got BT Sport? No problem. Available to new customers • The Pass is available through the satellite platform • Current BT Sport customers will receive a discount Call BT Sport on 0800 6781070

GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 7

LIVE SPORTING FIXTURES FROM

The best of Sports4Bars.com looks ahead to the festive football season, including some huge Premier League fixtures on Boxing Day on Amazon Prime. Wednesday, December 4, 7.30pm – Amazon Prime

Premier League: Manchester United v Tottenham A massive game for two sides who are desperate to shake off their early poor form in the Premier League and show their fans that they can once again live up to their incredible pedigree.

Tuesday, December 3 7.30pm Amazon Prime

Wednesday, December 4 7.30pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Crystal Palace v Bournemouth

Premier League: Manchester United v Tottenham Hotspur

Palace have been buoyed by the tremendous form of Gary Cahill this season and will hope that the former England man can continue to inspire the team.

Both teams are facing huge pressure from their fans who are desperate for their respective teams to bounce back from recent disappointments.

Tuesday, December 3 8.15pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Burnley v Manchester City

Wednesday, December 4, 8.15pm – Amazon Prime

Premier League: Liverpool v Everton The Merseyside derby will see the Toffees trying to dent the ambitions of their high-flying near neighbours but that is easier said than done given some of the excellent performances by the Anfield crew this season.

Manchester City’s form dipped alarmingly in the first quarter of the season but the team have quickly responded to Pep Guardiola’s famed motivational abilities with some improved results. Wednesday, December 4 7.30pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Wolves v West Ham Wolves have been one of the most entertaining sides in the Premier League this season and they will be full of confidence ahead of this tie against the Hammers, particularly on their home turf. Wednesday, December 4 7.30pm Amazon Prime

Friday, December 27, 7.45pm – Amazon Prime

Premier League: Wolves v Manchester City City endured one of their most embarrassing afternoons of the season back in October when they crashed 2-0 to Wolves at the Etihad. The man who did the damage was Adama Traore who grabbed his brace of goals late in the game to record a famous win for Wolves.

Premier League: Leicester City v Watford Watford have been rock bottom of the Premier League for most of the season and need to arrest their decline with immediate effect if they are to achieve survival in the top flight. That could be a tough task against Leicester.

Wednesday, December 4 7.30pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Chelsea v Aston Villa On the evidence so far, the appointment of Frank Lampard has proved to be a good move with the manager’s young Chelsea squad growing in authority as the season progresses. It would be foolish to write off Villa, however, given their recent improvements. Wednesday, December 4 7.30pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Southampton v Norwich City Both teams have found themselves hovering around the relegation zone during the first half of the season and will know that any points they can pick up at this period of the season will be crucial. Wednesday, December 4 8.15pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Liverpool v Everton One of the key sporting occasions of the year as Merseyside splits into its blue and red contingents for the duration of this match. Everton will be hoping that they can upset the form book.

For latest news and timings on sporting events coming to the club screen, visit Sports4Bars.com 8 GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL

Decemberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s live sport December 5: Arsenal takes on Brighton & Hove Albion at the Emirates.

ALSO COMING UP... Sunday, December 1 2pm Sky Sports Premier League

Premier League: Norwich City v Arsenal Sunday, December 1 3pm BT Sport

Premiership Rugby: Harlequins v Gloucester Sunday, December 1 4.30pm Sky Sports Premier League

Premier League: Leicester City v Everton

Thursday, December 5 7.30pm Amazon Prime

Thursday, December 26 3pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Sheffield United v Newcastle United

Premier League: Bournemouth v Arsenal

Premier League: Everton v Burnley

Sunday, December 1 1.10pm Sky Sports F1 HD

Despite all the well-documented behind-the-scenes struggles at Newcastle United, the Magpies have actually provided some enjoyable football this season and look well capable of climbing out of the bottom quarter of the Premier League table.

The earlier game between these sides at the Emirates was a closely fought affair.

Action from Goodison Park as the Toffees host Burnley.

Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

Thursday, December 26 3pm Amazon Prime

Thursday, December 26 5.30pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Aston Villa v Norwich City

Premier League: Manchester United v Newcastle United

Monday, December 2 7.45pm Sky Sports Football

Action from Villa Park as Norwich look for some badly needed league points.

Manchester United will be out for revenge after their recent defeat to the Magpies.

Thursday, December 26 3pm Amazon Prime

Thursday, December 26 8pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Chelsea v Southampton

Premier League: Leicester City v Liverpool

Chelsea beat the Saints 4-1 back in October and will be the favourites for this clash.

This should be a cracking match featuring as it does two highly entertaining, attacking sides.

Thursday, December 26 12.30pm Amazon Prime

Thursday, December 26 3pm Amazon Prime

Thursday, December 27 7.45pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Tottenham Hotspur v Brighton & Hove Albion

Premier League: Crystal Palace v West Ham

Premier League: Wolves v Manchester City

Can Spurs regroup after some midseason tribulations? Their fans will be hoping so.

Palace achieved a rare away win against West Ham earlier in the season, beating their opponents 2-1.

City will be out for revenge after suffering a 2-0 defeat to Wolves last time out.

Thursday, December 5 8.15pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Arsenal v Brighton & Hove Albion At times, Arsenal have looked a real force in the Premier League but their main downfall has been their inconsistency and they will need to iron out this deficiency if they are to finish in the top four.

Championship Football: Preston North End v West Bromwich Albion Friday, December 20 7.45pm BT Sport

Premiership Rugby: Gloucester v Worcester Warriors Thursday, December 26 3pm Amazon Prime

Premier League: Sheffield United v Watford

www.Sports4Bars.com

For latest news and timings on sporting events coming to the club screen, visit Sports4Bars.com GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 9

LIVE SPORTING FIXTURES FROM

The best of Wednesday, January 1, 12.30pm – BT Sport

Premier League: Brighton & Hove Albion v Chelsea This game kicks off a massive day of Premier League action on BT Sport with nine games showing live. The Seagulls have yet to record a win over Chelsea in the Premier League.

Sunday, January 19, 4.30pm – Sky Sports PL

Premier League: Liverpool v Manchester United A huge game, historically speaking, but given United’s fall from grace in the past few years, their players will have to turn in a momentous performance to get a positive result here.

The New Year gets off to an exciting start with plenty of live sport, including some top Premier League and Football League fixtures. Wednesday, January 1 12.30pm BT Sport

Wednesday, January 1 3pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: Brighton & Hove Albion v Chelsea

Premier League: Watford v Wolves

History is against the Seagulls who have lost nine out of nine Premier League games against the Blues, including a 2-0 defeat back in September.

Back in October Watford gained the unenviable distinction of becoming the first FA Cup finalist since 1929 not to win any of their first ten league games of the next season.

Wednesday, January 1 12.30pm BT Sport

Wednesday, January 1 5.30pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: Burnley v Aston Villa

Premier League: Manchester City v Everton

Burnley had a bright first half of the season with some impressive performances which helped them to move up into the upper echelons of the Premier League. They will see this game as eminently winnable, particularly on home turf.

The earlier Premier League leg between these two sides ended in a 3-1 victory for City. The Sky Blues had to work hard for their victory however and will not be taking the Toffees lightly this time around.

Wednesday, January 1 3pm BT Sport

Premier League: Southampton v Tottenham The alarm were ringing for Spurs in the early part of the season but the Londoners seem to have consolidated and brought some more positive aspects to their play. Wednesday, January 1 3pm BT Sport 1

Tuesday, January 21, 8.15pm – BT Sport 1

Premier League: Chelsea v Arsenal There is little between these sides in term of League table position but Chelsea have garnered most of the attention this season due to some highly promising performances under manager Frank Lampard. With the likes of Jorginho, Marcos Alonso and Willian all in excellent form this augurs well for the West Londoners.

Premier League: Newcastle United v Leicester City Having gained 20 league points from 10 games, Leicester City have exceeded all expectations this season and if they can keep up their tremendous form the Foxes will be on their way to a top-four finish in the Premier League.

Wednesday, January 1 5.30pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: West Ham v Bournemouth This should be a fairly evenly matched affair given the 2-2 result last time around and the teams’ similar position in the League table. Wednesday, January 1 5.30pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: Norwich City v Crystal Palace The Canaries have only one mission this season: to survive in the top flight after finding themselves in the relegation zone at the near halfway spot of the season. Palace, in contrast, have been one of the surprise packages of the season with some excellent performances propelling them to the top six.

For latest news and timings on sporting events coming to the club screen, visit Sports4Bars.com 10 GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL

January’s live sport ALSO COMING UP...

Newcastle United v Chelsea, Saturday, January, 5.30pm, Sky Sports Premier League

Wednesday, January 1 12.45pm Sky Sports Football

Championship: Millwall v Luton Town Wednesday, January 1 3pm Sky Sports Football

League One: Wycombe Wanderers v Ipswich Town Wednesday, January 1 5.15pm Sky Sports Football

Championship: West Bromwich v Leeds United

Wednesday, January 1 8pm BT Sport 1

Sunday, January 12 4.30pm Sky Sports Premier League

Sunday, January 19 2pm Sky Sports Premier League

Premier League: Arsenal v Manchester United

Premier League: Aston Villa v Manchester City

Premier League: Burnley v Leicester City

The earlier fixture at Old Trafford was a fairly sedate tie with the sides playing out a 1-1 stalemate. That match saw a disappointing run-out for Nicholas Pepe but the French player has settled in very well since and could play a major role for the Gunners.

City romped to a 3-0 victory over Villa back in October, despite being reduced to 10 men after Fernandinho was given his marching orders after receiving two yellow cards.

Burnley are likely to struggle to contain Leicester City’s attack during this encounter and suffered a 2-1 defeat against the same opponents back in October.

Championship: Derby County v Barnsley

Sunday, January 19 4.30pm Sky Sports Premier League

Premier League: Manchester United v Burnley

Wednesday, January 1 8pm BT Sport 1

Saturday, January 18 12.30pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: Watford v Tottenham

Premier League: Liverpool v Sheffield United Liverpool have looked a class apart from their rivals this season but could only manage a 1-0 win over Sheffield United at Bramall Lane earlier in the year. Sunday, January 12 2pm Sky Sports Premier League

Premier League: Bournemouth v Watford Rock bottom at the midway point of the season, Watford look set to say goodbye to the top flight at the end of the season.

Premier League: Liverpool v Manchester United

The earlier fixture between these two side ended 1-1 but it is unlikely that Spurs will play as badly as they did on that occasion against the League’s relegation favourites.

The rivalry between these two sides is legendary but it is the Merseysiders who are currently enjoying all the accolades at the moment and they would expect a victory at Anfield.

Saturday, January 18 5.30pm Sky Sports Premier League

Tuesday, January 21 8.15pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: Newcastle United v Chelsea

Premier League: Chelsea v Arsenal

Chelsea’s young squad are certainly flourishing under the tutelage of Frank Lampard with the former Stamford Bridge favourite providing plenty of inspiration and know-how to his team.

This should be an intriguing battle between North and West London given that the last meeting between these teams was in the Europa League Final in May 2019, a 4-1 victory for the Blues.

Thursday, January 2 7.45pm Sky Sports Football

Saturday, January 21 7.30pm BT Sport 1

Tuesday, January 21 7.30pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: Sheffield United v Manchester City Wednesday, January 22 7.30pm BT Sport 1

Premier League: Leicester City v West Ham

www.Sports4Bars.com

For latest news and timings on sporting events coming to the club screen, visit Sports4Bars.com GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 11

YOU CAN ONLY GET THE AMAZON PREMIER LEAGUE PASS THROUGH BT SPORT, ON THE SKY SATELLITE PLATFORM 20 Premier League games live and exclusive this December.

Call BT Sport now on 0800 678 1070 Terms and conditions apply

FIXTURES FOR 2019-2020 ARSENAL

ASTON VILLA

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LEICESTER CITY Crystal Palace Arsenal Brighton Everton

Manchester Utd Newcastle Wolves Spurs

CHELSEA Watford Crystal Palace Manchester City West Ham

Please note: Matches may be subject to change or alteration.

BRIGHTON & HOVE

Aston Villa Manchester City Crystal Palace Brighton

A H A H

Everton Bournemouth Watford West Ham Leicester Wolves

H A H A A H

Sheffield Utd Spurs Manchester Utd Wolves

H A H A

Southampton Norwich West Ham Watford

H A H A

Bournemouth Everton Crystal Palace

H A H

Manchester City Aston Villa Brighton Burnley

A H A H

Arsenal Chelsea Newcastle

A H A

Norwich Manchester Utd Leicester Liverpool

H A H A

Arsenal Wolves Crystal Palace Sheffield Utd Spurs Bournemouth

A H A H A H

Chelsea Everton Aston Villa Bournemouth

H A H A

West Ham Watford Sheffield Utd Crystal Palace

A H A H

Wolves Arsenal Leicester

A H A

Manchester Utd Norwich Liverpool Manchester City

H A H H

Southampton Newcastle Burnley

A H A

EVERTON

Leicester Chelsea Liverpool Burnley

H A H A

Bournemouth Watford Brighton Newcastle West Ham Southampton

H A H A H A

Norwich Arsenal Manchester City Southampton

A H A H

Sheffield Utd Everton Newcastle Brighton

H A H A

Watford Bournemouth Liverpool

H A H

Burnley Leicester Chelsea Aston Villa

H A H A

Manchester Utd Wolves Spurs

H A H

MANCHESTER CITY November Sat 2 Sat 9 Sat 23 Sat 30 December Tue 3 Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 Thu 26 Sat 28 January Wed 1 Sat 11 Sat 18 Tue 21 February Sat 1 Sat 8 Sat 22 Sat 29 March Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 April Sat 4 Sat 11 Sat 18 Sat 25 May Sat 2 Sat 9 Sun 17

November Sat 2 Sat 9 Sat 23 Sat 30 December Tue 3 Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 Thu 26 Sat 28 January Wed 1 Sat 11 Sat 18 Tue 21 February Sat 1 Sat 8 Sat 22 Sat 29 March Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 April Sat 4 Sat 11 Sat 18 Sat 25 May Sat 2 Sat 9 Sun 17

Spurs Southampton Norwich Leicester

H A H A

Liverpool Chelsea Manchester Utd Arsenal Burnley Newcastle

A H A H H A

Manchester City Brighton West Ham Newcastle

A H A H

Watford Crystal Palace Arsenal Manchester Utd

A H A H

Chelsea Liverpool Norwich

A H A

Leicester Spurs Southampton Wolves

H A H A

Aston Villa Sheffield Utd Bournemouth

H A H

MANCHESTER UTD

Southampton Liverpool Chelsea Newcastle

H A H A

Burnley Manchester Utd Arsenal Leicester Wolves Sheffield Utd

A H A H A H

Everton Aston Villa Crystal Palace Sheffield Utd

H A H A

Spurs West Ham Leicester Arsenal

A H A H

Manchester Utd Burnley Chelsea

A H A

Liverpool Southampton Newcastle Brighton

H A H A

Bournemouth Watford Norwich

H A H

Bournemouth Brighton Sheffield Utd Aston Villa

A H A H

Spurs Manchester City Everton Watford Newcastle Burnley

H A H A H A

Arsenal Norwich Liverpool Burnley

A H A H

Wolves Chelsea Watford Everton

H A H A

Manchester City Spurs Sheffield Utd

H A H

Brighton Bournemouth Aston Villa Southampton

A H A H

Crystal Palace West Ham Leicester

A H A

GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 13

FIXTURES FOR 2019-2020 NORWICH CITY

NEWCASTLE UTD November Sat 2 Sat 9 Sat 23 Sat 30 December Tue 3 Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 Thu 26 Sat 28 January Wed 1 Sat 11 Sat 18 Tue 21 February Sat 1 Sat 8 Sat 22 Sat 29 March Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 April Sat 4 Sat 11 Sat 18 Sat 25 May Sat 2 Sat 9 Sun 17

West Ham Bournemouth Aston Villa Manchester City

A H A H

Sheffield Utd Southampton Burnley Crystal Palace Manchester Utd Everton

A H A H A H

Leicester Wolves Chelsea Everton

H A H A

Norwich Arsenal Crystal Palace Burnley

H A A H

Southampton Sheffield Utd Aston Villa

A H H

Bournemouth West Ham Manchester City Watford

A H A A

Spurs Brighton Liverpool

H A H

Brighton Watford Everton Arsenal

A H A H

Southampton Sheffield Utd Leicester Wolves Aston Villa Spurs

A H A H A A

Crystal Palace Manchester Utd Bournemouth Spurs

H A H A

Newcastle Liverpool Wolves Leicester

A H A H

Sheffield Utd Southampton Everton

A H H

Arsenal Brighton Watford West Ham

A H A H

Chelsea Burnley Manchester City

A H A

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

WATFORD

Everton Sheffield Utd West Ham Bournemouth

A H A H

Manchester Utd Burnley Wolves Chelsea Brighton Norwich

A H A H H A

Southampton Liverpool Watford Norwich

A H A H

Manchester City Aston Villa Chelsea Wolves

H A A H

Burnley Manchester Utd West Ham

A H H

Sheffield Utd Everton Bournemouth Arsenal

A H A H

Newcastle Leicester Crystal Palace

A H A

SOUTHAMPTON

SHEFFIELD UTD November Sat 2 Sat 9 Sat 23 Sat 30 December Tue 3 Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 Thu 26 Sat 28 January Wed 1 Sat 11 Sat 18 Tue 21 February Sat 1 Sat 8 Sat 22 Sat 29 March Sat 7 Sat 14 Sat 21 April Sat 4 Sat 11 Sat 18 Sat 25 May Sat 2 Sat 9 Sun 17

Burnley Spurs Manchester Utd Wolves

H A H A

Newcastle Norwich Aston Villa Brighton Watford Manchester City

H A H A H A

Liverpool West Ham Arsenal Manchester City

A H A H

Crystal Palace Bournemouth Brighton Aston Villa

A H H A

Norwich Newcastle Manchester Utd

H A A

Spurs Burnley Wolves Chelsea

H A H H

Leicester Everton Southampton

A H A

H A H A

Leicester Crystal Palace Liverpool Manchester Utd Sheffield Utd Aston Villa

A H A H A H

Wolves Bournemouth Spurs Aston Villa

H A H A

Everton Brighton Manchester Utd Liverpool

H A A H

Crystal Palace Leicester Burnley

A H A

Southampton Chelsea Norwich Newcastle

H A H H

West Ham Manchester City Arsenal

A H A

Manchester City Everton Arsenal Watford

A H A H

Norwich Newcastle West Ham Aston Villa Chelsea Crystal Palace

H A H A A H

Spurs Leicester Wolves Crystal Palace

H A H A

Liverpool Burnley Aston Villa West Ham

A H H A

Newcastle Norwich Arsenal

H A H

Watford Manchester City Everton Manchester Utd

A H A A

Brighton Bournemouth Sheffield Utd

H A H

WOLVES

WEST HAM

Chelsea Norwich Burnley Southampton

Newcastle Burnley Spurs Chelsea

H A H A

Wolves Arsenal Southampton Liverpool Crystal Palace Leicester

A H A H A H

Bournemouth Sheffield Utd Everton Leicester

H A H A

Brighton Manchester City Liverpool Southampton

H A A H

Arsenal Wolves Spurs

A H A

Chelsea Newcastle Burnley Norwichl

H A H A

Watford Manchester Utd Aston Villa

H A H

Arsenal Aston Villa Bournemouth Sheffield Utd

A H A H

West Ham Brighton Spurs Norwich Manchester City Liverpool

H A H A H A

Watford Newcastle Southampton Liverpool

A H A H

Manchester Utd Leicester Norwich Spurs

A H H A

Brighton West Ham Bournemouth

H A H

Aston Villa Arsenal Sheffield Utd Everton

A H A H

Burnley Crystal Palace Chelsea

A H A

Club Journal CLUBHOUSE CLUB REPORT EUROPE

Please note: Matches may be subject to change or alteration.

clubmirror AT T H E H E A RT OF T H E COM M U N I T Y

November 2019

The magazine for all CIU members

Candidates announced for the 2020-21 election

Sound business advice for club professionals

75p

ISSUE 17

2019

INSIDE...

Editor’s Letter . . . . . . . . . 2 Club News . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

BRANDS REPORT Top sellers at the UK’s club bars revealed

CIU Racing Club. . . . . . . 9 Traditional Club of the Year. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 HQ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 Club Outings. . . . . . . . . 18 The NEC election will take place in December

The candidates for the 2020-21 Presidential and National Executive Commitee election have now been finalised. There are three candidates for the role of President – Durham Branch Secretary George Smith, Wessex Branch Secretary John Wood CMD and West Yorkshire Branch Secretary George Dawson CMD. Two NEC places are being contested, in District 4 (York City, Leeds, Wakefield and Doncaster) and District 5 (West Yorkshire, Heavy Woollen and South Yorkshire). The two candidates vying for District 4 are incumbent NEC member and Doncaster

Branch Secretary Dave Gravel CMD and Leeds Branch Secretary Glenn Doyle. District 5 is being contested by incumbent NEC member and Heavy Woollen Branch Secretary Les Hepworth CMD, former NEC member Philip Larkin and Mark Fergusson. The remaining 10 Districts will be uncontested as will the election for the role of Vice-President, with Geoff Whewell continuing in the post. All CIU members are urged to make their vote count in the coming election and have their say on the future direction of the Union.

ELECTION TIMELINE Monday, November 4 Ballot papers issued to all clubs Tuesday, December 3 Deadline for Ballot Papers to be received at Head Office Friday, December 6 Ballot Count at Head Office Notification to Candidates and NEC Official Release to Branch Secretaries, Club Journal and Head Office

RE PO R T: SUS TAI N A BI L I T Y• A S K T H E EX P ER T S • H Q BU I L D I NG T H E B U S I N E S S

14 GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL

www.wmciu.org.uk

Crossword . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Sport . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

Major milestone for Lakeside’s Liz Perry Elizabeth Perry, the Stewardess of The Lakeside Sports & Social Club in Sunderland achieved a major milestone in September when she celebrated 40 years in the role. Elizabeth, a former England Darts International (pictured above with Club Treasurer Terry Keogh), has been a key factor in the club’s success over the years and has also been a tireless fundraiser for the Guide Dogs For the Blind charity, raising enough money to fund the training of a total of 26 guide dogs.

Clubhouse Europe FREE cost reviews – page 13

CMAE – flying into new territories November Conference – see you there? Call for entries – proud of your club? It’s time to shine Management Development Programme – latest updates

Positive perspectives for 2019 Club Mirror’s annual guide with expert advice for the year ahead

DISCOUNT AVAILABLE FOR CURRENT BT SPORT CUSTOMERS 20 Premier League games live and exclusive this December.

Call BT Sport now on 0800 678 1070 Terms and conditions apply

MARKETING MATCHES

Marketing matters – attracting the crowds There’s everything to play for as this year’s hero teams step on to the pitches. But while they have their work cut out, so too do clubs, as thousands of licensed premises compete for the hearts, minds and wallets of fans country-wide. Are you prepared for the fray? Marketing matters Clearly communicate the date and start times. Place banners, signs and posters at strategic points around the club, and make use of materials available from suppliers.

Guest players Don’t forget to bring the word-ofmouth tactic into play. Ask members to spread the word, and invite them to draw in guests for the activities.

Hi tech, hi performance The quality of screens should rank highly on any check list. Funds permitting, now could be the time to invest in a new system Or consider screening sports alfresco on allweather screens to recreate an on-the-terraces atmosphere.

ajor sporting events present exciting opportunities for clubs to draw in nonregulars, lapsed members and guests. Sports clubs, quite naturally, have the advantage, as members are already conditioned to their visits having a sporting bent. But the Premier League always presents clubs with a sporting chance to score heavily on the bottom line. Customers are confronted daily with offers and deals at their local pubs and bars, so promotions centred around subsidised drinks prices are not enough. Your proposition will, of course, match or better these, so play on the other factors which can provide the competitive edge – a safe, membersand-guests-only environment and a raft of add-ons to enhance the viewing experience.

Dressing the bar With the plethora of bunting, banners and POS material available from suppliers surrounding various sporting events, clubs can dress the bar – and bar staff – to reflect the excitement of the matches.

Food glorious food Providing snacks before kick off, at half time and during the last quarter of the game will keep spectators’ stomachs replete. They’re then more likely to stay for the classic postmatch activities – bemoaning the standard of linesmen (we lost) or celebrating the insightful referee (we won).

All bar none Suppliers have been working hard to maximise the consumer spend during this iconic tournament; enlist their support. Obvious advice, but category management is key. Move best sellers to the front of the fridge, and consider offering ‘all-in’ deals, such as jugs of beer, buy one get one free, free hot dog with every four pints and so on. Tactical top ups during the last 10 minutes of the game will help to keep members in the club longer. And don’t forget the soft drinks for members who are driving, need to return to work in peak fitness, or who simply prefer them.

Speedy service No one wants to miss the action while they queue at a busy bar for the next round. Table service can help here if you have the staff to spare. Or take a tip from theatre land and invite members to pre-order before the action starts. Look at spill-free trays, four pint jugs and bottle-seller bags to speed up service.

The team Staff on the ball? Bring them on side and brief them thoroughly. What’s being screened and when? Who’s going through to the next round? How about providing footballrelated questions to ask members as they buy a round. Get it right and members get a free packet of crisps (or similar).

Competitions Quizzes will separate the men from the boys, and – if you want to go there – check out who really understands the off-side rule.

Post match magic Don’t let the final whistle herald the end of the event. Having worked to build the atmosphere, keep it going once the screen is turned off. Run a question and answer session on the game just witnessed, for example. Enjoy!

16 GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL

20 PREMIER LEAGUE GAMES LIVE AND EXCLUSIVE THIS DECEMBER BT Sport have partnered with Amazon to bring you the Amazon Premier League Pass, which will feature every team twice.

Call BT Sport now on 0800 678 1070 Terms and conditions apply

YOU CAN ONLY GET THE AMAZON PREMIER LEAGUE PASS THROUGH BT SPORT, ON THE SKY SATELLITE PLATFORM 20 Premier League games live and exclusive this December.

Call BT Sport now on 0800 678 1070 Terms and conditions apply

QUIZ CORNER

Football fun – did you know...? So your members think they know it all do they? Then test them out with this fun-packed footie quiz. Answers in the third column. 1. As of December 2018, name the four football managers to manage in the Premier League at the age of over 70?

2. Which two clubs play in the M23 derby? 3. In the 2018/19 Premier League, starting with the lowest, which three clubs had the smallest stadium capacities?

4. Which British team defeated Barcelona both home and away in a 1966/67 European Cup competition and also reached the semi-final of the 1984 European Cup?

5. Who once said: “Football is a simple game.

20.

Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win.”?

Can you name the only footballer born before 1960 to score a Premier League hat-trick (Hint: The Premier League was founded in 1992)?

6. If it was Naranjito in 1982, and Juanito in

11.

What was introduced for the first time by trainer Donald Colman in the 1920s at Pittodrie Stadium, Aberdeen?

12.

As of 2017, which European football club has supplied a player in the starting line-up of every World Cup final since 1982?

17.

Ryan Giggs is the new Wales football manager, but in which sport was his father Danny Wilson a Welsh international?

18.

Which Russian footballer, nicknamed the “Black Panther”, is widely regarded as the greatest goalkeeper in the history of the sport?

19.

Which retail billionaire became owner of Newcastle United in 2007?

the European Footballer of the Year award; can you name them?

16.

Jamie Carragher made his first team debut for Liverpool under which manager?

Answers:

10. Four Manchester United players have won

15.

Name the football club with which Jose Mourinho first became a top-tier manager?

2. 3.

never have been capped for his country? (Hint: he now has a son named Tyrese playing for Stoke City)

4. 5. 6.

9. Name the top Premier League goalscorer to

7. 8.

Premier League only to be relegated in the same season; can you name them?

14.

In 2005, which two Newcastle United team-mates were sent off for fighting against each other in United’s Premiership match with Aston Villa?

9. 10.

8. Three teams have sat at the top of the

11.

to earn 100 international caps, spent his whole career at which football club?

13.

What’s different about the latest launched limited edition Subbuteo table football set featuring Arsenal and Chelsea teams?

Sir Alex Ferguson, Sir Bobby Robson, Roy Hodgson and Neil Warnock Brighton and Crystal Palace Bournemouth (Vitalty Stadium -11,464), Burnley (Turf Moor - 21,401) and Watford (Vicarage Road - 23,700) Dundee United Gary Lineker World Cup Willie (World Cup host mascots) Wolverhampton Wanderers Charlton (1998/99), Bolton (2011/12), and Hull City (2016/17) Kevin Campbell Denis Law (1964), Bobby Charlton (1966), George Best (1968), and Cristiano Ronaldo (2008) Dugouts (also, in 1978, Pittodrie became the second all-seated stadium in Great Britain) Bayern Munich The figures are female Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer Benfica Roy Evans (in 1997) Rugby League Lev Yashin Mike Ashley (owner of Sports Direct) Gordon Strachan Mike Ashley (owner of Sports Direct) Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer

7. Billy Wright, the first footballer in the world

12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22.

1970, what was it in 1966?

GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 19

COMEDY CORNER

Did you hear the one about...? It’s a laugh a minute in Comedy Corner. Enjoy. from g home s walkin a d e c As I wa ti o n t week I asone s work las r u p am Hots thought Tottenh a tree. I to d e il ‘cos a ticket n g that!’ ’m havin ‘I lf e h s g y u to m ave eno never h A you can n you? pound coin was nails, ca thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

Three old football fa church praying for ns are in a The first one asks, their teams. will Manchester City“Oh Lord when stop buying the refs?” God Replies, “In th e next five years.” “But I’ll be dead by then,” says the man. The second one as when will Manches ks, “Oh Lord, buying the refs?” ter United stop The Good Lord – next ten years.” answers, “In the “But I’ll be dead by then,” says the man. The third one as will Barcelona stopks, “Oh Lord when bu God answers, “I’ll beying the refs?”. dead by then!”

Have you heard about the new Arsenal Bra? It has a lot of support but no cups. who granted I met a fairy today me one wish. r,” I said. “I want to live foreve “I’m not iry, “Sorry,” said the fa like that.” hes allowed to grant wis t to die “Fine,” I said, “I wan Premier the when Liverpool win League.” id the fairy. “You crafty ****!” sa

A guy pulls alongside a small boy on the pavement, “I’ll give you some sweets if you get in the car.” “No, leave me alone,” the boy replies. “Come on, I’ll take you for ice cream later as well,” he insists. The boy stops and turns to the man and says:“Get lost Dad, I’m not going to White Hart Lane again no matter what you offer me.” 20 GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL

Bob receives a free corporate ticket to the FA Cup Final from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realises the seat is in the corner of the stadium giving him a terrible view of the other end of the pitch, and his view is obstructed by a TV camera. About halfway through the first half, Bob notices an empty seat 5 rows up from the pitch right on the halfway line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way down the stands to the empty seat. An elderly gentleman is sitting next to the empty seat. “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” asks Bob. The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the match, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Cup Final and not use it?” The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I come every year with my wife, but she passed away this year. This is the first Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1962.” “Well, that’s really sad, I’m so sorry.” says Bob, “Still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative, a close friend?” “No,” the man replies, “they’re all at the funeral.”

Back in the day Sir Alex Ferguson was curious to know how Arsène Wenger’s team went on such a magnificent unbeaten run, so he decides on a visit to Arsenal’s training ground to see how Wenger trains his players. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. “Well, it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally”. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Thierry Henry to come over. He asks: “Henry, he is not your brother, but still he is your father’s son. Who is he?” “That is not difficult,” Henry answers immediately, “Of course that is me.” “You see? That’s the way you keep them sharp,” Wenger says to Ferguson. Fergie, who wants to be the next “Invincibles”, decides to bring this into his training the next day. He calls Ruud van Nistlerooy over. “Ruud, I have a question for you,” he says, “He is not your brother, but still he is your father’s son, who is he?” “My God, Ferguson,” is van Nistlerooy’s reply, “That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that for one night?” Ferguson agrees with the onenight postponement. So that night RvN decides to call Jaap Stam. He has been at Manchester United, so maybe he knows something about these questions. “Jaap Stam, maybe you know the answer to this question: he is not your brother, but still he is your father’s son. Who is he?” “That is easy, that is me!” says Stam. So the next day RvN walks full of confidence to Fergie. Fergie asks: “Ruud, do you know the answer to my question now?” “Yes it was actually very easy,” he says, “Is it Jaap Stam?” Ferguson answers, “No of course not you stupid bastard. It’s Thierry Henry.”

Everton into the e k ro b e Burglars stole th om and trophy ro …. ontents entire c men g for 2 re lookin t. e Police a rp a a blue c carrying

Football players are the only people who can dribble and still look neat.

Just got a new football for my wife. Great trade. Paris snubbed a move to David Beckham has to ge an is a hard langua m er “G n: ai rm Ge . St n finish trying to lear learn and I want to American.” Which football team makes the worst half-time sandwiches? Oldham.

Foo whicthball is a g men a han ame i one arun aroudful of n wat nd a ha nd for lf hou peopched by m r really le who c illions os f use th ould e exe rcise.

How many City fans does it take to change a light bulb? – “None, they’re all happy living in United’s shadow” A United fan, a Liverpool fan and a Arsenal fan were caught by SaudiArabian police and were sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday on the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be…. Released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. The Sheikh allowed the fans a wish before taking the lashes. The Arsenal fan asked the Sheikh to tie a pillow in his back, but the pillow lasted only for 10 lashes. The Liverpool fan asked the Sheikh to tie two pillows in his back though it only lasted for 15 lashes. The Sheikh then turned to the Man Utd fan and said: “You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!” “Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness”, The ManUtd fan replies. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 200 lashes. ” “Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave,” says the Sheikh with an admiring look on his face. “If 200 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be? ” the Sheikh asks. “Please tie the Liverpool fan to my back.”

COMEDY COMPETITION Got a favourite footie joke? Send it into info@alchemymedia.co.uk by Jamuary 7 and you could win four tickets to a comedy night in your area.

Jokes from the delightful www.footballjokes.co.uk/

GUIDE TO FESTIVE FOOTBALL 21

20 PREMIER LEAGUE GAMES LIVE AND EXCLUSIVE THIS DECEMBER BT Sport have partnered with Amazon to bring you the Amazon Premier League Pass, which includes all early December midweek and Boxing Day games.

Call BT Sport now on 0800 678 1070 Terms and conditions apply