Lynn’s Corner

Lynn's Corner What is the Worst That Could Happen?

By Lynn Feehan

A few months ago, an alcohol impaired driver racing near Pensacola NAS smashed into the back of an SUV owned by our 31-year-old nephew, Army Veteran, SPC Justin Meggers. The car flipped over seven times prior to coming to a rest in a nearby ditch. Over six feet tall, and 250 pounds, he walked away from the wreck, leaving the smashed space that seemed far too little for him to have survived in. Thankfully, he only suffered minor injuries.

The guardian angel that was with him that day saved his active-duty Army wife from becoming a widow and his two young boys from growing up without a father. A car accident can be inconvenient or life altering.

In September 2020, Hurricane Sally changed its course and smashed into Pensacola. Our area has withstood many storms, with this one being a significant one, but we are resilient and always rebuild quickly. Except this time, and for the choices made by a bridge contractor.

Being unprepared, the company’s 20 barges that were moored to the essential Pensacola Bay Bridge became loose and destroyed many of the newly replaced road spans. What should have been a normal couple of months’ reconstruction turned into a catastrophe that lasted close to a year and that devastated many lives and businesses.

Weather can be unpredictable and range from being perfect for a day at the beach to utter destruction in very a short period of time. While we can be educated and prepared for tumultuous weather sometimes, there might only be mere inconveniences, other instances can cause tremendous hardships.

Lynn's Corner

FOR SOME THINGS, WE CANNOT TRULY PREPARE

Our military personnel swear to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic. They recognize that they can face death at any time and with great bravery accept the risks that they will take.

But does anyone really imagine when they join the armed forces, that they won’t make it home? Or will make it home, but no longer be the same person that left?

No one thought when they said goodbye to their spouse one morning and headed off to Pensacola NAS that there would be an attack from foreign terrorists by the afternoon, and that some wouldn’t be returning home. Or when they headed off for training, that it might be for the last time.

Even when our loved ones leave for a foreign land, and we understand they are putting their lives on the line, no one really imagines they won’t be coming home. Or they do make it home, but in the end, they don’t survive the experience.

WHAT IF THE WORST HAPPENS?

In 2014 my son, SSgt Christopher Shane Riordan, separated from the Air Force following ten years of service in Security Forces, with boots on the ground for eighteen months during Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Fourteen months after separation, he succumbed to PTSD. The worst had happened.

No one ever really expects the worst to happen, but what do we do when it does? It’s an often-repeated cliché, but taking one day at a time, sometimes one step at a time, until you learn to function again in a different world can truly help. There is no one-size-fits-all recovery, but life pulls you along, like it or not. We decide which direction to take.

Three years after my son’s death, and at my request, the VA sent me a letter confirming his death was due to military service. Did knowing his death was service related relieve any of the pain?

No, of course not.

Still, the knowledge led me down a road to new friends who are now more like family, and they inspired me. Together we worked to unite a community like no other. On Veterans Day November 11, 2020, the Gold Star Families Memorial Monument was dedicated to the many families in our area that lost someone while on active duty or due to their service. We hope they can also find some measure of solace among the granite pillars that say, the sacrifices of our families will not be forgotten.

Caring people and organizations help. So can a cherished four-footed companion.

Whether the death of a loved one was while on active duty or due to service, there are many groups that can help survivors navigate this new reality. Following is a list of a few of them. • T.A.P.S (Tragedy Assistance Program for

Survivors), formed in 1994, is a national peer support group that provides resources and encouragement from other survivors.

They advocate attending functions and engaging with others. Healing through helping others. • Our AHERO organization and this, its semi-annual magazine, inspire volunteering at Veterans events that help heal our wounded Veterans and can provide comfort for the families left behind. • Contact the Gold Star and Surviving

Families Connect organization on Facebook if you have questions or are looking for support from those who understand. • Consider the unconditional love and comfort an animal can offer survivors.

Rescue animals are a great place to start looking. We inherited Shane’s beloved five-year-old dalmatian, and at twelve years old now, “Noles” is my sometimes service dog, is at times crazy, hilarious, and loving, and is mama-bear to the two rescued dogs in the house. • Volunteer to help Veterans in ways that take advantage of this person/animal connection. This can help you as much as it will the Veterans. The Warhorse Project’s equine-assisted therapy program for

Veterans and kids at Garcon Point in

Santa Rosa County, Florida, would love your help while you make personal connections with the horses. And Healing

Paws for Warriors out of Fort Walton

Beach, which provides recue-to-trained,

ADA-certified service dogs to military combat Veterans who need them, is another great non-profit, animal-oriented organization to check out.

At the end of the day, after the worst has actually happened, there is a measure of comfort to be found in the often-heard stories of survival based on giving to, or comforting, others. The gift of volunteering, mentoring, or just listening is helpful for everyone. (And, in my opinion, even more so with an animal at your side.)

One day I found the words “HOPE” handwritten in sand, and a picture of it now hangs on the wall in the place my son took his last breath. Hope is a place that helps soothe the soul.

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around that loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” ~ lisabeth Kubler-Ross Psychiatrist, author of “On Death and Dying” and the theory of the five stages of grief.