Black, Red, Gold by Alexander Mantush

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

Go to another country, drive thousands of miles a tedious road ... for a single glance at his beloved! Die in a car accident, visit the underworld and rise again ... just to be by her side! This is only a small part of what the heart is a man in love – a musician, race car driver and an incorrigible romantic Alexander McNeil. The author puts us string of events taking place with the main character his friends throughout the story, in which there are also love drama, adventure and fun, a little mystery, and of course, humor.

«Black, Red, Gold» by Alexander Mantush Translated from Russian by Eugene Bakanovich and Simone McCrorey.

Special thanks to Tatiana Scriptchenko, Zlata Derbysheva, Simone McCrorey, Eugene Bakanovich, Alex Avdoteiko, Helen Petrenko, and Alexander Nikitin.

Alexander S. Mantush – Belarusian musician, screenwriter, novelist and artist. Was born in Minsk, Belarus on December 28, 1987.

Authors note: Novel “Black, Red, Gold.” is a part of miscellanea “Vade Mecum” consisting of four independent stories (“Umbram Suam Metuit”, “Idiosyncratic Humanism”, “Black, Red, Gold”, and “Ticket to the sky”) with every novel related to each other. There’s only one novel published due to expensiveness of the translation, editing and distribution. So if you’ll like the novel, and would like to know the overall story, please, support this book, giving the author ability to complete the translation of “Vade Mecum”.

Cover design & illustrations by Alexander Mantush.

ISBN 978-148-35-0920-4

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

CONTENTS Interlude

Chapter 1: Black

Chapter 2: Red

Chapter 3: Golden

Epilogue

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

The chance rules half of our actions, we rule the rest. Niccolo Machiavelli Most people would sooner die than think, in fact, they do so. Bertrand Russell What steals the youth, heals the soul, and destroys civilization? This is – fake gold of life – time. What makes for good and evil, virtue and vice, but obscures the mind? This is the scarlet thread of life – our feelings. What makes us go forth for our dreams to come true sometimes? This is black velvet of life – our pain, for our success to stand out on this black velvet as white pearls. But what is common among difficulties, feeling, and time? What is simultaneously gold, red and black? Sweet, salty and bitter. Inspiring, frustrating and depressing. You can philosophize for a long time, you can argue long, and you can think about it for long, you can not philosophize at all, nor to argue and not to think. But only one answer appears in the end, and this answer is love, of course, love. Really, how can you know, where is your half, destined for you by heaven‟s will? This is the place where you shouldn‟t make any mistakes or you may be confused with where is the red, where is black and where is gold. How do you find the right answer? Perhaps no one will tell, and you‟ll have to learn it by yourself. Only it is necessary to remember that accidents do not happen. In the sense, of course, they do occur, but their effects are more powerful than that that has been thoroughly planned out. And so I suppose, you really should think. And to think really well, I would even say carefully think about all this. What will happen, if you won‟t think about accidents? Anything can happen. Anything at all.

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

CHAPTER 1: BLACK Night, love and wine are not counselors ... Ovid O weakness! Your name is – young and decent girl. William Shakespeare The long tedious road is behind us. I was sitting in my old trusty car in front of the house of my love. In a foreign country, thousands of miles away from home. I do not remember which amount of cigarettes I smoked, but I still couldn‟t dare to get out of the car and move towards the unknown. It was dark, I‟ve ran out of smokes, was very hungry, and besides, mother nature got the upper hand – I really should pay a visit to the toilet. At the end of the street was a cafe, which could satisfy all my needs. Paused for a breath, I finally got out of the car and quietly walked down the street towards the cherished buildings. What the hell did I forget in here anyway? Will she be happy to see me? First I broke anything I possibly could and now I am arriving at her doorstep with nothing but a hello. What was I thinking, coming here like this? I entered the cafe and ordered the first hot dish in the menu, a cup of espresso and five packs of Camel. While all of this was being prepared, (all but cigarettes, of course) and I having no idea how long I'll be waiting here like a moron sitting in my Fiat, I took a table at the back of the cafe close to the “Relaxation Room” just in case. After I had my supper, and ordered the third cup of coffee, I was suddenly shocked by what came before my eyes: the door of the cafeteria flew open, and Tilly – the love of my miserable life, appeared in the doorway. My dream-girl, who eclipsed my fevered mind, left me to arbitrariness of my feelings and emotions. I wanted to jump from my place, run to her, hug, kiss and tell about how I missed her.... But, it was like I was literally rooted to the chair, head felt dizzy, my tongue became wooden, and the heart 5

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

started pounding like a kick-drum in the heavy metal song. I could only sit there and greedily devour her with adoring eyes. You idiot! Reap your scrawny ass from this chair and run to her! Run! Come on, you waited almost five years to meet her, and now she can just disappear again! “Stand up, goddammit!” – screamed my inner voice, but the body could not obey, only my hand with a cup helplessly landed on table. I continued to sit in a trance and my eyes behold her with the basset hound joy. Damn it! I still love her; it still feels like some kind of pain in my stomach to be without her, I still miss her low hoarse voice, barely perceptible smile and her hair that smells so fantastic. In some six or eight meters from me, my whole world was sitting at the bar and my trembling hand could barely lift the cup from the table. Finally, when I took some control over myself and found the strength to break away from the chair in a daring attempt to approach her, a young dark-haired man entered the café, came up to Tilly, embraced her shoulders and kissed her. I stopped in a stupid position, half-rising from a chair, and for twenty seconds I couldn‟t decide whether I stand up (go to her, and maybe even hit this bastard‟s face) or shrink back. The last vestiges of reason, fear of the unknown and the bitterness of resentment did their job – I prostrate, obediently sank back into my chair and looked down into half-full cup of coffee. Idiot! What kind of idiot I am! Was it worth it – going devil-knows-where, just to give up on the very first moments of exposure to foreign land! Immediately losing, what was so hard to find. Well, that's just my luck: either a dumb shark or no whistle. Know this joke? Plane lands on water due to damage. The sea its landing is full of sharks, so the stewardesses distribute anti-shark whistles. Every passenger waits for his and one man is going to the exit. –

Aren‟t you afraid the shark attack? – Asks one passenger.

–

Yes, I am afraid of the shark attack. – Answers the man. 6

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– –

But why you‟re not waiting for the whistle? – Asks passenger I know my luck, man, – said the man. – Either the shark will be deaf,

or whistles will end just before me. Pretty much my story, don‟t you think so? I silently covered Tilly with my gaze, paid for the order, sat for some more in the cafe (maybe fifteen minutes, but it could be an hour, because I stopped noticing), then as a scalded ran into the street. My eyes were blurred, legs, and all by themselves carried me to the house of the only one, whose image didn‟t allow me to sleep for last six years. Running up to the door, I suddenly pulled back, the only thought hovering in my head: “What if she doesn‟t care about me at all? What if everything was done in vain and I‟ve been stuck here for nothing?” Several times, while dashing between the door of my beloved and street (imagine – how stupid it looked), I noticed Tilly in one of the windows, who was for all this time watching my foolish behavior. I stood still, closed my eyes, counted to ten, opened my eyes again, but she was not there. Well, she probably guessed why I came, and most of all, she just doesn‟t care about me one bit. I turned around and, morally destroyed, went to the car. After starting my Fiat‟s “Panda” engine, I lit a cigarette and was about to go back home, when I was shocked again: the door of her house opened, and beholds, Tilly in the flesh, ran out of the house. She ran from the house to the car, and knocked in the car‟s window, and then she muttered: – Alex, how do you think I should understand this? What was it back there? What should I think, eh? What does it mean?

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– And what do you mean exactly? – I‟ve asked, although I understood that we are talking about how did I get here in half-after midnight. – What the hell are you doing here? – Cried Tilly. – I myself would like to know... – What does all this mean? Four years ago, you put me in completely stupid... – Three and a half and I have never made fool of you – I interrupted. – Four! – Three and a half! – To hell with you, three and a half! What are you doing here? – I need to talk... – How manly it is to talk at half-after midnight! – She interrupted me. – First, he confesses his love to me, then behaves totally unclear, then denial of that confession, then... – You had never responded to the confession! – Do not interrupt! I was a complete fool to meet him, hoping to see Alex, who loved me, but all I saw was a narcissistic fool! – Not at all! – Yes-ah! During the meeting, you were as cold to me as a block of ice! – Shut up! – I got out of the car and threw a half-smoked cigarette down. – Let me tell you! I wasn‟t driving more than one hundred miles in the rain, like some psycho for nothing! I will be a complete idiot if I won‟t tell you the only 8

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

thing for which I arrived. I'm really sorry about that meeting, I was angry that you completely ignored my confession, and then, when I said, that you shouldn‟t be concerned about this stupid letter and forgive me, and suddenly you just exploded. – That's all!? – Do not interrupt me now! I want to tell you, that you are very important to me, was important for all this years, was important, when I confessed my feelings, and is important now. There was a silent pause. After some hesitation, I continued: – I ... love you ... I love you, – I muttered. – What? – Trembling, with even some gentle and warm voice repeated Tilly. – What did you just said? – I love you. I loved you for all these years, I love you now, and will love, even when... Tilly suddenly gave me a slap in the face which stopped me on the midsentence. – Get out! – All the same tremulous voice said the girl, starting to cry, – Get out of here now! – Say what you will – I looked down – hell if somebody could understand you women! I sat in the car and pushed on the accelerator. I wasn‟t expecting such a turn of events. This incident could be interpreted as an insult for indecision and vagueness of the maiden who is deeply in love with me, or as a rejection of hateful bitchy hag. In any case, this was the worst moment of all my stupid life. Yes, I was somehow wrong before, but not so wrong! Why couldn‟t she simply say, “Get the 9

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

hell away, freak I do not love you, or vice versa. And I love you too, Sandro!” Why does she always need to further complicate the already complex relationships? I was driving home. As far away from here, as I could, though I did not want to leave at all, I wanted to think that all of this is just a bad joke, a bad dream or something like that, that will disappear by itself in the morning. But, alas, it wasn‟t a dream – it was darn unfortunate reality in which a familiar place was prepared for me – a place of an outsider. The road led me out of town and meanders like a snake, back away to the south-east, carrying my ass off of the places, hated by my heart. Overtaking vehicles left only the clouds of fog, through which I could barely distinguish only the glow of their backlights. You know, I like the road. The road – is a symbol of the movement, a symbol of life. Dum spiro, spero – I hope, till I breath, how the ancient Latin proverb says. If not for hunger, sleep, or Mother Nature‟s needs, I would‟ve spent the rest of my life like this, driving by vast expanses of our planet, somewhere as far away from her, as I could. After some sharp turns, the road carried me in the direction of my native Scottish snows. There is nothing more beautiful than a sunny winter day in my native Caledonia: between dense white blanket-covered trees, the earth looks like a blank sheet of paper. Unblemished virgin matter, calling for us to create; to create only the good, the purity and the beauty; In the sun snow sparkles like glittering diamonds, frost bites face, and the bright sun is so worm and a little blinding. And there's nothing better than to admire this magnificence with a loved one. Damn it! Even now, being angry at her, I still romanticize her image. She is the only one, I can think of. Every day, when going out to outside world, I am seeking her volens nolens (that mean anyway on Latin) among the crowd of passers-by which, in general, is 10

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

very stupid, because she rarely happens in my parts. However, in every, at least a remotely familiar girl, I see my Tilly. I peered through my myopic eyes intently in the face of a stranger, but, alas, time after time, she is not Tilly, but indeed a girl unfamiliar to me, who looks so much like the love of my life. Sometimes, especially when you feel bad, I would say that the soul shutters (strange epithet, but describes a state of mind exactly) two packs of cigarettes per day go up in smoke; dear heart image is literally standing in front of my tired eyes. Mademoiselle Matilda Maurikot, my beautiful Tilly, oh, how I miss you, if anyone only knew. We met eight years ago. I was with my best friend (Whom I call “Brother from another mother” and, by the way, the bass guitarist in the band that I play in) was involved in amateur Rally-races in Wales in which I as a pilot, a friend of mine as a navigator. And now, at the end of the second day when we were fighting for fourth place, our Mini Cooper nearly crashed into Innocenti, an Italian-built Mini, which descended down road and now, is going back again. Barely gone from first collision with a green Innocenti, and then with a tree, lost forty seconds and say goodbye to the fourth place! So, the pilot of the crew, due to which my friend and I almost went down and fell back to seventh line in the standings, was Matilda Maurikot. When she crashed from the road, the side window damaged, and it was just the window with a label with the names of the crew, and the inscription Matilda Maurikot turned into something not very legible, and the only thing that could be read, looked like: “.. til .. .... I ... t”, so just like that she became Tilly for me. I was very embarrassed when in the Service Park, running up to the ill-fated green Innocenti and was about to beat the hell out of the fairly clumsy rider, from the same green car appeared a lovely creation with brown hair and blue eyes. And, as befits all who are unlucky in love, I immediately fell for her. So it happened that the road gave me my Tilly. I took part in all races of the series just for her (although this wasn't my plan). Then I had an accident, and did not participate in the race for some time, and when an accident happened to Matilda, I rushed to the 11

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

hospital the same day, I should mention that to get there I had to fly from Vantaa, the airport in Helsinki, to Lisbon. But in the hospital I met her mother, who gave a distinctly understanding that I “am not fit” to care for her daughter. Once at the club's rally in France, I had persuaded my friend (one from the organizers of the event) to put my letter in the road legend of her. This was just the confession which you have heard: “Dear Tilly, I know it was stupid of me to a message in the navigation map, but believe me, this is the only way I can tell you about my feelings. You are not indifferent to me, not indifferent to such an extent that I am ready to exchange the remaining time of my life only to ensure that you will find your happiness in this cruel world. You know I wrote „Night, Morning, Evening‟ just for you, I thought that music will convey my feelings better than words, but you ignored even that. I curse the day when my heart went out of control of my mind forever, and submitted it's loyalty to you, because from the very since I do not stop thinking about you, praying for you, forgetting about myself. Not a day goes by without thoughts of you. I live, breathe and scream about you. We have a little misunderstanding between us, but for me it is not the slightest matter, because I intoxicated with thoughts of you and only you can be the guiding star of my life, which fills my existence. I'm not a master of love declaration, but it is vital for me to know what you know about my feelings. You see, I'm waiting like an idiot, for that one day, when you will answer one of my messages, but it is always in vain. You can reject me, you can shout at each corner, about what an idiot I am and I will not give a damn, the only thing I could not care less – is actually you. Sorry for the time taken away. Your depressive musician, rally driver and the man deeply in love with you – Alex McNeil.”

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

It is a little snotty for an adult guy, but you must agree that I twisted my soul before her as much as I could. But on the stretch between the race stages the same yellow paper was discarded, crumpled and thrown away. I'm certainly not the most resentful, but this circumstance has touched a chord within me, I even stopped to check if this is not my declaration of love, to wallow in the mud at the roadside (which was especially stupid because I lost test time in the race). And what is most offensive, it really was my letter. At the end of the day in the service park, I walked over to her car, but Matilda passed by me without saying a word, only looked from under her forehead with disapproving look. – Hey, what's the matter, – I yelled after her, – why did you threw it here – I took a crumpled yellow sheet of paper – what's wrong? – Don't you understand? – Tilly repeated impatiently and angrily. – Listen, Tilly ... – Enough! No Tilly! My name is Matilda, MA-TIL-DA, you get it? For you, I am Mademoiselle Matilda Maurikot, and no, not Tilly. – Well, Mademoiselle MA-TIL-DA Maurikot, go to hell, you heartless bitch! I opened my soul before you! By the way, you know how hard it is to decide on such a step as a declaration of love? I am crucified before you, and you're wiping your feet with me. – Not sure who wipes his feet on the other one? – Well, it is obviously not me! In response, I received the same hefty slap in the face, which I got an hour ago back at her home. Of course, the situation cleared up later, about what happened that made her so angry. For god's sake, plot made just for the soap opera: 13

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

Matilda's navigator - her friend, Italian girl Alessia, fell in love with me (about which I learned much later) and when she found my letter in her map she hastily remade it directing it to herself and even added something about Tilly. That she was only a way for me to have some fun on the weekend and then gave her mу confession. Mean, isn't it? Idiot, no, to write a letter by hand (Tilly knew my handwriting and couldn't possibly be tricked by Italian) and to make sure that it arrived at its destination, I printed it on a rally form, which Alessia had in plenty, and planted it in the Alessia's map. What can I say - I was an idiot. Well, I was dating Alessia for less than a year (yeah, she did what she wanted, that bitch) until I found that very false message written on my behalf. As it usually happens, the secret got out by accident. I was looking for some phone code, and one of the pages in the handbook was bookmarked by this very fake letter. – Lassie, damn you, what the hell is this – I handed her a yellow sheet of paper – you bitch! – Firstly, You do not need to be rude, and secondly, do not yell at me, and Third, say thank you that I saved you from Matilda. – What? – What you heard! Her Ladyship has no interest in anyone but herself. She is a hardened egoist. – And are you not? You made me a villain, took Tilly from me, and you still want me to be grateful for this? – First, not Tilly from YOU, but YOU from Tilly – Alessia interrupted me, – which you must agree is a big difference and secondly, nobody knows you like I do. Your favorite movie – Story of the Nun, your favorite actress – Audrey Hepburn, favorite music - progressive rock, more precisely, neo-prog, favorite 14

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

musical band – Dream Theater, color – red, cigarettes – Camel, beer – Budweiser, guitar – Music Man Silhouette, you only put 9-42 nickel strings on your guitar, oh yes, you have three guitar amps: WARP X, THD Flexi and a Mesa / Boogie Mark5. What more to say? Oh yeah speakers in your guitar cabs – they are also THD, sorry –forgot the exact model. What else do you want to hear from me? Do you think that at least one girl knows which strings‟ gauge her boyfriend puts on his guitar, or that despite his twenty-eight years, he is sleeping in the arms of a teddy bear. – Stop, stop it! – There you are, and ask Matilda something about you, oops, sorry, Tilly, do you think she will ever say anything? Ask, come on! – Alessia handed me her cell phone, but seeing my reluctance to call Matilda, she did it herself – Okay, I'll ask her myself. ... Hello, hello, hello, hello Matili-Tilly, listen, do you know the guy who is crazy about you? Do you remember his birthday ... No, not Fabio, This Scottish guy, Alex ... What, you do not remember when? Ah, you do not even know it ... Maybe you have his phone number there? ... No ... Oh, just made a bet with someone, okay, okay, kiss, hug, buy, my dear. – Alessia hung up – Vafanculo! I sat there not knowing what to say. The initiative was Alessia's, and she was right – Tilly did not care about me at all at least for now. Alessia took a deep breath and continued: – Who needs you, but me? You left motor sport after back injuries, you smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and do not intend to abandon smoking, you spend more time with a guitar than with a girl, and you are a very lousy lover, bad kisser and snores during sleep. You know, I'll probably go home for you to understand it all, especially for the fact, that northern parts of Scotland are much colder than northern Italy. That is what Sandro, you see what's what, think about me a little, 15

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

you can even try to date Matilda, I'll leave her phone, and so, whine, cry on her shoulder about me, and then you will understand that I am the only girl for you. You know, Sandra, you are my happiness and I will not give up so easy. Think now, I'll leave my address in a Salo, for you to know where to find me, but do not take long, okay? I do not want to meet my birthday without a loved one. Bye! I live alone and frankly, I'm already bored of it. I, like that Buridan's donkey, am torn between the woman, whom I love and the one who loves me. And even the road led me to a crossroads, from where I could get to Salo (beautiful town on a lakeshore of Lago di Garda) in six hours, back and after one hour be back on the Tilly's porch, or go back home, away from all these girls. The solution, in general, is as always difficult, and my back ache cannot withstand long journeys without warming up, so I decided to roll up to the nearest petrol station. To stretch my back and decide Hamlet's question directly: “to be or not be”, that is, to go or not go, the main thing, of course, is where to go, or maybe I should go to my musician friends in Finland, get my rocks off as real rock „n‟ roller? My head swarmed with million ideas about what to do and how to distract my attention from the road, I felt sleepy, and I was damn sad. I started to readjust to turn to a gas station, when suddenly a sharp headlight hit the side window and there was a deafening blast. Punch. Feeling of unreality, a sharp unbearable pain and ... nothing more, soon it became easy and relaxing, the pain stopped, and I found myself in a completely different place.

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

CHAPTER 2: RED Into each life some rain must fall. Henry Longfellow I stood on the doorstep of Tilly. At the very threshold, on which I could not decide whether to knock on her door or get the hell out of here. Come on, Alexander, be a man. I pressed the doorbell, but nothing came out of this, I felt no call, no fingerprints, and no earth beneath my feet. – Do not even touch it, moron – said a voice from behind. I turned around; a little further behind me stood a man about sixty with long gray hair, a small “Skipper” beard and a rocker outfit. – What? – I asked irritably. – Alex, you moron, do not push it – it is material, and you, you dumb head, at this very moment – is not. – How do you know that ... ... WHAT? I am ... am I ... dead or what? – O-ho-ho, – stranger laughed bitterly – oh well, you really are a moron: “Whaaaaat, am I dea-a-ad?” So fucking stupid, what did I tell you? That you are immaterial at the moment, but if you were dead, you wouldn't be wondering here. – Hey, man, I do not know who you are, but what is with that entire “moron” thing. Can't you be more polite? And what the fuck is going on around here anyway? – In fact, nothing serious: your subtle body separated from your not very fat, physical body. Half of you is here, but half – in the car at the crash site. Got it? 17

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– So am I, doomed? – Well, as long as your heart beats – no. Although think for a minute, how many times did you heard about “returning from the dead?” – Uh, er .... A lot. – What a smart guy! Look – a man put his hand in front of me, and I found myself inside the house, and he outside (although I still could hear his voice) – Just don't go apeshit in there, got it? – Yeah, just what is it there that can make me go ape-shit, eh? I was past the cherished door. Carefully, as if I were in a museum, I walked from room to room, examining their furniture, pictures in frames on walls, five awkward sculptures in the kitchen, but Tilly was nowhere to be found. On the second floor, I went through the open door, and rage just overwhelmed me: in bed asleep were Tilly and that bastard from the cafe. I ran to the bed and with all my strength began to beat the hell out of him, or rather just trying to beat the bugger, because I could not even put a bruise on him, not even tickle his nose. A few minutes later, realizing the futility of this venture, I lowered my hands. – Well, are you calm now? – A voice from behind. I turned around, and there of course, was my counterpart rocker. – What do you want to do - break the face of this sweet stuff here? With what, may I ask you, with your incorporeal hand? – Why did you bring me here, eh? – Not me, you let yourself here, I'm just an observer, watching you, so that you do not do something silly. – By the way, man, I'm sorry for asking, but who are you? 18

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Well, finally! I was waiting for this question. Let's just say I am – your escort. – Uh, er .... What? – Damn! In the sense that it is my task to bring you to the right choice and to accompany you during your trip ... hmm ... let's call it a trip. Kiss Matilda on the forehead, – escort abruptly changed the subject. – Why? – Oh, Lord It's hopeless! I'm not saying WHY, but WHAT should you do. I dutifully obeyed and kissed Tilly's forehead. A very strange feeling as if I were a part of the notorious andron collider, it is hard to describe in words what was going on with me, but after a split second I somehow appeared in the train, I sat in front of Tilly, and I myself could feel things around me (which wasn't the case for the last twenty minutes). – Alex, I am so glad you came with me, - said Matilda and moved to the sit adjacent to mine – I missed you so much. – Me too, – I said this words, still not understanding what was happening, but happy, that it happens with me at all – insanely missed you, Tilly. – Where have you been for so long? – Asked the girl in a gentle tone resting her head on my shoulder. I inhaled the almost forgotten smell of her hair. My God, how wonderful does her hair smells. Like a fragrance of white roses when met with the smell mown meadow grass. The smell of happiness, at least mine. – I wish I did know where the hell I was all this time....

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– I'm sorry for yesterday's slap. – It's nothing, though the hand is really heavy, like you can join in women's boxing tomorrow. – I just do not want my heart to break again. – What do you mean by “again”? – I asked her a little irritated, because if anyone's heart is broken – it's mine. – I cannot forget the letter you wrote to me, and Alessia's letter, too, but, there were bad ... about me... it is all written there. – Oh, that! I myself have recently learned, that Alessia wrote this letter herself. You know, I'm a fool; I had to write a letter by hand, so she would not trick us, although it would be better to say, then to write.... – What was in it for her? – Well, she thought she loved me more than anyone else, and I wrote this love letter here, not for her, but for you. And put it into her road map, what was downright stupid. So she pulled this trick. – You know, when I fell in love with you? When you‟ve played a concert with your band at the “101 Club”. And then I learned that you are participating in the club rally, and rushed headlong into the races. – And then a whole season before the accident, I raced only to be with you. The girl took me by the cheek and turned my face to her, we started to get closer, and when she let herself to be kissed, a sharp pain fettered my chest. Matilda became paler in fear: – Alex, what is it? 20

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– You will not believe, but it's hard to explain. I had an accident on an entrance to a gas station outside the city an hour's drive from your home. – I said, overcoming severe pain in the phantom heart – I think I'm dying, because first there was your home, then I am here with you, but.... A sharp pain again pinned down my chest, and I found myself on the wheelchair next to destroyed Fiat “Panda” at the entrance of a gas station. Emergency Physician, leaning over me with a defibrillator, smiled. – Lucky you, looks like you were born with a caul on your eyes. “Fuck, what was all this back there?” – The idea flashed in my head. Body ached terribly, it seemed that all that could transmit pain to my poor brain, did so in this very moment. – You just entered her dream, – my escort, the aged rocker, appeared in front of me. “Her dream? I mean, I was with her in this dream, and she will forget it all when she will wake up?” – I thought bitterly. – No, she won't forget – the guide responded to my idea, – she waked in a cold sweat and now is calling up ambulances, searching for you asking, whether Alexander McNeil got into an accident. “Why do I still see him, and why does he hears my thoughts, am I dying?” – a grim thought appeared in my head again. – Oh, forget it already! Of course, you will die! But let me just make one little remark – after seventy years no less. And you can see me and hear me, because you have not yet emerged from that very state. Especially, since you will fall asleep soon.

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– So? - I was suddenly standing next to a rocker. Wheelchair with my body was driven near us, and loaded into an ambulance, – Hey! Stop it! Where are you going, god dammit?! And what about me – Oh! You had fallen asleep, just like I said. Congratulations! – Is it safe? – I asked my guide. – Have no fear, when you'll feel better physically, then you will return to your flesh, the connection is not lost between your body and you soul. It's all for the best – this way your mind does not feel pain. – In Tilly's dream? – Oh, god! What are you, three and a half years old? Why do you ask such an obvious questions all the time? While you were in Tilly's dream, your heart has stopped and that dude from the ambulance has started it again. If you would have stayed in her sleep longer - you would've been in coma for the rest of your days, got it? – I understand, but ... just, what happens now? Where will I go next time? – You decide. Think of the loved one; think of your favorite dog, or about something like this. – And? – No, damn it, there will be a ton of special effects just for you! – Well, there were some in the dreams.... – How? – My guide interrupted me. – There were things like that in dreams, because you entered the subtle world of another person, got it?

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

I closed my eyes and started thinking about people close to me, about my work, about cacti in the window, but when I opened my eyes, I was still at the scene. – What is it? Why am I still here? – How should I know? It is easier with Matilda, since you‟re thinking about her all the time. – Why am I not by her side right now then? – Damn! Read Britannica! Started your hurdy-gurdy again, “why is it then, why it is now, why not like this?” I do not know! Got it? I do not know, probably something is stopping you. Likely the thing that interferes with all this is the fact that you are not really on a solid ground about your relationship with her, but then again I do not know! I mean, I do not know! By the way, what's about Michelle – suddenly my guide suddenly changed the topic, – you're still trying to draw her attention to yourself? – Who is Michelle? – I asked him, feeling totally lost. – Normal Michelle! Five feet and six inches tall, green eyes, red hair, slightly pug nose and a birthmark on her cheek. Do you remember? – Something is very ... – I was confused. – Fuck! Michelle, the one who was the actress remember? – Ah, but ... wow, do you know who is she, and who am I? – Who? You are an idiot, that's who! And to be honest, I hate this wording: “Who is I, and who – is her?” She wasn't made of the same flesh and blood like you? Or maybe she flew in from another solar system?

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– No... – So make sure that I won't hear bullshit like this again! Or else, damn you, I won't tinker with you any longer, and send you straight to the gatekeeper, do you hear me? Also, one of the strongest feelings in women - is a sense of ownership, did you knew that? – Not likely, – I replied, knowing that my vague answers have been very annoying to my companion. – O Lord! Why did I wind up with such a jerk?! Sense of the ownership - is one of the best causes for jealousy that is when she thinks that the guy is not going anywhere, she can send him straight to hell with ease, but if a rival appears, then she at once recalls, that you are her “dearest”. Well, now you got it, you shit head? – So, I have to get Michelle for Matilda to remember me? – Well, if you'll get Michelle, then Matilda can go to hell! Think „bout it? Enough of your Tilly to behave like some rich bitch! – Damn, man, I'm confused. You see, the last six years I lived only with Tilly in my heart, and none other, I will lose my meaning of life if I'll stop loving Matilda... – You really should try – enthusiastically offered old rocker – at least you'll gain some experience that is not associated with the anguish of feelings in address to your priceless Mademoiselle Mariko. What do you think? – And it can all go to hell, come on – I give up – and without it, without feelings towards her it is better than with them. My counterpart hit me on the forehead with his palm, and at the same moment I experienced an inhuman pain. I wanted to cry, but I could not squeeze out a single sound. I woke up in hospital on a drip and with a tire. 24

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Good morning, Mr. McNeil, – said the nurse, who came into my ward – you are lucky – you have a good guardian angel. After this accident to get away with just bruises and sprains - you sure was born with a caul over your eyes. – Good morning. – I said. – I'm sorry, but can you tell me for how much was I unconscious? – You have been unconscious for a few hours. You are in the hospital for only four hours, so do not worry, you didn't miss much. I felt myself a bit better because suddenly I‟ve realized that I don‟t feel any bitter feeling what was quite usual for me. I have no feeling of hard one-way love with Tilly, I am not angry at Alessia, and even I don‟t hate that bastard that slept in the bed with my beloved Matilda. Holy crap! Get you out of my mind, dear Tilly! Thanks, oh Lord, that Dopamine – Oxitocine, don‟t remember what else‟s (in a way of biochemistry composition) brain etching, called “Love” has been gone. – Mr. McNeil you‟ve got a visitor for you, – said the nurse. "Fuck! Please, let it be anyone except these goddamned vixens" – I‟ve thought occasionally –"That‟s the last thing I would prefer now." – And who was that, if not a secret? – I‟ve asked, a bit scared to see either Tilly or Alessia. – A young man who introduced himself as your manager, being here for four hours already. Should I invite him? – Oh! Dean? – Yes, that is also how he had introduced himself. Should I call him? – Yes, please. Tired Dean came in a moment later. – Well, McNeil, that was close! Nearly died in there, and I have giant plans for you, you heartless bastard! Your single is all the rage right now, and I‟ve arranged concerts at two clubs overseas – in New York and Toronto. Tell me – "Thank you Dean!" 25

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Thank you Dean. – Are your hands ok? Could you play the guitar in a month? – Looks like everything is in order, after two weeks I'll play just as I played before. – Sure thing, man! I even arranged with the hospital directorate that you were allowed to play. In the evening I'll bring you your expander, metronome, headphones and a guitar, well, aren't I the best guy in the world? – Dean, why aren‟t you a girl? Then I would marry you. – Leave me alone, you're not my type. So, ahem ... get well. By the way, I spoke about your transfer to another hospital, if you want; you can go to Scotland for rehabilitation, back home, eh? In a week I‟ve left the walls of hospital. I went to Dean‟s office, signed all necessary papers for concert tour and after three weeks I‟ve stepped on the ground in the JFK airport in New-York. But as soon as I get to my hotel, Tilly‟s mother made a phone call to me. – Monsieur McNeil? – I‟ve heard crying voice of Matilda‟s mom. – Could you come to Matilda‟s funeral? – Excuse me? – I‟ve interrupted her – Fu… fu…. funeral? – Matilda came to your place in Scotland, you‟ve already left, and on the road back her car was trapped in an accident. – Woman started cry again. – She loved you very much, and I think you have to be on a mourning service. – Ok, I‟ll fly back with the closest possible plane…. I could not believe in what just happen. Just a month ago I saw Tilly alive and she‟s gone due to I wasn‟t home but on airliner flying here. Suddenly vacuum 26

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

in my heart disappeared and I have a even stronger feeling of love to Tilly, Matilda Maurikot, who is dead now…. It‟s hard to explain what you feel in such minutes. A mixture of bitterness, denial that this could happen, and the state of some acidic prostration. Literally a couple of seconds, I wept bitterly, dropping to my knees. How long I wept, just do not know, maybe an hour, maybe more, but ended rend the air hotel room hysterically crying for my beloved, I called to book a flight, and as the plane was only tomorrow, I went to drown the pain on the bottom of the glass. I do not remember how long I was on the New York streets in search of drinking establishment, but finally, when turned up something terribly impoverished and reeking massacre, I went inside. Passed the bar and asked for a triple scotch. – What for, you‟re starting the morning with a drink? – The bartender asked me. – Fuck you ... – I looked at the bartender and was dumbfounded. The bar was a guide, that hour I rushed at him with his fists – Oh, you scum! – Quiet! – Caught my fist bartender guide, – you that tired of living? – Your will, yes! Tired! I just lost my favorite, but you, you bastard; I still have to teach you? – Would you like to fix everything? – What are you, an old ugly mug? – First, do not be rude to me, idiot, and then I can help you save the life of Tilly. You just do not need to make a mistake in the past and that's it. – Are you serious? 27

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Well, no, you're just hard-of-mind! I said that I would help, and then help. I if you remember, there‟s a lot of things that I can. – Come on – I said resignedly. Escort to swing flat hit on the head with his hand, and again I felt a lot of pain throughout the body. I woke up in hospital on a drip and in the braces. – Good morning, Mr. McNeil, – said the nurse, which came into the ward – you are very lucky – you have a good guardian angel. After this accident you got away with bruises and a couple of sprains – you were born with a caul for sure! Suddenly I‟ve understood that this scene hasn‟t happened in my life yet. – It would've been better if I would have been born with brains... – I almost automatically replied having feeling that I‟ve already said the same words to the same nurse. – Well, do not torment yourself, anyone could've been on your place, and you have everything in order with your brain: no head injuries. – Excuse me – I asked the nurse – tell me, what date it is? – Twenty-third, do not worry, you were unconscious only for a few hours. You are in the hospital for six hours, so do not worry, you did not have time to miss a lot of everything. So, last time I was in hospital for four hours, so it is a somewhat different reality. – Tell me – I turned again to the nurse – are there any of my visitors there? – Oh, how did you know that? – Intuition – I said, with an obvious sarcasm. 28

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Yes, in the hallway some young man is waiting for you, he introduced himself as your manager. – Oh! Dean? – Yes, that is also how he had introduced himself. Should I call him? – I think not. He is again coming to me with some slave sentences: “Alex, please, give some concerts in six clubs a week” something like that. – Ok, – said the nurse, – and what should I tell him? – Tell him, that I need some peace and quiet right now, I don't know, just come up with something. – Ok, – repeated the nurse, and went out to the hallway. Damn it! This opportunity to play over the ocean is one-in-a-life-time event, and I cannot take advantage of it for the sake of my beloved's life! She does not even realize the magnitude of this sacrifice, and there is nothing else, that can be done here, because otherwise she will die in a car accident. I lay there with my blink-less eyes staring at the ceiling, trying to reassure myself that I made the right choice. Day by day Dean besieging me with requests to go on this tour. Good Lord, Dean, if you only knew how I do not want to lose this opportunity, but even more I do not want to lose Tilly. Why is it always necessary to choose between what your brains wants and what you want in your heart? Days flew, Dean continued to annoy me with his pleas about the tour, and my heart became nastier and nastier. Nurse once again came into the ward. – Mr. McNeil, you have a visitor.

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Dean again? – I asked with a voice of a man doomed to another half-hourlong tantrum from my manager. – No, she's a girl. – Really? – Yes, she is blond, should I cal her? – Of course! On the threshold of the ward Tilly appeared. According to her face swollen with tears, I realized that she is either separated from her boyfriend, or blames himself for my accident or both at once. – Oh, my God, Alex – Matilda wept, – forgive me, please.... If I had not sent you away, you would not have had an accident. – Don't worry so much – it's all my fault. I went to confess love far away and you, of course, were shocked, and I couldn't do better than to head back home just after two days on the road. All of it was just an accident. The girl came to my bed and hugged me. – I won't let you go away no more. I'm ... I could not find in which hospital you are for a whole week, I nearly went mad. Alex – the girl suddenly changed the tone and was on one knee in front of me – I understand that girls do not do this, but I offer you my hand and heart. I fell into a stupor from the surprise of it. I could only dream of this, but frankly was not ready for this situation. Finally, I was able to squeeze out the answer: – Tilly. This is what I had to tell you. 30

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Alexander McNeil, would you take thou as your wife? – Of course, Tilly, I dreamed about this since the very first meeting with you. Before I could kiss Tilly, the ward attendant came in, dressed in the form of a Courier and asked: – Mr. McNeil? – Yes. It's me. – I replied. – I have an urgent package from attorney of signorina Alessia Merlutti. – And what happened? – I had asked, lacking any understanding of what's going on. – Open the package and read. – Dear Mr. McNeil, I began to read the letter aloud – law firm “Pinnon and Dore” asks you or your attorney attend the 23rd of this month to read out the will of Mademoiselle Alessia Merlutti, who died in a train accident 10th day of this month... In my eyes everything went black. – Fuck you! – I rushed to beat the messenger – you are pissing me off! Can you at least once, you paranormal shitbag, bring any good news? – Firstly, – escort powerful hook pinned me to the floor – behave, and secondly, you are the one to blame. – Again? What do you mean “your own fault”? – I spat out a tooth – What a bitch, you knocked my tooth out! 31

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– First, you will be rude, and I'll knock out another one, and secondly, Alessia traveled by train to persuade you to participate in the U.S. tour... – What is happening here?! – Cried Matilda. – Why do you know this old man, why Alessia rode to you, and what the hell is happening here? – Well, mademoiselle, – began my escort – how do I know Mr. McNeil is a long story, and Alessia rode to Alexander at the request of Mr. McNeil's manager to persuade the latter to participate in a series of club gigs in New York and Toronto. – But why Alessia? – asked Tilly. – Well, because a couple of weeks ago, Alessia and Alex had some relationships, and so Dean asked her. – You dirty...! – Tilly gave me a heavy (she had no other in her arsenal) slap - you met with my best friend, and said, that you loved me for all this time! – Well, you met with some fancy man, why couldn't I do the same? – So, you loved me and slept with her? What kind of man are you?! I do not want to see you! – What about your suggestion? – Stick it up your ass, you dog of a man! Matilda in tears ran out of the ward. I looked at the guide, on whose face was clearly readable sense of satisfaction. – That's your funeral, man – I hit the guide in the crotch – you'll be so sorry, you old monkey, sorry!

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

I just raised my foot to kick the old rocker, cuddled on the floor because of the groin pain, as this smart aleck has charged me with his fist to my jaw. I spit out another tooth. – You freak, you knocked out the second one! – Listen here, you milk sucker, I helped you! Tilly would've arranged a scandal, if she learned about this. And would've known about this, believe me, because Alessia mentioned her in the will as well. It is strange, of course, to compose death-will in twenty-five years, but this is Alessia, you know. Now listen, you will now struggle for an hour or two and then go straight into a depression, because you lost the girl who loved you, and marriage to Tilly will still be broken. Besides, you are really missing your finest hour. In general, if you want Tilly to be alive, and Alessia to be alive and for her not to loom with her machinations over you, and you, as a musician, to become someone with a name and a place in the rock-world, and also to return two knocked-out teeth back into your mouth, correct the mistake you made in the past, got it? – Fuck you! – You are such an idiot, and that is certainly not the right answer! First, Matilda will not forgive you because of you her best friend died, and secondly, you vilified her best friend in her eyes. – Damn it! I suffered and I am guilty for that! – Is it your first day on earth? You do not know a lot about women, do you? – Okay, I'll try again. – Just bear in mind that this will be the last time. All right? – All understood. Let's slap my forehead for me to wake up in hospital a week ago. 33

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– It is not necessary; you just have a funny face when you are slapped on the forehead, that I just could not hold myself from it. I'm sorry. – You son of a bitch! – Shut up! – Said my guide, and snapped his fingers.

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

CHAPTER 3: GOLDEN Fantasy is an eternal spring. Friedrich Schiller Imagination is more important than knowledge. Albert Einstein – Good morning, Mr. McNeil, – said the nurse, who came into my ward – you are lucky – you have a good guardian angel. After this accident to get away with just bruises and sprains – you sure was born with a caul over your eyes. – Good, – I said, knowing that this scene was occurring to me twice already – I'm sorry, but can you tell me for how much was I unconscious? – You have been unconscious for a few hours. You are in the hospital for only seven hours, so do not worry, you didn't miss much. – Are there any visitors for me? – Yes, how do you know? – Intuition, you know. – A young man who introduced himself as your manager, being here for four hours already. Should I invite him? – Yes, please. Tired Dean came in a moment later. – Well, McNeil, that was close! Nearly died in there, and I have giant plans for you, you heartless bastard! Your single is all the rage right now, and I arranged concerts at two clubs overseas – in New York and Toronto. Tell me – “Thank you Dean!” – Go to hell! – You can go there yourself.... Is it all right with your hands? Can you play after a month? – Looks like everything is in order, after two weeks I'll play just as I played before. Let me guess, you even decided to bring me a guitar? 35

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

Sure thing, man! I even arranged with the hospital directorate that you were allowed to play. In the evening I'll bring you your expander, metronome, headphones and a guitar, well, aren't I the best guy in the world? – Dean, you are the best, but I cannot play after just a month, arrange with them to delay it all a little, I'm not sure that I will recover completely after this month. – Okay, I'll try. – Not “try” but – “will do, Alex,” right? – Roger that, what are you so nervous? – Dean, I got into an accident! In addition, I have all this garbage in my damn personal life! And yet, I have not seen Alessia for far too long, and do not make her push me to change my decision about New York, okay? – Okay – somehow sadly answered my manager. – No offense, Dean. Remember, that I am your bread and half-baked bread is not served. Have we agreed to postpone? – Ok! – If you were a girl, I'd kiss you, – I told him sarcastically. – Leave me alone, you're not my type. So, ahem ... get well. By the way, I spoke about your transfer to another hospital, if you want; you can go to Scotland for rehabilitation, back home, eh? – I can go today. – Well, today its better not to, but after a couple of days, I think, they will transport you there. Come into my office, after the hospital, OK? – OK! – Well, okay, now I'll go to talk about your transportation and a postponement. So long, McNeil, let's hope there won't be any accidents in the future. – Good luck, Dean. I leaned on the pillow, satisfied. Long time I wanted to put this asshole in his place. He is certainly not a bad guy, but very, very selfish. So, what's left? Matilda 36

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

should live, Alessia, too, and I must go to America. So if I'll get there with a slight delay, Tilly won't crash, Lassie neither. Well, I think I fixed that damn mistake, old fart escort told me about. – Nurse! – Yes, I'm listening - nurse came into my ward once again. – Tell me, did my cell phone survive the crash? – Oh, to be honest, I do not know.... Do you need to call someone? – Yes. Find out about my phone please. Fifteen minutes later, she returned with my mobile phone in her hand. Smiling broadly, she handed me the phone. – Here you are. You're in luck. I think he was born with a caul too. – With a protection screen. The girl giggled and gave me my cell phone back. I looked at the mobile phone and thought, if I should call any of thus women. I wanted to talk to Tilly, to scold Lassie, but even I did not know what to say. Just didn't know, at least in such way, for thus girls to understand me…. It seems so simple: confess my love to Tilly once again.... Once again. That's right, once again! I've had enough! Tired! On one hand, I was tired of loneliness and uncertainty in relations with both girls to death, but on the other hand, I'm tired of their stupid women logic. This means that dating your friend, which is no friend to you all, and just jealous at you, calling you a slut, it is bestiality, but the mere fact that you, Matilda, though you still love me, is sleeping with another guy, does not matter! I have no words for this! I had no luck with the opposite sex in my life. The first time I fell in love, when I was nine years old with a cousin's girlfriend, who was four years older than me, then I fell in love with the girlfriend of my friend and now it's Tilly. I sometimes dream about a girl who will not fool my brain with women's logic. Of course, I would have liked for us to have some mutual feelings. And also, want her to understand the effort that you spend on something that makes her happy, knew how hard it is, to choose between professional moments and 37

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

happiness (in her favor, of course). But where I can find such a girl? The question is not easy. I do not even know whether I love Tilly or not. I mean I am not sure that I love Tilly as much as she loves me. My head is a mess, brain had just melted, and the inner voice sends everyone and everything to hell. Three days passed like one. Time! It's never enough of it, when it is needed, it flies faster than necessary, or vice versa, a second seem to last for hours. “Time is money”, this saying makes more sense than it seems at first glance, the time – it really is gold. When time is needed more than ever, it is not enough of it, and when it doesn't worth a dime – it‟s nowhere to spend it. Finally, the day of the transfer. However, I am quite well recovered, so I'll just walk to a physical therapist for a week. My manager came for me, to settle paperwork, along with my friend, whom I have already mentioned, as my navigator and my bass player. Dean was still tinkering with the insurance payment, but Kevin and I (as I said navigator, a bass guitarist and just a good friend) went to the car. When we were finally driving, I felt relieved. The road, there is nothing better than the road. I think I already said that once. I love the road: asphalt, as gray ribbon, meanders under the wheels of your car, other cars, people, cities, trees, sunsets and sunrises sweep through the window, and you're just driving and driving. You're just going ahead and, where "Ahead" is, is for you to decide. You decide whether to go by pretty village, or stop in to buy some fresh bread at the local bakery.... My thoughts were interrupted by a horrifying picture: a car before us went sharply to the left, stroked the divider and flew off into the ditch. – Kevin, hit the brakes! – I cried – Call ... call an ambulance! I ran out of the car, although a little awkward, because of lameness and back pain after the accident and went into a ditch. From the inverted machine, which took off into the ditch, no signs of life were heard. I bent down and tried to make out who the driver was, but the only 38

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

thing I understood - that the driver was female. I tried to open the car's door, but it was wedged by the blow. – Damn, why did you set behind the wheel of this monster? Girls should drive 'Renault Clio'– I went back to my car, in which Kevin unsuccessfully tried to dial the number. – Kevin, what's the matter? – The battery is dead, and I cannot find the charger. I wrinkled my nose. My mobile phone apparently survived, but stopped working, so there was no choice - I had to go to the pay phone or to the nearest police post. – Look, you should ride to a gas station, Kev. There you can call ambulance, and if you meet the Police, then call up an ambulance through them. It is near – Five minutes drive from here – I told him as fast as I could. – Well, – Kevin started the engine. – Stop! Let me take something out of the trunk – I stopped Kevin. I quickly hobbled to the trunk and took an airplane carrying case with a guitar from it. – Are you stupid? What the hell is guitar for? – Kevin was outraged. – Shut up and drive for help, trunk prevents me from picking the case. I'll break the glass and the trunk is useful as a lounger. – You're sacrificing a guitar? – And what I have left? Kevin looked at me in astonishment; I slammed the lid of the car and went with the car and a wrench to the crashed car. After a couple of blows glass subjected (do not believe the films were laminated glass brakes after a few hits with no apparent effort) and I was able to turn it out. – So, my dear, hold on – I turned to driver girl – just wait a moment. I climbed into the cabin with a case and carefully cut the seat belt with my penknife. The girl did not fall, I supported her with my hands and laid on the case 39

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

with the guitar, under which I put my jacket, to fixate the girl, while I pull the case out of the cabin. In a minute me, the girl and a guitar were the great outside. The girl could barely breathe, but her face was covered with blood from a wound on her head, so I took her T-shirt and rubbed her face, then pulled the girl jersey to stop the blood, so I could give her mouth-to-mouth. But as soon as I wiped her face, I was stunned – in front of me laid Michelle, the same Michelle that old bad guide asked me. Hesitated for a second, I squeezed the girl's nose and began to breathe in the air. The girl opened her eyes and barely smiled. Behind her back already the sirens could already be heard and I just felt that I was literally frozen because I stripped to the torso in order to fix the girl's back and close her wound on her forehead. A minute later the doctors from ambulance were on the scene. – Monsieur, let me – I was approached by two doctors with stretcher. Michelle was loaded on a stretcher, and they put tire on her neck, one of the Physicians turned around and said to me. – Good work, where did you learn all that? – I am a former race car driver; it‟s not the first time I get people out of the car crashes. – Will you remain here or go to the hospital with us? I sadly looked at the case with the guitar, then sighed and went to the ambulance. – Wasn't it you, who got into this accident near gas station? – asked the doctor. – Yeah, it was me - I said, getting into ambulance. – ALEX! – The voice of Kevin came from outside the car – where are you going? – I am going to the hospital; just take the guitar out of that ditch. Just came out of the hospital walls, and now I'm going back with the girl of my dreams. Of course, I cannot have any claims to Michelle. I first saw her just 40

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

before meeting with Tilly. She was then just an unknown actress, who starred in a cameo role. They were shooting the film in my hometown, and that's when I saw Michelle. I even tried to go to the dressing room, or rather to the van where they put makeup on “non-star” actors. But the guard did not let me in. So she was still just a girl from the half-remembered dream, not a real person. No, not at all an erotic fantasy, at least I don't think so (For some reason, male fantasies are usually associated with banalities). Just fantasies about the most perfect girl I never found. – Take her hand – doctor suddenly turned to me – she is consciousness, and it would be better, if she would feel your support. I took the girl's cold hand and looked at her. Lord, why did we meet the way we did? Why could not we do it six years ago, look, now she got into accident, and maybe if we did it earlier, maybe this would've not happened? I have an impression that I was a mascot of car crashes since, I got into an accident myself, first Tilly and Alessia, and now Michelle. Maybe it would be better if I had died in the crash myself a week ago. Now, one of the most beautiful girls in the world was looking at me with incredibly sad eyes and squeezed my hand, cold hand. – Let's get to work! – The doctor said when the car slowed down and orderlies opened the doors to ambulances. – Let her go, friend, we must patch her up. I lamely went after the stretcher, departing deeper into the hospital corridor stretcher. But near the entrance to the operating block, one of the doctors pulled me by the shoulder: – Hey, man, you can‟t go in there – this was the familiar voice of my guide. I turned and saw a guide in the uniform of hospital stuff. I stopped and began to sob, to sob loudly. – Well, do not cry, men do not cry. I thought you'll try to pounce on me with your fists again, and in my turn, I‟ll knock out a couple of your teeth. 41

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– Tell me - I asked my guide, – is this it, is she doomed? – Sorry ... yeah. – It's my fault, – I said with a tone beyond the grave. – Do not blame yourself, her steering rack snapped. – It's because of me? – No, just that one had to go. – Can I decide who? – You have no more attempts, do you remember? – I remember. I choose myself. I just want to escape, you got it? – Are you sure? – Asked me my guide. – In that, I am now convinced, more than in anything. Let them live: Michelle, Matilda and damn her, Alessia. And I, I'm still a loser in love affairs, with a finished racing career, and I'm not the best guitarist too. – Are you pretty sure? – Enough! I said that I am sure! Tell your boss to return Michelle to life; I will go to his altar instead. This is my own and my final decision. I and my escort were again on the place of my car crash. I was lying in ten meters from us on a stretcher, the ambulance surgeon tried to run my heart with a defibrillator, and my trusty Fiat “Panda”, or what of it was left is loaded on evacuator. – Well, are you ready? – Asked my guide. – Absolutely – I replied with no hesitation. – Are you ready to sacrifice yourself for a girl totally unfamiliar to you? – You know, man, I have a feeling that for the first time in my life, I'm doing the right thing more precisely the first and the last time in my life. – Do you remember, when I asked you about Michelle? – How could I forget? Of course, I remember it. Want to know why I chosen Michelle? – Yes, if possible. 42

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– You see, uncle, though I do not know her at all, I'm just a simple Scotsman and she is a young American actress, I'm sure, that she deserves to live more than me. You see, all these years, Matilda, my Tilly, was my obsession, but this girl showed me a hundred times more gratitude during this trip in an ambulance, than Tilly did for all six years. You know, Michelle – she is my fantasy, the fantasy of what a girl must be. I do not know if my imagination is correct, or if it has nothing to do with reality, but I want Michelle to live. That would be right, man. – Listen, Alexander, I'm not your man. Do you think that they sell guides like me on the yard sale? No. What was the surname of your father; you're on the last name of your mother, are you not? – Yes, McNeil – mother's maiden name and the surname of my father is O'Reilly, he was an Irishman. – I too was an Irishman, as well and as my son too. My son's name was Patrick O'Reilly, and when my grandson was born, the only thing I got to find out that he was named Alexander. And I'm proud of such a grandson like yourself, you have done the right choice, I'm sorry for the two knocked teeth and for strong language, it's just that elderly and young people are hard to find a common language. But you did well, and you had properly understood everything. Well, if you're ready, then.... – Old man puts his arm around me and I, for the first time since our acquaintance with my grandfather, who died in the North sea, saw that my guide smiled – I wanted to cry, but already for twenty-eight years, I can‟t do so. Okay, enough of those tenderness, your time is now. The old man kissed my forehead, as with sleeping Matilda, I found myself in a sort of whirlwind of colors and complex shapes, it seemed like I was flying... Suddenly I heard a sharp raspy voice: – Mr. Sleeper, you still want to join today's “Mini” Cup? I opened my eyes and found myself in a bar in my native town. Before me stood Charlie, the old bartender who worked at the bar, over which my apartment was situated. I had a terrible sense of déjà-vu, I was sitting at the table, and rather, seconds back my face was lying on it. I raised my sight at the calendar near a 43

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

mirror rack with bottles and involuntarily looked in this mirror rack. For a second it was unusual to see my reflection without a beard, with short hair and with back that is not hunched, although from the other side of the mirror usual twenty-two years-old Alex McNeil, without beard, with short hair and straight back, was looking at me. – Alex, listen, you're going to join the race today. You‟ve drank two cups of coffee and shut down for an hour. It's not possible to let you behind the wheel? – I slept for an hour? I remember nothing. I remember how I finished the second cup, and then, Charlie, you wake me up... – Yeah, I just noticed because I was chatting with that gentleman – Charlie pointed at the man in the corner of the bar. Again I had the feeling of déjà-vu, I think I have seen him somewhere, but I don't remember where. – I light up, or am I clear? – Asked the gentleman. – No! I just imagined it because of the asleep. – Oh, that's like, well, and then everything is clear. By the way, you're participating in the rally of the “Mini Cooper Club”, don't you? – Yes … – You know, on the road in Wales will have to spend A LOT of time, and then the highway. And there are also the girls-participants, and if there is a woman behind the wheel – then there should be accidents. – How do you know? – I asked. – I'm from the organizing committee, there are 8 hours before the start, and you need at least ten hours to sleep. It is better for you to skip this step, I beg you. Also look through that window, – a gentleman pointed in the direction of the girl outside the bar – Look at that girl! Today our town is a location of some American film, and this girl already came into the bar and forgot her purse... The gentleman pointed to a lady's handbag on a chair, then looked at me with a sly look. 44

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

– In your place I would have approached her, returned the forgotten handbag and introduced myself. They will start shooting soon; you won't get on the site after that. Well, do not sleep with your hands in your legs, run! Do not miss your chance, by the way, her name, in my opinion, is Michelle. I looked out the window again and saw a really cute young woman, who has come to the shooting. – Go ahead! – Charlie gave me her bag – Good luck, McNeil! I left the bar with a bag and went to the girl with emerald eyes, fiery red hair, slightly snub nose and a birthmark on her cheek, full of confidence that this time, my fate has presented the most precious gift in the world.

Alexander Mantush - “Black, Red, Gold”

EPILOGUE – Well, Charlie, – a gentleman asked the bartender, looking, with pleasure at how Alex and Michelle are talking – I put a thousand pounds that there will be a wedding soon. – Oh, McNeil did not even know how to approach a girl at the first place. – Well, he is also O'Reilly. – Muttered the gentleman to himself. – What's that? – Asked Charlie. – I did not hear. – I mean, I put a thousand pounds for a wedding. Or are you afraid, old pepper? – Damn I know where I'll take this thousand-if you'll be right? – Okay, how about you give them the best bottle of champagne you have? – Okay, O'Reilly, just out of respect for the fact that you are his grandfather, and I have not forgotten how to talk with the undead such as yourself. – Prepare the champagne, Charlie, you know, that it's a bad idea to bet against me. I never lose – said the gentleman.