NOV 2014
Organize Your Morning Routine Teen Suicide: Talking To Your Child Win Over Picky Eaters
Hello reader! Hope you are having a great semester so far and are remembering to make some spare time for yourself because I know how busy the life of a student can get. Now add the responsibilities of raising a child and all of a sudden it becomes ten times more difficult. If you know exaclty what I’m talking about then you have picked up the right magazine. No matter what your major is or how old your child is, we will help you keep the stress to a minimum at all times. To writing ten page papers to putting your kid to sleep, Tantum will give you tips and advice to get things done.
Our mission is to inspire young parents to be smart and successful students while taking on the many responsibilities of raising a child at home. We’ll help you take on the homework and the tantrums all in one place. Just hold on tight, we’ll tell you exactly what to do!
Alex Mora
contents Organize your morning routine Start off the morning on the right foot with these tips and recommendations.
step by step:
10 ways to tame your child’s tantrums Learn how to control your child’s temper tantrum without losing your head.
Teen Suicide: Talking to your child Learn how to communicate with your child and form a stronger bond with them.
Q&A:
2
8
12
The truth about Ferberizing
19
Win over picky eaters
22
Sleep expert Richard Ferber clears up rumors about your baby’s sleep
Get your child to eat healthier foods with fun activities to try in the kitchen.
study break:
Thanksgiving: Turkey cookies
Check out two different Thanksgiving treats to share with your child and friends.
Articles
Departments
27
ORGANIZE YOUR
MOR 2
RNING F
or some families, mornings are the best time of
ROUTINE By Barbara K. Polland
day. The children are happy and refreshed after a good night’s rest and ready to interact positively with the world around them. For others, it can be a time when chaos reigns, tempers flare and tears flow. According to Barbara K. Polland, professor of child and adolescent development at California State University, Northridge, Calif., and author of No Directions on the Package: Questions and Answers for Parents With Children From Birth to Age 12 difficulties in getting children ready in the morning span both cultures and continents. She has heard parents express similar frustrations in all parts of the world. Whether your family’s experience fits one extreme or the other or perhaps lies somewhere in between, there are many ways to smooth out morning routines and get off to a great start. Planning Is Key
Getting Those Z’s
Mr. Grumpy
The Importance of Breakfast
3
Planning Is Key
Mr. Grumpy
Problems in the morning are often rooted in the fact
Getting kids motivated in the morning can be
that things should have been done the night before.
harder than algebra. “The most challenging thing in
“Backpacks should be at the front door and clothes
the mornings is getting the kids to move,” says Emacs.
should be laid out,” says Polland. Check school bags
“They usually sit there half awake while I run around
the evening before. Keep copies of the school’s monthly
getting things for them.”
calendar to ensure you send appropriate gear for special events and makes sure that library books, permission
“It’s not uncommon for parents to wake kids up to
slips and gym clothes are packed the night before.
moans and groans,” says Polland. The goal is to create a situation where children can get themselves up so
“Planning is the key factor,” says Cynthia Kennedy Reedy,
the day does not begin in a negative way. Polland
a professor and expert in child development and family
suggests purchasing an alarm clock with an appealing
relations at Arcadia University in suburban Philadelphia,
chime or song of the child’s choosing. If it’s a clock radio,
Pa. “Lunches should be made the evening before, with
let the child choose the kind of music the alarm is set to
the child assisting in this process. Clothing should
play. Telling them they are big enough to get themselves
be discussed with two outfits as possibilities laid out
up and get their own day started gives children
for the next day and any other days.”
a wonderful sense of autonomy.
Allowing children to choose their own clothes can be
“Positively managing the early morning routines can be
a challenge for some parents who have a keen sense of
enhanced dramatically if the adult rises before the child
style. “No teacher, principal or other child will pass
and prepares their day to exhibit a calming effect on the
judgment if your child shows up at school in plaids and
child when they awake and begin the morning process
stripes that don’t match,” says Polland.
themselves,” says Reedy. “If parents are rushed and unorganized themselves, it only magnifies the problem.”
Reedy stresses that autonomy is a huge issue for schoolage children, and it is important to give children the opportunity to make choices. Polland agrees, pointing out that giving children a sense of autonomy increases how capable they feel in their daily lives.
“
Problems in the morning are often rooted in the fact that things should have been done the night before.
Getting Those Z’s
”
If children don’t get enough sleep, they will tend to
Mom. Alternatively, it can be a selection from a bag
be grouchy or angry according to Polland, who has seen
of small, inexpensive wrapped toys.
7, 8- and 9-year-old children fall asleep at their desks at school. This can be embarrassing in front of their peers.
Polland hastens to point out that the rewards are
If they are continually sleep deprived, their immune
incentives, not bribes. She likens them to sales incen-
systems will begin to break down, making them vulnera-
tives, such as trips, which are often given to salespeople
ble to illness and infection.
to reward success. In a similar fashion, you pay attention to and reward a child’s appropriate behaviors. As she
Reworking the evening routine may help children get
puts it, “Catch them doing something good.”
to bed on time and get a good night’s sleep, suggests Polland. Emacs says that finding a routine that works
“Children younger than age 8 cognitively have a difficult
is challenging. “I’ve told them they don’t need to go to
time completely understanding another person’s
sleep, just to stay in their rooms quietly,” says Emacs.
perspective,” says Reedy. “Therefore, screaming, ‘I’m
“Instead, they make 20 trips to the bathroom to get
going to be late for work,’ doesn’t really solve too many
a drink of water or socialize with each other, or they go
of the issues most of the time.”
into each other’s rooms and talk.” The challenge lies in finding ways to get your children Polland suggests making daily routines fun. “Most
to do what they need to do, without getting into a power
people view things as, ‘When we complete the routine,
struggle. Whether it’s getting ready in the morning
then we can have fun,’” says Polland. “The better way
or getting to bed on time at night, give children
is to make the things that need doing fun.”
the autonomy to complete necessary tasks themselves, let them have fun in the process and have a great day.
One option is to put a chart that outlines the bedtime routine. Upon completing an item on the chart, give the child a sticker to put beside that item. Having a specified number of stickers on the chart results in a reward for the child. This is be a non-monetary reward, like a picnic in the park with Dad or a skip around the block with
5
“
Children who eat breakfast perform better at school, have improved school attendance, are better behaved, and are more energetic.
The Importance of Breakfast Getting children to eat breakfast is part of the morning
”
challenge many parents face each day. Is it worth the struggle? Is breakfast important? According to three specialists in the area of children’s nutrition, the answer is a yes, without a question. Carolyn Vaughn, a clinical nutritionist at Le Bonheur Children’s Medical Center in Memphis, Tenn., says that children who eat breakfast perform better at school, have improved school attendance, are better behaved, are more energetic and have better weight control. Jennifer Thomas, a dietician at the Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston, Texas, says that a balanced breakfast provides a high-fiber carbohydrate (like fruit, oatmeal, whole grain cereal or bread), a low-fat protein source (like fat-free milk or yogurt) and a heart-healthy fat (like peanut butter, nuts or wheat germ). Ann Condon-Meyers, a clinical dietician at the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, Pa., says that a good breakfast should include two or three of the five food groups (grains, vegetables, fruits, dairy and protein). Vaughan suggests these easy and appealing breakfast ideas: whole wheat toast with peanut butter and banana with a glass of milk; yogurt with granola and fruit; cheese toast and calcium-fortified orange juice; oatmeal or cold cereal in low-fat milk with banana.
more about breakfast:
MAKE IT LESS OF A HASSLE
APPLES
PEANUT BUTTER
BANANAS
Apples contain an antioxidant
A serving of peanut butter has
Adding a banana to your diet also
called quercetin. Recent studies
3 mg of the powerful antioxidant
helps keep your eyes healthy.
have found that quercetin can help
vitamin E, 49 mg of bone-building
Bananas have a small amount
boost and fortify your immune
magnesium, 208 mg of mus-
of vitamin A, a fat-soluble vitamin
system, especially when you’re
cle-friendly potassium, and 0.17
that is vital for protecting your eyes
stressed out.
mg of the great vitamin B6.
and normal, regular vision.
GREAT BREAKFAST FOODS FOR YOU & YOUR CHILD
Eggs are a great source of protein.
fruit jams, jellies and preserves
Cereal is typically a low-fat,
Numerous vitamins, including
provide our bodies with beneficial
nutrient-dense food with many
vitamin A, potassium and many
quick boosts of energy and in fact,
essential vitamins and minerals.
B vitamins like folic acid, choline
are only bout half the calories, even
And in addition to delivering some
and biotin, are also packed into this
far less fat and saturated fat, as
nutrients and essential vitamins
oval-shaped staple.
well as bad cholesterol.
such as iron, B vitamins and zinc.
EGGS
JAM
CEREAL
7
step by step
10 Ways To Tame Your Child’s
Tantrums The smart parent’s guide to coping with your child’s fits By Shaun Dreisbach
W
often stem from trying to communicate a need -- more
tough to keep yourself from having your own meltdown,
milk, a diaper change, that toy over there -- but not
too. “Meltdowns are terrible, nasty things, but they’re
having the language skills to do it,” says Levy. “They
a fact of childhood,” says Ray Levy, PhD, a Dallas-based
get frustrated when you don’t respond to what they’re
clinical psychologist and co-author of Try and Make Me!
‘saying’ and throw a fit.” For older toddlers, tantrums are
Simple Strategies That Turn Off the Tantrums and Create
more of a power struggle. “By the time kids are 3 or 4,
Cooperation. “Young kids -- namely those between the
they have grown more autonomous,” Levy adds. “They’re
ages of 1 and 4 -- haven’t developed good coping skills
keenly aware of their needs and desires -- and want
yet. They tend to just lose it instead.” And what, exactly,
to assert them more. If you don’t comply? Tantrum city.”
sets them off to begin with? Every single tantrum, Levy
So how can you stop these outbursts? What follows are
says, results from one simple thing: not getting what
10 freak-out fixes that both parenting experts and other
they want. “For children between 1 and 2, tantrums
moms swear they use all of the time!
hen your child’s in the middle of a tantrum, it can be
8
2
3
Find out the problem
Hugs
Sign language. Teaching your child how to
Hugs make them feel secure and let
sign a few key words -- such as more, food,
them know that you care about them,
milk, and tired -- can work wonders and
even if you don’t agree with their
help you figure things out.
behavior, helping them to settle down.
1
Ignore the child There’s nothing to do in the moment that will make things better. In fact, almost
5
anything you try will make it worse. Once he chills out, then you can talk.
4
Give your child space
Create a diversion
They’re able to get their feelings out,
This is all about a deft mental clever
pull themselves together, and regain
switcheroo -- getting your kid engaged
self-control -- without engaging in a
and interested in something else
yelling match or battle of wills with you.
so she forgets about the meltdown.
9
7
8
Suggest food or a nap
Give your kid incentive
Being tired and hungry are the two
It’s about recognizing when you’re
biggest tantrum triggers, Physically,
asking a lot of your child and offering
he is already on the brink, so it won’t
him a little preemptive bribe. Special
take much emotionally to send him over
treats, and activities are their favorite.
6
Get out of there If your child starts melting down over a toy or candy bar he wants, pick him up and take
9
10
him either to a different area of the store or outside until he calms down.
Laugh it off
Speak calmly
Your best bet, Kazdin says, is to suck
This is a biggie -- and is much easier said
it up, plaster a little Mona Lisa smile
than done. Experts insist you must keep
on your face, and pretend everything
your cool during a child’s tantrum. “Other-
is just peachy, your child will get the
wise, you’ll get into a power struggle and
memo sooner or later.
make the whole thing escalate.
“We know from studies that the only thing people judge is your reaction to the meltdown,” says Levy. “If you look calm and like you’ve got it under control – yes, even though you’re not doing anything to stop the fit -- they think, Now that’s a good mom.” 10
can you
color
with me?
Tyler’s parents can’t be there for him right now, but you can. La Causa Crisis Nursery and Respite Center has been taking care of children whose parents are facing crisis situations at home. You have the power to help. Maybe you can’t fix the problem completely, but you can be there for a child who is going through a rough time. Volunteer today and make a difference in the life of a child.
make the difference.
lacausacrisisnursery.org
12
TALKING TO YOUR CHILD By Niki Feld
I
day. During lunch, kids throw food at you, staining your
morning and get ready, eat breakfast and walk to the bus
clothes. When school is done you get back on the bus
stop to go to school. When you get on the bus you walk
to be kicked and spit at until your bus stop. You go
until find a seat by yourself and clutch your backpack
straight to your room and wait for the same thing to
on your lap. The entire ride, classmates are kicking you,
happen all over again the next day. You feel as though
yelling at you, pulling your hair, and spitting at you. When
you cannot continue to live like this; obviously your life
you finally arrive at school, you get up to get off the bus
isn’t worth anything. So one day, after all the bullying
and someone trips you and you fall flat on your face
at school, you get home and you are tired and lonely,
as someone steps on your back to get off the bus. The
and instead of waiting for everything to happen all over
bus driver does nothing. Once you get into school people
again tomorrow, you decide it just isn’t worth it anymore.
start throwing spitballs at you, knocking your books out
You decide to hang yourself. No second thoughts.
of your hands and ripping your homework. The teacher
No talking to anyone about it because no one even
punishes you for not being prepared for class and you
notices you. That’s it, that’s what you’ll do so it won’t
are no longer allowed to go to recess for the entire
hurt anymore. You’ll just end all the pain, forever.
magine this: you’re 12 years old. You get up in the
13
Sadly, more and more children are committing suicide
Behavioral problems that might exist would be two very
each year because their classmates bully them to
different extremes: lashing out or shutting down
the point of feeling their life is not worth anything.
completely which then leads to other problems.
Bullying is often viewed as a normal part of growing up
I completely understand that children are going to
but has escalated into “shocking acts of hatred, verbal
be children, but at some point I feel parents and school
harassment, and physical abuse” (Understanding and
officials need to step in to resolve the issues. There are
Preventing Bullying). A large portion of the bullying
far too many cases of suicide in young children and I feel
happens in public and private schools where the officials
there needs to be something put in place that enables all
in charge ignore the problem and leave children to
children to feel safe in their school environment. I also
fend for themselves. However, today’s technology has
think parents should talk to their child on a daily basis
extended the bullying from something that happens in
to understand what they are going through and help
the schools and on the bus to Facebook and other social
them deal with problems. It is a parent’s duty to stand up
networks that reach these children in their homes where
for and protect their children against the bullies of this
they are supposed to feel safe. In fact, bullying has be-
world. A parent can determine if a situation out of
come so common in some areas the children committing
the child’s control and consult with school officials to
the bullying acts do not even realize they are the bullies.
correct the situation or remove the child from the school.
Our society needs to define what constitutes bullying,
Too many cases of suicide are caused by lack of
examine the causes of bullying, develop organizations
communication from child to adult; which means
to help the victims deal with the effects of being bullied,
the suicide may have been prevented if the child had
and educate the public about dealing with bullying.
been able to communicate with their parents.
Most bullying happens for things children have
The most heart breaking result of the increased suicide
no control over; things they were born with such
rate is the idea that suicide is an acceptable thing to do.
as disabilities, body type, or mental capacity. Things that
Since there are so many children committing suicide,
kids are born with and can’t be easily changed. Other
more and more children think it’s becoming a normal
issues may be caused by the economy and social status
and acceptable thing to do this without fully realizing
where the loss of a parent’s job means a child cannot
the finality of this act. Young children are not equipped
dress like others it the class or when the child is just
to deal with bullying whether they are gay, have
different than others. The tabloids and people’s opinions
a learning disability, a teen parent, a rape victim, or just
polls lead children to believe they need to act a certain
not ‘cool’ enough. Children that are being bullied end up
way or wear certain clothes in order to be accepted.
having very serious psychological problems, behavioral problems, and sometimes brain damage.
A bully’s main goal is to make a person feel like they are
14
less of a person than themselves which puts a child at
Other problems that occur in children that are being
a much greater risk to develop antisocial behavior and
bullied are psychological disorders with symptoms like
depression (Suicide Prevention, Awareness). From the
social difficulties, internalizing symptoms, anxiety,
time a child is 5 years old peers are targeting each other
depression, suicidal ideation, and eating disorders.
physically and verbally which happens once every three
Children as young as three years old are displaying
to six minutes. By the time a student is in fifth grade,
suicidal symptoms because they are being put on strong
there is a student being bullied once every two minutes,
medications at an age that is far too young. Adult
and by the time a child is in high school, someone is
medications affect the body and brain of young children
being bullied once every 30 seconds. Studies also show
if very different ways than how they affect adults. As a
that girls who are being targeted in kindergarten are
child reaches adolescence, the issues worsen as the child
more likely to develop symptoms of depression and
feels every aspect of their life changing. Many times it
antisocial behavior (Suicide Prevention, Awareness)
escalates to the point, and that can be bad.
A spike in bully-related suicides among teens and preteens has caused school administrators and legislators to rethink the current course of action when dealing with bullying in the school system. What often happens in response to bullying is close to nothing.
where the child wants to commit suicide more than ever
Today, people are so busy doing what they need to
before (Does Bullying Cause Emotional Problems?
do that they feel their child needs to learn for
A Prospective Study on Young Teenagers). Children with
themselves how to deal with these huge issues. The first
these types of problems tend to develop feelings such as
time they realize that they should have done something
frequent worries, sadness, nervousness, and fearfulness,
is when it’s too late.
which causes them to feel like they are not wanted. “He was not able to feed himself and had to be fed Sometimes a child who feels they have nothing left to
through a tube into his stomach, he cannot walk, he
live for attempts to commit suicide but is unsuccessful.
barely can move. He has constant muscle spasms, and
When this happens the result is often permanent brain
sometimes his limbs flail uncontrollably. His mouth hangs
damage which incapacitates them for the rest of their
open, and his eyes have a glazed, blank look to them”
lives. In an incident where a young boy tried to hang himself, the paramedics were able to get his heart started again after 15 minutes of CPR, but the child was no longer able to do anything for himself. He was basically considered a vegetable for the rest of his life. To me this is worse than dying, having to live that way.
If it is known that a child is/was being bullied and they
The suicide attempt changed his life and his family’s life forever; their son will never be able to do anything for himself again. Every day he will wake up, not being able to move at all, without being able to communicate verbally with anyone around him. It’s like if your heart is beating and you can see around you, but in a way you’re dead. Imagine that every single day of your life.
start to show some of these psychological symptoms,
No matter how badly a family feels after the loss
I strongly feel they should be taken to a therapist so they
of a child to suicide, there is some good that can come
can talk to someone without feeling like they are going
from it. The mother of a one young suicide victim started
to be judged. Sometimes children do not feel like they
an anti-bullying campaign in the school where her child
can talk to their parents about issues like this and when
was bullied. While speaking the children of the school
given the opportunity to talk to someone that is not
she had some very inspiring words:
related to you, it might make them feel more at ease. The rate of suicide in young children is at the highest
“’The very second she made that decision and
level it has ever been and I think this has a lot to do with
followed through the very second he found out it was
the lack of parental involvement in their child’s life.
a mistake, there’s no going back,’ she said she told her
15
think that really drives home to a child that they are not their own parent’s number one choice, which then results in feelings of not being wanted and suicide. Bullying has been around for ages but there has never really been a preventative process put in place to help children get the help they need. An ariticle in The Journal
The prevalence of bullying by and of school children is quite high; in a study, about half of children were bullies.
of American Medical Association (JAMA) about bullying states that , “Although violence in US youth is a current major concern, bullying is infrequently addressed. Schools think they are doing a good job trying to and no national data on the prevalence of bullying are available.” After having such a spike in children’s suicides, they took it upon themselves to conduct a study of children that are being bullied. “A total of 29.9% of the sample reported moderate or frequent involvement in bullying, as a bully (13.0%), one who was bullied (10.6%), or both (6.3%). Males were more likely than females to be both perpetrators and targets of bullying.
son’s schoolmates. ‘I want to say I know my boy’s
Frequency of bullying was higher among 6th- through
at peace with himself, but there are other ways’
8th-grade students than among 9th- and 10th-grade
to handle life’s problems”
students (Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth).” If more people were aware of these facts and more research was
This mother’s words helped the children to begin under-
done in different areas of the country, more young chil-
standing they need to stop thinking suicide is ‘cool’ and
dren could get help and there would be fewer children
started making them realize that there really is no turn
that are actually going through with committing suicide.
back, you will never come back to life if you choose to do. I cannot imagine being a parent and coming home one day to my deceased child on the floor in their room. No talks, no hints, just gone. At that moment, you realize that as a parent, you have failed your child and there is nothing you can do to bring them back. Or like in some cases where they are able to bring them back, their child is so brain damaged you cannot even communicate with them. At what point did this child feel that they needed to end their life and where was everybody to pick them back up and support them. I truly feel that a lot of suicide cases have to do with the fact that children do not feel as
16
child instead of realizing they are more than half of that problem themselves. Children learn behaviors from the people they are around the most, which in most cases are their parents. If their parents are never around they start to develop feelings that their parents don’t care about them and they are not wanted. Adding that on top of being the ‘un cool’ kid at school, that child no longer has anything to live for. All of these problems can be resolved if a parent takes the time to sit down with their children every day and ask questions and be involved. do chores and clean up after myself instead of just letting.
if they are wanted by anybody including their parents. I
We went on a vacation every year together so that
know so many parents in this world that do pretty much
learned things by seeing and doing as well as just reading
everything without their kids and just get a babysitter
about them. They praised me when I did something good
because they want to be alone with their spouse. Even
but also taught me how to stand up for myself so that
though that seems to be the normal thing these days
I knew that it was not ok to be bullied or picked on by
other students. My parents did everything they could to help me be a confident, smart, loving child, and for that, I am extremely thankful. A spike in bully-related suicides among teens and preteens has caused school administrators and legislators to rethink the current course of action when dealing with bullying in the school system. Currently, what often happens in response to bullying cases is close to nothing. Most cases it’s nothing at all. Parents who lecture are not heard. The lecture is often
tips
to
better
communicate: with your teen
condescending or hostile, and is delivered with an abstract string of possibilities loosely tied together. Young adolescents are still not thinking abstractly, and
off the “parent alarm.” Listen without 1 Turn judgment and reaction. When your son says, “Mom,
all teens who are upset or in crisis mode will not absorb
I met this girl” and you react by saying, “You’re too
lessons delivered abstractly. Parents may increase their
young to date,” that instinctual alarm prevented you
yield if they are able to convey their wisdom in a more
from being able to hold a meaningful discussion.
concrete manner that adolescents can follow. Schools think they are doing a good job trying to If it is known that a child is/was being bullied and they start to show some of these psychological symptoms, I strongly feel they should be taken to a therapist so they can talk to someone without feeling like they are going to be judged. Sometimes children do not feel like they can talk to their parents about issues like this and when given the opportunity to talk to someone that is not
catastrophize. When teens come to their 2 Don’t parents with concerns, they need a calming, rational presence that will create a safe space for them to figure things out. When parents make it seem worse than they had imagined, they leave more anxious. over-empathize. Teens need a sounding 3 Don’t board. Sometimes they exaggerate; sometimes they
related to you, it might make them feel more at ease.
express fleeting feelings. When you over empathize,
The rate of suicide in young children is at the highest
it can heighten their emotions and make you look
level it has ever been and I think this has a lot to do with
naïve. Imagine your empathizing by condemning
the lack of parental involvement in their child’s life.
their friend who your teen had a fight with. You’ll look “wrong” the next day when your daughter is best
Schools think they are doing a good job trying to
friends again with the girl she hated yesterday.
prevent bullying by talking about it in classes, but what they don’t realize is that the only children that are listening are the ones already being bullied. The bullies that are hurting these children are just getting angrier and this is just adding fuel to the fire. What the schools don’t understand is they are not stopping these incidences in action when the student is getting hurt and putting an end to it. Parents also should be more involved in their children’s lives no matter how busy their own life is. They chose to have children, so they have to take the responsibility of taking care of that child. Too many parents blame everyone else when something happens to their
17
little reminders for your BIG ideas.
Q A
The Truth About
Ferberizing Sleep expert Richard Ferber clears up rumors about your baby's sleep By Patty Onderko
M
illions of parents swear he helped get their children to sleep through
the night, but Richard Ferber, M.D., isn’t sure whether or not to be proud. He’s dedicated his life to studying sleep and helping parents survive night wakings, early wake-ups, and nap anarchy (he directs the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children’s Hospital Boston), but he’s not so happy that his name has become synonymous with leaving babies alone to “cry it out.” A few years ago, he published a major overhaul of his best-selling book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, to help correct that misconception, but the label still sticks. In an exclusive interview with Babytalk senior editor Patty Onderko, the sleep guru chatted about his ongoing work at the center and the legacy he hopes to one dayleave.
19
Patty Onderko
Richard Ferber M.D.
PO: How do you feel about the fact that parents
PO: You and your team at the center are continually
describe their children as “Ferberized”?
studying the science of sleep. What are some of
RF: It’s flattering that my name is out there, but it
your latest findings?
suggests a misunderstanding of what I’ve been teaching
RF: We’ve found that infants don’t need nearly as much
for so long that it concerns me. I’ve always believed that
sleep as we once thought. The idea that 4-month-olds
there are many solutions to sleep problems, and that
can sleep 15 or 16 hours a day is wishful thinking, yet
every family and every child is unique. People want one
parents believe there’s something wrong if their child
easy solution, but there’s no such thing. I never encour-
is sleeping less. Many parents complain that their baby
aged parents to let their babies cry it out, but one of the
wakes up too early, at 5 a.m., and they want to try letting
many treatment styles I described in my book is gradual
her cry it out until 7 a.m. But if the child naps for two
extinction, where you delay your response time to your
hours and goes to bed at 7 p.m., that’s 12 total hours
baby’s wakings. I went to great pains in the second
of sleep. She may not need more than that, so making
edition to clarify that that treatment is not appropriate
her stay in the crib another two hours isn’t a great idea.
for every sleep issue, of which there are many. So if someone tells me they tried my “method,” I know they
PO: So how much sleep do infants really need?
only read one small part of my book.
RF: It varies by age, and we included an updated chart of average sleep amounts in my revised book.
PO: But you do believe that self-soothing is an import-
(See our Baby Sleep Chart to the right)
ant part of an infant’s sleep health, correct? RF: Yes. One of the most common problems I see is night
In general, your baby will get the amount of sleep
waking. There’s a huge misunderstanding that children
she needs on her own. If she sleeps 11 hours a day but
should sleep through the night without any waking.
wakes up happy each time, it doesn’t matter if you want
All humans wake up a number of times at night to check that all is well, to reposition themselves, and then return to sleep. When babies experience these normal partial arousals, they may whine or fuss, and parents think it’s their responsibility to “help” their child go back to sleep. But when you become a part of the process -- by rubbing your baby’s back or rocking her -- she might not be able to fall back asleep on her own. PO: That sounds like you’re suggesting letting them cry, though. Is that right? RF: Gradual extinction is one way to deal with night waking, if the baby expects a certain intervention such as rocking or back rubbing, but it’s not always that simple. There are other reasons babies wake up at night, too: They may be getting too much sleep during the day, they may have gastrointestinal distress, or the child might be anxious. But when your child knows how to self-soothe, you know that when he wakes up crying at night there is probably another reason worth looking. We have to look at the whole pattern of day and night sleep habits to create a plan that will work.
PO: You’ve gotten a lot of flack from parents who co-sleep. What’s your stance on the practice? RF: Philosophically, I have no problems with co-sleeping. Emotionally and developmentally, I think kids can thrive no matter where they sleep. People say that co-sleeping is an age-old, cross-cultural practice, and that’s true, but sleeping on a modern bed is much different than sleeping together on the floor of a hut or spreading out futons for the whole family to lie on. Kids don’t keep their orientation at night like adults do, and their movements are less inhibited than ours, so they roll all over. In a modern bed, that can be unsafe. Many risks exists when you decide to sleep with your child in the same bed. Risks that can end in a deadly conclusionIt can also be disruptive to everyone’s sleep. For most of the co-sleeping parents I see, it wasn’t a choice. They just felt it was the only way their child would sleep for a period of time, and now they don’t know how to stop.
baby sleep chart age
hours of sleep
night sleep
day sleep
number of naps*
1 wk.
16
Varied
Varied
Varied
1 mo.
14
Varied
Varied
Varied
3 mo.
13
8 1/2
4 1/2
3-4
6 mo.
12 1/2
9 1/4
3 1/4
2-3
9 mo.
12 1/4
9 1/2
2 3/4
2
12 mo.
11 3/4
9 1/4 - 10 1/4
1 1/2 - 2 1/2
1-2
18 mo.
11 5/8
9 5/8
2
1 * (1/2 - 2 hours each)
PO: But parents who do choose to co-sleep believe it
PO: If you could tell parents only one thing about
helps make their babies feel more secure.
their child’s sleep habits, what would it be?
RF: And some babies do need that extra security.
RF: That almost all children have the potential to sleep
Taking a child who is frightened and has separation
well. Once you understand the causes of your child’s
anxiety, often around 9 or 10 months, and putting him
sleep problems, you can make the changes necessary
in a dark room by himself may not be the best idea. It’s
to allow a better sleep pattern to emerge.
not an ideal time to work on self-soothing if you haven’t already done so. I encourage parents to choose whatever sleeping arrangement works best for them. But I do think parents who choose to co-sleep need to go into it with a plan. Will you all go to bed at the same time? How and when will you stop co-sleeping? The idea that it will stopnaturally on its own is incorrect transitioning the child to his or her own bed is a process that takes work. And, of course, I want parents to understand the potential dangers [bed sharing has been linked to a higher risk of sudden infant death syndrome] and take the necessary safety precautions.
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is your child a picky eater? Here are some tips to keep in mind:
W
ell, there’s some comforting news. According
to Dr. Leann Birch, Professor and Head of the Human Development and Family Studies Department at Penn State University, “Most children who are perceived as picky eaters probably have adequate diets. What parents often perceive as picky eating simply reflects their children’s normal
Earlier is better. It’s important to expose your child to healthy fruits and vegetables at a young age. Food preferences that children develop in their early years remain fairly stable and are reflected by the food choices they make in later childhood.
response to new foods.” Children are naturally
Be patient and keep trying.
“neophobic,” which means they have an innate fear
Parents who get discouraged by children who
of trying anything new or foreign, and this includes
are picky eaters often stop trying to give them
food. It is normal for children between the ages of
new foods, which could lead to future health
2 and 5 years to resist eating new foods, and may
problems. Research has shown that parents
have about four to five favorite foods that they
can help their children learn to like new foods
readily accept. Learning that this is a natural part
through multiple exposures (between 5 and 10)
of their children’s development can help you relax
to new foods and opportunities to learn about
a bit about what your child chooses to eat or reject.
food and eating. Just offer new foods often, asking your child to try a bite in a positive and
So if your child is a picky eater, what can you do?
supportive way. Although it doesn’t always
While it can be frustrating when your child will
happen, studies have shown that children will
only want to eat French fries for breakfast, lunch,
eventually learn to like the new food.
dinner, and snacks, be patient. You should know that there are some effective ways you can help
Be a role model.
make healthy foods l ike fruits and vegetables
A recent study found that 2 and 3-year-old
all-time favorite choices in your home. Birch
children’s food preferences are significantly
claims, “Children should be allowed to decide
related to foods that their mothers liked,
what and how much they eat, but it’s the parents’
disliked, and never tasted. So, the more
responsibility to make healthy foods available to
excitement and enjoyment you express about
their children to choose from and eat.”
fruits and vegetables, the more likely your child will want to eat them too! Guide them in the right track and be more involved in the kitchen!
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Don’t restrict certain foods. Research also shows that not allowing children to
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Play a guessing game! Prepare several foods for your child to taste while he or she is
eat certain foods only raises their desirability for
blindfolded. See if your child can identify each
that food. So help children learn that healthy foods
food. Help your child use words to describe
like fruits and vegetables are “all the time foods”
what he or she tastes, such as salty, sweet,
that they can eat anytime, and that foods like
crunchy, smooth, warm, cold, etc.
candy and desserts are “sometimes foods” that they can eat once in a while.
Make healthy foods available.
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Play “What can we make with this?” Talk about how a certain fruit or vegetable, such an apple, is good for the body. Then, talk about the various foods they can make with an apple.
As long as you keep healthy snacks like fruits and vegetables around, your child can learn to like and choose them to eat them!
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Bake carrot or zucchini muffins together. Discuss how carrots have special vitamins that are really good for eyes.
Prepare healthier foods. Small modifications in the way you prepare meals and snacks can make a big difference in improving your child’s diet: Bake instead of fry, choose foods
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Where do foods come from? With your child, visit a farm to explore where foods come from
with whole grain or whole wheat instead of refined
and how they grow. Can you try planting your
grains, give your child water or low-fat or skim milk
own fruit and vegetable? How about a tomato?
instead of juice or soda, etc.
Make it fun!
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Make a healthy snack. Have your child pick a variety of fruits to make a fruit salad. As
Snack and meal-time activities should be
he/she adds each new fruit to the bowl, talk
introduced and reinforced in creative, colorful
about the colors of each fruit and how they
and playful ways. There are suggestions below for
help the body stay healthy in different ways.
some fun and easy ways you can make fruits and vegetables an all-time favorite with your child. While you do these activities, allow your child to explore the various properties of fruits and
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with your kid by grouping various fruits and vegetables by different categories – color, taste,
vegetables by touching, tasting, smelling and
texture, food group, size, etc.
hearing. Don’t forget to talk about how they are good for the body, too!
After grocery shopping, play a sorting game
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Try something new. Allow your child to try a new fruit or vegetable. Jicama! Zucchini! Bok choy! Mango! Papaya! These foods may sound silly, but they have a great taste and are good for the whole family.
activities to try:
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Do both a taste test and a crunch test! Dip carrots into three different flavors of low-fat dressing or try a crunch test with three different kinds of vegetables to see which vegetable crunches the loudest!
little reminders for your BIG ideas.
study break
Thanksgiving:
Turkey Cookies By H.I. Cookery
G
uests are guaranteed to “gobble gobble� up turkey cookies on Thanksgiving!
These too-cute cookies are combined with candy to create the famous fowl. And they are photogenic, festive and a favorite for fall functions. It has been our tradition now to take these treats to Thanksgiving gatherings where the hosts are happy to have an alternate dessert to pies at their buffet table. The main parts of the original turkey cookie include Oreos, candy corn and chocolate peanut butter cups held together with frosting. We modified ours with round Nutter Butters, caramel candy corn and marzipan balls secured with peanut butter. Make both versions when you gather together with family and friends for Thanksgiving. They will be grateful for your generosity in sharing these turkey cookies!
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Oreo Turkey Cookies
what you’ll need: 2 Oreo cookies 1 Reese’s mini peanut butter cup 1 Hershey’s Whopper malted milk ball 6 candy corn 1 mini chocolate chip white frosting chocolate frosting black gel tube icing orange tube icing
what to do: Carefully pull apart one of the Oreo cookies. Gently press the candy corn onto the “double stuff” to make a fan-tail shape. Spread white frosting on the other half of the Oreo cookie. Press together. Refrigerate to set. Unwrap the chilled Reese’s mini peanut butter cup. Slice a small section off the side for the body of the turkey cookie. Use chocolate frosting to secure the wide side of the Reese’s to the Oreo turkey tail and the sliced flat bottom to the other Oreo cookie base. Put a small amount of chocolate frosting on a Whopper to secure the head of the turkey.
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15
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Carefully dab the flat end of a mini chocolate chip with frosting and put it on the Whopper for the turkey beak. Using a small round tip, pipe the eyeballs with white
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time-o-meter This lets you know exactly how many minutes this activity will take. Enjoy your study break!
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frosting, pressing down lightly with your fingertip on the white points. Dab black gel icing on top of the white eyeballs. Finish the feet details with orange tube icing. As always be careful when using sharp materials. Lastly, make sure to enjoy these with your child!
Sugar Turkey Cookies
what you’ll need: 1 roll refrigerated sugar cookies 1 container chocolate frosting Candy corn Orange decorating icing Black decorating gel Miniature chocolate baking bits
what to do: Heat oven to 350°F. Bake cookies as directed on roll. Cool completely, about twenty minutes. Spoon the chocolate frosting into resealable food storage plastic bag and seal the bag. Cut a small hole in bottom corner of the bag. On each cookie, apply frosting on the outer edge of half of the cookie. Arrange candy corn over frosting to resemble feathers. This is the part that kids like to do the most! Apply the orange icing onto each cookie to resemble the turkey’s face and feet. Use orange icing to attach
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the baking bits to the turkey’s face, this will work as the eyes. If you cannot find baking bits, M&M’s would 45
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time-o-meter Note: Time is based on the preparation of a dozen.
work just as fine. Apply the black gel on the baking bits for eye’s pupils. Try using different colors for different cookies, of course, don’t forget to take a picture. The last step is to enjoy your cookies with your kids and friends. For more fun recipes, crafts and other activities visit: tantrummag/studybreak.com
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tantrummag.com