INTIMACY IN PLATONIC

Romantic love: it’s intriguing, seemingly glamorous, and something we’re conditioned to yearn for. Throughout my adolescence, I’ve found myself plagued by the lure of romantic relationships. I often seduce myself into ravenous pursuits of love, idealizing different people and relationships to appease my romantic desires. Yet every time, without fail, this pattern left me disappointed. Whether it was failed relationships or situationships turned stale, criticism clouded my self perception. I would ask myself, “Am I the problem?” I’d scrutinize every conversation and situation, mourning over all of the “could have beens.”

The mistake I’ve persistently made is chasing the feeling of romantic love for myself. Instead of letting it transpire organically, I searched for love in places it didn’t exist and fabricated it out of nothing. This habit inevitably planted the seeds for many disillusionments and disappointments. Once reality exposed my fantasies, I realized that I had forged a mirage of intimacy. I was appealing to society’s construct that I need romantic attention to feel validated. One that I’d internalized without realizing.

It turns out, yes, I am the problem. Not because I’m inadequate, or unlovable, but because I was seeking to quench a desire for validation from a place of ingenuity. Mainstream consciousness is permeated with notions that frame romantic relationships as the end-all be-all of our existence. It insidiously equates being “single” to loneliness, downplaying all the love we experience elsewhere, and encouraging many to long for a romantic partner. Even the language surrounding romance is discouraging– Why are we “single” if we’re not dating, when we’re surrounded by companionship in different forms? Love has many semblances–all of them stunningly unique and equally fulfilling.

Each time I am defeated by one of my idealized “romantic” affairs, I am met with the unwavering and overwhelming embrace of something that never leaves: platonic love. It’s the kind of love that remains constant amidst inconsistent and fleeting romance. ALIGN