PLATONIC LOVE

Whether it’s maiming heartbreak or simply an unreciprocated crush, it’s friends that tell you they were never really that cute anyways. They remind you there was a you before them, and there’ll be a remarkable you after. Platonic love is fervently enduring: it is loyal, and honest, and waits for you with open arms no matter how far you stray away. It continuously finds you. And once it does, it never leaves. It’s not a feeling you search for because you’re told you need it. It’s natural and surprising. Platonic love is family turned into friends, and friends turned into family. It’s my beacon during life’s turbulent storms, guiding me out of the deep end and back to the surface.

Most people, including myself, view marriage as one of our paramount “end goals’’ in life. We wince in fear of falling short in finding our romantic partners by the time we reach “the dreaded 30.” But, why? We are made to believe that we are failing, or lost, if we don’t follow society’s blueprint: one that involves finding our for-life, romantic soulmate before we’ve entered our third decade. It’s as if our lives take a dramatic detour at this age, and everything we revere about independence morphs into something that we are ashamed of. Why should bringing our best friend as a plus-one become a topic of concern once we reach a certain age? my roommate’s bed when mine is just one room over. It’s secrets spilled deep into our couch, along with abandoned Juul pods and chocolate cake crumbs. It’s 4x6 memories plastered to our walls: postcards from our past because every moment we share is noteworthy. Intimacy is feeling more at home in my little college house than any home I’ve had before. It’s friends that don’t make me regret saying how I feel, but eager to let my emotions run freely. It’s morning debriefs, weeknight cigarettes, and my friends telling me it’s only embarrassing if I let it embarrass me. It’s the people that make Eugene, Oregon the best place on Earth.

While the source of our enduring love and validation can certainly be derived from a romantic relationship, it does not have to. Intimacy is not exclusive to romantic love. It turns out, intimacy lies in places where we don’t often look for it. Don’t get me wrong, romantic love is a beautiful thing. It can adorn your life, make you feel safe, and show you excitement in the mundane. Romantic love can save you from dark places, and hold your hand through new ones. It can lead you to feel more understood than you ever thought possible– but so can platonic love.

Platonic love is an intimacy that surpasses bodily desire–it’s pure, it’s untouchable, and spiritual. It’s love in shared experiences, in relatability, in concurrent growth. It’s a raw intimacy: one that shatters apprehension of being physically undesirable, because our friends would never see us for anything short of our soul. In platonic love we dive head first into vulnerability, free of judgment and facades because we’re unafraid of impending heartbreak or romantic rejection. We don’t question if we’re enough for each other: we’re reminded through our enduring commitment to hold space for each other. Yet platonic love never feels like an obligation, however, it’s visceral. We don’t support each other because we’re obligated to; we do it because we live to. We don’t want, or need, anything in return. It’s unselfish love.

Platonic love isn’t a placeholder for our awaited romantic relationships. It’s intentional and it’s relentless. It reminds us that we’re not really single when we’re “single.” The love that my friends have shown me has taught me to bypass society’s traditional idea of romance. They’ve shown me that romance is everywhere and that no form of love is more fulfilling than the other. They’ve shown me that how my life feels is more important than how it looks, and they make my life feel like one worth living.

ART DIRECTOR & DESIGNER PAYTON ALONZO

PHOTOGRAPHED BY FRANCESCA MILHIZER MODELS MADDY YEN & ALLISON GORDON