ALIGN EDITOR-IN-CHIEF KAELEIGH JAMES EXECUTIVE EDITOR PAYTON ALONZO DESIGN EDITOR SOPHIE SARGEANT EXECUTIVE PHOTO EDITOR KENNY PARK ASSOCIATE PHOTO EDITOR ATHENA NGUYEN ILLUSTRATION EDITOR EMMA WILLIAMS WRITING EDITOR LEAH PRATLEY PRINT COPY EDITORS QUAYE MEADOW NEGRO, AMANDA LUREY, & KAYLA KRUEGER BLOG COPY EDITORS AINSLEY MCRAE & BOBBIE ADELSON WEBSITE DESIGNER LAUREN LLOYD MUSIC MANAGER AYDEN MEYER SOCIAL MEDIA COORDINATOR NINA ACCARDI VIDEOGRAPHY DIRECTORS ANDREW BARRON & SYDNEY ALLAWAY FUNDRAISING COORDINATOR SIDNEY STIPANOVICH
ART DIRECTOR KATHERINE STALLARD PHOTOGRAPHER ALI WATSON MODELS CHI-AN LU, KATHERINE STALLARD, & BLUE BAUMAN
ART DIRECTOR KATERINA TRIANTAFILLOU PHOTOGRAPHER OLIVIA CROOKER MODEL FIONA GIBBENS
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the align up
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The Trajectory of Fashion
Tarot Quiz
Fashion as a Continuum
Presently In-Between
Do You Get Deja Vu?
Ticking Time Bomb
Mirrors Reflect Our Changes
The Internal Outbreak: A Sestina
Against the Bigger Picture
Safe Haven
Time Through Portraiture
Life Goes On
Philanthropy Phabrics
The Importance of Self-Forgiveness
Queering the Cowboy
Yearning for Childhood
letter from the editor Dear Readers, I have to say, the honor of writing this letter to you means so much to me. You reading this means so much to me. Align has been a part of my life for almost the entirety of my four years at the University of Oregon, and being the Editor-in-Chief this year feels like a full circle moment for me. I first applied as a designer and vividly remember little freshman me sitting down at Knight Library, bursting with excitement about getting to design for my first ever fashion publication. I very quickly realized trying to teach myself InDesign in three hours would not be as easy as I thought, and needless to say, my design did not make print. But I persevered! My next Align failure would be modeling. I may know a thing or two about fashion, but embodying that “I eat Vogue for breakfast” look in front of the camera was not my strong suit. After that, I was happy to finally find my place in the writing department. I was proud of my first ever published piece and happy to be promoted to the executive team as a project manager shortly after. That’s where I met my dear friend, Gillian Arthur, soon to be the queen bee of Align during its first full Covid year. She navigated the position with grace, love, admiration and respect for all Align contributors, an attitude I can only hope I carry into the position today. This has always been a dream of mine and while I’m so grateful for the position, I’m even more grateful for and proud of the amazing, growing team behind me. We’ve come so far since Align began, and people don’t always realize the gravity of our growth and achievement. What’s so magical about Align is the amount of awe-inspiring creatives that come together to form it. People good behind a camera, InDesign wizards, videographers, make-up artists, set designers, writers. There is so much artistic genius bottled up in every one of our members that sometimes I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be a part of it. That takes me to our newest issue, Continuum. This is one of many instances where I cannot take credit for the brilliance behind an idea. The vision behind this theme came from our masters of photography, Kenny and Athena, who’ve contributed so much incredible work to Align in the last two years. Continuum encompasses the past, present, and future and how they intertwine to form life. I think Continuum and I picture warp speed, time travel, reflection, ticking clocks, and the evolution of fashion. You’ll find many of these concepts featured in this issue. With that, you’ve heard enough from me, flip the page and take a journey through time. I’ll catch you next term, yours truly, Editor-in-Chief Kaeleigh
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The Trajectory of Fashion How does our team define their current style? • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Casual & Preppy 80’s Pretty Boy Playful, drawing from the 70s 70s meets Y2K Classic with a funky flare America in the 60s meets Europe in the 70s 90s & 2000s 70s dad vibes but add gold jewelry Eclectic & Thrifted Model-Off -Duty Techwear Faux punk trashy party girl All about the colored & patterned layers Art Hoe Aesthetic Bold n Basic Business Chic
Our fashion icons: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Prince Harry Styles Emma Chamberlain Claudia Sulewski Alok Vaid-Menon Frank Ocean Rickey Thompson Zendaya @bestdressed Stray Kids @tinyjewishgirl Donatella Versace Koleen Diaz my mom <3 Iris Amber Nijboer Denzel Dion Anna Karina Kurt Cobain Miley Cyrus Ellie Zeiler Phoebe Bridgers Caroline Maigret Lily Rose Depp Luke Jefferson Day @curlyfrysfeed “I’m just doing me” my roommate <3 Lara Adkins Christina Grasso Orion Carloto @megsuperstarprincess Fantastic Mr. Fox (unironically)
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How does our generation view fashion differently than in the past? “I feel like Gen-Z is starting to stray away from gender binary fashion which is great. Fashion doesn’t have to identify your gender identity and that’s something Gen-Z is really pushing” “I believe Gen-Z views fashion with a freedom that hasn’t been seen before. The hyper-accessibility we have gives nearly everyone and acute knowledge of the fashion industry. Gen-Z is breaking gender norms and approaching fashion with an ease that is very progressive.” “I think Gen-Z has completely flipped fashion on it’s head just because of social media and the way people find their niches online. Right now, there’s no one single fashion trend because it’s compartmentalized into different aesthetics. Everyone’s being fed a different TikTok algorithm and interacting with different online communities that have their own specific aesthetics. I think it’s the gen-z version of subcultures, but because it’s all online there’s no substance or real culture to them beyond the visual aesthetics, like alt/e-girl style or dark academia or whatever.” “Like patchwork! It seems very quilt-like structurally, in ways that pieces are bought second-hand, the teamwork between micro-trends and personal style work hand in hand for our generation’s personal independent styles.”
The future of fashion: “I hope that in the future we move away from fast fashion and accelerated trend cycles. I think it really ruins what is unique about fashion determined by the people and what everyone collectively enjoys. In the future I hope people can also stop living lives determined by binaries like gender or other things that put peoples fashion into boxes.” “If more brands made prices affordable for eco-friendly fashion, as well as inclusive sizing- the fashion industry would amount to great success. It’s hard to promote brands to college students, that are “sustainable”, since they are most likely out of students’ price range.” “I believe, that for the first time, fashion’s future is nearly unpredictable.” “I think that it used to be trendy to have the same thing as everybody else, but now it’s much more trendy to be unique and step out of the box a bit. Maybe that has come from the trend of thrifting.” “Sustainability is starting to take precedence, and trends inherently do not allow for that. We are coming to an age where personal style is prevailing, and that’s beautiful.” “I would say that fashion trends cycle in and out, and it will continue like that for decades to come, but each fashion cycle is getting shorter. With social media, perceptions of what is stylish so frequently change that it’s nearly impossible to be on trend for too long.” CONTRIBUTED BY THE ALIGN TEAM
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ILLUSTRATED BY CECILIA PALMER
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The movement, dubbed “Solarpunk” has gained momentum through social media platforms such as TikTok, showcasing soft, earthy tones that define the style. The style often incorporates elements of tangible nature such as flowers and leaves to embellish its underlying statement. It also uses renewable resources to further the goal of promoting environmentally friendly, yet modern fashion.
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he popularity of 1970’s/2000’s solar punk, with respect to sustainability, is a fascinating example of how industry trends reflect contemporary social issues. In recent months, there has been a massive transition, shifting our wardrobes away from fast fashion and towards more sustainable options—a contribution to the solarpunk movement. Solarpunk draws from rapidly evolving technology and is an optimistic, utopian approach to the exploitation and environmental repercussions of fast fashion and overconsumption. The fashion industry as we know it, and its unholy relationship with fossil fuels, is dying. But not fast enough! For more than a century, the core material in too much of our clothing was petroleum based, and there is a technological revolution taking place that promises to upend this once and for all.
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It focuses on the possibilities that the future holds, while simultaneously amplifying the climate crisis movement. It also can be viewed as a tangible representation of efforts to dismantle the industry structures and power players who have contributed most significantly to the climate crisis, most notably the oil and specialty chemicals industries. Another important aspect of the style phenomenon is the comfortability and functionality it incorporates so effortlessly. It fascinatingly blends futuristic technology and naturalist ideals which, to my knowledge, is unparalleled in comparison to other dominant trends such as Y2K, which is more of a revival of a previous trend rather than a shot at representing the suffrage of the natural world through artistry. Solarpunk is a cyclical trend in the sense of designers’ inclinations to push barriers and reproach the corporate lifestyle that dominates the world.
PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHASE EMERY WRITTEN BY JORDAN PRICE DESIGNER ALLY WOODRING
ART DIRECTOR ANNA WALTER MODELS AMANDA CHANG, ANNA WALTER, & NOAH VILLANUEVA
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DESIGNER ALLY WOODRING ILLUSTRATED BY SOPHIE BARLOW WRITTEN BY CHARLIE VIGNE
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DO YOU GET DEJA VU? 18-year-old pop star Olivia Rodrigo’s hit, Deja Vu, had listeners and the media discussing their opinions on the unique chart-topping song for months. From relatable feelings of unrequited love to Rodrigo’s success, it’s no wonder the song is still talked about today despite its debut in April. Apart from the song not being a classic break-up anthem, it’s worth considering how Rodrigo’s usage of ‘deja vu;’ a phenomenon she’d been personally fascinated by, is ever-present in our world today. What is deja vu? Even if one isn’t familiar with the specific definition, statistically speaking it’s likely you’ve experienced this sensation before.² ‘Deja vu’ describes the odd feeling we get when we experience something that hasn’t actually happened. For example, you’re hanging out with some friends in their new apartment and a glass accidentally falls. Though you’ve never been in this exact situation prior, you likely find yourself dumbfounded and saying, “This has happened before…” While Rodrigo uses deja vu to sing about a feeling someone else has experienced that she also did with her ex, connecting ‘deja vu’ can be demonstrated in how we are constantly seeing news headlines over and over again. The term news chaos refers to when an audience is bombarded with repetitive news headlines, thus contributing to negative effects on mental health. While consuming the news is important and easier because of the digital age, it can often become exhausting after being overwhelmed by the surplus of negative content that circulates the news. This, in turn, causes us to respond in certain emotional ways. This concept has been coined ‘Disaster Fatigue.’ From natural disasters like hurricanes to quarantine restrictions, these stories are something we see on a day-to-day basis. Scientists say disaster fatigue this year has been one of the worst. It leaves many feeling hopeless and anxious but they hope this year was “an exception, not a rule.”³ In order to combat this concept, some researchers simply suggest turning off our phones or computers,
which is easier said than done. Considering we utilize our devices for school and work, it’s hard to completely shut out the world. I use my phone to check up on assignments and stay in touch with friends, however, Twitter and Apple News notifications often remind me of events going on in the world I should read up on. Fortunately, there are helpful ways to improve feelings of stress and sadness when battered by Disaster Fatigue, like turning off notifications from certain applications. It’s important to put our health first in the digital age so we don’t experience ‘deja vu’ when re-reading world events. In addition to feelings of ‘deja vu’ when it comes to news media, our perceptions of the media also play a huge role in our everyday lives. Our media plays a large part in creating perceptions about the world. However, sometimes our perceptions from the media can become misperceived. For example, reading on inaccurate information can lead us to make incorrect assumptions about certain topics. Thus, our opinions on certain topics can become biased or misunderstood; another reason news consumption is crucial in small doses. In sum, becoming aware of how we consume the news is a huge step we can take in order to become more adept at understanding our world and mind. To resist feelings of ‘deja vu’ we have when reading the news, take a second to acknowledge what you’re reading and how it makes you feel. Have I heard of this incident before? Is this a reputable source? In addition, taking care of yourself is vital when it comes to our fast-paced society. Acknowledging feelings of deja vu is the first step someone can take when blasted with news that isn’t helpful so that we can step away from devices and focus on other things. It’s clear (and a little humorous) how a pop song can teach us about a topic much deeper rather than being jealous of our ex getting strawberry ice cream in Malibu with their new boo. Oh, and don’t forget you already read this. Do you get Deja Vu, hm? 10 ALIGN
IRROR M S REFLECT OUR
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My mirror has seen every side of me. It’s seen me when I’m feeling like a boss woman, when there are tears streaming down my face, and when I look fine but feel like the world is falling apart. When I look in the mirror, I see so many things. There are physical changes, but also emotional changes. My mirror is a direct reflection of myself that I’m put face-to-face with every day. Every time I look into the mirror, I’ve changed and evolved. I stare in the mirror at least 10 times a day. Every time I do, I see new aspects of myself. Even though the mirror only shows me what I look like on the outside, it provides me an opportunity to reflect on what’s going on inside. Having that moment to see myself the way others see me forces me to see myself, too.
It allowed me to make a change. Recently, I’ve really taken the time to appreciate myself through the mirror. I tend to ask myself how I am doing and if I’m taking care of myself. I try to be honest because, if I’m not honest with myself, I know I won’t be able to help myself. Taking just those few moments a day to reflect and check in with myself allows me to make positive changes. I’m able to see what I need and take the time to make those necessary changes. Each time I look in the mirror and want to change, I make an effort to do so. Mirrors are a very powerful, reflective tool because it’s one of the only objects in the world that allows me to see myself. Next time I look in the mirror, I may feel something completely different than I do now –– but that’s the beauty of the mirror. It allows me to see all those moments and feel all those emotions, regardless of if they’re good or bad. Watching myself change has been a hard process, but also one that has allowed me to evolve and become who I am now.
“EVERY TIME I LOOK INTO THE MIRROR, I’VE CHANGED AND EVOLVED.”
Take, for example, a few nights ago. I was doing fine, and then a switch went off in my brain. I felt this emotional shift. I started comparing myself to my friends and people on the internet and telling myself I needed to do more and be more. A few hours later when I looked in the mirror, I could see that shift physically. I had bags under my eyes, my shoulders were hunched, and I had a big frown on my face. I could also see the emotional changes. I could recognize the thoughts behind my eyes, the sense of gray over me, and the sense of not having a clue what I was doing.
Not only does the mirror force me to look at my changes, but there are times I change because of what I see in the mirror. It gives me a chance to take a second for myself and think about what I’m going to do next. That other night, I didn’t like how upset and off I felt. And I definitely didn’t like seeing it. I wanted to make a change. I journaled, I danced, and I talked to some people who make me feel happy and give me a different perspective from my own. Step by step, I began to feel more like myself. When I looked in the mirror the next morning, I saw myself. I saw my happy spirit return along with my smile. My mirror allowed me to take control of my feelings. WRITTEN BY LILLY FOX PHOTOGRAPHED BY EM ERCE ART DIRECTOR EMMA MCGRANE MODEL CARLY WYATT DESIGNER AUTUMN SOUCY
We all carry the pipe-dream narrative very close to heart. In other words, we daydream about a fanciful storybook-level accomplishment. Looking to the future, we like to imagine ourselves as our best selves, having overcome the seemingly God-sized hurdles placed in the way. Some we daydream about starting a new relationship or getting out of an old one, finishing the unending workload of college, or fully uprooting oneself to a whole new setting; we like to picture the big changes without factoring in the effort and time it’s going to take to actually achieve a dream that’s out of arm’s reach. So, what does it take to realistically get to this “evolved state” we daydream about while procrastinating our daily tasks? My advice: Sometimes it’s best to stop looking at the bigger picture. By this I mean you should take the time to look at the details. What will it take to get to that big goal you envision yourself achieving in 10 year’s time? Does it take putting in four extra hours a week at your part-time job? How about going to your professor’s office hours to elaborate on a topic? What is something that can help you slowly inch your way towards progress?
Next comes deliberation. Here is the time where you need to work backwards and determine where you need to put in the effort and create micro-stages to help mitigate stress. If I want to work this job, I need to get a degree in this field. If I want to get a degree in this field, I need to take this class. If I need to take this class, I need to put in this many hours a week to fully understand the course curriculum. Boom! Stage two done! Stage three, retention, is where all of the magic happens. Now that you’ve accomplished the things necessary, you simply need to reach out and grasp. If you manage to catch hold, what will it take to stay involved with whatever it is you’re doing? If it has to do with a job, maybe it means putting in some extra time to stay up-to-date on the latest breakthroughs in your field. If it’s in a relationship, it could be setting aside time and money for a weekly night out. If it’s moving to an unfamiliar city, maybe reach out to someone nearby to make new friends.
“Where do we want the world to take us?”
Over the course of my very short 22 years of life, I’ve learned that looking at your dream head-on can be very anxiety-inducing. I find it overwhelming how I see myself further down the line –– especially having made very little progress to get to that point. A little time and effort is all it takes, yes, but toward what? It’s hard to follow a dream when you don’t exactly know where to start. So, let’s start. I like to separate my goals into three general stages: creation, deliberation, and retention. (I would say achievement for the last one, but I’m a sucker for a rhyme.) Breaking it down to these three steps helps me simplify where I am in my progress. At the creation stage, I set my specific goals. If I’m centering on a career, what do I want to do? Where do I want to do it? And what kind of company do I want to work for? This is the point where I want to fully encompass my intent for the future. WRITTEN BY BEAU GLYNN
The simplification of our goals can help to alleviate the unbelievable amount of stress we carry on our backs. Yes, I know this technically isn’t three easy steps. Realistically, nothing worthwhile ever is. It’s nice to dream of one day where we wake up and pull a full 180-degree turn in our lives to fix everything we aren’t satisfied with. But, in the end, it’s a pipe-dream. Life takes work. And, in order to make that work even the slightest bit more bearable, we need to stop looking at the daydream as a whole and break it down to bite-sized pieces. So, let us take the time to think of ourselves 10 years down the line. Where do we want the world to take us? Better yet, how can we get the world to take us there? If it’s something that can occupy such a significant part of our future plans, chances are it’s going to take a lot to get there. It’s on us to achieve that dream in a way that doesn’t mentally break or destroy us. Seeing the parts of the dream before we take in the whole can help us really understand and appreciate the dream in its entirety once it’s finally within our grasp.
ILLUSTRATED BY MAYA MERRILL
DESIGNER SOPHIE SARGEANT
TIME THROUGH
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ILLUSTRATED BY QUAYE MEADOW NEGRO
WRITTEN BY DEAN GRIFFIN
DESIGNER AUTUMN SOUCY
days can often feel quite repetitive. As a college student I really feel like I am just doing the same few activities over and over again. And then, out of nowhere, the quarter will end, and I’ll wonder where all the time went.
Hawaii just months before her freshman year.
Oftentimes, college can feel like Groundhog Day. It can get so easy to be lost in the motions on the day to day that you don’t even realize the progression of time occurring. And then, in practically the blink of an eye, it can be over. The especially weird part is how much you can change in a period of time, yet still have it slip away unnoticed.
“There’s a certain aspect of being a person of color in a predominantly white institution where you’re constantly comparing yourself to those around you,” Wu said. “And I think that, in the last couple years, I’ve kind of let that go… I think it’s funny that as you get older you’re less concerned about who you are when you’re trying less to fit in,” she said.
Coming to the University of Oregon as a freshman, most of us are some sort of combination of scared and excited about what the future holds. We have unlocked potential –– especially since it is the first time the vast majority of us are living on our own. There’s no way we can experience college without growing; it is experiencing so many firsts and truly becoming an adult. Change is inevitable.
I think many freshmen struggle with trying to fit in or be a certain person; that realization is key in realizing how much we change over time in these four years. Another important concept many tend to learn in college is just living in the moment.
Shalin Shah, a UO senior from Los Angeles, thinks of himself as an entirely different man than the one who flew up north to originally work in sports business; he is now majoring in finance, with a job already secured in that field post graduation. “As a freshman I was definitely enthusiastic. Coming from Southern California to Oregon is a huge change culturally and physically,” Shah said. “Living alone for the first time in 18 years just made me excited and really trying to take each day for what it was –– and explore and learn as much as I can.” However, coming into freshman year, some people were just looking for a chance to show a more realized version of themselves. UO senior Kimi Wu was set on becoming more social. She’s from the Bay Area, but her family relocated to
“When I came to college, I didn’t wanna be that person that keeps on standing in the background and is fine with just being invisible,” Wu said. She feels like she has become that person after her four years here.
Shah feels passionately about this and thinks making the day-to-day enjoyable is most important. “I definitely would’ve told my [freshman] self to probably embrace every single day more than before,” Shah said. “A lot of times when I’ve talked about my challenges, it would just be a countdown of how many days until I can get home; how many weeks until spring break for example. I think I would’ve told my freshman year self stop that mentality, just enjoy each day for example and really appreciate where you are because you never know when it can be taken away –– and for a whole year it did get taken away” Through the lens of UO seniors, we can see how much change can occur in these four years alone. We become so different in a seemingly short amount of time. And we can envision our growth beyond this one special segment in our lives.
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PHILANTHROPY PHABRICS Nothing beats stepping out of your dorm, apartment, or crusty Eugene rental, flexing a fresh new look. It’s evident that the University of Oregon is notorious for having immaculately fitted students. But let me point you in the direction of UO and OSU’s next big thing: Philanthropy Phabrics.
“Redefining activism through handcraft fashion,” is Philanthropy Phabrics’s mission statement, and these young women do just that. OSU junior Sophia Cobb and UO junior Kundai Kapurura joined forces to create the grooviest second-hand and custom clothing business. When faced with a pandemic, raging wildfires, and the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, these two lovely ladies couldn’t help but want to get involved. “Our main goal is to make sure that we’re using creativity, philanthropy, and sustainability in our work,” Cobb said. These three pillars may uphold the Philanthropy Phabrics business. However, the real power comes from Cobb and Kapurura’s collaboration. The two were inspired to act upon creating a business when Oregon was facing extreme wildfires this past summer. In the same light, the Black Lives Matter movement was gaining popularity from coast to coast. The majority of the philanthropies Philanthropy Phabrics has donated to are local, allowing Cobb and Kupurura to witness their impact. Cobb and Kurpurua do it all: from painting old pairs of jeans to alterations, to completely upcycling garments. A portion of the profit made goes to local philanthropies. “So far, we have donated to organizations such as PDX Black Youth Movement, the Women’s Foundation of Oregon, Foodshare, and now we are working on Causa, an organization that helps Latinx immigrants,” Kupurura said.
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Amidst the pandemic and quarantine, Cobb and Kupurura were able to hone in on Philanthropy Phabrics. “It was so much easier in isolation to start thinking of my
everything is purely your own.” Outside of school, Cobb and Kupurura had the opportunity to channel their creativity. From this, came the birth of Philanthropy Phabrics.
WRITTEN BY KAYLA KRUEGER PHOTOGRAPHED BY EM ERCE MODELS SOPHIA COBB & KUNDAI KAPURURA DESIGNER AUTUMN SOUCY
In a way, Philanthropy Phabrics is a prime archetype for creativity amongst the chaos. These two gals joined forces to make good when there was so much negativity circulating around the world. They are true fashion pioneers, with their ethical standards and funky designs. So what’s next for Philanthropy Phabrics? While working independently, building a business, and continuing their undergraduate degrees, Cobb and Kupurura are working to license their business and create a website to streamline their custom order process. Currently, their main platform for selling clothes and receiving orders is through Instagram or Depop. Until then, please reach out to Philanthropy Phabrics on Instagram (@philanthropyphabrics), Tik Tok (@philanthropyphabrics), and Depop (@ philanthropyphabrics). For custom orders, just shoot them a quick DM to get your one-of-a-kind piece started. Philanthropy Phabrics is also always accepting donations! Whether it is monetary donations or clothes that have been neglected in your closet, Cobb and Kupurura will definitely use it to make a difference. Pretty soon, Philanthropy Phabrics will be a household name in and around Eugene. So hop on the trend now, it’s for a good cause! *A Note from Philanthropy Phabrics We would like to dedicate our Align Mag feature to Virgil Abloh who has recently passed. Virgil had an immense impact on our generation’s culture especially in fashion, art, design, and music. His barrierbreaking work shifted the way we think about creativity. Philanthropy Phabrics was created on the same concepts that Virgil often spoke about and he inspired us to share our ideas with the world. Virgil once said “I’m here to be an inspiration to kids that were like me, are like me, that didn’t believe that design was for them. That starts and ends my design mission.” As a Black man and first-generation American, Virgil made strides in an industry that traditionally excludes BIPOC+. Because of Virgil’s influence in our generation, we felt empowered and confident in launching Philanthropy Phabrics as Women of Color. Virgil’s creative mind earned him a position as the first Black creative director at Louis Vuitton. His work alone left an incredible mark on the industry and made room for future generations of artists and designers of all identities. Rest in power Virgil Abloh.
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The image of the cowboy is often held up as an icon of true American manhood, but the usual pop-culture vision of a rough-and-tough, stereotypically masculine cowboy fails to acknowledge the roots that the cowboy has as a personification of rebellion, subversive sexuality, and social disruption. From the American “Wild West” to the gay rodeos of the 1970s to Lil Nas X’s explosive career, the cowboy has continued to stake itself as an image of queerness. Tales of queerness in the West have survived as proof that the essence of the cowboy carries a notion of creative disruption. The story of One-Eyed Charlie, a real roughand-tough guy that always carried a bottle and a gun and was known to be one of the greatest stagecoach drivers in the West, reveals the true nature of the American Cowboy as uniquely queer. After his death in 1879, Charlie’s body was discovered by the coroner to be biologically female (Ng, 2009). This revelation of queerness shook the public then and continues to shake historians now, but this truth shouldn’t be so shocking. Just look at the creation of the cowboy in the media; Butch Cassidy, of the 1969 film “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” runs a band of outlaws that don’t belong and don’t want to belong. In nearly every western, the cowboy is an outlaw, an outsider, an other, and that quality of otherness is what makes the cowboy uniquely powerful.
MODELS SAYLOREN WIECHE JACKSON MANGUM & TUCKER ST CLAIR
This understanding of the cowboy as an image of radical self acceptance is wonderfully demonstrated in the emergence of the gay rodeo as a place for queer people to come together and assert themselves through a collective embrace and celebration of the cowboy as spectacularly queer. Take for example the Rocky Mountain Regional Rodeo, a gay rodeo that was established in Denver in 1983, during a time of widespread hysteria around AIDS. Queer people sought community at a time when they needed it most, and helped each other when nobody else would. The first of the Rocky Mountain Regional Rodeos raised funds for medical
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ART DIRECTOR TAHOE MACK
PHOTOGRAPHED BY MALENA SAADEH & SYDNEY SULLIVAN
expenses and care. Today, the rodeos continue to donate their proceeds to LGBTQ foundations. All across the United States, official gay rodeos are held by the International Gay Rodeo Association and continue to give queer people an opporutnity to indulge in the queerness of the cowboy (Herron-Wheeler, 2017). Lil Nas X’s rise to fame has been marked by cowboy imagery and an increasing celebration of queerness. From his hit song “Old Town Road,” which shot up the charts, to the hot pink studded cowboy ensemble that he wore to the 2020 Grammys Red Carpet, Lil Nas X has stuck with his cowboy image and taken the liberty of making that image increasingly queer.
exceptionally queer for so long and in so many different ways? The cowboy, as represented in popular media as far back as the 1930s, has been and continues to be a personification of disruption. Raiding saloons, robbing banks, breaking laws, running from lawful authorities- all of these characteristics of the cowboy’s narrative demonstrate a refusal to obey the rules and regulations of a society that rejects the cowboy’s lifestyle. It is clear that the cowboy has been and always will be queer. Queerness is rebellion, queerness is rejection of that which does not accept who one is, queerness is radical acceptance of that which affirms and uplifts the way in which one wants to live, and queerness is the outlaw life of the cowboy.
So why has the cowboy continued to be WRITTEN BY LUCY MURRELL DESIGNER SOPHIE SARGEANT
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The Empress
The Star
abundance and growth
hope and inspiration
Choosing this card signifies that you are ready to begin or continue a journey of growth, whether it be personal, career or love related. This card calls for patience and self-care as you watch the things around you fall into place, knowing that you deserve them.
Choosing this card signifies that good things are coming. If you are in a difficult moment, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The Star is a reminder to have faith in what you are doing and to continue your journey because you are headed in the right direction.
TAROT QUIZ The High Priestess
The Magician personal power
intuition
This card reminds you to listen to your gut feeling. You likely know the answer to the question you are asking or the decision you are making. Choosing this card signifies a need to quiet the mind, look for guidance and to take control of a situation when necessary.
You have the tools, skills and power to shape what is happening in your life. It means things around you are working in your favor. This card calls you to believe in yourself and your potential rather than listening to the fears or anxieties. It is also a sign to work with what you have and use the resources around you to achieve your goals.
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ART DIRECTOR HIMALI GLOR
WRITTEN BY CAROLYN RODERIQUE
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MODELS TAHOE MACK, LEAH MARCHELLO, LEXY JONES & JAMIE YEUNG
Presently In-Between WRITTEN BY QUAYE MEADOW NEGRO
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he coldness of winter slowly approaches and the world begins to whisper itself to sleep. Winter is a time of reflection, stillness, and the in-between. It sits between the death of summer and the birth of spring, creating an almost stagnant phase of the year, a personal purgatory. I often find the in-between phases in life to be the most difficult. Whether it be the lack of excitement or the patience it requires, I itch for something to entertain, or rather, distract myself. We all grow and change numerous times in our lives, but that seems to be all we talk about with each other, so when we reach a point where we’re stagnant, we lose any grasp on reality. For me, these moments of steadiness are precious. They allow me to simmer in my newness, my freshness. I can view the world and absorb its flavor, its sweetness. I can touch the world and for once, recognize my existence within it. I often forget what the sensation of existence is until I am forced to feel nothing else but it. I hate sulking with my thoughts; it pains me and mutates my relationships with others, but in this in-between, nothing can harm me. It is a safe haven that involves little resistance. I am charmed by the solitude that fills my winters. In many ways, I love being alone because it means that I can truly be myself. I wake up in my icy room, swaddle myself in my childhood quilt and bask in the silence, though it never seems to last. When I eventually emerge from my cocoon and surround myself with my favorite people, I have a sense of grace and gratitude towards them that I had forgotten before. They make me feel grounded. This in-between stage consists of long nights filled with dancing, a plethora of glutinous food without the guilt, and a sense of bliss. We light our scented candles and let the night distract us from our worries. Everything is easy. That’s not to say that I forget my past struggles and future anxieties,
but rather to realize that I am okay. I can breathe, and I can take a break. I wait for the winter rains and eventual snow to wash away all the filth of the months prior. I want others to see this glistening version of myself, but their views taint me and I need solitude. By the beginning of winter, I am desperate for a break. I hope to survive solely on my close friends’ kindness and my favorite roasted winter squash. As we exist within our personal purgatories, we haunt the earth looking for a safe space to rest until spring appears and ignites an urge to evolve. I get tired of the pressure to sell the perfect life and I forget that expectation during this phase of life. I may appear reserved, but I am living my life in the way I need to, at least for a season. By the end of winter, the end of my personal purgatory, I start to overthink. The world begins to thaw and I am thrown into the chaos of change and growth until I eventually return to the point of self-reflection. Growth is only part of the cycle. It’s vicious with its eagerness to leave behind parts of my old self, but then it nourishes my hungry curiosity for the new. I begin to venture outside of my sanctuary and the world feels harsh and cruel, but I am able to handle it after a season of rest. Reflecting on the moments of peace in my life, I realize how beautiful those seemingly dull moments are. The ability to sit back and take time off from the world, to a certain extent feels like a luxurious pleasure. I revel in the fact that I was able to just exist. Just as winter comes every year, so does the in-between, the purgatory, the stillness. As I have gotten older, I have a more graceful transition towards the quiet season. I don’t feel the need to alter my life to be more exciting nor the need to prove its value to others. I simply try to be. ILLUSTRATED BY JULIA STALNAKER
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DESIGNER LYNETTE SLAPE
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TICKING TIME BOMB My shaggy neo-mullet haircut combined with a smudgy eye look and platform Dr. Martens speaks to a demographic that reminisces of a time when Nirvana, Mudhoney, and Pearl Jam ruled the indie rock scene in the 90s. I am aware that my fashion choices tend to resonate more with older demographics. When a person in their late 40s stops me in the street in Portland because I’m wearing my Either/Or album t-shirt, and we discuss Elliott Smith’s discography and his roots in Portland, a connection is made.
inventory of just one aspect of my style: my jeans. Every piece of denim I own comes from a secondhand store— already a connection to an owner surely older than I am. This metaphysical connection is made through a story of love and wear that is written into the stitches of the denim. The needle threads me through a fabricated past that connects me to the previous owner of such a simple item. When I finally learned how to look at something as simple as jeans through a lens of connectivity, I found myself feeling more confident and complete in my outfits.
In a time when everything is brutally divisive and people feel a general disconnect from those around them, something as simple as discussing our mutual fashion and cultural interests is important. Culture spreads through a wide variety of facets, but the clothes we wear are something that can create an immediate connection. Fashion defines culture; culture defines fashion, and both define individuals. Recognizing how these all intersect with cultural connections and community has helped me to be a more conscious consumer and more aware of how I dress.
As I mature and grow into my own identity, exploring different lenses of fashion from vintage to androgynous clothing has been an expansive experience. Trying different epochs of clothing not necessarily defined by long periods of time in my life is liberating. One day I want to wear an iconic 70s military surplus inspired outfit, the next an 80s brightly colored sweater vest moment. Freeing myself from the shackles of trendiness and conforming to the typical “vibe” or “brand” most people want to restrict themselves to has freed my identity to be fluid and ever-expanding. More than just connecting to others through fashion, I connect to myself.
My torn-up jeans that have a Skoal ring in the back pocket and white paint splatters are clearly those of a working man. A blue-collar worker’s blue jeans on a 19-year-old girl in her 8:00 AM lecture is a curious juxtaposition that might seem out of the ordinary, but I propose just the opposite. I think that this generational separation that the previous owner and I have could bring us together. Connecting myself to the clothes I wear influences how I choose to present myself, and in turn, presents a thread to follow through time. It’s not hard to see how past generations have influenced my closet when I take
Connection. That’s what fashion boils down to in my eyes. Connection to others, connection to clothes, and most importantly, connection to myself. Using generational trends combined with a personal reflection of my consumer habits, fashion has opened up my worldview. Being intentional in the clothes I wear in my day-to-day life and understanding that each piece has a story behind it greater than I, helps me to a small connections every day. I have found that this small act of mindfulness presents a radical change in my everyday life and how I see the world around me. WRITTEN BY KATIE O’MARA DESIGNER LINDSEY ZABELL ART DIRECTOR TARA DABAGH PHOTOGRAPHED BY SAMANTHA JOH MODELS THALIA STOFFER, DJ WOOLEY & LEAH MARCHELLO
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The Internal Outbreak: A Sestina
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Today marks one week inside. I’ve found Eden, an escape from their eyes, an absence of lies and cries. It’s quiet aside from the incessant buzz of uncertainty that fills the air, sunrise to sunset. Everyone is so sure it will all return again.
I laughed today, at the constancy of uncertainty. It’s as inevitable as the sunset. Counting time (now a year inside) has kept at bay the quiet of spending the week alone again. I’ve been seeing things, don’t trust these eyes.
The numbers are rising again. Epidemiologists beg us to stay inside. Friends tell me that the virus sleeps at sunset. At least I’m safe from their disapproving eyes. People do funny things to escape uncertainty. Science is a question and doctors are quiet.
Everything must die, why not my eyes? Radical acceptance: a way to cope with uncertainty. Don’t tell me to check on my friends again, because nobody’s checking on me at sunset, when my brain sits bloated by the quiet. How much longer can I stay inside?
I can’t shake the sour taste of quiet as it persists again and again and again. I just wish I could hear something other than uncertainty. Grandma called to tell me she’s tired of being inside, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. The only thing I’ve seen other than a screen is the sunset.
Desperation turns my eyes from the screen, and painting a sunset dulls the uncertainty with a sobering quiet. I’ve made a home inside, but I’ll never feel safe again.
Sunrise gives way to sunset to sunrise to sunset. I’ve read all the books, anything to keep this brain quiet. Masks give greater meaning to eyes, but I can’t wait to see the smiles again. The only place I feel safe anymore is inside, out there is a plague of uncertainty.
ART DIRECTOR KATERINA TRIANTAFILLOU PHOTOGRAPHED BY OLIVIA CROOKER DESIGNER LINDSEY ZABELL MODEL SISILIA HUSING WRITTEN BY LUCY MURRELL
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Safe Haven WRITTEN BY SYLVIA DAVIDOW
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pril 2020 was one of the most confusing times for society. The world was shut down and people were yearning to feel something. They wanted to connect with others and discover more things about themselves as well as take charge of their futures.
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For many, Tik Tok was an escape from quarantine life. It was a space where I got inspired to try new recipes and embraced my inner artist. I learned about the world through short videos and I felt inspired to promote change. I was able to connect with people like myself, people who grew up on Blues Clues and The Jonas Brothers, who wanted to save the environment,
ILLUSTRATED BY SUNNY ANDERSON DESIGNER LYNETTE SLAPE
and who simply wanted to survive everyday life. Tik Tok was and reality for a little while. It’s a pause/reset button on life. my Safe Haven, a space where life was easy and consistent. Laney Zinn, a junior, finds comfort and meaning in the bath, Others like Sarah Bathke and Natalie Robinson were also something associated with childhood memories. Laying still able to find comfort in social media. Bathke touches on why for a long time, hands getting all pruny, bath toys sinking to the she finds nostalgic Tik Tok to be a comforting space. When bottom until the water became cold, and her mother calling revisiting her past, she learned that everyone was figuring little Zinn a half-mermaid. Now that she is grown-up, the bath out how to heal their inner child through this experience. resonates with the feeling of comfort and intimacy — a time “We were allowed to just be with ourselves, we were only for her. “Being in the bath is a very vulnerable feeling. I can allowed to go back to what really delighted us as kids.” Now, focus on my thoughts and ground myself after a long day. It is she is being forced to grow up as she navigates college. physically and emotionally cleansing and I am very protective over this space. I take care of my little bath area because it Natalie Robinson found comfort in the travel side of TikTok. takes care of me, in the past and now years to come” says Zinn. She took inspiration from people who were able to travel and she started manifesting a dream life through a series of Pinterest Art museums are calming and quiet, yet loud and bold to boards. She found it encouraging that one-day wwthings will Amanda Chang, a junior. As an artist herself, Chang finds sort of go back to the way they were. “We will get to travel again inspiration through looking at other artists’ pieces, especially which gives me a little bit of hope,” says Robinson. She not only acrylic paintings and sculptures. She understands the time, found comfort in the travel videos themselves, but also the effort, and commitment those artists had to go through to create fact that people related to her travel FOMO in the comments. their masterpieces. “It brings me a lot of joy seeing the finished pieces and the power She calls art museums her Safe Living in a postthey hold knowing Haven because she feels most quarantine world, we that someone have emerged from created them,” says in her element and thinks every our houses as new Chang. She calls art corner is filled with something new. people, having taken the time museums her Safe Haven because to learn, grow, and find out more about others and ourselves she feels most in her element and thinks every corner is filled through our sanctuaries. But life is much more than finding with something new. Chang feels that each room is filled with comfort in social media. Safe Havens are everywhere around us. creativity and inspiration and she is really lucky to be able to experience going to an art museum whenever she can. Lynley Hogan, a sophomore, grew up with two younger siblings in a busy household. Thankfully, she had her own room and found Though many people consider their safe haven a physical serene comfort in her bed. “It was the only space I had full control space, others find comfort in other people, specifically over how it looked and felt. I love throwing a ton of blankets, partners. They can be the kindest and most supportive pillows, and stuffed animals on it to create a more comforting people, providing solace and trust to the ones they are environment,” says Hogan. For her, it is important to feel devoted to. Relationships, whether platonic or romantic, are comfortable in the space where you are meant to relax. Bedrooms about making each other feel safe and growing together in are sacred and secure as they are a space secluded from the experiences. Safe Havens can be more than just a physical rest of the world. For many, bedrooms are the one space where place, it is the sensation that something or someone brings. people can be the most authentic version of themselves, the one place where people can feel safe because no one can judge them. Living in this day and age in society, it’s important to have something you can find comfort in. We live in slow-moving times, For Jordan Toscano, a junior, nature has always been a safe space as we begin to allow things to go back to the way they were. growing up in the city. She is someone that typically overthinks Remember to take time for yourself and find some peace within and over schedules, so hiking through the forest or jumping in this process. Whether that is anything from a single video that random bodies of water allows her a special sense of peace. gives you joy on your phone, to a bath, to your bedroom, to an “Being in nature especially alone or with friends who are also art museum, to a person, these are places where we feel secure. passionate about the outdoors gives me a sense of freedom and These places help us learn and grow through our experiences belonging that I typically don’t get on a daily basis,” says Toscano. in the world, and shape us into the people that we are today. She thinks that being in nature is a way to escape her own thoughts They are our safe havens and we would be lost without them.
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PHOTOGRAPHED BY ALI WATSON MODELS CHI-AN LU, BLUE BAUMAN & KATHERINE STALLARD
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LIFE GOES ON This past summer has been a series of lifechanging events for me, but throughout each, one phrase kept revisiting my thoughts: “life goes on.” Over the summer, I stayed in New York City where everyone and everything was always on the go, and there was a constant momentum propelling the city forward. It felt like every day had a purpose and something exciting to offer, and waking up each morning, I knew the day would bring me unpredictable adventures. The city fostered a growth mindset in me; I was surrounded by careerdriven people like the employees chasing the train to get to their 9 a.m. job, financial giants walking into their offices on Wall Street, entrepreneurs in Times Square serving hundreds of customers each day, street performers singing or playing the saxophone in the subway stations, dancers attending ten back-to-back classes at Steps on Broadway in preparation for the audition season, and so much more, not to mention the constant construction the city was undergoing to expand its offerings and opportunities. At the airport upon arrival from New York, I went into a bathroom stall and cried listening to Alicia Key’s “Empire State of Mind.” Coming from that past summer’s hustle and bustle while living in New York City to the slower days in my small hometown struck me. It felt like my life came to a sudden halt while time continuously flowed for those still in NYC. I felt stuck and forced to stay in a bubble as I watched everyone else move on and leave me behind. Opportunities became limited again and the people around me seemed content WRITTEN BY CARMELLI HESS
with a much simpler lifestyle. From the time I first arrived during my first few months in the city, so much had changed and evolved by the time I left— while in my small town, it still looked exactly as it did before I left and from the past ten years I had been living here. I went from having at least ten new experiences every day in NYC to barely noticing a minor change in my surroundings every few weeks or so in my small town. However, these experiences made me realize no matter how bored or sad I was going back to small-town living, life was still going on even when it didn’t feel like it. Each day was passing me by, and time never stopped for me—it was still flowing continuously, but it was my definition of this lifestyle that made it feel stagnant, unproductive and meaningless. After being surrounded by music throughout NYC on the streets, subway stations, etc. (whether it was live or blasting from someone’s boom box), reflecting on it made me think about how life experiences and journeys could relate to music. Life is like rhythm; a song may sound like it’s following a steady beat throughout, but depending on our mood and how we count/hear it, we can transform that steady beat into a variety of rhythms. Sixteenth notes in octaves, broken chords or arpeggios could represent life when it becomes fast-paced, energetic and exciting, while whole notes could represent life when it’s taken day by day at a slower pace. Repetitive notes represent life when it seems like each day is the same routine or a frustrating event keeps happening again in different or similar forms. A lot of songs have a melody and DESIGNER ZOE HARDISTER
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’T LET T DON HE a bass contrasting each other. To me, this also symbolizes life experiences in a way the melody moves continuously at a smoother or faster pace while the bass moves slowly and accommodates the ambitious directions of the melody. It appears like my life was a melody in NYC but has been a slow and steady bass since I came back home.
PA S T
my present dead feeling inside to my past city life where I felt so alive.
However, just like everything else in life, this period and feelings were temporary. I was too focused on the past and thinking my life stopped, when really it was still going— I was just leaving myself behind. I’ve learned to be present in each moment and take Being back home, I couldn’t even be present control over my life and its direction and to not let because all I could see in each moment was the anyone or anywhere do that for me. I’ve learned past. I was having constant flashbacks, and almost to be independent from my surroundings and not everything triggered me to think of and miss let it dictate my day or who I’m going to be that NYC. Every waking day. I should be able to moment, all I could “While one’s life may be a fast-paced choose the life I want to think of was how I sixteenth note on the go, another’s live no matter where it wasn’t in NYC, and may be a whole note moving to a time has brought me. that’s where I needed to be in order to be of serenity or sadness. We are all When anything good given the same 24 hours in a dayhappy. Small-town in our lives comes to an living was already everyone just lives through it at end, whether that be quiet enough, so a breakup, loss, etc., it different paces.” my thoughts were feels like our time has louder than ever. Dance, fashion, and music (my been disrupted and everything else stops. But in main passions) were the only things keeping me reality, life goes on and flows in continuum. The little sane, but even those couldn’t satisfy me. The dance changes coming out of what feels like a stale period classes, malls/stores now had a somber feel; I are points in life building up to noticeably extreme missed hearing music blasting and people cheering changes from this continuum. While one’s life may for performers on the streets, and I didn’t feel the be a fast-paced sixteenth note on the go, another’s need to dress up anymore. I mean, what was the may be a whole note moving to a time of serenity point if I wasn’t walking on Fashion Avenue anyway? or sadness. We are all given the same 24 hours in I felt selfish and unappreciative of the beauty in a day- everyone just lives through it at different a slower-paced life, but I was stuck comparing paces.
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the importance of
SELF - FORGIVENESS
Why do we blame ourselves for letting someone treat you poorly? Why do we dwell on conversations that happened a long time ago wishing we said something else? Everyone has a story of someone who broke their heart. This isn’t always romantic; sometimes it can be a friendship that faded or a falling out with a family member. Forgiveness is one of the most complicated and powerful things to understand. The older we get, the more complicated forgiveness becomes. It is not 37 ALIGN
always easy, but forgiveness is not about letting the other person “off the hook,” it is about the peace it gives you. This took me a long time to understand in my life. In December of 2020, I ended an on-and-off fouryear relationship with someone I thought would be in my life forever. The idea of not having this person in my life was too painful to think about, so I held on when things weren’t healthy for either person. Love does not go away or fade overnight. Love is a
I began to think of the things that upset me most in our relationship because hating him seemed easier than still being in love. However, with that came selfloathing. I constantly had thoughts of, “why didn’t I say this” or “why did I let that slide?” I realized the more I thought about what I could have done or said, the further I was from healing. My mom one day put it quite simply: the feelings I was having were doing nothing for me except for wasting energy on someone who probably wasn’t even thinking about me. With self-forgiveness comes self-respect and self-love. I did not realize that these things were intertwined until I started to forgive myself. When we forgive others, it has nothing to do with them, it has everything to do with you. You are releasing yourself from their ability to hurt you and allowing yourself to heal. I felt like I was never enough and that I needed to prove that I was enough for him. Enough for him to stay. It was exhausting trying to be “perfect” for someone. I didn’t recognize who I was because nothing I was doing was for myself anymore. Self-forgiveness and self-love are about accepting and opening yourself up to the love you deserve. This love can be from others, but most importantly it is from yourself. When healing from heartbreak, it takes time to build yourself back up. That starts with choosing yourself first each day. There are days I struggle to love who I am and feel comfortable in my own skin. However, I try to remember to choose myself first each and every day. No one is going to love me the way I love myself. I understand that in my relationship, I was definitely at fault as well. Relationships are often never one-sided. I am no longer that girl who made impulsive and immature decisions. Loving yourself is a journey. Forgiving yourself is a journey. Letting yourself just simply be is a journey. It is hard sometimes to know where to start, but there are small ways you can put yourself first each day. Remember to give yourself credit for the small things. I often discredit myself for things when I know I should be proud. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Even just getting out of bed on a really hard day is enough. I find myself making excuses. We are our harshest critics and giving ourselves a pat on the back for our small
wins is an amazing way to show love to ourselves. Surround yourself with those who make you laugh and lift you up. My friends are my rock. They have helped me through the hardest times and celebrate my triumphs. They never shame me for my emotions. Don’t apologize for your feelings. I’ll say it again, don’t apologize for how you feel. This is something I am actively working on but it is crucial for us to know that we don’t need to be sorry for feeling anxious or sad, or insecure. You are justified in what you are feeling simply because you are feeling it. There is a reason you feel the way you do. There is no need to make excuses for yourself as to why you should feel better. Lastly, have a few affirmations you say to yourself each day. Make them practical for you and
“Loving yourself is a
journey. Forgiving yourself is a journey. Letting yourself just simply be is a journey.” something you believe about yourself. For me, I tell myself each day that I am strong and that I am loved. Those are simple words, but they carry great meaning. Try and find something for you that if you heard it from your friend, would make your day. Today I choose myself and I hope today you choose yourself. You are not the person you were a month ago or a year ago. Be proud of how much you have grown and how far you have come. The past year tested everyone, so give yourself a break if getting out of bed is the most you can do in a day. You are doing your best and that is always enough.
WRITTEN BY RUBY LEWIS DESIGNER LINDSEY ZABELL ILLUSTRATED BY ALEXIS BARRETT 38 ALIGN
f g o n r i n r a e Y ild
h C
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hood
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II
am almost 21 years old and I still feel like I’m 12 and in 7th grade. I look at how quickly everything has changed but somehow I still feel like I’m sitting at my desk in 7th-grade. Fashion has always been something that I was interested in, even when I was little. From gaucho pants and jelly sandals to butterfly clips and doc martens, I’ve always been one to follow the trends. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed all of the things that I loved as a child reappear. When I was younger I hated the way pigtails looked on me, but now I love the way they look. Pigtails add a youthful look to any outfit I put on. It is one of my favorite ways to style my hair because something about the hairstyle feels comfortable and safe.
Many young adults rushed through their childhood due to an eagerness to grow up. We quickly moved through every stage of adolescence and avoided it. I never really lived in the moment. I now look around and see that our current style is trendier than ever, with highwaisted jeans and platform shoes, I wonder how different it must’ve been to grow up in a generation without social media. Because of how prevalent social media is, trends change quicker than ever. The trends that I am into now, are very similar to things that I wore as a child. What makes childhood fashion choices come back to us later as an adult? It’s hard to say. For some, it’s due to the fact that we never really got to relish our childhood and had to grow up too quickly. For others, it may be that we miss “dressing up” and want to try a new and youthful trend. The new trend could be a variation of what we wore when we were younger. These trends
are only popular because it was a collective decision that this is what is “in”. So many young adults feel the same way when it comes to the childhood aesthetic because of how simple and easy it is compared to the complexity of other trends. Not everyone had a healthy or happy childhood, but in wearing the garments that defined our youth, they can explore their past trauma and tend to their inner child. Familiarity is less scary than the unknown. I see so many different aspects of my life changing so quickly that I am drawn to anything that is familiar, comfortable. Growing up I always wore brown flowy pants. At first, I wasn’t really sure whether I liked them or not, I thought they were ugly. But, as I got older I have learned to love my “uncool” fashion choices. I believe that I would wear those exact outfits today with a sense of pride. Though many may disagree, I find that simple things like layered t-shirts and hair clips from when I was eight are able to make life seem a little less complicated. In the next few years, I know that I will continue to keep around what’s familiar. I still see middle-aged adults trying out funky colors or strange outfit patterns and only wonder if they miss the naivety of it all. Just because we get older doesn’t mean we need to lose something as fun and simple as a fashion choice. I still yearn for my childhood years when everything was as simple and not as calculated because it seemed like everything would turn out just fine. As I get older and carry more responsibility, I can only hope that I am that middle-aged adult wearing those funky patterns, so I can stay young at heart.
MODELS RHEMY CRAWFORD & MADDY YEN PHOTOGRAPHED BY SARITA AHMAD ART DIRECTOR TATUM MUNDY DESIGNER EMILY CADENA WRITTEN BY TALAYA LAW
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