THE MARRIAGE COURSE & THE LOCAL CHURCH
Why Run The Marriage Course
04 — A Note from Our Leadership 06 — Our Vision and Mission 08 — What is The Marriage Course? 10 — Mathew & Cathy’s Story 12 — Statistics 14 — Recipe 16 — Global Stories 18 — Running Your Course 20 — Other Courses 22 — Julie & Stephen’s Story 23 — Additional Notes
|3
4 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
A Note from Our Leadership
We first developed The Marriage Course as a tool for our local church here in London and we were amazed to see the courses grow first in the UK and then across the world. The Marriage and Marriage Preparation Courses act as a bridge between the church and local community by recognising the need to go beyond the social, as well as physical, walls of the church to help couples with their relationships. The Marriage Course is very easy to run; the talks are available on DVD and each guest and leader receives a manual. If you enjoy hosting people and have a passion for strengthening family life, you could run a course! With advisers around the world, we also offer plenty of support to help you get started.
A Note from Our Leadership | 5
Our Vision and Mission At The Marriage Course and Alpha, our vision is to see the evangelisation of the nations, the revitalisation of the church and the transformation of society. Such change will come only through Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit.
We believe that everyone should have the opportunity to explore faith in the context of a local church community, where they can come and see Jesus, community and love at work.
As marriages become healthier and stronger, so too does family life. This is Christian marriage bearing witness and helping to bring about transformation.
APPROXIMATELY 1.7 MILLION PEOPLE HAVE ATTENDED THE MARRIAGE COURSE IN
1 27 C OU N TR I E S & 45 L A N G U A G E S INCLUDING ITALIAN, SPANISH, FRENCH, RUSSIAN, ARABIC AND MANDARIN
6 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
“We look around and see family breakdown; we see hopelessness in our urban and rural areas… God has, at this time, given us a family of tools for the job, including Alpha and The Marriage Course, which enable us to engage with bringing people to faith in Christ. Seeing them filled with the Spirit, transformed inside, but also to see their lives set right, their communities transformed, our society changed and hope for the world.” JUSTIN WELBY, ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY
Our Vision & Mission | 7
The Marriage Preparation Course The Marriage Preparation Course is a series of five sessions to help engaged couples or those exploring the possibility of marriage, build strong foundations for their future together.
The Marriage Preparation Course explores the following sessions:
Over five sessions, the course will help couples learn to communicate well, understand and appreciate their differences, and prepare for potential challenges.
Resolving Conflict
Communication Commitment Keeping love alive Shared goals and values
“It feels like the start of a journey, not the completion of a course.” THE TIMES
Course Formula
Meal
8 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
Talk
Private Discussion
“There’s no counselling, no airing of dirty linen in public, no group therapy – and it seems to work.” THE GUARDIAN
The Marriage Course The Marriage Course is a series of seven sessions, designed to help couples invest in their relationship and build a strong marriage. The course offers practical support and is designed to help couples build strong foundations, learn to communicate more effectively and resolve differences well.
The Marriage Course explores the following sessions: Building Strong Foundations The Art of Communication Resolving Conflict The Power of Forgiveness The Impact of Family – Past & Present Good Sex Love in Action
What is The Marriage Course? | 9
Mathew & Cathy’s Story In 2017, The Marriage Course welcomed new CEO Mathew, his wife Cathy and their children to the Alpha family. After attending The Marriage Course for the first time 16 years ago, we caught up to see the long-term impact it had on their relationship.
Cathy: We met when we were teenagers, we went to the same school. We also became parents when we were still teenagers and married very quickly after our first son, Jack, was born. Sadly, our second son, Michael, had a very complex heart condition, which meant that we had 18 months of him in and out of Great Ormond Street Hospital and having heart surgery. Mathew: That was an extremely difficult time for us. Sadly, Michael died when he was 18 months old. C: We had our third child, Rosie, and life looked quite normal for a little while. We then went on to have our fourth child, Harry, and we found out that he also had the same heart condition, which was a total shock. To go through that with another child was traumatic. Thankfully Harry did really well and is now going on 16 years old.
M: He’s a perfectly healthy teenager now. But looking back we would say we didn’t understand pressures that those years, those events, had put on us as individuals and on our marriage. We’d gone in two separate directions. I dived into a career, which gave me something I was looking for, whilst Cathy created stability at home that had given her something that she was looking for. C: I think I realised our marriage was not the best it could be – it was not in a good place. M: Something needed to change, significantly. Either, us being married, or the way we were married. We were just trying to understand how to get from where we were to this idea of whatever a healthy marriage was. C: We knew we wanted a good
10 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
marriage, but we didn’t know what that looked like or how to get there. We tried to make changes, but old habits die hard and we quickly slipped back into what we were doing before. M: Things really changed for us when a friend invited us to try The Marriage Course at their local church. I think one of the things The Marriage Course does so effectively is: It’s real. It deals with the things that you know you have been arguing about and says everyone argues about these things. Money, sex, relationships. Plus, it gives you a framework of how to talk about those things. It also gives you practical ways to just live in a marriage; have a date night once a week, never argue late at night. All those kinds of sensible things that really help. C: It transformed our marriage. It made us realise that we didn’t just want to be in a marriage,
that we wanted to have a thriving marriage. We wanted to have a happy marriage. The idea of a date night was lifechanging, we actually put a date in our diaries every week and we have prioritised that ever since. M: Around the same time that we did The Marriage Course, we started to attend church and they were going through the book of Ecclesiastes. It felt so relevant to me. ‘God has placed eternity in the human heart, yet no-one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end.’ I knew then that I’d always known that there was
an eternity and that there was a God, I just hadn’t been able to fathom that before. That was the turning point in our lives. C: We both became Christians and I don’t think we have ever looked back on that. We were both 100% ‘in’ from the very beginning and we prioritised praying together. It was a huge shift in our family. M: Over the 16 years since attending the course, it has been a continual process of trying to make sure that my priorities are in order. For me, work always wants to be first
so I have to watch out for that and Cathy is good at reminding me if I have got things off balance. I’ve spent half my life now in the commercial sector and a half in Christian ministry. There is undoubtedly huge amounts of pressure in both. The particular pressure, I think, on marriage in ministry work, is the difficulty in saying “no”. Doing The Marriage Course was so significant for us in giving us the tools for a healthy marriage and for us, it has been an essential part of being a leader.
Mathew & Cathy’s Story | 11
Statistics
Churches Are Saying
Over 1,000 guests who attended The Marriage Course, 346 of which were from the UK, and 200 church leaders participated in 2017 research, conducted by the Barna group, a US-based research charity. Countries and churches were selected from across the world to reflect a variety of ethnic and cultural backgrounds. We’re excited to share some of the highlights with you. “We believe that the course has enriched the material relationship of the majority of our guests. We’ve been told by a mutual friend that one marriage was saved. We also see that some couples have become more active in church.” The Marriage Course leader
99% of Church Leaders said the course is effective at building marriages
87%
would highly recommend others to run the course
90%
of church leaders said the course is culturally relevant to their guests
94%
of church leaders aid the course is effective at addressing modern day challenges that couples face
97%
of church leaders said the course is effective in building strong marriages in young couples i.e. 35 and below
72% said the course is effective at attracting non-Christians said the course is a great tool for attracting non-Christians
71% to explore the Christian faith after The Marriage Course
12 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
Guests Are Saying After The Marriage Course...
99% of guests said the course had a positive impact on their relationship 73% of guests experienced significant improvement in their relationship from the course
81% of guests would highly recommend the course to their friends
Statistics | 13
Pasta with Pea, Bacon & Parmesan Ingredients:
Serves 5 couples
Method: 1. Cook the pasta in a large pan.
1 kg of pasta (any type) 5 tbsp olive oil 375g smoked bacon chopped* 8 cloves garlic, chopped 800g Frozen Peas 500g tub crème fraiche Salt and pepper 150g grated parmesan or similar *For a vegetarian option substitute bacon with broccoli
2. Heat the oil, fry the chopped bacon and garlic until golden, then add the peas. 3. Once the bacon and peas are cooked, stir in the crème fraiche and 5 tbsp. of the pasta cooked water. 4. Season with salt and pepper. 5. Add the cooked pasta and mix well. Top with parmesan & serve immediately.
14 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
Spring Recipe | 15
Global Stories
‘Taking time to focus on our marriage has helped us to improve our relationship. We are more patient with each other and less likely to criticise. We will definitely continue with ‘date nights.’ Jamie and Laura, USA Guests on The Marriage Course
‘Even though there were so many people there it felt like it was just us two.’ Jon and Vicky, UK Guests on The Marriage Course
‘We went on Alpha and then The Marriage Course. We not only rediscovered our marriage, but also our faith. God used Alpha and The Marriage Course to change our lives and the lives of our sons… and our new little daughter!’ Ingrid and Edison, Colombia Guests on The Marriage Course and Alpha
16 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
‘Having enjoyed everything about The Marriage Preparation Course, we decided to try Alpha. Alpha offered relaxed friendship and deep discussion that helped me form my own opinion on faith for the first time. I want to share the love and peace I’ve found through Alpha with others, so now I’m leading a course myself.’ Wesley, The Netherlands Guests on The Marriage Preparation Course and Alpha
‘Through the environment, the welcome, the dinner and the friendships that we developed, it was evident that the Holy Spirit was present in the home of the hosts, and we were welcomed with an open heart.’
‘Most importantly, we’ve improved our communication. I learnt not just to talk but to listen as well.’ Kathy and Stephen, Hong Kong Guests on The Marriage Course
Paolo and Erica, Italy Guests on The Marriage Course
Global Stories | 17
Running Your Course
PLAN DATE & VENUE
I’M A BEGINNER REGISTER ONLINE For the latest resources
Start here
HAVE YOU RUN THE MARRIAGE COURSES BEFORE?
SWITCH IT UP Move beyond the church, into the community I’M AN EXPERT BE A MODEL Host churches exploring The Marriage Courses for the first time
18 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
STAY SHARP Book on to our events
PREPARE Train with online materials
INVITE Use personalised promotional materials
REFRESH Get new people involved in the team
RUN IT REGULARLY In the spring, summer & autumn
I’M EXPERIENCED
GO LIVE Deliver your course live using scripts
TAKE IT AWAY Plan a couple’s retreat to invest in your course guests
GO BIG See The Marriage Courses in action at HTB to get inspired
ARE YOU RUNNING ALPHA?
Running Your Course | 19
Other Courses The Parenting Courses The Parenting Children Course and The Parenting Teenagers Course are easy-to-run, practical five-session courses designed to support parents or carers who want to invest in their relationships with their children and/
or teenagers. No expertise is needed to run the course. Anyone who wants to support and encourage parents and other carers and who enjoys hosting a group can run the courses.
Alpha The Marriage Course can be the first step for a couple to see the church in a new light and the meaning of Christianity in a whole new way. Through this tool, the church can provide the opportunity for someone to think that they might like to find out more, because The Marriage Course have given them a different perspective about what the church is about. This is a great time to add Alpha into the equation.
Alpha is an opportunity for anyone, anywhere, to freely explore their unique questions about life, faith and God. It is a series of interactive sessions exploring the Christian faith, typically run over 11 weeks. Alpha is run all around the globe, in cafĂŠs, churches, schools, universities, homes, prisons - you name it. The sessions usually have three key elements: food, talk and discussion.
Why not think about running Alpha alongside The Marriage Course?
20 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
ARE YOU IN THE UK? Register courses.alpha.org Train uk.alpha.org/themarriagecourses Personalise & buy Promotional Materials shop.alpha.org Couples Survey information
themarriagecourses.org/couplesurvey
The Parenting Courses
themarriagecourses.org/run/the-parenting-courses
Share your stories
themarriagecourses@alpha.org
Alpha UK alpha.org/uk
ARE YOU FROM OVERSEAS? Find everything you need
themarriagecourses.org
Alpha alpha.org
Alpha | 21
Julie & Stephen’s Story
We hear from Julie and Stephen, Manchester, about their relationship and journey with The Marriage Courses. ‘When you begin a relationship, you think that emotions will be enough for you to carry you through a lifetime, that it will be effortless. To spend time discovering new ways to communicate and love each other isn’t rocket science but it’s a massive revelation. Marriage is the most important decision you’ll ever make - spending the rest of your life with one person. A lot of people grow up without a ‘successful’ model of Marriage, which is why this course is so important. They should pass a law saying that anyone getting married should do the course! When we became engaged, we asked our church to run it! It is not a burden, it is
not a chore. It was actually really fun and interactive. It birthed conversations between us that we never would have had otherwise and then that deepened the connection between us. It’s set up like a date night and you only sit with your partner. So even if you only did it for that reason - it’s a night where you get to spend time together, a date night every week for seven weeks! The Marriage Courses are practical. They can feed your relationship, your marriage, and teach how to bring out the best in each other and how to get the best out of your marriage. Who wouldn’t want that?’
22 | The Marriage Courses & The Local Church
Additional Notes
Additional Notes | 23
themarriagecourses.org