The Rules of Engagement
The K BOO PLAYfor
ica Am er e t a or Corp
The Sistah’s Guide for Navigating Corporate America
Amber Wynn, MSPA
COPYRIGHT This book is a work of fic7on. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagina7on or are used fic77ously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is en7rely coincidental. Copyright © 2014 by Amber Wynn. All rights reserved No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form. CHRISTOPHER RASHAD GLOBAL ENTERPRISES, INC. ISBN: 978-‐0-‐9905197-‐1-‐3
Dedica'on
Time to level the playing field. The Rules of Engagement is dedicated to all the brilliant sistahs bold enough to step into corporate America. Dry your eyes and stop ques'oning yourself. You are smart enough, good enough, strong enough to do this. I know your pain, AND I know what you’re made of. Hold on, your reinforcements are here. I gotchu!
Table of Contents Chapter Page Introduc6on -‐ The Purpose of The Rules of Engagement Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired Overview – Playing the Game Don’t Hate the Player Prelude – Our Strengths & Weaknesses Too Hot to Handle, Too Cold to Hold Rule No. 1: The Agreement You Catch More Flies With Sugar Than With Vinegar Rule No. 2: Create Your Plan of Ac6on Those Who Fail To Plan, Plan To Fail Rule No. 3: Know the Players Keep Your Friends Close, Your Enemies Closer Rule No. 4: Develop A Strategic Plan Piss Or Get Off The Pot Rule No. 5: Playing The Game You Don’t Believe Fat Meat Is Greasy? Rule No. 6: Document Everything I Can Show You BeUer than I can Tell You Rule No. 7: Consequences and Repercussions Lose The BaUle, Not the War Rule No. 8: Work Smart, Not Hard The Best Defense Is Good Offense Rule No. 9: Rejuvenate OYen Just Got Paid, Friday Night, Party Hun'n', Feelin Right Rule No. 10: Preparing For the Next Strike A New Play for a New Day Rule No. 11: Re-‐Evaluate If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It Just Relax and Let It Go! Rule No. 12: Each One Teach One I Get By With A LiUle Help From My Friends” Acknowledgements – How My Journey Ended The Truth Shall Set You Free References – Resources A Closed Mouth Never Gets Fed
Introduc6on
It all sounded so simple, “Get your educa7on, become successful . . . “ That’s what we were told growing up. Our parents didn’t know. They hadn’t a\ended college. So they told us what they believed: Educa7on was the key to success. They hadn’t achieved the level of educa7on we were des7ned to achieve, so they thought it must be the golden 7cket. And so we set out, doing as instructed. Believing what we were told. Work hard, extra hard, get that degree girl! Open those doors. Make that money. And work extra hard we did. We achieved. We obtained that degree, and we pulled our hair back into conserva7ve styles, donned our professional suits, and walked into those corporate buildings and landed those corporate jobs . . . But what lay ahead of us was nothing short of disbelief at what we would have to endure. We were never handed the Play Book for how White Corporate America works. Is anyone, you ask? No, not really. But while others aren’t handed a book, they are given years of socializa7on that provides them with the insight, the ability to translate the verbal and nonverbal clues, and at the very least, the access to key decision-‐makers who look like them, and so by default, will let them know what the next five plays will be. We, on the other hand, find ourselves tossed aimlessly about, trying to figure it all out. We learn quickly that what they say definitely is not what they mean. We observe the double standard, the set up, and the let down. We are smart and educated, so we recognize the underhanded and deceidul moves of the key players . . . but what remains is the inability to get in the game. Because we do not understand the Rules of Engagement.
Without knowing the rules, there’s no way you can ever win the game. Aeer years of banging our heads against the wall, we decided that enough was enough. Smart, intelligent, and armed with the power of our sisterhood, we decided to take on this systemic ins7tu7onalized racist culture, prevalent in corporate America, and share with upcoming genera7ons those things that we ourselves were never privy to: The Rules of Engagement. Too many 7mes we’ve sat in our offices, frustrated, angry, defeated and in tears, trying to figure out what it was that we did wrong? The truth was and s7ll remains that we did everything that we were supposed to do based off the knowledge that we had. But it means absolutely nothing if you’re playing football without an understanding that in order to score you have to know when you’re on the offense or defense and which end of the field is your in field. Running to your opponent’s in field 7me aeer 7me puts points on the board for them, not you. Silly, right? Especially if you believe in the game of life, and the goal is to win. You must understand and master the game. In this guide, we will provide you with the rules as we have come to understand them. The caveat being, “Trust and believe, the game plan will change once they know we’ve shared their plays” but for now . . . while the secret is s7ll ours to share, we’re happy to help sistahs all across the country live simple happy lives as successful professionals. That is the goal, right? Not to take over the freakin world, just simply to go to work, make a contribu7on, and get paid for an honest day’s work.
No sweetheart, they don’t get that. But we will address that later in the book. For now, take comfort in knowing that your sister-‐network is here to support you. To help you navigate this crazy world called Corporate America. Know that, as with all true Sisterhoods, you have resources and respites designed to hold you up and hold it down. We got your back and have charged in first – got knocked down a 7me or two, but we are s7ll standing. And our goal is to help you do the same. It’s never been an easy fight for African American women in America. Don’t expect that to change. But know that in this ba\le, we s7ll do Rise to the Top. We are, and forever will be the Mighty Queens of the Universe. Read on, and then take your place with honor. Your Sisters in Victory
In the Beginning
There you are . . . head held high, chest out, in your power suit, matching shoes and conserva7ve hair style. Aeer all, you’re in the Corporate world now. Rolling with the Big Boys, looking all of the part of Professional. Proof posi7ve that all your hard work and dedica7on in college paid off. You’re proud, and guess what -‐ you should be! You did work hard. You did all that you were supposed to do to get you to where you are. You’re nervous and unsure, but you’re also happy and excited about all that you’re about to accomplish. And again, you should be. This is what it all comes down to. This moment in your life. Where you take all the classroom applica7on, the theory and the new principles (that you masterfully translated into A’s) and bring them to life in this new role. Where you show corporate leaders all that you’re made of. And as you look around you no7ce something very quickly. There aren’t many that look like you. Dressed extra nice. Your complexion, your physical features. And even though you’ve come dressed the way you were instructed, you recognize quickly that you don’t quite look like the Others. Because . . . You were raised to dress to impress. Wearing your Sunday best. What’s wrong with these folks? In their bu\on down shirts and docker khakis. Seriously? Yes. Serious.
And so there you are. Playing the part. Doing what you know to do. But here’s the challenge. Yo mama didn’t raise you to deal with what’s next. Trust me. We were raised to work hard, do the right thing, and it will all wash out in the end. (Me, shaking my head). Well, in the land of Dog eat Dog, this line of reasoning is ineffec7ve. Enter, into the Corporate world. Where the first thing they do is scru7nize the way you dress, the style of your hair, and the complexion of your skin. Are your clothes too 7ght? Yes, we know, it doesn’t ma\er how loose the material, you got ass and so . . . But s7ll. Is your hair too big, too bright? Too ethnic? Are you dark, light, too light (oh yes, you can be too light – they need to be able to figure you out, put you in a safe box. You’re Black? What else are you mixed with . . . you’re so fair.) All of this, and you haven’t even produced your first project. First impressions are a bitch to overcome, but they are made, quicker than you can say “Hello my name is Laquisha” Eyebrows raised. Yes, they will judge you for the name you had no control over receiving. We say all of this to say . . . this is what you’re stepping in to. If you haven’t already experienced the scru7ny, judgment, and cri7cism. Hold on to your braids, they’re coming. This is just the beginning sister girl. This is just the beginning.